WHERE DOES IT HURT?
Ephesians 5:22-6:4
Text: Matthew 18:1-6
INTRODUCTION:
1. Children are a great joy given by God to lucky parents.
a. Some people have asked me if I thought four was too many and if I would have as many if I had the chance to do it all again.
b. I said, "Which one would I give up?"
c. Each child brings its own type and level of joy to a parent.
2. Each child brings its own level of responsibility to the parent too.
3. In this lesson we propose to see children in two ways:
a. The child from the parent’s responsibility
b. The child from its own responsibility
4. We hope to mold these ideas into one goal and see healthy Christian children emerge on the other end.
5. It is the aim of this lesson to see what God’s plan for parenting and being a child in today’s and societies of all times.
TRANSITION: Children are a joy for their parents, but they bring great responsibility.
I. The parent’s responsibility
A. Our text says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)
1. This sentiment is echoed in Colossians 3:21, "Fathers do not exasperate your children so that they do not lose heart."
2. There are some key points we need to get out of this that are vital to the successful raising of Christian children.
3. First of all, the mention of fathers does not let mothers off the hook.
a. Fathers are mentioned for several reasons:
b. The father is usually the strict disciplinarian in the family, they are warned not to go too far (applies to moms too)
c. Fathers are the head of the family (like CEO) he is addressed with the orders for the family
d. Wives are responsible for helping implement the plan for the family so they are to help in the discipline of the children.
e. In fact, the same Greek word translated fathers is used in Hebrews 11:23 referring to Moses parents hiding him in a basket.
f. This applies to both parents, but is addressed to the father
4. Next see that there are two distinct commands
a. Provoke not your children to anger (Do not exasperate Colossians 3:21)
b. And bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
B. Let us examine the idea of provoking to anger.
1. The Greek verb literally means, "To make angry."
2. So does this mean that if a father raises a child the way the Lord wishes that that child will never get mad at his father?
a. NO! It does not.
b. We will see inherent in the definition of discipline will be a degree of anger, or at least displeasure.
3. Tied up in this is the idea of overstepping a boundary.
a. Do not be an insensitive tyrant who is simply looking for the next opportunity to spank your children.
b. See them as an opportunity to make something good and not just a beating post or an outlet for your long lost frustrations.
c. One of the most critical components to raising children who can love God is self-esteem (not arrogance)
d. We need to understand some barriers to self-esteem (Brecheen and Faulkner):
i. Irrational goals (i.e. President of US, Gold medalist, etc.)
ii. External circumstances beyond control (learned helplessness, provide opportunity for children to succeed)
iii. Cultural assumptions (success is having things, Satan’s trick to lure away from Christ)
iv. Neurotic guilt (feel guilt even if no guilt is involved, make kids feel OK)
v. It is not what happens to a Christian that counts, but his attitude toward what happens.
4. How do we as parents overcome those barriers to self-esteem in our children?
a. Provide a secure environment. The first need children feel is the need for security; let them know that physically, mentally, and emotionally they are safe with you.
b. Try to understand them. They call this getting behind their eyeballs. Know what his happening by being involved with them and thinking on their level.
c. Be patient. Allow them to express themselves without an immediate blow-up. Listen to them and help them understand.
d. Have faith in them. They do not want to be bad. They want to please you. Believe that they can and give them the chance.
e. Be open and transparent. Let them know what you are trying to accomplish and how they are progressing in your eyes.
f. Praise and compliment them. Do not label them as "stupid", or "lazy". The worst thing in the world a child can hear is a parent’s condemnation. Lift them up and make them believe they can do what you want done.
g. Help them to avoid anger by building self-esteem and letting them know that they can accomplish what is needed.
C. Next look at the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
1. Discipline as translated here is the guidance one needs in order to be brought up properly.
2. A child will not do this by himself.
a. Like a runner who needs someone to coach him along through the long sprints or marathon practices
b. Like the boxer who needs someone to encourage him to do things right even after he tires
c. The parent is coaching his child through life, teaching that child how to do things properly.
d. Sometimes the child does not want to cooperate and will rebel against the parent.
e. The parent must insist on the proper actions even when the child does not want to act accordingly.
f. Children do not always want to follow this guidance and will at times work against it.
g. But if the proper foundation is laid, this short-term anger will subside and the child will accept the nurturing guidance of their parent.
