THE SUPREME MYSTERY – THE BODY OF CHRIST
ACT III: The Supreme Mystery In Action
5. BODY RELATIONSHIPS I (Eph. 5:21-33)
INTRODUCTION:
It’s been wisely said that “relationships are everything!” So, why is it that our relationships, whether they be with family, friends, co-workers, bosses or new acquaintances, are often so complex, inconsistent, stressful and incomplete? Why does it always seem like the people who are closest to us and mean the most to us are also the ones who frustrate us the most or with whom we seem to have the rockiest relationships?
Of all our relationships by far the most important is first, our relationship with Jesus, and second, our relationship with our family. Yet, we so often relegate our time with Jesus to an hour-and-a-half of half-hearted attention – IF that – each week. Then, we go back into the world and embrace the popular and terribly sad slogan: “There is NO such thing as a ’functional family’ today – if there ever was one!” We laugh and pat ourselves on the back with the reminder that ’hey, if my neighbor’s family is dysfunctional why shouldn’t mine be too.” That is, except for the moments when we find ourselves alone, shivering and hungry in the dark, cold closet of reality! We then try to warm and feed ourselves by focusing instead on the misery of others and the media images that make dysfunction seem so normal and even fun. Or, maybe we turn to alcohol, drugs, or ’virtual companions’ on the Internet, a magazine or movie. And we wonder what went wrong. . . We scratch our thinning heads and can’t understand why our circumstances have gone unchanged or grown increasingly worse.
Friends, the health and well-being of our families is absolutely dependent upon the health of our marriage – not just yesterday, but today, tomorrow and the next day.
As Bessie & Beulah once quipped: “All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that caused all the trouble.”
Or, perhaps others of us can sympathize with Bill Cosby’s remark: “That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.”
Friends, a successful, joyous, life-long marriage truly is a miracle! And that is why we so need to live our lives together according to the design and plan our Great Architect has given us!
As our marriages go, so does the rest of our relationships! The health of our marriages, in turn, are absolutely dependent upon our relationship with Jesus Christ!!!
PRAYER
THE PRINCIPLE OF GOD-HONORING SUBMISSION (vv. 21)
“. . . submitting to one another in the fear of God”
Don’t forget, this section is building upon the foundation that was set in 4:1-2 . . .
Therefore, it is essential to recognize that the preceding verses set the framework through which we are to understand vv. 21-6:9. When we walk wisely, in the fullness of the Spirit of God, then a natural fruit (or result) will be living out this principle of submission set forth in this text.
We do this: in the fear of God. We are to live lives of Godly submission, not to earn a good reputation, to stay “inside the circle,” or even for fear of the human being we are submitting to (no matter how scary our spouses, children, boss and/or underlings may sometimes be). Rather, it is ultimately and always to be in our reverent fear of God!
Let us, now, consider the meaning of the term “submission” in this text. The Greek term Paul uses indicates clearly being under another’s authority. However, it does NOT have the connotation of a forced submission, but rather of a voluntary submission to a proper authority.
One final note. As you read and consider these verses, notice that Paul’s emphasis is not on the ones in submission, but on the responsibility of those who are in authority! No matter what roles or positions we hold, no matter who we are, Christ the Holy One and God our Judge is our ultimate authority and example. Sacrificially loving and serving others is far more important than the position of authority we may hold. It is not our authority and position that is most important, but what we do and don’t do with it.
THE PRINCIPLE APPLIED IN MARRIAGE (VV. 22-33)
Specific Background: Remember, at that time, by both tradition and law men had all of the rights and privileges, and women were given all of the duties. Not exactly a fair division! Further, wives were the properties of their husbands, the same way they were previously the property of their fathers and the same way a man’s children, slaves, livestock and possessions were his property.
It is in this light and to this reality that Paul now writes. Specifically, he addresses how a Christian wife and a Christian husband are to relate to one another. Despite what many people today assume, we shall see that Paul’s words - taken in context - are extremely liberating and honoring to women and demanding of men!
A)REGARDING WIVES (v. 22-24)
1. The Meaning Of Her Submission
Submission is something that the wife is asked to choose and do for herself! It is NOT something that the husband is told or expected to demand or coerce. “Submit” appears in the present tense and middle voice. This means that it is to be a continuous action which the subject is to do upon herself! It is a VOLUNTARY action that begins with “I do” at the altar!
Consider the other NT usages of this same term (context, context, context!):
1 Corinthians 15:28 Jesus submitting to The Father
Romans 13:1 Christians submitting to government authorities
Titus 2:9; 1 Peter 2:13,18 Christians submitting to all earthly authorities
- esp. slaves to their masters, even harsh ones
1 Peter 5:5; 1 Corinthians 16:15,16; Romans 12:10; Philippians 2:3,4
Christians submitting to one another
Submission here in no way implies or allows inferiority or oppression.
