Summary: How to update your fathering skills

"A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father."

Did you know that Father’s Day started in the church?

Dr. Robert Webb conducted what is believed as the first Father’s Day service at the Central Church of Fairmont, West Virginia in 1908.

Sonora Dodd wanted to honor her father, William Smart, for all he had done. Selflessly raising 6 children on his own.

Her father’s birthday was in June and so she held a father’s day on 19 June 1909.

1924 President Coolidge observed a national Father’s Day

1966 President Lyndon Johnson signed a proclamation declaring the third Sunday of June as Father’s Day.

Did you know that it is on Father’s Day that the most reverse charge phone calls are made.

Children go through different phases:

First they call you ‘da da’, then they call you ‘daddy’. As they mature they call you ‘dad’. Then when they graduate they call you collect.

What is a father? How does one become an effective father?

JOB DESCRIPTION for the position of DAD:

Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in anoften chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends. Travel expenses will not be reimbursed.

Responsibilities:

Must provide on site training in basic life skills, such as nose blowing

Must have strong skills in negotiating, conflict resolution and crisis management.

Must be able to think out of the box, but not to lose the box, because you will probably need it for a school assignment.

Must assume complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Possibilities for advancement and promotion:

None.

Fatherhood is a blessing

Ps 127:4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. 5 Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them

So what does it mean to be a father? Pray with me …

Our Father . . .

God is our Father. As I refer to what it means to be a father, there is a twofold application:

Firstly, for dads – they should evaluate and update their own fathering skills.

Secondly, for everyone – we need to realize that God is the perfect Father and He is therefore all of these things to us and more.

What does a father do?

five-year-old asked her mother, “Mommy, if the stork brings babies, and if Santa Claus brings presents, and if the Lord gives us our daily bread, why do we keep Daddy around?”

An effective father involved 3 things viz. Being there, being aware and being real

1) Being there

a) Dads are meant to be there.

Where?

There! Everywhere!

Dads are meant to be there because there presence brings a sense of security and stability.

b) Protection

i) "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection." -- Sigmund Freud

c) God promises “I will never leave you or forsake you”

d) A Dad’s presence does amazing things.

I find it amazing that children can be shouting at each other, one can be in tears … Mom walks in and the shouting gets louder … Dad walks in … and there’s quiet.

And this isn’t fear of punishment … somehow, Dad’s presence brings stability, peace, security.

e) One of the biggest problems we face in our time is the issue of absent father’s. Homes where Dad isn’t.

In many families Dad isn’t there because he is in heaven or he isn’t there because he and mom got divorced. In too many families, Dad isn’t there not because of divorce or death, but because of a much lamer excuse – he’s at work.

f) This ‘being there’ isn’t about quality time – it’s about quantity.

g) Many times, I might be in my study, but I’m there.

2) Being aware

a) "It is a wise father that knows his own child." -- William Shakespeare

b) Prov “Raise up a child in the way he should grow and he will not depart from it”

c) You cannot treat every child the same. Every person is different. There are four major temperament types . . .

d) Look how God worked differently with different individuals.

i) Mr Details Moses. God gave plenty of time for training (80 yrs) and then reassurance after reassurance. And then gave him a job that required major attention to detail viz. writing the Pentateuch and building the tabernacle.

ii) Laid back friendly Abraham. God was patient with him. Every time Abe was feeling down, God would be there “I am your great reward”

iii) Hard hitting, down the line, no messing around Paul, God knocked him to the ground, blinding him at the same time. And then gave him the toughest assignment out viz. taking the gospel to the gentiles.

iv) Mr talk-before-I-think Peter. The guy who had to verbalise everything. God gave him the job of preaching the first sermon.

e) If you have a child who likes to tinker with electrical motors, don’t force them to play rugby. If your son is 6ft 8 at the age of 11, don’t ask him to do ballet.

f) Become a champion of your child’s strengths. This is both an art and a discipline that needs to be learnt.

i) An art because it’s takes creativity; discipline because you have to force yourself to do it.

ii) Our sinful nature naturally sees everything that our children do wrong. We believe that our role as dad is to correct our children.

iii) More than we need to correct them, we need to encourage them.

g) Our children form an opinion of themselves based on the feedback they get from their parents.

h) What would you do? Scenario: You’ve just had guests for dinner. Fine China was used and is clean up time. 4yr old Johnny offers to help. You are so busy you don’t notice that he is carrying 4 of the expensive plates that were given as a wedding present. You don’t notice until you hear the crash as he drops them.

Johnny looks up and says “Sorry Dad” What do you do?

I heard of a Dad who said “It’s OK son, here try again”

i) Also need to be aware of the names we call our children. If we call them baby names, chances are they will always act like babies. Call them champion

My boy is so bright I call him ‘son’

j) We will mess up :- "when a father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right." -- Bill Cosby

k) And we will be taken advantage of

For Christmas a Dad received a set of inexpensive cuff links and a note reading “Dear Dad, This isn’t much, but it’s all you could afford.”

3) Being real

a) You realize that you are getting old when you begins to look like your father.

b) Your children will look like you, not only the external features, but also the inward motives and character.

c) Jesus said “A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher”

d) A father’s job is to be a role model

e) "It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was." -- Anne Sexton

f) This is something that can’t be faked. You can’t pretend to be a role model.

Kids see the way you react when someone swerves in front of you. When you disagree with your wife.

They see what happens when you pull into church.

g) Being real means that the person you are on the outside is the same person on the inside

h) Their opinion of God is formed from their opinion of their father