Our Personal Relationship With God Part 3
Do Not Grieve The Holy Spirit Of God: Guard Your Tongue
Scripture: Ephesians 4:30; James 3:8-10
Introduction
This is the final message in my series on developing our personal relationship with Father. Over the last two weeks I have covered the importance of our building a more personalized relationship with Father and I have shared with you how Father gave us His Holy Spirit to help us function in this world. I have also discussed, in an attempt to sensitize you to the fact that you are not alone, how we tend to grieve the Holy Spirit through our actions and attitudes. This morning I will conclude this series by pulling both our actions and attitudes together in the form of how we use words. So this morning my message to you is one that is familiar, “Guard Your Tongues”.
Several years ago I preached a sermon titled “Your Mouth Will Get You Into Trouble”. As I thought back on that message, I did not discuss the impact of our tongues on the Holy Spirit and our personal relationship with Father. Although in the back of my mind I knew it, it just never seemed to make it to the forefront of my consciousness. How we talk, and what we listen to (a sermon for another day) directly impacts our relationship with Father and the Holy Spirit. If we can accomplish the small task of guarding (controlling) our tongues, there will be doors that will be open that we have never imagined. The act of controlling our tongues requires a lot of discipline. When I was younger I did not have such discipline. Some say that I may not have it now, but I would feel “obligated” to challenge that thought. Anyway, when I was younger, if a thought came to my mind it would often find its way through my lips. Everything was fair game, from telling the truth about someone’s attitude to revealing secrets in the form of enlightening someone about someone else. You name it I have done it when it comes to having “runoff of the mouth”. A dear friend of mine teases me now saying I can’t hold water because I talk a lot. I have learned, contrary to some people’s thought, to really control what I say in most situations. Am I where God wants me, no way, but I am moving closer. Realizing how my mouth can grieve the Holy Spirit gives me a new motivation to try harder. I want you to try with me.
Think about this as you would when you started the relationship with your spouse. Remember when you first started dating your spouse and you were on guard with them and refrained from saying certain things in their presence in order to make a good impression? You were always conscious of the fact that you could “say” the wrong thing. This is the sensitivity that we need to practice while realizing the Holy Spirit is always in our presence. Turn with me to James 3:8-10.
I. Controlling The Tongue: Revealing Vs. Concealing
“But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.” James 3:8-10
I shared with you earlier how I used to talk a lot, about things I knew and things I did not know, which makes me smile at times. A few weeks ago I was at Dewayne’s house and he was trying to show his sister-in-law Lori how to connect to the internet using her IPAQ. Well of course Lori asked me about it and I felt obligated to give my thoughts – which to Dewayne’s ultimate enjoyment, turned out to be totally wrong. So I am still learning how and when to speak and when to say those magical words “I Don’t Know”, all of which directs back to the tongue. In the past, I would classify myself as a revealer. There have been times when I revealed things that should not have been spoken and to this day I regret those that I can remember. I would have been much better off being one who concealed versus revealed. You see, every time I repeated something I should not have I was grieving the Holy Spirit and He let me know by convicting my heart. On the flip side I have had secrets shared about me that were supposed to have been kept. While that was no fun, it held up to my face what I had done myself. Ever had a close friend reveal a secret you told them to someone else? Sometimes you have to have something done back to you for you to understand the impact you are having on others.
Repeating and listening to (allowing someone to tell you something even though you will not repeat it) gossip grieves the Holy Spirit and can hinder the growth of our personal relationship with Father. There are several scriptures in the Bible that deals with gossip and our response to it. Paul in his writings to the Corinthians forbids gossiping because it can only cause more trouble. Solomon said this in Proverbs 11:13: “A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.” This verse slapped me all in the face, because I desperately needed a wake up call. I did not want a reputation of one that could not be trusted. When people thought of me I did not want them thinking:
• I was a talebearer who repeated everything I heard; but someone who would be a confidant, someone who was trustworthy.
• I was two-faced with loose lips vs. being someone who was able to conceal a secret.
• That if someone started to say something negative about them, I wouldn’t walk away, refusing to listen to the rumor vs. listening to the gossip that is being spread about them.
When you think about how people see you, what do you come up with? Do those closest to you consider you to be someone who reveals or conceals? We have a choice. To control our tongues, we must become people who conceals, not reveals. Not just with secrets, but with everything that comes from our mouth. We can conceal words that hurt and kill, while releasing words that bring life – even in the most difficult of circumstances. When people come to you with gossip, tell them you do not participate in that anymore and so you are unable to listen to them. When a friend comes to you in confidence about a personal situation, do your utmost best to protect their privacy. Be one who conceals, not one who reveals.
Let’s go back to James and his reference to our tongues being like a snake.
III. Your Tongue – It Can Be Like A Snake
I do not like snakes, big ones, little ones, it does not matter. The only ones that I have seen that have impressed me were behind a glass cage in a zoo. Other than that, I have no need for them. I am not afraid of them; I just have no need for them. In my personal “limited knowledge” opinion, Noah could have gotten rid of all of them by letting them drown in the flood, but that is not something I should speak against since he was following directions from Father. Although I do not like them, I know they serve some purpose here on earth. But in James 3:8, he compares our tongue to the venom of snakes. Let me explain by giving you some history on snakes.