In every other recorded and preserved writing from this period, the wife is always instructed to obey. But Paul unmistakably changes this to “submit.” In the following two relationships (father-child, slave-master), Paul uses the word “obey.” but for the wife in relation to her husband, he instead carefully chooses “submit.”
2. What It Means To Have A “Head”
The term “head” clearly means authority - an authority that is modeled on the headship of Christ!
A husband’s headship therefore involves immense responsibility.
Wives are able to joyfully submit to their husband’s headship “in everything,” when he leads and exercises authority as Christ does over the church. That is, with sacrificial love and in servant-leadership.
Mark 10:42-45
And Jesus called them over and said to them, "You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles dominate them, and their men of high positions exercise power over them. But it must not be like that among you. On the contrary, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be a slave to all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life--a ransom for many."
John 13:12-15
When Jesus had washed their feet and put on His robe, He reclined again and said to them, "Do you know what I have done for you? You call Me Teacher and Lord. This is well said, for I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example that you also should do just as I have done for you.
Headship in Christ has clear limits. It must always be grounded in pure love, never used selfishly, never commanding what God forbids or forbidding what God commands, and always exercised to equip, encourage and build up in Christ.
Similarly, a wife who is forced to choose between Christ and her husband, can stand with Christ and against her husband’s authority with a humble, loving attitude and desire to honor both him and Christ.
Q: Husbands, are you allowing your wives to choose to submit (or not)? Do you understand
that this has nothing to do with inferiority?
Q: Wives, what choices have you been making? What messages do you think these choices of submission send to your husband about your real feelings and relationship toward him? To God?
B)REGARDING HUSBANDS (vv. 25-33)
Note how Paul uses 3 verses to exhort the wives, but 9 verses to address the husbands!
Husbands have a HUGE responsibility that involves:
(1) Sacrificial Love (v. 25)
* A love that gives everything and holds nothing back. A love that is of infinite worth. A love that will endure any necessary suffering, humiliation, betrayal or loss for the beloved one.
Q: In what specific ways do you regularly demonstrate this depth of love for your wife?
(2) Sanctifying Love (vv. 26-27): what an amazing, even scary concept!
Paul uses a wonderful picture to drive home his point.
Christ first loved the church and gave Himself for it. Now, in the present, He continues to love us as He sanctifies (makes us holy) as we grow in His Word. Therefore, in the future, we may be presented back to Him without spot, blemish or wrinkle! Similarly, God holds husbands responsible for the spiritual growth and maturing of their wives! Further, as Christ gazes upon the Church NOT as it is but as the dazzling, spotless Bride, so husbands should view their wives.
Q: Husbands, is your wife more like Christ because she is married to you? Or is she like Christ
in spite of you?
(3) Self-Love (vv. 28-33):
The root of our marital problems is how little we understand or appreciate the miracle that God has performed in our relationship with our spouse.
As one wise person explained: “Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”
Husband and wife are ONE FLESH. It is unnatural for anyone to hate, neglect or abuse his own flesh!
One only has to look to the Trinity to see that there can be both hierarchy and equality, submission and equality in a relationship.
Summary Conclusion: Ultimately, both husband and wife are under the Lordship of Jesus Christ, and He will judge their relationship one to the other! It is not only our witness to one another, but our witness to the struggling, dying world around us!
Consider these words in letter from a missionary many years ago:
“How we wish that some of our Christian people could come and settle among us, even if not to engage in missionary work. There are different ways by which one might make his living among this semi-civilized people. For instance, we might have a Christian dentist and his wife, or a Christian worker in leather, a shoemaker, harness-maker, and his wife and family. It would mean a great deal to us to have a harmonious family here, for we can conceive of nothing that could so commend Christianity to our people as just to see a Christian family functioning according to the New Testament. It would be so utterly different from anything our people have ever known. A Christian husband loving and honoring his wife, a Christian wife living in sweet and beautiful subjection and loyalty in her home, Christian children who really delight in obedience to their parents, parents who love their children and seek to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”
Husbands:
Q: Do you love your wife as yourself? Do you pamper her?
Q: When you have unexpected free time or discretionary funds, are you more likely to spend it
for yourself, or give it up to your wife?
Q: Are you as concerned about her having time to relax, de-stress, enjoy herself as you are
about yourself?
Q: Are you actively loving your wife? Even when she doesn’t submit? Or do you harbor
bitterness instead?
Wives:
Q: Have you allowed yourself the blessing of submission?
Q: What are you doing to positively reinforce the character and roles you most desire in your
husband?
