We have been going through Jesus’ disciple Peter’s first letter. Last week we looked at how we, as Christians, live as citizens of God’s kingdom, heaven, while still living here on earth in a society which frequently does not share our values. Peter’s particular focus was on how we live under the authority or leadership of those who do not share our values. First, Peter focused on the political realm. He tells us we are to honor and respect them even if we don’t agree with them. He tells us we are to submit, which means we are to follow, the governing authorities, which for us would be president and governors because God has placed this leadership over us to keep the peace, punish those who do wrong. We follow them as long as they are not asking us to do something which contradicts God’s character, or what God has told us to do in the Bible. If God tells us to do one thing, and this person is asking me to do the opposite, than we must say like Peter, “we must follow God rather than man (Acts 5:29),” even if that means facing suffering. Then Peter turned his attention to the workplace. We are also to submit to our employer, our boss, even if they are ungodly and treat us harshly (as long as they don’t ask us to do something against God). Why would we do this? Peter gives us two reasons, 1) because we are to be like Jesus. He is our example. He submitted himself to insults, sufferings, threats, even death though he did not deserve any of them, he had done no wrong. 2) We are trusting God to bring his justice rather than bringing our own sense of justice. In other words we pray and expect God to take care of it, just as Jesus trusted his Father to work out his plan.
Peter then turns his attention to the family, particularly the relationship between a husband and wife. How does Christian wife or husband live in a hostile home? What I mean by that is living under authority of a spouse who is not a Christian, and is perhaps hostile to the Christian faith.
Before you think that Peter is a male chauvinist pig we need to understand what is going on for woman and wives, particularly Christian wives, in Peter’s day. In Peter’s day, women in general were not treated very highly. Women were not educated like the men. They did not have jobs or status in society like men. They were not treated equally. A wife could be treated more like property than a person. But then along comes this guy named Jesus and he treated women with equality and respect. His message was that even though all of us have sinned and been separated eternally from God, men and women alike, all of us can be saved by the grace of Jesus, by his wounds we are healed, our sins are forgiven and we can be restored in a right relationship with God. Paul even states in his letter to Galatians, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus (Gal. 3:28).” In other words, as citizens of God’s kingdom we are all equal, no one is above any other because we are all children of God by his grace. None of us earned that status by living a good life, being born a certain gender or ethnic group. We all received it as a gift therefore we are all equal in God’s eyes. This was revolutionary to their thinking.
Imagine what happens in a male dominated culture when women are now being treated equally in the Christian community. Imagine what happens in a family when the wife becomes a Christian, but her husband does not. He does not believe the “word of God” about Jesus. The very fact that a wife would go against her husband’s religion was already perceived as an attack against him because the whole family was supposed to follow the faith of the father, that’s just the way it was. Then she starts asking to be treated equally by him, even though he is not a Christian and lives by the cultures values. Perhaps she starts using her freedom in Christ to wear certain articles of clothing not allowed by the culture, or refusing to cook dinner saying her husband can do it himself, or deciding she needs to get her own job (okay I made that up, but you get the point how our culture has dictated a woman’s roles too). Can you see the sparks starting to fly? The nearest example in modern day would be a fundamentalist Muslim country. In the Muslim religion if the wife was to become a Christian and start demanding to be treated equally, walking next to her husband rather than behind, deciding not to wear her head dress/scarf. What would happen? Do you think she would win her husband to Christ that way? No she would not, she would just make him mad, and push him away from the Christian faith.
Peter isn’t trying to convert social structures so women have equality. Peter is concerned with two things: 1) Christian integrity - living like Jesus and 2) Christian witness - by their example people who were far from the Lord would see the difference Jesus makes in their life and be won over. Sometimes in order to do this it means living according to current social structures as long as they are not causing us to sin, or go against God. When modern day missionaries go in to a culture they do not go like this [referring to self]. They dress like the locals, eat like the locals, live like the locals. Paul said, 20 To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. 22 To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. Peter is concerned with reaching others for Jesus even if it means a wife must submit to her unbelieving husband.
This causes a tension for Christians because we are citizens of God’s kingdom. We live according to God’s rule which is equality between man and woman, with God as our leader. We see this in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were equals. Yet we live in a world which is still under the curse. After Adam and Eve ate of the forbidden fruit in the Garden God punished man and woman and all their descendents, they were under a curse. God said to Eve, “Your desire will be for (against) your husband, and he will rule over you (NIV Genesis 3:16b)." Notice, this was not God’s original design, it was a product of sin. Ideally in a Christian marriage, couples treat each other with equality and respect, and submit to each other (Eph. 5:21). However Peter is addressing wives who had husbands who are not Christian and are not concerned with equality and live under the curse, which we as Christians are set free from. What should she do to live as a follower of Jesus? Wives needed to be submissive because that was the norm for the day. By doing anything otherwise would hurt her witness for Jesus to her husband. She needs to be like Jesus.
