Summary: The call to imitate Christ as children and as parents. Children are called to honor and obey and parents are called to not exasperate and to encourage.

Live Out Loud – Our CHILDREN

Ephesians 6:1-4

Intro: A group of expectant fathers were talking in the waiting room as their wives were delivering. The nurse entered and told the 1st man his wife had just delivered twins. “That’s a coincidence I play for the Minnesota Twins.” A few minutes later, the nurse re-enters and tells the 2nd man his wife just delivered triplets. The man says, “That’s amazing, I work for the 3M Company.” The 3rd man collapses in his chair doubled over and crying. The other guys ask if he was okay. “No, I work for 7-Up.”

Trans: As we look at this passage today, I want to assure you that after (4) kids and (9) years of parenting I’ve come to realize that I have yet to corner the market on parenting – and neither has anyone else I know. The only thing I know for sure about parenting is that I’ve much to learn about it.

Story: I feel like the pediatrician w/out children gave a lecture entitled, The 10 Commandments of Parenting. After he married and had a child, he altered the title – 10 Hints to Parenting. After his 2nd child, he changed the title – Some Suggestions for Parenting. After his 3rd child he stopped lecturing.

Trans: While I’m no expert, here is what I know w/ certainly – Children are a blessing and gift from the Lord. Ps. 127:3-5. Thus, in the good times and in the not so good times, we have to remember they are a gift from God.

Insert: Speaking of not so good times, a while back I received a humorous e-mail about things adults can learn from children. (See attachment)

Trans: Kids are something else. A few weeks ago we discovered that as Christians our highest calling in life is to imitate Christ. As it pertains our homes, Eph. 5, teaches us how to imitate Christ in marriage and Eph. 6, teaches how to imitate Christ as children and as parents. Read Eph. 6:1-4

I The RESPONSIBILTY of Children

Text: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, b/c this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment w/ a promise that it may go will w/ you and you may have a long life in the land. Eph. 6:1-3

Word: children (tekna) does not necessarily refer to young children, but to all children who are still under the authority and care of their parent’s roof.

Note: You might ask – why not longer? B/c when a child gets married, he or she is to leave mom and dad and cleave to their mate. They move out and become responsible for themselves. The safety net is removed.

Trans: Until then, children is to follow (2) simple commands – obey and honor. To OBEY has to do w/ action while to HONOR has to do w/ attitude.

A Children OBEY

Note: obey (hupokouo) literally – to hear under. Meaning to listen w/ attentiveness and to respond positively and appropriately to what is heard.

Note: It means that a child is to place themselves under the authority and care of their parent’s guidance and instruction. Kids are to do as told so long as what their parents ask does not break God’s Word or man’s laws.

Note: Just as submission doesn’t come naturally to a wife or sacrifice to a husband; neither does obedience come naturally to a child. Obedience is a learned behavior that requires supernatural intervention and sometimes a big stick.

Note: Children learn obedience under the guiding and loving hands of their parents. As parent’s model obedience to God and God’s word it influences their children to obey their parents. But even that is not enough and parents have to provide proper discipline to influence their children to learn obedience. The result is that children are to obey their parents as they would respond to God. In fact, as children obey their parents they are obeying the Lord.

B Children HONOR

Note: Obedience is a requirement of every child so long as they live under the care and provision of their parents, but to honor is a lifetime requirement.

Word: honor (timao) to value highly and to hold in the highest regard and respect.

Note: To honor your parents means to uphold their worth and authority by doing those things that will cause them to be respected in the eyes of others. It means that you love and care for them throughout their lives and that you never neglect them or act like you have never been their child.

II The ROLE of Parents

Text: And fathers, do not exasperate your children, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Eph. 6:4

A Don’t EXASPERATE

Word: exasperate – provoke to anger.

Insert: This teaching was a totally new concept to the Ephesians. Most families were is shambles and God’s love was not in the home.. According to the Roman law of patria potestas – a father had absolute authority over his children including the power of life and death. He could throw any of his children out of the house w/out reason. He could sell them off as slaves. He could even kill them if he desired – w/ no accountability. History records that newborns were placed at the feet of their Roman fathers to determine their fate. If the father picked up the child, he could stay in the home, if not, then the child was disposed of.

