A mother knows she’s been home too long for the following reasons: (Slide 1)
1. (Slide 2) She begins to talk to Barney as a real person.
2. (Slide 3) She forgets which one is real – Mister Rogers or King Friday.
3. (Slide 4) She cries for a wedding on Sesame Street.
4. (slide 5) She is one of the congregation that JUST laughed at the first three reasons-because she knew what all three of them was about.
President Obama is now starting the process of nominating a Supreme Court Justice. It is going to get very interesting.
One of our current Supreme Court Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg, paid tribute to her mother in her nomination acceptance speech 16 years ago as follows
‘I have a last thank –you. It is to my mother Celia Amster Bader, the bravest and strongest person I have known, who was taken from me much too soon. I pray that I may be all that she would have been had she lived in an age when women could aspire and achieve and daughters are cherished as much as sons.”
Mothers are very influential and very powerful in the growth and development of their children. The late English World War Two General, Field Marshal Bernard Montgomery said this about his mother and her power and influence on his life.
Certainly, I can say that my own childhood was unhappy. This was due to a clash of wills between my mother and myself. My early life was a series of fierce battles, from which my mother invariably, emerged the victor. If I could not be seen anywhere she would say, “Go and find out what Bernard is doing and tell him to stop it.”
(Slide 6) And I remind myself, as the late Florida Scott-Maxwell said, “No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.”
(Slide 7) As we continue our post-Easter series today, we consider how moms are loving truth tellers.
Now before I continue, I publicly recognize that for some Mother’s Day causes many different emotions and memories to surface. Some are pleasant and loving and some are just the opposite. Anger, pain, regret, and resentment are responses to the words ‘mother’ and ‘Mother’s Day.’ I acknowledge that such feelings and attitudes exist and I ask the Lord to remind us of those women who have served us as models of faith and thank Him for them.
But, moms are good truth tellers – in love. Their words often sting, but many times, they are right.
Mom this sermon is for you this morning and I offer it with the prayer and the hope that you will be encouraged and affirmed and reminded that the Lord loves you very much as a person and not solely as mother or wife or grandmother.
Now men, a recent survey done by the Pew Research Center points out something that should and must challenge us.
(Slide eight) There is a profound gap between men and women when it comes to spiritual matters.
(http://pewresearch.org/databank/dailynumber/?NumberID=736)
The recent survey shows that in several different areas relating to faith and spirituality women (and I am quoting them here) ‘are the stronger sex.’ The areas measured were:
• ‘are affiliated with a religion 86 to 79% (for men)
• Have absolutely certain belief in God or a universal spirit 77 to 65%
• Pray at least daily 66 to 49%
• Say religion is very important in their lives 63 to 49%
• Have absolutely certain belief in a personal God 58 to 45%
• Attend worship services at least weekly 44 to 34%
(Slide 9) This is our main text for this morning, Proverbs 16:23 “From a wise mind comes wise speech; the words of the wise are persuasive.”
True wisdom; the wisdom spoken of in the Bible, is based on and in love. True wisdom; Biblical wisdom also contains the truth about a situation.
Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 13:6, “It [Love] is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.”
Jesus said, ‘you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.’ And sometimes the truth is painful before it is liberating. And one of the ways that we know that truth will hurt before it heals has been in our experiences with our moms. Just ask Field Marshall Montgomery!
The Bible tells us that parents are to ‘train up a child in the way he should go.’ This is not a passive process. This is an active process, which requires mothers and fathers to be involved. God uses them to shape the direction of the child. Such shaping requires telling the truth even when it hurts, not just the children, but the parents!
A popular idea these days is for parents to be a child’s best friend. I respectfully disagree with that idea.
Best friendships, as we adults are all too aware of, can, and do, sour. Friendship is based on several good factors but those factors are often fickle and shifting. Being a parent requires a steady and caring relationship of child and adult with the child being the child and the adult being, the adult parent. Yes, you can befriend your child; but you are a parent first and foremost.
Telling the truth is a key part of this important relationship.
Now some might be asking this morning, “Jim, is it okay to lie to my kids to keep them from getting hurt or having to deal with things they should not have to deal?”
No.
Learn to tell the truth, in a way appropriate to the child’s age and understanding. Put yourself in their shoes, work at understanding what they are thinking and feeling, and be appropriately honest with them.
