SUBMITTING YOURSELVES ONE TO ANOTHER (part 1)
“The Mission of the Marriage”
Ephesians 5:17-20 (King James Version)
17Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.
18And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;
19Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord
20Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;
Introduction: The divorce rate in the church has exceeded that of the world. I believe it is because even we in the church employ worldly principles, precepts, and concepts in the holy union of matrimony. Today, we will take an expository look at Eph 5:17-19 to understand the mission of the marriage.
1. Understanding the Will of God for your Marriage.
Ephesians 5:17
17Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.
Under – a position of yielding Stand – a point of view or position on a matter.
Wisdom requires that we yield to God’s point of view concerning the union of a husband and wife. Not only does the world’s view of the relationship contradict the Word of God; the way the world prepares women for relationships contradicts the way the world prepares men for relationships. I call it the Harlequin vs. Hustler Syndrome. Each worldly publication presents a picture of one-sided service in a relationship. One says the handsome, rich prince will come in on a white horse and take the woman away from her job, her bills, and all of her worries and cares. The other shows the silicone, airbrushed woman that is posed and already ready to meet his every desire. Neither one is right. Each sets unattainable goals for the other. Each gives unrealistic expectations which leads to the couple being frustrated, disillusioned, and hard to get along with (as my pastor, Bishop Holcomb, would say.) Both lend to the “all about ME” concept of marriage. Neither understands the mission of the marriage. The mission of the marriage is submission one to another.
Sub means “under.” Submission means to under gird and support the mission. The mission of the marriage is submission one to another because the will of God for the marriage is for two can become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
The reason opposites attract yet birds of a feather flock together is because when two people hang around each other some one will change some one. As a husband and wife submit themselves one to another, one’s strengths compliment the other’s weaknesses until the weaknesses become strengths. Both the husband and the wife becoming more like one another and, in the process, both becoming more and more like Christ.
2. Leave the past in the past.
Ephesians 5:18
18And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;
In the Old Testament, wine often represents joy. Many of us had old relationships and old memories that preceded our meeting Christ and meeting our spouse. We are not to allow an intoxication with our old memories of what felt good to infiltrate our new relationship with the person God wants us to spend the rest of our lives with.
2 Corinthians 10:12
We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.
Neither is it wise to compare our spouse to someone from our past. We often experience “euphoric recall”. We remember two minutes like it was two hours. We forget the headaches and the heartaches that cause the previous relationship to end. Don’t bring old comparisons to old boyfriends and girlfriends or old husbands and wives into a marriage that God has put together for no one to put asunder.
3. Let the law of kindness govern the way you talk to one another.
Ephesians 5:19 (New International Version)
19Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord,
Speak the word of God to and over one another so you each can become what neither of you are yet. Constant criticism either tears the other down to a point of debilitation or you just start to sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher in the ear of your spouse. “Whouw, whouw! Whouw, whouw, whouw!” This is not to say that we are not mention when our husband or wife is doing something wrong. They may not know what you don’t like if you don’t tell them.
Colossians 1:28
We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ.
We can’t be perfected without correction. Letting the law of kindness govern our speech does not mean pretending you enjoy something when you don’t. It means don’t say it in a demeaning or degrading manner. It’s all in the presentation! Like a gourmet meal served on a garbage can lid, truth will not be received if presented incorrectly. Speak to one another with a sweet spirit and with love enveloping even the words of correction. Jesus gives us a great picture of this as He addresses the churches of Asia Minor in the book of Revelation. He would tell them, “I see your works, you do this well, you do that well, however we need to talk about this right here”.
4. Thank God for who you have and what you have.
Ephesians 5:20 (New International Version)
20always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
We should also give thanks for the spouse we already have instead of wishing for someone else. A recent movie called it the 80/20 rule. We usually focus on the 20% that our wife or husband does not do instead of focusing on the 80% that they do right and they do well. Thank God for the wife you already have. Pray for the husband you already have. God will cause the 100 fold increase if we can first appreciate the 30 and 60 fold (or, as the movie called it, the 80 fold). We should also thank God and thank our spouse for the correction they give us. It means they care enough invest in the future increase, grown, maturity, and perfection of the marriage even at risk of an argument in the present. God will cause our union one to another to be all it can be, if we submit ourselves one to another.