Since a wife is to submit to her husband does that mean she should put up with abuse? Being verbally assaulted on a regular basis? Being smacked around, just so she can suffer like Jesus? No, because it is asking you to do something which is inconsistent with God’s character, commands. In that situation you must get out from under it. Peter’s point was that Jesus did not respond evil for evil. When he was verbally assaulted he did not respond with verbal assaults back. When they smacked Jesus, he did not smack them back, he did not call down God’s wrath upon them. Instead he forgave them. An abusive person will never be helped or "saved" by appeasing them or giving in to their abuse. Breaking the cycle of abuse can only start when the abused person leaves and gets help.
Peter is saying to wives, if your husband is not a believer, or doesn’t live for Jesus, you still need to model your life after Christ. Don’t stoop to your husband’s level of behavior. Do not respond evil for evil, shouting for shouting, swearing for swearing. Also don’t argue with him about his lack of faith, don’t remind him he is a sinner who needs saving (we all love hearing that don’t we), don’t tell him what he needs to do, don’t nag him, don’t belittle him, don’t put on the guilt trip for not coming to worship with you on Sunday morning. Rather treat your husband with respect even though his behavior might not deserve it. Peter writes, let them see your “purity and reverence” because of God’s work in your life. Let your life be a witness to them, not necessarily your words, “they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.” Let God work on their heart as they see how different your life is from theirs. How will he come to faith in Jesus Christ if he sees your Christian behavior is hypocritical? God wants your husband to walk closely with him, to have a personal love relationship with him too.
Women should not use their freedom in Christ to flaunt themselves, with fancy hairstyles, wearing certain flashy jewelry, or wearing nice name brand expensive clothes. Even in the Roman culture, modesty was a cherished virtue. In fact, dolling oneself up could be related to prostitution. And a husband could be turned away from Christ because she was abusing her freedom focusing on herself, making herself look good. Peter says, husbands will come to Christ because of their wives inner beauty, not their looks. Peter wasn’t trying to be legalistic telling women what they can and cannot wear. He was trying to get them to nurture their inner beauty with such things as gentleness, graciousness, and modesty not to focus on their outward appearance. After all the most attractive beauty is not what is outside but what is inside. A changed life speaks louder than anything else, and is often the most effective way to influence a family member to Christ. Live your Christian faith quietly and consistently in your home, and your family will see Christ in you.
Husbands
Peter then addresses Christian husbands. He tells husbands to “be considerate as you live with your wives.” The KJV more accurately says, “dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife." Being considerate means more than just being a nice guy, or a gentleman, opening the doors so they can go in first, or bringing home the bacon; it goes deeper than that. It implies that a husband’s consideration of his wife is based on his “knowledge” of his wife; her needs, her desires, her gifts, and abilities. Paul expands on this when he writes to husbands in Ephesians 5:25, “And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church (NLT).” Christ demonstrated what it means for husbands to be considerate-knowledgeable of their wives. Jesus knew our greatest need, forgiveness, he knew how to meet that need (his death), and out of love and consideration for us, he unselfishly gave his own life, putting us first. He endured suffering and pain. Being considerate of our wives is knowing their needs and unselfishly putting them first.
“A man who respects his wife will protect, honor, and help her. He will stay with her. He will respect her opinions, listen to her advice, be considerate of her needs, and relate to her both privately and publicly with love, courtesy, insight, and tact.”
—Life Application Bible Commentary
A Christian husband is to honor and respect his wife, as the weaker partner. When Peter refers to the wife as “the weaker partner” he’s not referring to women being emotional weaker, or less than in any way. Actually I believe women are tougher than most men, just let a man get pregnant and see how he handles it. We would cry and complain the whole nine months. And the birth? Forget about it. No, what Peter is referring to here is physical strength. A husband should never use his physical strength to dominate his wife. Abuse was even more common in that day and age than today because it wasn’t punished by law (unless it led to death). Woman had limited rights in that area, husbands could do as they please. However a Christian husband must never intimidate, or abuse his wife in any way; physically, sexually, verbally or any other way, but to treat his wife with respect since she is equally God’s child.
Peter closes this passage with one of the consequences if a husband does treat her this way, he says do this “so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” The result of any abuse of a husband’s power, strength, or authority over his wife, not treated her with consideration and respect directly affects a husband’s relationship with God, therefore including his prayers. If a husband treats his wife with disrespect, God pulls away and does not answer the husband’s prayer. If you, husbands, feel as though your prayers are not being answered, or that you do not feel close to God, ask yourself this. Are you being considerate of your wife’s needs, are you honoring her, or are you using your leadership to dominate and control her? If you are treating her disrespectfully, God has pulled away from you. You are in a dangerous position and you need to get back into relationship with God.
