Opening story: A little boy was seen digging in his yard by a neighbor. The neighbor approached and inquired what the young man was doing. “I’m burying my goldfish and having a funeral for it”. ‘O, I’m sorry,’ said the neighbor who continued: “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?’ The boy patted down the last heap of earth and replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat”.
On Wednesday morning as I put the information on the bulletin to give it to my Secretary, I thought of all of us who have suffered the pain and heartache of losing a loved one. Like Ray and BJ whom both had children murdered. My brother Daryl who was killed at age 13. Father’s and mother’s and friends who have died way to young, and sometimes way too tragically.
Sometimes, it seems we get held hostage by the pain of the past, and so I I decided to preach about it. I quickly jotted down the Scripture and sermon title “Pushing Past the Pain”. Ray Fletcher was standing in Barbara’s office at the time and we both departed to meet in about an hour for lunch in Kerrville and then to go on to the Hospital to see Jean and Earl Bryant. I had no earthly idea, that when I jotted down that sermon title “to help somebody else with their problem” that within hours, I would be trying to swim past the swirling pain that was encircling me, and the friends and family of Ray Fletcher regarding his sudden and tragic accident that took his life.
On Thursday, I showed someone the title, and they asked “Are you going to preach it?”. I could only say “God must have been preparing this message, and I must be faithful to it”.
Before I get to “pushing past the pain”, I must somehow explain my “theology” and “philosophy” about life. Some people, when they talk about the “sovereignty of God”, Rick Warren included, they seem to theologize, that in order for God to be sovereign (in control), that God has to plan everything, including every bad thing, and including even your every sin. In this theory, God’s plan for your life goes A-Z and includes every broken leg; knee scrape and even your death, by whatever means. Anything else, in this line of thinking, questions God’s sovereignty, and is unacceptable.
I myself am not a follower of this type of theology, and though words can hardly describe it, the best picture that I can paint about it, is that of a King. A King for instance does have sovereignty, but generally shares his authority with people to help him govern: Dukes’, Earl’s; Governor’s and the like. The King is still in control, but he chose to share that authority, though ultimately retaining the right to be King. Likewise, God shares this authority over our lives with humanity. He takes part of his “rule” and gives it to us in what we call “free will” or “free choice”.
God does have a plan for our life. He knew us in the womb. Formed us, and he has a desired plan for our life. Woven then, into that plan is “free choice” and “life itself”. Not to mention, once your life is set in motion, there is the “free will” of others that can invade your space. That does not mean that there are not God caused events, because some events are. Then there are catastrophic natural disasters; terrorist; murders; drunk drivers. To me these are not all God planned events, but they are God allowed.
I do not believe for a New York minute that God planned for “terrorist” to fly airplanes into buildings on 9-11. But he gave them “free will”, and God was at work on that day, as fewer people were in the Twin Towers than should have been, many delayed by traffic jams (etc.). You know those stories and you well know what I am talking about.
Someone told me recently, “God always has a plan B”. Like when Joseph’s brothers sold him into “slavery” God used it to bring about the brother’s salvation. Joseph says it like this “What men intended for evil, God used for good”. So what I hope that I am conveying to you, is that God does have a plan; and God remains sovereign, though choosing to share it with us. And as we live out our lives, God seeks to bring about his plan. Sometimes life’s events are painful; either God caused, or God allowed. And we often wonder “why?” God allowed it? Why would God allow Ray Fletcher to die in this manner? Unfortunately, as I said yesterday “I do not have that answer”.
What I do know, is that these events that happen in the course of our normal lives often grip us with pain. At the Hospital the other night, I read a sign that said something like “20 people a day go on the waiting list for organ transplants”. (Now that might have been just one kind of transplant for all I know). And what that says to me is that 20 or more families a day are gripped with the life and death struggle, and may be experiencing emotional pain.
Then add to that count, someone who was murdered. A family member killed by a drunk driver. In my own case, my brother Daryl was killed by a truck driver who ran a red light and hit Daryl in the crosswalk. Daryl was 13, and I was 16. This October Daryl would have turned 40. The accident happened 27 years ago. I remember the pain I felt as my girlfriend drove me home from the Hospital and I was curled up in a ball on the floor of the passenger side. My life, and my family were gripped with the pain of a horrible and untimely death. I cannot accept that it was part of God’s perfect plan, but when a careless driver intersected with God’s plan; God put into motion a plan B that helped us to push past the pain, and be better people for it.
King David in this story is an excellent example of what I am talking about. God had a great plan for King David’s life. The Prophet Samuel and others were meant to be a force in David’s life to help bring about the plan to its fullest. But David chose to exercise his free will, and he sinned with Bathsheba. Murder. Adultery. This sinful trail was not part of God’s plan. So God sent the Prophet Nathan to confront David (read verse 1) and get him to see the other options for the plan. Has God ever had to send a Nathan to confront your sin?
Nathan was used as part of God’s “plan” to get David back on the plan. Repentance! Forgiveness! They were all part of the plan. But there would be pain. The death of a child. David enters a period of mourning and fasting. David begs for God to spare the child. But on the seventh day, the baby dies. And after the baby died, David got up, washed himself, changed his clothes, and went to the Tabernacle to worship; and afterwards he ate.
A. Heartache for a season, but push past the pain: What this tells me, is that there was heartache (or pain) for a season, but that we must push past the pain, and move back towards wholeness despite our anguish.
Unfortunately, this isn’t what always happens. (1) “We often allow the pain of our past to continue to rule us in our present, and to predetermine our future. That’s not a good place to be. Struggling to breathe in today air while still choking on yesterday toxins. Trying to drive in the present while looking through a rearview mirror of the past.”
Heartache should only have a season, and when the season ends we must get up and wash ourselves off and return to worship. We must push past our pain. David teaches us another valuable lesson.
B. This season of devotion to grief and mourning is best limited to the period where the problem is real. Where the problem is immediate. Where he hoped through prayer to make a difference and perhaps persuade God to change the outcome. And when David realized that the outcome had been set in motion and could not be changed; he pushed past his pain towards healing and wholeness that included returning to worship and getting on with life. We must push past our pain and become vibrant to society again.
I remember when my brother Daryl died. It was just a few weeks later that I saw my father’s joy return in the pulpit. That Sunday he sang a song that had helped him through this difficult time. Its called “Little Flowers”. And my dad sang it that Sunday as he said “little flowers never worry, when it begins to rain, because if it never, never rains; then they’ll never, never, grow.” Some how, when we experience the pain of death we must push past the pain, and find the joy of growth.
C. Get up, and keep on marching toward Zion: The third lesson David teaches us, is “get up and go on with life”. Keep on marching toward the Lord. Don’t be hindered by the pain.
Now maybe you are asking “Just how do I push past the pain?”
For each of us, it may be different. Consult with a friend; a spouse; spiritual advisor, or pastor if you need help in pushing past the pain. But you may find these things helpful:
1. Make a decision to forgive the person that has hurt you. (1)
2. Decide to press forward toward the goal, instead of commiserating about what lap you are on. Every once in a while I go to the track to do some jogging. If I count laps, I always get stuck on the count. “This is the fourth lap”. But if I just run, pressing on toward the goal. The same is true in life.
3. Let go of it, because by holding on to it, the pain will continue to hold on to you. (1)
4. Know that God does have a plan for you “plans not for evil, but to give you a future and a hope” (Jer 29:11)
(1) – How to Get Past Your Pain by H. Lee Clay
