Summary: Eulogy for my Aunt

The Measure Of Success Of A Christian Life

My father told me on Tuesday not to make you happy twice so I will honor his wish. We have gathered here in this church today to celebrate and remember the life of a mother, a sister, a grandmother, aunt, cousin, and friend. Aunt Betty, a quiet soul who in her own way taught those who were willing to listen.

What is the measure of success of a Christian’s life? How do we decide who was a good Christian. When we come to a service like this, when we stand and evaluate what was good and what was bad. But, how do we measure a Christian’s life? We may never tell the family members what we “Really” thought of how the person lived, but within ourselves we are giving them a grade – a measurement of success.

Let me give you a few of the top measurements that we have today. We parade them around as honors to be achieved, medals to be won and glories to be had. Here are a few of our measurements:

• Tithes: If as person tithes to the Church, to us, they are good Christians. It does not matter how they live, as long as they are tithing to the Church. Now if they tithe and give additional offerings, then they will have a very special place in God’s kingdom.

• Church attendance: If you attend Church every Sunday, every Wednesday, all the board meetings, all of the choir practices, all of the outreach programs, all of the other programs, then you are a good Christian. So what if you hate your wife, hate your husband, hate your neighbor. All of that does not matter – you’re a good Christian. Now if you are the chairman of one of the programs or boards, then you too get a special place in the Kingdom.

• Dress Code: Now we tell people to come as you are to Church, but we don’t really mean it. If they don’t look right, if they don’t smell right, if they have bad breath, or if they just don’t look like we do, then they cannot be a Christian. You see, Christian folk dress nice, they’re not dirty, homeless, on drugs, and they look like us.

• Misc. Service: Miscellaneous service includes feeding the poor (when it doesn’t interfere with the other things you have going on – like watching the game or going shopping); visiting someone in the hospital, making food for the elderly, etc.

By our standards, if a person did well – they would get an A+ in every area – like on a report card. If they did not do well, and maybe got a C or D, then they may not make it into heaven, according to our measurement. When we stand up and say all of the things about a “good Christian”, how they served, how they “did things” for others we are basing those comments on an action – not the heart. We parade our works around like an Olympic medal for all to see. This is our measurement of a good Christian, what they do – not their motivation or their hearts. We will parade someone around as a good Christian because of their ability to sing, teach or preach, even though everyone knows they are a cheat, liar and whoremonger, chasing every man or woman they come across. But if they are doing good works we tend to overlook their “bad habits”. We even over look the “messing around”, maybe the occasional beating of the husband or wife. We can overlook their little mishaps. Besides, aren’t we all just sinners saved by grace? That is the biggest lie that ever came out of the Church. By definition, a sinner is one who doesn’t know Christ and doesn’t have a relationship with God. So if you can’t be saved without a relationship with God, then if you are saved you are no longer a sinner. The true statement is “I was a sinner who is now saved by grace”. But I am not talking about sinners today; I am talking how we measure a Christian life.

Based on our measurements, maybe Aunt Betty did not meet your standards. I don’t know if she tithed or not or how often she gave to the Church. I don’t know if she went to Church every Sunday or had the best dresses and hats like some of you. I don’t know about the other services she may have participated in. But if I add everything up the way we add things, Aunt Betty probably would not have measured up. But thanks be to God that His measurements are accurate. Let me tell you based on His words how He measures a Christian life:

1 John 3:23-24: “This is His commandment, that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us. The one who keeps His commandments abides in Him, and He in Him. We know by this that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us.

1 John 4:7-8: Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love, does not know God, for God is love.

John 13:35: “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

God measures our life by our love. If you don’t have love, nothing else you do is worth a nickel. 1 Corinthians 13 talks about love and how perfect it is. What I love about that chapter is that it plainly states that our measurements mean nothing if we are not motivated by love, walk in and do all things in love. Aunt Betty taught me something about love. Yes she loved her boys, yes she loved her grandkids, her brothers, other family members, but I’m not talking about that today. I’m talking about a love for others that you really had to pay attention to or you’d miss it.

Let me tell you the lesson she taught me – and I’m sure she tried to teach some of you this same lesson. After the family visitation when her sister (Aunt Sis) died, we all gathered at my father’s house. Most of the people were there and I was ready to eat. When I said lets eat, Aunt Betty said, “Not everyone is here yet”. Without thinking, I said the most important people are here (I was thinking of Daddy, her and Uncle Pete). Aunt Betty, who was sitting at the kitchen table, turned all the way around and looked at me and said, “Rodney, that was not nice, and you know better.” Immediately my heart sank as I realized what I had said and how it affected her. You see, with all of her flaws, with all of her “imperfections” she understood this – everyone is important, each individual person. You don’t judge people based on their circumstances; you treat them as you’d want to be treated. This is a quality of love in action.

Many of you sitting here right now have been the reason for Aunt Betty saying “That’s not nice or that wasn’t nice.” In her small way, she was teaching us that everyone deserves consideration. Treat everyone as you would want to be treated. In her small way, she was asking us to offer compassion and understanding instead of condemnation and judgement. The beautiful part of this is that you didn’t have to be a saint to learn the lesson.

Christian folks can be the most holy, sanctified and righteous people on Sunday. These same Christians can be the biggest devils Monday through Saturday. We hate one another, even our own family members. We despise those who are not like us, even our own family members. Some of you have not spoken to a family member in years because of something. If we treat family like that I can only imagine how we treat non-family members. And when I use the term “family”, I mean the family of Christ, which includes your blood and non-blood relatives.

We stand before each other and condemn one another without mercy. We send everybody to hell – the homosexuals, the fornicators, the drug addicts, the adulterers, all of those people who are not like us. But I want to ask you a question: “If the place where they are supposed to come is full of hell because there is not love there, what motivates them to come to Christ? If they have better friends in the world than they could ever find in the Church, why should they come to the Church? We, who are supposed to know about love, are in greater danger of damnation than they will ever be because we profess to know.

If you’re sitting here today, regardless of all of the things you do “for Christ”, if you’re not motivated by love, you’re only fooling yourself. If you cannot forgive and treat your neighbor – neighbor being everyone you come in contact with – with love, then you’re only following yourself. Jesus told the disciples that we would be known as His disciples if we have love for one another. 1 John 4:20 says If someone says “I love God” and hates his brother, he is a liar, for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.”

Some of you, who call yourself Christians, go to Church every Sunday, every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and sometimes on Saturday. You may sing in the choir, be a mother on the mother board, a deacon on the deacon board, an usher, youth worker, even a preacher, preaching every Sunday, but you’re in danger of going to hell. Your works will not save you. If you’re doing things to be doing them, for the approval of man, you’re wasting your time. If you’re doing them because you’re motivated by love, then it will last.

I thank God for the lesson I learned from Aunt Betty. I will miss her presence, but I will forever remember the simple lesson she taught me about treating people. You see, she saw what was within me and spoke to that. If we measure her shortened life by God’s measurement, then I think she is doing pretty good right now. What about you? One day we will all come to this point, some faster than others. Will they say he/she was a fine Christian who tithed and went to Church Sunday, or will they say this person was a child of God who loved their brother/sister? You get to decide today, Aunt Betty has completed her work, we must continue on. If you remember nothing else that I have said, please remember this:

John 13:35: “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

You will be known by something. If you are not known as His disciple what are you known for. The decision is yours and I pray that you make the right one.