Introduction
From the title of this message, it is clear that this is an unusual formula. Yes, 1+1 = 1, not 2. Ordinarily, 1+1 equals 2, but there are many things in the word of God which are not ordinary, but extra-ordinary. When God parted the Red Sea for the people of Israel when they were being chased by Pharaoh and his army, it was not ordinary. When God reversed the ageing process in Sarah and she became pregnant at a very old age, it wasn’t ordinary. When Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were rescued from the fiery furnace, it wasn’t ordinary. Our God is an extra-ordinary God, and His actions are extra-ordinary. That is why He is God.
The Bible in Genesis 2: 24 says ‘therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (also Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7). In other words, a man (1) and a woman (1) added together in marriage have become one, not two. Unfortunately, there are homes where one of the two parties has literally disappeared, where the wife or the husband – most of the time the wife – has been completely rendered voiceless by the domineering party who likes to be in charge of every single situation. In some others, all the man and his wife are able to do is reach is compromise, not conclusion, as one party steps back from the other in an attempt to avoid friction. Some other married couples are always arguing not agreeing, while in other homes, many wives compete with their husbands when they are meant to complete them. I remember a friend of mine here in the UK who went to buy a car when his wife bought a new car! He even got a mortgage when his wife bought a new house. Just to show who was in charge! Talk about competing!
Today I am bring the word of God to you in this message about the God-ordained marriage relationship between you and your husband, between you and your wife. Brethren, the devil is at work wrecking marriages and the church is not immune. The rate of divorces in the church is as high as those outside the church. But I am here to bring you a message of hope: if you commit your relationship to God, He is able to keep it, if you fearfully work on your marriage using the scriptures as your guide, with the help of the Holy Spirit, it shall be well with your home.
Let’s read from 2 Kings 4: 8-21:
One day Elisha went to Shunem. And a well-to-do woman was there, who urged him to stay for a meal. So whenever he came by, he stopped there to eat. 9 She said to her husband, "I know that this man who often comes our way is a holy man of God. 10 Let’s make a small room on the roof and put in it a bed and a table, a chair and a lamp for him. Then he can stay there whenever he comes to us."
11 One day when Elisha came, he went up to his room and lay down there. 12 He said to his servant Gehazi, "Call the Shunammite." So he called her, and she stood before him. 13 Elisha said to him, "Tell her, ’You have gone to all this trouble for us. Now what can be done for you? Can we speak on your behalf to the king or the commander of the army?’ "
She replied, "I have a home among my own people."
14 "What can be done for her?" Elisha asked.
Gehazi said, "Well, she has no son and her husband is old."
15 Then Elisha said, "Call her." So he called her, and she stood in the doorway. 16 "About this time next year," Elisha said, "you will hold a son in your arms."
"No, my lord," she objected. "Don’t mislead your servant, O man of God!"
17 But the woman became pregnant, and the next year about that same time she gave birth to a son, just as Elisha had told her.
18 The child grew, and one day he went out to his father, who was with the reapers. 19 "My head! My head!" he said to his father.
His father told a servant, "Carry him to his mother." 20 After the servant had lifted him up and carried him to his mother, the boy sat on her lap until noon, and then he died. 21 She went up and laid him on the bed of the man of God, then shut the door and went out.
You have probably heard a preaching on this passage, you might have even read it many times. However, the passage is famous more for how God used Prophet Elisha to raise the son of the Shunamite couple from the dead than for the great relationship between the Shunamite couple, which is what I am focusing on today. If not for this great relationship between man and wife, the devil would have stolen their son from them.
Geographically, Shunem was in the North of Israel in the Valley of Esdraelon. It was between Samaria and Carmel along a road that Prophet Elisha was accustomed to travelling. The Bible tells us that a notable woman would stop him as he passed, urging him to eat. This was a woman of substance, yet subtle, a woman of means, yet wasn’t mean. She perceived that Elisha was a man of God. Let me pause here to let you know that your perception is as important as your reality. What you perceive will determine what you will possess. God in Isaiah 43:19 says: See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. It was her initial perception that Elisha was a man of God that led to her eventual conception. If you look closely, you will see in this passage a couple who are at peace with each other and with God.
What are those things makes this Shunamite couple exemplary?
1. Jealousy is not an issue in their home
This woman of substance asked Elisha to come in and eat, gave him a room in their home, and on the death of her boy, informed her husband that she was going to see Elisha. If you were the husband, you would probably question her fidelity at that this critical juncture, wouldn’t you? You would probably ask why she was going to see the prophet instead of taking the dead boy to the hospital, you would probably exhibit a tinge of jealousy which the bible says is as cruel as the grave, its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame. (Song of Solomon 8:6) Some of the characteristics of a grave are that it is always devouring, it decomposes and destroys. The grave enlarges its appetite and opens its mouth without limit (Isaiah 5:14, NIV). There are many graveyards filled with marriages murdered by jealousy. Jealousy turns conversations into inquisitions. If the Shunamite man had questioned the integrity of his wife at that point, she probably would not be able to get to Elisha on time and they would have lost the child.
2. The Shunamite man was a leader, not a boss
A leader is aware that his success can be measured by the success of his team while a boss wants to control every action of team members. A leader knows his team is in harmony when he leads by example, while a boss leads by coercion. A woman wants a leader not a boss, a leader who knows who he is, where he is going and how he is going to get there. She wants a man with confidence in himself and in her, to believe in her to know her worth, a man who believes in their relationship. She wants him to lead her and the children with compassion and appreciation. She wants him to be firm and gentle. She wants him to consult God and her before any major decisions are made.