Note: You might think this was barbaric, but the truth is, there are scores of parents today who would do the same if not worse if they thought they could get away w/ it. If fact, according to a recent report, the primary reason for foster homes isn’t divorce or death – it is parental disinterest.

Listen: Paul calls parents to engage in the high privilege and Biblical responsibility of raising their children opposite of the world’s schemes and strategies.

Insert: How Parents Exasperate Their Children

• Too Strict

• Having Favorites

• Pushing Achievement

• Discouraging

• Failing to Sacrifice for Kids

• Using Love as a Tool for Reward or Punishment

• Physical and Verbal Abuse

Insert: I want to share an excerpt from a book Meg is reading on parenting.

My Heart’s at Home – 27-28.

B Do ENCOURAGE

Trans: Encouragement Requires TIME

Note: Time is the most important commodity in life – and it should be given to those who are most important.

Story: One day a boy asked his father how much he earned in an hour of work. The impatient dad said, “I don’t know… $100 an hour. Now son, don’t bother me now, I’ve got to get this work done.” A few weeks later, and after several odd jobs, the son returned to his dad and said, “Dad, here is $50 I’ve earned – can you give me 30 minutes so we can play together.”

Truth: Too often we spell love T.H.I.N.G.S; but children spell love T.I.M.E.

Note: We must remember the most valuable asset we can give to our families is our time and that time is something that can never be regained. Ladies and gentlemen – your mate and kids want you; not your money.

Quote: Time is a resource that is nonrenewable and nontransferable. You can’t store it, slow it down, hold it up, divide it, or give it away. You can’t hoard it or save it up for a rainy day – when it is lost, it is lost forever. Always remember, when you kill time, it can’t be resurrected.

1 T – TEACH to TRAIN

Verse: Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. Pr. 22:6

Word: train – Hebrew midwives would swab the mouth of newborn w/ a solution of milk, dates, honey to create a sense of thirst to begin the nurturing process.

Note: Parents are to create a sense of thirst in their children for right things and for the things of God.

Verse: The Lord alone is our God. Love the Lord your God w/ all your heart, w/ all your soul, and w/ all your strength. Never forget these commands I am giving you today. Teach them to your children. Repeat them when you are at home and when you are away, when you are resting and when you are working. Tie them on your arms and wear them on your foreheads as a reminder. Write them on the doorposts of your houses and gates. Dt. 6:4-9

Quote: Our goal as parents should be to produce responsible adults who are able to function independently of their parent’s authority, yet wholly submitted to God’s authority. Charles Stanley

2 I – INTERACT to INSPIRE

Note: While training begins w/ the relating w/ God, it involves more than the spiritual. Spend the time to prepare your children for life. Help them to learn how to function and do things for themselves. Dad – if you like to tinker w/ cars, teach your kids how to tinker w/ cars. Mom – if you enjoy cooking, teach your kids how to cook. Invest your time to give your children the skills they need for life.

Note: In many ways, the greatest determining factor in who and what your child becomes is dictated by who invests the most time into their lives. Thus, the parents who interact and enjoy spending time w/ their children will become the most inspirational influence on their child’s life.

3 M – MODERATE to MENTOR

Trans: Encouragement requires moderation; moderation requires discipline.

 DISCIPLINE Appropriately

Note: Everyone needs discipline and accountability, but it is especially important to receive this guidance when we’re young. The earlier discipline is acquired, the easier it is to live a disciplined life later.

Verse: Discipline your children while they are young enough to learn. If you don’t, you are helping them destroy themselves. Pr. 19:18

Verse: Don’t hesitate to discipline a child; if you spank, he won’t die. Pr. 23:12

Insert: Discipline isn’t capital punishment and it must always be motivated by love. Love and discipline go hand-in-hand – they’re tethered together. The evidence that you love your child isn’t the lack of discipline but the execution of appropriate discipline.

Verse: He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him.

Insert: rod (shabat) describing a shepherd’s staff used to tend the sheep. The shepherd uses the hook more often than the rod. But when necessary he will firmly strike the hindquarters of the sheep to instruct it.

