What does it mean to Love Your Wife
Sacrifice for Your wife v. 25
Lead Your wife v. 26-27
Be considerate of Your Wife 1 Peter 3:7a
Respect Your wife 1 Peter 3:7b
Slide 1
I want you to close your eyes for a minute.
When I begin to speak, I want you to see what picture comes into your mind.
Vows
I, Scott, take you, Laura, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish, so long as we both shall live.
You probably saw your wedding day if you are married. That is a day that I took on a new role in my life, a role that I did not have before that day, the role of husband.
If you are married, the same thing happened to you, you took on a new role.
When you hear those words, they seem pretty straight forward for the most part.
I was making agreement to be Laura’s husband
when we were getting along and
when we weren’t getting along,
committing to her that I would be there.
I was making an agreement then for the future that I would not leave her if we encountered some rough times.
I made agreement that I would be there if we had
a lot of money or
little money.
I made agreement that I would be there and be her husband even when she was sick or well.
We have an idea of what looks like in life?
But then the next words make a promise to love and to cherish.
What does that look like?
What does it mean to Love Your Wife
Slide 2
We need to know that, because our text today starts out with this command for husbands.
Turn with me to Ephesians 5:25 (P. 829)
Slide 3
Paul, having just finished discussing the role of the wife, now turns to the role of the husband and begins with this command.
Ephesians 5:25a
Husbands, love your wives,
We hear and say those words often, but what do they mean?
Does it mean that we should
conjure up strong feelings for your wife?
Buy them some chocolate
Let them watch their favorite TV show
Do only what they want?
What does loving your wife look like in real life?
What does loving your wife look like in your life?
That is what I want to talk about today.
Throughout this series, I am talking about the practicalities of playing the different parts that God has designed for us.
Not just what sounds good, but how that might look in real life, in your life.
So what does loving your wife look like being lived out?
Paul gives us a couple of things in this text to help us see what loving our wife will look like. We will also see what Peter has to say to husbands about what loving our wives should look like.
God has told us in His word how to truly love our wives in such a way as to help her be the woman of God He wants her to be which in turn will be of great value to us.
One of the first ways that our love should manifest itself is in
Sacrifice for Your Wife
Slide 4
Ephesians 5:25
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Christ gave Himself up for the church, He sacrificed Himself for it, and we as husbands need to sacrifice for our wives.
Two weeks ago I spoke about the S word for wives, submission. Submission is not an easy aspect of being a wife.
Well this is the S word for husbands, Sacrifice.
Sacrifice is not an easy aspect of being a husband.
What does sacrifice entail?
Does this mean that we only do what our wives want?
Should we give up everything we ever dream about if our wife does not want to do that?
No, we have to realize the purpose of our sacrifice.
Sacrifice does 2 things.
Shows the reality of our love for our wives
Helps them to be holy.
Sacrificial love will benefit your wife in ways that will better enable her
to be holy and growing in relationship with God and
to follow your godly leadership
When someone sacrifices something for someone else, it speaks love.
Jesus sacrificed for the church not because we deserved it.
He sacrificed because He loved us.
John 15:13
13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
(from New International Version)
Romans 5:7-8
7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
(from New International Version)
Christ sacrificed because of His love for us.
His sacrifice showed the depth of his love for us.
We need to sacrifice because of our love for our wives.
We can say we love our wives all we want, but the reality of our love will be shown in our actions
John tells us to love in action
1 John 3:18 says
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (from New International Version)
Ok, so what does that sacrifice look like during the week?
How can we be a blessing and helping our wives to become holy?
Well, to start with having a spirit and attitude of sacrifice is going to go a long way in speaking love to your wife.
When your wife knows that she is important enough for you to sacrifice for, she is going to be better able to follow your leadership with a pure heart.
Knowing how much the Lord has loved me helps wm to follow when it is difficult. The same is true for your wife.
There are probably some of us here who have not been very sacrificial in our relationships with our wives.
Maybe your marriage relationship has been struggling for a long time.
Husbands, God has given you responsibility in being a sacrificial leader.
If your marriage is going to get better, you are going to need to take some steps of sacrifice, to help your wife to be the holy woman of God that He wants her to be.
Help her to know of your love for her by your actions.
Don’t go golfing on a Saturday, but instead plant some flowers for her.
Don’t watch the NASCAR race but instead go on a hike with your wife or go shopping (with a good attitude)
Keep these things in perspective. Not golfing one week or not watching NASCAR is not the end of the world to miss something, but it is going to go a long way in helping your wife to know she is loved.
And guys, get this.
Ephesians 5:28b – He who loves his wife loves himself.
God has made you and your wife one flesh.
When we are sacrificing for our wives, we are sacrificing for ourselves.
When we are loving our wives, we are loving ourselves
Husbands, we need to keep this perspective.
I am not saying that you can never play golf again or watch NASCAR.
I am saying that when we willingly sacrifice something we like to do so our wives can do something they like, we are doing more to benefit our own lives than we could possibly realize.
Keep that in mind when the opportunity arises to sacrifice for your wife.
Some of you may be saying,
You have no idea the home I live in. I don’t think I could sacrifice for my wife after how she has treated me.
You don’t deserve Jesus’ love
Realize that that is the kind of love Jesus has for you. You don’t deserve the sacrifice He made for you, and our wives may not either, but that is the kind of love we are called to.
So Loving your wife will mean sacrificing for her.
Loving your wife also means you
Lead Your Wife
Slide 5
Ephesians 5:23
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. (from New International Version)
The head is the leader. Your head leads your whole body. Christ is the head and leader of his church and you, husband, are to be the leader of your home.
Some of you are out there saying, “That’s right, I am the leader.”