“Poisonous snakes behave very differently from non-poisonous snakes. Non-poisonous snakes such as boa constrictors or pythons can be domesticated, and even held and stroked. But this isn’t the case with poisonous snakes because they are nervous by nature and easily agitated. They are restless creatures ready to strike at any moment. Because poisonous snakes are so vicious and nervous, they are almost impossible to domesticate. If you try to loosely hold or stroke a rattlesnake or copperhead as you might do with a boa constrictor or python, you can be sure you’ll be bitten. The venom depositories situated just above the fangs in the head of the snake are loaded with deadly venom. When poisonous snakes inject their razor sharp fangs deep into a victim, they push down into the flesh which causes the venom to pump through the victim’s flesh and into the bloodstream. Once the venom is injected, the snake lets loose and slithers away. Meanwhile, the victim is left to suffer as the poison begins to eat away at his flesh or paralyze his nervous system, often producing death.” (R. Renner)
This is the image that James had in mind when he wrote James 3:8. Using this term he is letting us know that the tongue is hard to subdue, tame and domesticate as is a ferocious wild beast. James says the tongue is “an unruly evil…” The word “unruly” in the Greek describes something that is restless such as a nervous, poisonous snake that is poised and is ready to strike. Because the tongue is so unstable and restless, its behavior is almost impossible to predict. It is like a snake that may appear to be docile but is actually just waiting for a victim to come along in which to inject its venom. Finally when James says it is “full of deadly poison” it carries the meaning that the tongue is death bearing, again just like a poisonous snake. Proverbs 18:21 says that “Death and life is in the power of the tongue and they that love it will eat its fruit.” When you read this verse for what it is, it is telling us that we can kill with our tongue. We have the ability to kill emotionally, spiritually and physically with our mouth. Think about the verbal abuse that takes place in the home that kills a person emotionally. Think about the spiritual death that takes place in the Church when we constantly tell someone that God cannot use them. Think about the number of people who have died because someone spoke a lie that got them convicted of a crime. This scripture is fulfilled everyday, even in our lives. Just as the snakes slithers off while its victim lay dying, so do we. After we have spoken our words, we walk off forgetting about the situations while the person we hurt carries the venomous words with them for days, months and sometimes years.
Whenever we open our mouth there is an opportunity for us to hurt someone else unless we learn to control our tongues. I have had times when I have been joking with someone and said something to them teasing them. When it came out of my mouth, what I said and what I meant was not what the person heard and their feelings were hurt. I have been guilty of just “speaking my mind” in the name of speaking the truth and the results were the total opposite of what I was seeking. All of us are guilty of saying things that have hurt others even when we did not mean to. We have also been guilty of saying things being fully aware of the impact. Regardless of which case applies to you, when we do this the Holy Spirit is grieved. God is love and the only way to tame our tongue is to allow God’s love to come through it. This may sound impossible, but let me explain what I mean.
1 John talks about God being love. If we are in God, we are wrapped in love. That love is able to transcend everything, even when we speak. Although we cannot tame our own tongues, through the power of the Holy Spirit which is love, we can get it under control. We have to make the decision to yield. We have to make the decision to stop and yield to the Holy Spirit when we are getting ready to open our mouth.
We do this a lot on our jobs when we yield. Have you ever been in a meeting and you were getting ready to express a point but you practiced it in your head before you made your statement to make sure it came out right. This is the caution, tempered with love, we should use in our everyday conversations. We should think, evaluate the impact and add love to the statement before we open our mouth. Imagine the fights that would not be started. Imagine the feelings that would not be hurt. Imagine the ability to know that whenever you open your mouth you will be a blessing to someone because of the words you use and the love that just come through in every conversation. There are many conversations that I have been in that I would love to take back, but I cannot. But moving forward, even when I am joking with those closest to me, I will temper my words with love. When I am frustrated or angry, I will temper my words with love. Knowing that death and life is in the power of my tongue, I will choose to speak life. I understand that the choice is mind.
I will speak life in my marriage, in my relationship with my wife. I will speak life into my children so that they learn to speak life. When my children are struggling in school, I will speak life into their situation. With my friends I will speak life. With this Church I will speak life. On my job I will speak life. When things we bad and stressful, I will speak life. I will speak life over myself. Regardless of what I experience, I will speak life.
Conclusion
Think about all of the times that you have said something only to wish you could take it back. Compare that to the times that you have spoken words that have comforted others and they expressed their appreciation. The difference between the two is remarkable. What God desires of us is that we yield our tongues to Him so that He may always be able to share His love through us. We are vessels of love that He uses to reach out to everyone, Christians and non-Christians alike. Are you willing to be that vessel, to think before you speak, to wrap love all around your words regardless of how hard it may be to deliver them? We have someone who is willing to help us; all we need to do is yield.
Are you one who conceals or reveals? Are you guarding your tongue? May God forever bless and keep you is my desire.
