God’s Social Security Plan
Exodus 20:12
Last month I received my annual SS statement. I never really read the outside. I always go to the inside to read how much money I will be getting at retirement. It tells you if you work until you’re 62, you’ll get this much. If you work until 67, you’ll get this much and as an inducement to work longer, they tell me how much I’ll receive if I decide to work to age 70. When I look at that amount, I realize that my retirement from the government is only 25% of what I’m making now. So who cares about food and clothing when you retire? That’s only part of the good news. If you go back and read on the front, there’s a letter from Joanne B. Barnhart. It’s kind of a pick me up letter. If you haven’t read it, here’s what she says, “Unless action is taken soon, in just 11 years Social Security will begin paying out more in benefits than we collect in taxes. By 2041, the Social Security Trust fund will be exhausted.” The upshot is there’s not a lot of hope to receive Social Security when I retire. Today we are going to talk about the hope we have in God’s Social Security Plan and it has a lot to do with families.
You hear preachers talk about the decay and decline of the modern family. And no doubt there is a lot of stress and challenges to families in our culture. But I’ve got to tell you that if you go back in Biblical times, it wasn’t so great either. There were a lot of pretty mixed up families in the Bible. In fact, it’s hard to find healthy families in the Bible. Take the first family in the Bible, Adam and Eve and their sons, Cain and Abel. Now what kind of family dynamic is that where one brother kills the other? Then there’s Noah. After the floodwaters had receded, Noah develops a drinking problem and quite literally, his kids had to cover up for him, covering his nakedness when he has passed out one night. Angry that they saw him naked and vulnerable, Noah puts a curse on his kids that they’re going to be slaves the rest of their lives.
Then there’s Abraham and Sarah who can’t have any children. So Sarah comes up with a plan to have her husband sleep with her maidservant and then Sarah will take that baby as her own. Abraham does and Hagar gives Abraham a boy and becomes Abraham’s common law wife and her child is Ishmael. Not long after that, Sarah conceives and gives birth to her first son, Isaac. Sarah grows increasingly unhappy having Hagar and Ishamel around and so she forces Abraham to get the first divorce in the Bible, sending both away with no child support.
Then Isaac marries Rebecca and Rebecca has twins named Jacob and Esau. You will remember that Isaac and Rebecca had favorites among them. Isaac loved Esau more and Rebecca loved Jacob more. Some of you grew up with the suspicion that mom loved your bother or sister more but in this family there was no confusion about the matter. Now when parents play favorites to their children, what does that do to a family? In the end when Isaac had gone blind in his old age, Rebecca dressed Jacob up in a smelly animal skin and told him to draw near to his dad, play like his brother and get the blessing of the father, which was a passing of all his belongings to the oldest son, effectively shutting out his older brother and forcing him to fend for himself for the rest of his life. Esau becomes so mad his inheritance has been stolen out from underneath him that he wants to kill his brother, Jacob runs away, never seeing his mother again.
Then Jacob goes out and works for a man and falls in love with his beautiful daughter but his new father-in-law had his oldest and ugliest daughter step in the wedding with a veil over her face, thus tricking Jacob. They consummate the marriage that night. Well, Jacob is so in love with Rachel that he bargains with his father-in-law to work for him 7 more years before he can marry Rachel. Can you imagine that family, where two sisters are married to the same man, one of whom he wanted and the other he did not? What does that family look like? Rachel started to have races to see who can have the most babies. As if that’s not enough, they take after Abraham and Sarah and bring in their maidservants to start having babies and they consider those babies a part of their team. In the end Jacob has 12 boys. Jacob does the same thing his father did to him and plays favorites. As a result the 11oldest boys who were jealous sell the favorite son Joseph into slavery and tell the father he was killed by wild animals.
You get the picture. Biblical families weren’t all they were cracked up to be. It’s hard to have a healthy family because families are made up of people and people are sinful and self-serving individuals. So is it any wonder why it’s so hard to find families that are perfect. People make mistakes, hurt each other and seek their own needs being met and so we all grew up somewhere between Ozzie and Harriot and Abraham and Sarah.