The Bible says for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body. (Ephesians 5:23) With leadership comes responsibility. Someone described responsibility as acting responsibly and responsively. One of the responsibilities of a good leader is being aware at all times that leadership or headship is not all about having it your own way, it is about bringing out the best in a team member, it is about unleashing their talent, and your wife is a key member of your team, an irreplaceable member for that matter. Many men don’t recognise the quality in their wives, that is why many women find it difficult submitting to their OWN husbands (not to other people’s husbands, not to other men) like the Bible admonishes (Ephesians 5:22) They have little problem submitting to authority figures like the pastor because they know within them that the pastor knows their worth!
The Shunamite man appreciated his wife, she knew when to defer to his wife, when to consult her, when to hold back, when to press on. He knew that their destiny is tied, because one plus one in a marriage relationship equals one. A leader appreciates, not pressurises, which was what exactly the Shunamite man did.
3. There was mutual respect in their home
Respect can be defined as ‘to feel or show honour for, to think highly of, or to look up to, to have regard and to be thoughtful of, to show consideration and concern for another individual. Note how the woman addressed her husband in verse 22 of 2 Kings 4: Then she called to her husband, and said, “Please send me one of the young men and one of the donkeys, that I may run to the man of God and come back.” Even though she was rich, and successful, she respected him enough to consult him, addressed him politely. There are many career women in the church today with more regard for their careers than their husband. The devil is a liar! Despite the tribulations they were facing, she was calm. If it were you how would you have reacted? Note that gratitude is one of the main components of respect: wife, when last did you expressed your gratitude to your husband for being a good man or for just being your husband? Husband, when last did you say thank you to your wife for making dinner? Many of you will have to think back a long long time! Glory be to God!
4. They trusted each other
The Shunamite man trusted his wife enough to let her go to see Elisha without asking for details, even when their son was dead. I know many of us want ALL the details ALL of the time before we take decisions. If Abraham waited for details he wouldn’t have left his kindred like God asked him to. If Peter waited for details he wouldn’t have walked on water. If Ezekiel waited for details he wouldn’t have been able to prophesise on the dry bones. If Samuel had waited for details he wouldn’t have ordained David as king. Trust is weightier than details, just like grace is weightier than the law. Woman trust your husband, even when you can’t trace him.
Trust your husband even when you can tell for sure where he is at a particular time. You need to praise him, even when you can’t trace him. You need to defend him, even if you are unsure of the details of his whereabouts. Husband, your default mode should be that of trust, even if your wife talks too much. The Shunamite woman could have cooked up a story for her husband just for him to let her go if she knew her husband wouldn’t trust her enough to let her go without hearing the details her at that particular time. But she didn’t. You need to build your marriage on the foundation of honesty, not lies, on the foundation of integrity, not deceit, even on money issues! I know many of you men will not like this, but even with money, you need to trust your wife.
5. They were good Communicators
Today, we are in a high tech age where all sorts of communication devices are being invented. It is the age of the blueberry, the age of sophisticated mobile phones, of satellite navigators, of broad band, of fibre optic lines, of Bluetooth, and the likes, an age where you can carry huge volumes of information in the palm of your hands. While there is progress in communication gadgets, there is retrogression in the area of face-to-face communication in the home. Today, a man is finding it increasingly difficult to talk to his wife across the breakfast table, while a woman can’t hold a two minute discussion with her husband.
Many of the problems in marriage are not the problem, but not communicating about those problems. A preacher once said communication is to what blood is to the body, when it stops flowing, the marriage dies. When the son of the Shunamite couple died, the first thing he did was to take him to his wife. He initiated a conversation with her and they talked through a lot of things: going to Elisha, why the woman was going at that time when it wasn’t the new moon, when it wasn’t the Sabbath. His wife answered without ignoring him. For you men who ignore your wife and talk to her through your children, remember you started out as just the two of you - as one - before the children came along. The children are God’s blessing, they shouldn’t replace either of you. You are the principal parties in the marriage covenant.
Communication is not out-yelling your wife, it is not out-talking your husband, it is not about wining an argument. You can win an argument but lose your marriage! In the midst of an argument or disagreement, you must pause and think: do I want to be reconciled or do I just want to be right? Intimidating her through anger is not communication, harassing him by withholding yourself from him on your matrimonial bed is not communication. I used to have a friend who regularly goes on what he describes as ‘civil disobedience’ when he was going through a rough patch with his wife. For several days, he would refuse to talk to her. That certainly is not communication.
Communication is the lifeline of any marriage. The Bible asks: do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? (Amos 3:3) Communication breeds agreement. Keep in mind that your prayer will be hindered if you are not in agreement with each other. (1 Peter 3:7).
Conclusion: Marriage is to be enjoyed not endured
I pointed out earlier that the Bible says a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife. In other words, for there to be cleaving, there must be leaving. There are things you need to walk away from; otherwise those things will walk all over you. Leaving your family includes leaving your friends and your old life. I know that are many men who will rather spend most evenings with their friends instead of their families. Many are unable to cleave, because they never left their family, their past life, and their past issues. Remember, if you don’t leave what God is telling you to leave behind, those things may leave you short. If your marriage is facing difficulties, examine yourself, maybe you need to walk away from some things. Enjoy, not endure your marriage.
