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INTRO.- ILL.- A group of expectant fathers were in a waiting room, while their wives were in the process of delivering babies. A nurse came in and announced to one man that his wife had just given birth to twins. "Thatís quite a coincidence" he responded, "I play for the Minnesota Twins!" A few minutes later another nurse came in and announced to another man that he was the father of triplets. "Thatís amazing," he exclaimed, "I work for the 3M company."
At that point, a third man fell out of his chair and laid down on the floor. Somebody asked him if he was feeling ill. "No," he responded, "but I work for the 7-up company."
ILL.- Charles Osgood of CBS Morning News said, "Babies are always more trouble than you thought - and more wonderful."
Babies are definitely more trouble than you thought they would be and hopefully, more wonderful.
ILL.- Someone wrote, "Are You Ready for Children?"
Are you considering having children? To determine whether you are truly prepared for the experience, we suggest you take this set of simple tests:
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold.
Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).
GROCERY STORE TEST:
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.
Brothers and sisters, giving birth to children is one thing. Raising them is something else! Giving birth is not an easy task as all mothers can testify, but raising them to adulthood is even more difficult. SO, AFTER THE BABY IS BORN, THEN WHAT? Thatís when a ton of work begins.
ILL.- The Academy Awards are a done deal. Denzel Washington got the Oscar and Russell Crowe didnít. Halle Berry got it and Sissy Spacek didnít. WHAT NOW? Well, itís back to work for all of them.
ILL.- The 2002 Menís NCAA Basketball tournament is over. Maryland won and Indiana didnít. What now? Itís back to work.
ILL.- Easter 2002. The Southeast Christian Church of Louisville, KY, had 22,415 people
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