We are following the theme: Hanging in There. Tonight I want us to look at the subject,
“Hanging in There Through Anger.” Thomas Jefferson once wrote some rules for living. “When angry count to ten before you speak, if very angry, count to a hundred.” Seventy-five years later, Mark Twain, the author, picking up on that same theme said, “When angry, count to four, if very angry, swear!”
Those of us with a shread of honestly will say that we have tried everything from Jefferson to Twain and we still have difficulty with anger. Anger has a way of restricting us. It has a way of robbing us of our testimony. It injures our family life and creates havoc with our relationships with our co-workers.
What is anger? For our purpose tonight, let me give you a definition that we can understand together. Anger is an emotional reaction of hostility that brings personal displeasure, either to ourselves or to someone else. Anger is an emotion felt but it is also a motivator.
When I was a junior in H.S., I played football. Much of the time the practice is done live with everyone going after each other with a vengeance. However, on some occasions they had us walk through certain plays so everyone would have a knowledge of how the coaches want us to perform that play. Many times this is done to show the players how to arrange themselves for punt and kick-off returns. There are a few players that the coaches do not want to get hurt. The quarterback is one. The kicker or punter is another. Typically, the coach will put some rather imposing personnel in the backfield to aid in the protection of the punter or kicker. At 6’ ½” and 225 pounds the coaches decided that I would be one of those imposing players. One afternoon the coaches drilled us on the techniques of punt returns. It was to be a dummy drill, which means no contact. Everyone got the message except for one guy, Emo Black, one of the seniors who was also a team captain. His name was actually Emory, but I never heard one person call him that including his own father. Emo never heard the coaches say that we were going to have a dummy drill. He assumed that it was full contact. When the ball was snapped, Emo came through the line like a freight train. I was somewhat relaxed because I knew that no one was going to hit me. However, when Emo reached me he disabused me of that notion by slamming his elbow under my face mask and literally knocked me off my feet.
I was immediately angry. I saw red, then blue, then purple. I started after that massive defensive tackle who was much larger and meaner than I was. My intention was that when I caught him I was going to rip his head off and reach in and remove something vital from his insides. Not once did it ever cross my mind that he could probably break me into little pieces if he wanted to. I can tell you today, I was motivated. I was angry.
People who study psychology tell us there are various phases of anger. All of us have experienced some of them.
• Anger can begin with mild irritation, which is nothing more than perhaps an innocent experience of being upset, a mild feeling of discomfort brought on by someone or something.
• Then anger can turn from irritation to indignation, which is a feeling that something must be answered; there must be an avenging of that which is wrong. But both irritation and indignation can go unexpressed.
• If fed, indignation leads to wrath which never goes unexpressed. Psychologists tell us that wrath is a strong desire to avenge. You want to strike back. So often, I think we do. It may be verbally or in some other fashion.
• Then, as it increases, anger becomes fury. The word suggests violence, even a loss of emotional control.
• The last phase of anger is rage. Obviously, rage is the most dangerous form of anger. Rage is a temporary loss of control involving acts of violence; the angry person scarcely realizes what he has done.
I woke up one morning to find the neighborhood flooded with policemen. I eventually found out that one of our neighbors had killed his next door neighbor because of an affair being carried on with the murdered man’s wife. Apparently the man who was killed was a truck driver and became suspicious that his wife was seeing someone while he was on the road. So one day, he simply came home early and confronted his neighbor. In a fit of rage, the seemingly mild mannered man who was cheating on his neighbor’s wife, killed him. Then he dismembered him, and spread the parts and pieces around two counties, all while his own children were being cared for by the neighbor on the other side of his house. When I was in grade school, I used to throw the newspaper in this neighborhood.
I had seen this guy for years. There was never even a hint that he was anything but a mild-mannered individual. But, when he was confronted by the husband of his lover, he went berserk. He went out of control. How could this have been? How could someone lose control and do something so grisly. I think anger often leaves this kind of aftermath.
What are some reactions to anger? There are several and I think that maybe at different times we relate to different ones of them.
One of the first reactions to anger is denial. We just deny the fact that we are angry.
Christians are especially good at this. Because as Christians we are not supposed to get angry. That’s what we’ve heard. So even though we may be seething inside, even though we may be making plans to seek some revenge, and certainly forgiveness is the last thing on our minds, we deny our anger, we push it down. I think this causes eruptions that often we would not expect.
Another way is we deal with it directly. We are more used to that. Sometimes it is a verbal reaction.
• We may strike out at somebody that has frustrated us.
• We may strike out physically.