With this in mind, today we’re going to talk about our responsibilities as children to our parents. The Bible says a lot about our relationship to our parents. Lev. 19:3 says, “Each of you must respect his mother and father…” Lev 20:9 says, “’If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death.” Aren’t you glad you don’t live under the OT rules any longer? Our Scripture today is the 5th Commandment which calls us to honor our mothers and fathers. Now the first 4 commandments deal with your relationship to God. The last six tell us about how we are to relate to one another. But before the commandment about committing murder and before the commandment about committing adultery, God commands us to honor our father and mother. That tells you how important it is in God’s eyes. This is the only Commandment which comes with a promise: if you do this, you will live long in the land the Lord your God has given you. This verse gives us the key to God’s Social Security plan: if you love and care for your parents when they are old modeling that for your kids, you will be cared for when you get old.
How you treat your parents may determine your return in God’s Social Security Plan. In Grim’s Fairy Tales is a story of an older man who lived with his young son and his son’s wife. They also had a 4 year old boy. The old man’s eyes were cloudy and his hands shook. When he ate, the silverware would rattle against the plate. He often missed his mouth and food would be spilled on the tablecloth. This upset the wife. She appealed to her husband to do something. They decided to move their dad to a corner at mealtime away from the family. He would sit alone in the corner eating out of a bowl, sitting on a stool. The old man would look sadly at the others and desired to be with them. One day the man dropped his bowl and broke it. His son and daughter-in-law said, If you eat like a pig then we will serve you like a pig. They made a wooden trough for the old man to eat out of. Not long after, they came upon their son playing with some pieces of wood. The dad asked what he was doing. The boy looked up, smiled and said, “I’m making a trough to feed you and mama when I get big.” The next day the old man was back at the table eating with the family again and no one ever scolded or mistreated the elderly father again.
Last week I introduced you to Martin Buber’s book, I and Thou in which Buber says there are two kinds of relationships in our lives. We have I-Thou relationships, which are authentic relationships where two people are co-equals and are mutually invested and sharing in that relationship ministering to one another. There’s also the I-It relationship which objectifies the other person. That relationship isn’t about what you give but what you receive. What that person do for you and how they can contribute to your life? The problem is we all start out with the I-It relationship to our parents. Whether it’s food or a dirty diaper or waking up or a need to be held, the baby’s cry is always, "I want, what I want, when I want it." As children, we do everything we can to try to get our parents to give us what we want. As teens, we think our parents are hopelessly ignorant and "behind the times." As young adults, we are consumed with the responsibilities of work and family. And, as middle-aged adults, we view our aged parents sometimes as wearisome burdens that infringe on our hard earned freedom. The 5th Commandment tells us differently. We need to honor our parents. Notice God gives no age limit here. He says, "It doesn’t matter whether you’re a young child, a teen still living with your parents, or whether you’re older and living on our own, you must honor your parents.” That means we are called to a fundamental change in our relationships to our parents where we no longer see them as an It but a Thou who has needs and we are called to minister to them.
So how can we honor our parents? First, the Scriptures says to live righteously. “The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice.” Proverbs 23:24-25 This is a picture of proud parents. What are they proud of? Their children who live a wise and righteous (moral) life. Righteous living comes only from living a life in tune with God.
Second, honor your parents by valuing their advice. "A wise son heeds his father’s instruction..." Proverbs 13:1. As a kid, you are called to obey your parent’s every command after you move out on your own. However, as an adult you are called to honor their advice. One of the things we have lost in our culture is a respect for the wisdom of the older generation. Yet this was the key role they have played in cultures throughout the centuries. Why would anyone in their right mind avoid the collective wisdom of the generations before them, making it their destiny to repeat the same mistakes of the parents and grandparents? Does that mean you always heed their advice. No. But it does mean you hear them and even if you disagree, it may still lead add to your decision making process. While the world continues to change, people do not and this is why the wisdom of our parents is for the ages.
Third, listen attentively. “Listen to your father, who gave you life…..” Proverbs23:22 The word listen means to pay attention More than our financial assistance, more than our advice, our parents want our attention. It’s not just giving a half ear while you’re focused on something else. It’s listening to their words and watching their non-verbal expressions. It’s listening to them, even when they repeat the same stories over and over. Because when you listen to them, you’re telling them through your actions that you value them. The opposite of listening to parents in this verse is despising them. It means having disdain for them. Take them out to eat, or to get coffee. Spend time with them and listen to them. Often, your parents want nothing more from you than some of your time and attention.
