He First Loved Us
Scripture: 1 John 4:7-21
Today we look at the second in our series of fireproofing, not only our marriages, but our relationships in general. The message last week centered around some of the differences between men and women and how those differences can actually be used to enjoy one another more fully and how our relationships with members of the opposite sex, are, at varying levels, a shadow and copy of Christ and his bride, the Church.
Humor: There was a line of men standing in front of the Pearly Gates, waiting to get in. A sign overhead read: “For men who have been dominated all their lives by their wives.” The line extended as far as the eye could see.
There was another sign nearby: “For men who have never been dominated by their wives.” One man was standing under it. St. Peter came over to him and said, “What are you standing here for?” The man said, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.” (Michael Hodgin, 1001 More Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking)
The message today centers around the necessary foundation for good relationships. If you’ve seen the movie, you’ll remember when Caleb and his Dad are walking on the trail and they get to the campfire area, Caleb, after trying for 20 days to show his wife Catherine how much he values and cares for her - with much intensity exclaims to his father, “How am I supposed to show love for someone over and over and over again who constantly rejects me!!??”
And Caleb’s father has moved over to stand beside the cross, and when Caleb notices, he says, “Oh no, Dad, that’s not what this is about. That’s not what this is.” And John Holt says, “Isn’t it Son?” And he explains to Caleb that his frustration - his seemingly dead-end efforts, stem from the fact that he can’t give his wife what he hasn’t got himself. You see every human effort at love, fails. It falls short. Because we fall short. The only perfect love we can ever receive, is from Jesus. So if we want to give good love, even perfect love, the only way we can do that, is to first receive it.
There is only one way to give true love - that’s to have it yourself. We can’t give away what we don’t have. Our scripture lesson today says in verse 7, “love comes from God.” That’s the first principle we need to understand if we’re going to even try to love others.
1. Love comes from God. (Vs 7)
We will never fully understand what true love is, until we receive it in our own lives. Now most of us spend a good deal of our lives trying to get love. Just like Caleb. We do good things. We strive to be good people. We work hard. We smile when we’re supposed to smile. We help when we’re asked to help. We are all good people. And then, just like Caleb, we find out that all of our efforts, all of our goodness, comes up short. Because God’s standards are so high, all of our good-ness doesn’t measure up. Even a hero like Caleb, literally giving people’s lives back to them day after day, doesn’t measure up to God’s standards - isn’t good enough to get to heaven, or save his marriage.
You see, we as humans - because of our pride, because of ego, we always want to give something for what we get - we want to earn our way. It makes us feel better if we know we, at least in some small way, deserve what we get - because we contributed to it, even in a little way. And that’s pride. That’s conceit. And that’s detestable to God. His standards are so high we will never deserve what he offers to us. And when we understand that, and receive his love, then the power of our ego is broken and that’s when we can start to love others.
Until we receive THAT love - God’s love - we will always give love with strings attached. When Caleb told his dad what was so frustrating about trying to love his wife, he said it was because she was stubborn and ungrateful. He said he had been trying for three weeks to show her how much he valued her and cared for her and all she did was throw it back in his face.
You see Caleb was showing his love with strings attached - he wanted something to happen. So he was loving her selfishly. Now that sounds pretty harsh. It only seems fair that when someone does something nice for you - shows you some consideration - it’s not asking too much to expect some kind of good response in return. A simple thank you, at least, would be nice. And that’s what our society is built upon - reciprocation - you do this for me, and I’ll do this for you. You give me what I want and I’ll give you want you want, and we’ll all get along.
But if we are going to be the kind of godly men and women that God calls us to be, we have to break through those worldly mind-sets and look at God’s standards for love. We rejected him over and over and over again, and still he loves us. And John Holt kneels down beside his son, Caleb, puts a hand on his shoulder and says the words that Jesus is saying to us today, “I love you too much not to tell you the truth.”
You see, when we are not willing to tell others the truth, it’s because we are afraid of something. And the Bible tells us what it is we are afraid of.
That’s our second point....
2. God’s love knows no fear. (Vs 18)
Look at all of verse 18. “Such love (what love is that? - God’s, from vs 16,17) - Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels ALL fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”
You see, the truth is, when we’re angry and fatigued and frustrated from trying so hard to love someone who just isn’t loveable, 99.99999999% of the time it is:
A. Because we’re trying in our own efforts.
B. Because we’re afraid of something.
Now we all do this. You do it. And I do it. So don’t sit there thinking you’re exempt - because you really know how to love. Caleb thought so too, and he was wrong.
Everyone of us here in this room this morning, have loved - thinking what we thought was love, and have done it expecting something in return and AFRAID that that something would not be forthcoming. And that’s human love. And fallen human love is always, always selfish. And the reason we are selfish is because we’re afraid. And we try to cover up that fear, by getting something in return that will satisfy, or sooth us, for that moment. (We’ll talk more about relational fears in our Bible Study Thursday night.) And the Bible says, “If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other (the ONLY way we love each other) because he loved us first.
God’s love knows no fear. God’s love flowing from us to others, knows no fear. God’s love flowing from us to others expects nothing in return because there is absolutely nothing we can give that deserves that kind of love. Anything less than that kind of love, is selfish love. It has its own agenda. It wants something. And it falls short of what God is calling us to be as husbands and wives, as sisters and brothers, as pastor and people, and as the church - the bride of Christ, in this world.
God’s love knows no fear. And....
3. God’s love is brought to full expression in us. (Vs 12)
God’s love is never fully expressed in our world unless we are in relationship showing his love to one another.
The Bible says (in verse 12) if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.
Now that love that that verse is talking about is the REAL love that is mentioned in verse 10 - not that WE loved God, but that HE loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
REAL love involves sacrifice. Not only does it involve sacrifice, but it involves sacrificing the thing you love the most. You will never achieve real love for your spouse, or others, until you are willing to GIVE UP, what you most want to keep. How do I know that? I know that because the Bible says God’s REAL love sent his Son (the thing he loved the most) as a sacrifice to take away OUR sins. He didn’t send his Son for himself - he sent his Son so that we could get something out of that sacrifice.
In the movie, Caleb sacrificed the thing that meant the most to him - his boat - so that Catherine’s parents could have a better quality of life. And he did it without any expectations. Do you remember - those of you who have seen the movie - do you remember during the first 20 days of Caleb’s efforts - he kept calling his dad and saying, “It’s not working Dad! I can’t do this - it’s not working.” In those first 20 days Caleb was doing something for his dad with the expectation of getting something back - his marriage and his wife. He wanted the Love Dare book to *work* so there was an agenda. Noble expectations for sure - nonetheless - expectations. And whenever we place expectations on our love, it won’t work.
Once Caleb accepted the truth of his OWN sinfulness - received God’s love, then he was free to release all of the bondage that was keeping him from loving Catherine well, and instead, begin to love her sacrificially.
Missionary Jim Elliot said: “He is no fool who gives that which he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.”
LOVE DARE: This week give up something you would normally do that you enjoy, in order to spend time with your spouse doing what they enjoy - just to be together.
The only thing in this life that we can have, that we are never, ever in any danger of losing, is the love that comes from God, which knows no fear, and which is brought to full expression in us - as you and I interact with one another - whether that’s as husband and wife, as child to parent, as brother to sister, or as friend to friend. God’s love comes to ITS full expression because HE loved US first. It is THAT love that binds us together.
# 395 - The Bond of Love...