3. Instruction is closely related.
a. It means counsel to avoid actions that need not be taken.
b. Teaching your child what they should not do.
c. When they encounter certain options, some should not be considered.
d. Divorce should not be an option for not putting the toothpaste lid on right, getting drunk is not acceptable and should be taught against, cheating on tests is wrong and should be avoided
e. Each of these is taught against in the home
4. Notice though what each of these is truly.
a. Discipline is teaching your children what they should do
b. Instruction involves teaching your children what they should not do
c. Each is to be done according to the Lord.
d. That can be found in the word of God (II Timothy 3:16)
e. Parents are to teach the children how to live godly lives in accord with God’s word so that they can be adequately equipped for every good work (II Timothy 3:17).
f. That is the job of a parent.
TRANSITION: So that is the parent’s job, what is the child’s job?
II. The child’s responsibility
A. Ephesians 6:1-3, "Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first command with promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth."
B. Your job, in a nutshell, is to obey your parents and honor them.
C. Some clarification must be made to the point of "in the Lord"
1. Does it mean only if they are Christians?
a. No it does not mean that.
b. Families are based on the idea that the father is head of the family.
c. Children are to honor their parents and in so doing they are to obey.
d. Lack of obedience is not honor of the head but rejection of it and in so doing the body (the family) dies.
2. Does it mean that they must obey everything the parent commands?
a. No it does not.
b. Matthew 10:37, "He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."
c. No relationship in existence can come between an individual and his God, even that of a parent and child.
d. If a parent demands that the child do something contrary to the will of God the child is to reject such an overstepping those bounds and provoking anger.
3. Does it mean within the boundaries set by God?
a. Yes it does.
b. Not just on doctrinal points, but on any matter that does not contradict God’s will and law in our lives.
c. The father is head of the family and is responsible for the outcome of that family.
d. As such he deserves obedience from the children.
e. The mother’s job is helping see that family grow and implementing many of the ideas set out by the family and as such she deserves cooperation from all relevant members, including and especially her children.
f. Children obey their parents as long as the commands given do not contradict the will of God.
D. So what does honoring mean then?
1. Is it simply a matter of obedience?
a. No
b. There is more to it than simple obedience.
2. The word means to hold in high regard or highly value.
3. Holding something of high value means that you respect it and treat it well.
a. If you honor your parents you will say, "Yes sir and yes ma’am" and "no sir and no ma’am."
b. You will not give sarcastic and degrading answers to your parent when disciplined or corrected for something you need to deal with in your life.
c. You will do what you are told when you are told to so that the job is done as well as you can so that your parent will be pleased with the outcome, not just get off your back.
d. You will talk well of them when they are not around and not allow others to talk poorly of them.
e. Honor means that you treasure your parents and love them beyond most other things.
E. After all, this is the first command with promise
1. Exodus 20:12, "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you."
2. How does that work?
3. Your parents have been where you are going.
a. They know what you need to get there safely.
b. They know whet you need to not do so that you do not mess it up.
c. Listen to them and you will have a better shot at success.
d. You can benefit from their successes and failures and make your years easier and less stressful.
e. They know what you need to do better than you do.
f. I heard it said this way:
"When I was a teenager my dad was the dumbest man in the world. As I get older I am amazed at how much smarter he gets."
F. Honor your parents and spend time loving them.
CONCLUSION:
1. Today we looked at the responsibility of parents:
a. Build your child up in love
b. Teach them the word of God
c. This prepares them for everything they may face in life
2. And we looked at the responsibility of children:
a. Obey your parents
b. Treasure your parents
c. Work with them.
3. If we can each do our part we can become a dream team.
a. All our dreams can be fulfilled.
b. The dreams of the child to succeed
c. The dreams of the parent for the child to succeed
d. The dreams of all Christians as a successful family, each member will go to heaven.
4. Let’s work together to make it happen.
INVITATION:
If you are not obeying the father in heaven then honor him now. Give yourself to his will so that he can make your dreams come true. He can give you more than you can ever dream if you will only allow him to. Be baptized and have your sins washed away calling on the name of the Lord for the forgiveness of your sins as we stand and sing.