But what is it that you are to lead to?
We are supposed to lead to, what is our sacrifice and our love for our wives supposed to help our wives to do?
We are to lead
Ephesians 5:26-27
26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (from New International Version)
Well, how does that happen? How do I make her holy?
You lead her by helping her to be in Bible study, in prayer, in service.
You need to lead your wife
by helping her to set aside time to study,
by helping her understand the Scriptures,
by studying with her and
by conversing with her about what you are reading in the Scriptures.
By setting for her an example.
That means YOU need to be
studying,
seeking to understand the Scriptures, and
spending time in prayer.
You can be studying together or apart, but make time at some point to discuss what you are studying.
I was talking with Simon and we have decided that we are going to go through the next 6 weeks reading and meditating and journaling through the proverbs with our wives.
This keeps us in the word systematically and helps our wives to remain in the word.
There are other ways that you show your leadership too.
But the thing is that we need to be servant leaders like Christ was, not dictators.
Paul writes in
Colossians 3:19
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
(from New International Version)
If you are having to yell and scream because you think you need to be leading, you have completely lost your ability to lead effectively and you are going against what God would have you do.
Husbands, when we are leading appropriately, in a godly way, our maturing Christian wives will eventually follow. This may take time, if there has been a history of poor leading and of mistrust, but if we press on in doing right, God will work.
Loving your wife also means to
Be Considerate of Your Wife
Slide 6
Peter writes in
1 Peter 3:7a
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, (from New International Version)
The New American Standard translates it this way. 1 Peter 3:7
7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker NASU
The Greek words translated as ‘considerate’ or ‘Understanding’ are
Kata gnoosin
Which literally means “according to knowledge.”
We need to gain knowledge about our wives,
know their temperaments,
know if they are a morning or night person,
know what they like and
know what they dislike
So we can better live with them according to that knowledge.
Husbands, do you know your wife?
Are you living with them in accordance with that knowledge?
And that means making effort to do those things that you ‘Know’ will help the situation or help your wife to grow in godliness.
If you know that your wife is not a morning person, don’t say to her, “Honey, I need to be a better leader and sacrifice more here. I am going to get up a 6 am and take care of the kids so you can spend some time in God’s word.”
You need to be considerate of your wife and understand who she is. If she is not a morning person, then don’t try to get her to be.
You sacrifice by finding another time that you can help her to be in the word.
Husbands, Be cautious
And don’t use what you know about your wife to frustrate her. If one of her pet peeves is leaving the toothpaste cap off and you normally put it on, then don’t leave it off, when you happen to not be getting along.
In that case you are using your knowledge not to live in harmony with them, but to drive a wedge deeper between you.
That is not being considerate.
So Live with your wife in an understanding way and gain knowledge about who she is so you can better lead her.
That verse goes on to say
1 Peter 3:7
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
(from New International Version)
So another way of loving your wife is to
Respect Your Wife
Slide 7
(1 Peter 3:7b)
How do we do that? Well, understand that Your wife has a difficult job. She is married to you!
That in itself makes it hard.
A flawed individual who has been given responsibility to lead her and your home. Do you know how hard that is to submit yourself under?
Your wife deserves your respect and understanding.
And gentlemen, understand this. If we are not giving them the respect they are due, as a consequence, our prayers will be hindered.
Do you know what hinders our prayers?
Sin.
Isaiah 1:15
15 When you spread out your hands in prayer,
I will hide my eyes from you;
even if you offer many prayers,
I will not listen.
Your hands are full of blood;
(from New International Version)
When we are not treating our wives with respect and consideration,
being considerate of them and their feelings,
respecting them as a person whom God has created,
we are sinning and we are harming our relationship with the Lord.
If your relationship with God doesn’t happen to be going the best right now, ask yourself,
“Is it because I have not been considerate and respectful of my wife?”
Not only ask yourself, but ask God that question. Ask Him to search your heart.
As you respect your wife, is another way you show her love.
Conclusion
Each of these things we have talked about here communicate love to her.
Sacrifice,
Servant leadership,
being considerate of her, and
being respectful of her
And we do these things with an attitude of love.
And what does that look like?
Well God says it better than me.
When he spoke through the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13, Paul was speaking about how to use some of the gifts God has given. But he said even if you use the gift God has given you, but don’t do it in love, it is meaningless.
The same is true of these things we do for our wives,
Paul writes this
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
(from New International Version)
Guys, don’t keep score.
Don’t say, I’ll do this if you do this. That is not leading, that is just conducting a business transaction, not a relationship.
Love your wives.
Perfect wife illustration
I want to close with a story about the perfect wife.
There was a husband who wanted so desperately to have the perfect wife. He thought he could make his wife into the perfect wife that he wanted her to be.
He demanded that his wife conform to rigid standards of his choosing.
She was berated into doing certain things for him as a wife, mother, and homemaker.
He even had written lists of what she was to do.
But the relationship between this husband and wife was terrible.
The wife grew to hate her husband and his lists of rules and regulations.
Then one day the husband died—mercifully as far as the wife was concerned.
Some time later she met and married another man. This husband was committed to his wife and her joy and growth in the Lord. His love for her poured itself out in his actions. She also, devoted herself to him.
Then one day, she ran across a list of rules and regulations from her first husband.
To her amazement she found that she was doing for her second husband all the things, her first husband had demanded of her, although her new husband had never once demanded anything. She did them as an expression of her love for him and her desire to please him.
He had won her devotion by his demonstration of love, leading her to be a godly women by his own sacrifice, consideration of, and respect for her.
Guys you want a godly wife?
Do you want that picture of your wife you had in your head on the day you repeated your vows?
Then be godly husband by applying these thing to your own life.
Let’s pray