Fourth, honor your parents by showing your appreciation. There should come a time when we mature enough to begin to appreciate our parents. "When your mother is old, show her your appreciation." Proverbs 23:22 This can be as simple as a phone call, a card, a letter but let them know what they mean to you! In other words, be thankful! If you go to your job and think about all of the things you hate, you’re going to be miserable. But if you go to work and say, God I thank you that I have a job and you begin to think about the things you love to do, and concentrate on them, you will grow to love your job and put up with things you don’t like. If you look at the things which are wrong in your marriage then you will be miserable. But if you concentrate on the good things and the blessings of your spouse in your life, you will be filled with joy. The same is true with your parents. If you look for the good things to give thanks for and focus on them, you will change how you look at them and how you treat them.
Fifth, honor your parents by helping meet their needs. "But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show their commitment to God at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God.....But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8 (NKJV) That can be their financial needs, their physical labor needs or their emotional needs. It can also mean protecting them. The older our parents get, the more vulnerable they become to exploitation. Over half of scam victims in America victimize people 55 and older. Every year elderly people in American are scammed out of $40 million. Elderly people also become vulnerable to violence, as their body grows weak. They become vulnerable to less than adequate medical care. Part of our role in our parents’ lives as they age is to protect their rights. This doesn’t mean treating them like children, but it does mean looking out for them, making sure people around them aren’t exploiting them.
Sixth, bear with each other. Why? Because we are all struggling in this life with our own sinfulness. We are also called to bear the difficulties and disappointments of life with each other. Seniors go through an enormous amount of change and challenges. This can be very stressful and difficult to accept. You are called to bear that burden with them.
Seventh, honor your parents by forgiving their failings. Col. 3:14-15, “…forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” I know there are some of you here today thinking, “I am NEVER going to be able to honor him/her. . . Not after what he/she’s done.” That can be parents who divorced, and left you hanging, fought and put you in the middle. abused you physically or emotionally or let you down. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a choice to let go of your anger or the desire for revenge, grounded in the love and forgiveness you received from Jesus Christ on the cross. In Anne Lamont’s book Traveling Mercies, She says families are the training ground for forgiveness. “This is the point you pardon people in your family for being stuck together in all their weirdness and when you can do that, you can learn to pardon anyone, even yourself eventually. It’s like learning to drive an old car with a tricky transmission. If you can master shifting gears on that, you can master driving anything. If you can learn to forgive in your family, you can learn to forgive anyone.” The family is part of the place where God is working out your salvation by learning to forgive.
Eighth, change your attitude toward your parents. Paul put it this way: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Teenagers, what would happen if you asked God to help you show your parents compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. How would that change your conversations with them? Adults if you asked God in dealing with your parents for compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, how would that change your family dynamic. It doesn’t matter if they don’t change. Sometimes their annoying habits are not going to go away. Your mom and dad are not going to change before they die and the things they do which irritate you or frustrate you are going to remain. Concentrate on the thing you can change: your attitude. Reinhold Neihbur put it this way: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” So how do you put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience? With the help of the HS and constant prayer. Only God can help you change your attitude to your parents.
Social Security will be bankrupt by 2041. What will you do then? The reality is that SS has only been around since 1935. Prior to that the elderly came to live with the parents. They babysat the children and the sandwich generation realized that someday I’m going to be in this role and I’ll need my kids to care for me. In all of that, God made provision for the Social Security of people through families. Erma Bombeck writes, "When did I become the mother and the mother become the child? Does it begin one night when you are asleep and your mother is restless and you go in her room and tuck the blanket around her bare arms? Does it appear one afternoon when, in a moment of irritation, you snap, "How can I give you a permanent if you won’t sit still?" Or did it come the rainy afternoon when you were driving home from the store and you slammed on your brakes, and your arms sprang protectively between her and the windshield... and your eyes met with a knowing, sad look. The transition comes slowly, as it began between her and her mother: the changing of power, the transferring of responsibility, the passing down of duty. Suddenly you are spewing out the familiar phrases learned at the knee of your mother. "Of coarse, you’re sick. Don’t you think I know when you’re not feeling well? "So where’s your sweater? You know how cold the stores get with the A/C." "You look very nice today. Didn’t I tell you’d like that dress?" "Did you take your nap this morning." And on the parent’s part rebellion.. "I’ll thank you to let me make my own decisions. I know when I’m tired! Stop treating me like some kind of child." But that’s exactly what has happened, slowly, almost imperceptibly. So you bathe and pat dry the body that once housed you. You spoon feed the lips that once kissed your cuts and bruises and made them "all better."
And then she writes, You never really thought it would be like this. Then one day while riding with your daughter, she slams on her brakes and her arm flies out instinctively in front of you. My..... so soon. That’s the love cycle of the family.” And that’s God plan for your Social Security.