• We may punch somebody’s lights out.
My pastor told me of an occasion where someone in the church got angry with him and took a swing at him. Don’t get any ideas. That is not a good reaction.
Another reaction is displacement. I call this kicking the cat. Most of you have heard my story about kicking the cat. Someone makes you angry, so you in turn jump on someone else, they, in turn, jump on someone else. This person goes home and jumps on the kids and about that time the family cat walks through the room. And one of the kids drop kicks the cat over the fence. If the first person had just gone to the house and kicked the cat, he could have eliminated irritating so many people.
When Patty and I moved from New Orleans to Houston, we had a rude awakening. In New Orleans, it seemed they teach you to drive, shake your fist and honk your horn all at the same time. Matter of fact the fastest event ever recorded in history is the time between when the light turns green and someone behind you honks his horn.
When we were transferred to Houston, the day we got there it was reported that a man was shot while trying to enter the freeway. The person on the freeway didn’t want to let him on so he pulled out a gun and shot him. That same day someone was waiting at a traffic light and his food slipped off the brake. He bumped the car in front of him and the guy who got bumped, you guessed it, pulled out a gun and shot him. When I hear of something like that, I have to ask myself, “What was bugging those people?” The incident itself was not enough to warrant killing someone. What had already happened to make that person angry?
Then we react to anger by way of depression or turning in on ourselves. We don’t often consider depression as a form of anger. But depression is related to anger that is turned inside. We are angry at ourselves. We are irritated about our limitations or about our self image. Sometimes it can even lead to suicide if it is allowed to go unchecked.
Then we consider the reaction of withdrawal. There are several kinds of withdrawal. We might withdraw physically. We may withdraw psychologically. When you count to one hundred before you speak, you are withdrawing yourself from that momentary confrontation.
There was a young couple who got married and agreed that when they got angry one of them would go outside. That was why the man had such a good tan. You might look around the congregation at who has the best tans and infer something that may not be true. That is withdrawal and that is certainly not a bad way to deal with that sort of situation. Let things cool off a bit.
Let’s look at the Scriptures.
The Scriptures May Surprise You!
They may surprise you. Vv. 26-27 were part of the Scriptures we read a moment ago.
Let’s look at them again. READ vv. 26-27
In the Amplified version of the Bible, those Scriptures are translated like this: “When angry, do not sin, do not even let your wrath ~~ your exasperation, your fury or indignation ~~ last until the sun goes down. Leave no such room or foothold for the devil ~~ give no opportunity to him.”
The New English Bible says it this way: “If you are angry, do not let anger lead you into sin; do not let sunset find you still nursing it; leave no loop-hole for the devil.”
Do you realize what God is saying here? “Get mad!” That’s right. If that were the end of verse 26, we would put an exclamation point after the word angry. Be angry! How about that!
When’s the last time you obeyed the Scriptures and “blew your cool”?
I see some important things in these verses. The first thing is simple and clear. Anger is a God-given emotion. There’s something inhuman about a person who never gets angry. He has a strange make-up. We would be quick to say that a person who does not show compassion really doesn’t have a heart. And one who doesn’t love ~~ well, there’s something terribly wrong with him. These are God-given emotions, and He says to express them. The same is true of anger. God says, “Be angry.”
The next observation goes right along with the first. Anger is not necessarily sinful. God says, “Be angry, and yet do not sin.” Be angry but don’t carry that anger to the point where it becomes sin. In the Old Testament we read, “The anger of the Lord.” That phrase is used eighteen times.
In the New Testament we read of Jesus coming into the temple with a whip. They have made the temple a place for moneychangers, a place of commerce. When Jesus comes in, He sees what they are doing. He turns the tables over and He drives them out. He is angry. You cannot read that and not know that He was angry.
Jesus never spoke more angrily and forthrightly to anyone than He did to the religious hypocrites in Matthew 23, where in one case after another He said, “Woe to you.” He even called them “whitewashed tombs” and “serpents.”
Is there a time when we should be angry? F. W. Robertson, perhaps one of the greatest preachers who ever preached in the English language was walking down a street one day when he overheard two men plotting the exploitation of a young girl and he became furiously angry.
What angers you? Does anything anger you?
There are some things we ought to pass by, but there are others that we ought to be hopping mad about ~~ things that are going on around us. How long are we going to wait until we do something about the drug pushers that hang around our schools? How long are we going to put up with those who pervert our judicial system? How long are we going to wait until we get angry and take action upon some matters? You see anger is not necessarily sinful.
But anger must have its safeguards and let me give you two of them right from the Scripture.
First, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” That should be taken literally. There may be some things from the Scripture we should not take literally but this is one of them we should. “If your hand offends thee, cut it off.” There have been people who have taken that literally. I don’t think that is what we should do but in this case take this literally. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger!
Second, “Do not give the devil an opportunity.” When you let the devil in he comes in like gangbusters. He crawls in on his belly and seeks to work evil in you. The devil wants to produce his character in your life. That’s what Jesus wants. That’s right. But so does Satan. If you are not going to be like Christ, Satan wants you to be like him and sometimes we are.
You heard the story about the lady who was concerned about her daughter. She seemingly was never going to get married. Guys would come and go but she never got married. So one day her mother said, “What’s wrong with this fellow?” The daughter said, “Mother, he doesn’t even believe in the devil!” Her mother said, “You marry him and I’ll show him.!” And some of us do!
Some of us, in allowing Satan to get a hold in our lives, we allow, through our own weakness all other kinds of things to start. We are made differently. Some of us are more emotional than others. And some of us have more trouble controlling anger than others do.
But let me give you four suggestions that we can do that might be able to help us.
Learn to ignore petty aggravations. That is one of the hardest things to do. If you wake up in the morning you are going to be aggravated by something during the day. “A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, And its his glory to overlook a transgression” (Pro. 19:11).
Perhaps it is better rendered in the Berkeley Version. “It is prudent for a man to restrain his anger; it is his glory to overlook an offense” (MLB). In Proverbs 16:32 it says, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city” The Bible puts a high premium on our ability to have patience before petty aggravations. Learn to ignore them.
Refrain from close contact with anger prone people. “It is better to live in a desert land, Than with a contentious and vexing woman” (Prov. 21:19). I guess you could also include a similar husband. “Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man, Lest you learn his ways, And find a snare for yourself” (Prov. 22:24-25).
If you are close to those who are always looking to get angry, back away from that a little bit.
Keep a close check on your tongue. More than any slanderous event, any immoral act, any unwise financial dealings, that which breaks up a church quickest is an unchecked tongue. The longer I live, the more I realize that. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1). “He who guards his mouth and his tongue, Guards his soul from troubles” (Prov. 21:23). So often we let our tongue get us into so many situations because we allow our tongue to say things that if we knew how they hurt, and rip, and tear, and gouge, and mutilate, we would possibly refrain. I say possibly, because there are people in the church today, who will do because they want to do those things to people.
Whole churches have been absolutely ruined by one small remark, allowed to fester and seethe and sour until it finally erupts way out of proportion to what was originally offered.
Cultivate honesty in conversation. Take a close look at Proverbs 27:4-6: “Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood, But who can stand before jealousy? Better is open rebuke Than love that is concealed Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” You’ve had those smarmy patronizing statements, “Oh don’t worry about it’s in the past. We’re just going to forget about it.” And then day by day, it rears its ugly head with more callousness and venom. The New Testament counterpart to this passage is Ephesians 4:25: “Therefore laying aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you, with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.”
There is no substitute for total honesty, spoken in love. Allowing anger to seethe on the back burner will lead to a very large lid blowing off a very hot pot. Let me encourage you to pick up a copy of David Augsburger’s very fine book, Caring Enough to Confront.
In that little volume you’ll find an excellent treatment of this whole subject. Augsburger offers some outstanding guidelines on how to communicate honestly, yet lovingly.
Well, you’ve done enough thinking about anger. Enough of theory! Now it’s time to put it into action.
Not like Mark Twain, suggested, or even like Thomas Jefferson ... but like the Bible directs.
What has God’s Word said to you tonight?
• That anger is a God-given emotion.
• That all anger is not sin but we ought to have controls on it.
• We ought not to let it destroy us from being the people God wants us to be and that we long to be.
The word Love. The Bible is full of the word love. But then we are admonished to love not the things of the world. If we could really get angry about the right things and stop being angry about the wrong things. If we could allow God to use that as He does other parts of us, maybe we would be a more effective fellowship and maybe even a better society. Hanging in there through anger.
Let’s pray.
Our heads are bowed ... our hearts are bowed. I don’t know to each one to whom I have spoken. I do know of the struggle I have in my own life and heart and the truth of this message tonight speaks to me. Does God speak to you? Are you willing to take all that you are including your emotions ... even your anger and lay them at the Lord’s feet and say these are Your’s, use them through me as you wish? Even as we would ask Him to use love. Helping us to be angry about the things we ought to be angry about. But not to be angry about the things that are trifling. Usually the ones that destroy.
Pray.