Note: Punishment is something you do TO your child (done in anger w/out regard for the child’s growth and maturity). Discipline is something you do FOR your child (intended to guide, shape and mold their person and direction) – discipline is necessary to becoming a responsible adult.

Verse: Whoever ignores discipline (and boundaries) despises himself, but the person who listens to warnings (staying w/in the lines) gains understanding. Pr. 15:32

Insert: Essential to discipline is having boundaries – whether it’s behaving at home or in public – children need parameters.

 Establish BOUNDARIES

Note: Boundaries are the guiding parameters in a person’s life that inform a person of right and wrong, good and evil, and danger for safety.

1 Be CLEAR Outline the playing field

Note: Have you ever tried to play a sport w/out boundaries? Its chaos and doesn’t work. For children to win in life, a parent must establish a field of play. Give your children definitive rules and consequences.

2 Be CONSISTENT Live by the rules

Verse: The road to life is a disciplined life; ignore correction and you’re lost for good.

Insert: There are too many etch-a-sketch parents – parents who draw the rules then shake the box. Establish the rules and stick w/ them unless they don’t work.

Note: Call it right and call it tight. This is a simple truth – if you’re going to err, err on the strict side – you can always loosen up!

3 Be CONGRUENT Unity b/w spouses

Idea: When something is congruous it is in harmony w/ another. Parents must be on the same page w/ each other or else their family/marriage will suffer.

4 Be CREATIVE Craft for guidance

Quote: How to be a Stupid Parent – Let your kids get away w/ anything until you get fed up. Lose your temper. Holler. Scream. Go wild and clobber them. If they turn out well, it won’t be b/c of you – it will be a miracle. Landers

Note: Don’t threaten to spank (or use your biggest disciplinary tool) on your child for everything – there are other alternatives. You don’t want your child fearing the consequences for trivial mistakes and accidents.

5 Be CONSTANT Be solid for your child

Note: It’s amazing how parents are afraid of their children and avoid conflict. The only thing you get when you avoid conflict w/ your children is more conflict.

4 E – ENGAGE to EDIFY

Note: To edify means to build up. One of the great priorities of parenting is enabling your children to become the individual God has called them to be.

Note: This requires that you engage in the development of your children. It is not the churches job to save your kids – it’s your job! It is not the school’s job to educate you kids – it’s your job! It’s not the police and courts job to keep your children on the straight and narrow – it’s your job! It’s not Hollywood’s job to entertain your kids – it is your job! Don’t be so focused on your ambitions and interest that you neglect one of your greatest responsibilities – your kids.

Insert: In the movie Cheaper by the Dozen, Steve Martin makes a great comment as he quits his lifelong dream job. He says to his boss, “If I mess up raising my kids, then I will have failed at my greatest responsibility.”

Poem: I gave you life, but I cannot live it for you.

I can teach you things, but I cannot make you learn.

I can give you direction, but I cannot always be there to lead you.

I can allow you freedom, but I cannot account for it.

I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe.

I can teach you right and wrong, but I can’t always decide for you.

I can buy you beautiful clothes, but I cannot make you lovely inside.

I can offer you advice, but I cannot accept it for you.

I can give you love, but I cannot force it upon you.

I can teach you to be a friend, but I cannot make you one.

I can teach you respect, but I cannot force you to show honor.

I can advise you about your friends, but I cannot choose them for you.

I can teach you about sex, but I cannot keep you pure.

I can tell about the facts of life, but I cannot build your reputation.

I can tell you about drink, but I cannot say no for you.

I can warn you about drugs, but I cannot prevent you from using them.

I can tell you about lofty goals, but I cannot achieve them for you.

I can warn you about sins, but I cannot make you moral.

I can teach you about kindness, but I cannot force you to be gracious.

I can love you like a daughter or son, but I can’t place you in God’s family.

I can pray for you, but I cannot make you walk w/ God.

I can teach you about Jesus, but I cannot make Him you Savior.

I can teach you to obey, but I cannot make Jesus your Lord.

I can tell you how to live, but I cannot give you eternal life.