But, (Slide 10) How do we tell the truth in love?
Rick Warren offers very helpful advice on learning how to tell the truth in love.
• Check your motives
• Plan your presentation
• Give them encouragement
• Risk their rejection
When it comes to checking our motives, we need to ask questions like, ‘Why do I need to speak the truth right now to ______? ‘Am I doing it out of love or for another reason?’ Who will benefit more with this ‘truth telling’ the other person or me? If there is hesitation or doubt as we honestly answer these questions, we must step back and reconsider our actions.
When it comes to presentation there is a time and place for it, to quote ‘The Preacher’ of Ecclesiastes, ‘under heaven.’ Notice that Warren said, ‘presentation’ not ‘confrontation.’
Yes, there are times when a confrontation has to take place in truth telling. And unless it is an immediately threatening situation or crisis, such a confrontation takes place only as a last resort.
There is a time to sit down and talk. A helpful acronym from the recovering community can provide us with a gauge by which we can determine if the other party is ready to hear what we have to say and we are ready to tell the truth in love.
(Slide 11) It is the word HALT
• H – Hungry, harried, hurried
• A – Angry, anxious
• L – lonely, livid
• T – Tired, trying
We need to pick the right time to talk with them. It may mean that we need to set up an appointment and say, ‘I am coming to honestly talk with you about _________ and I want to do it when we are both ready to speak and listen to one another.’ Such a statement prepares both you and the other person(s) in a way that will allow for a God honoring resolution of the issue or situation.
(Slide 12)
• Check your motives
• Plan your presentation
• Give them encouragement
• Risk their rejection
Paul wrote in Romans 12:21, “Don’t let evil get the best of you, but conquer evil by doing good.”
One of the ways that we do what is ‘good’ is by telling the truth in love. And I think that we have trouble believing these days that doing what is good is being passive and re-active instead active and pro-active.
Good is not always a passive thing. Good government is a pro-active government that tries to anticipate threats to its citizens.
As we seek to tell the truth, we prime the hearts and minds of all involved, with honest affirmation. Why? Because in affirming someone we seek to see and believe the best in and of them.
This affirmation is not an attempt to be deceptive or condescending. This affirmation is a sign of love.
If we love someone, that love is expressed in both affirmation as well as… confrontation. Moms if you did not love your kids, would you become emphatic with them at times, not because you are angry with them but because you love them.
We do get angry with those we love sometimes because we love them! Why do we set our kids down for a ‘talk’ as they roll their eyes at us and tell us we’re stupid and dumb and… this one hurts… ancient? Because we love them!
We love them in the murkiness of adolescence; in the joy and simplicity of childhood; in the new chapters of young adulthood. We love our kids and so, we tell them the truth in love! Why? Because we want them to succeed through failure; grow through trials; and believe and trust in the Lord in the presence of doubt and uncertainty.
If all we hear is affirmation and no correction, then we are going to have difficulty facing the pain of reality and disobedience to the Lord’s direction and purposes. If all we hear is correction and no affirmation, then we are going to have difficult believing that God cares about us and that we can accomplish something in life.
Truth telling includes both affirmation and correction because they are like the riverbanks that give us boundaries within which to live our lives. And as well know from this past early spring, when water exceeds the boundaries there is destruction.
Finally, in telling the truth, we risk rejection.
Some of us here first hand understand the rejection, some of it still ongoing in our lives, that comes from truth telling.
Paul in writing what we call today the book of 1 Corinthians, had to risk rejection by an entire church because he had to tell the truth in love to them. There were major problems in the church.
Pride was an issue because people believed they were more spiritual than the other members. Immoral behavior was being tolerated. People thought they could do whatever they wanted to do because they believed that they had the freedom to do so now.
But Paul ‘spoke the truth in love’ to them.
He was probably rejected by some and even hated by them. A few ‘left the church’ because they did not hear what they wanted to hear.
But changes took place and later, as we read in 2 Corinthians 7 and verses 8 and following:
“ I am no longer sorry that I sent that letter to you, though I was sorry for a time, for I know that it was painful to you for a little while. Now I am glad I sent it, not because it hurt you, but because the pain caused you to have remorse and change your ways. It was the kind of sorrow God wants his people to have, so you were not harmed by us in any way.
For God can use sorrow in our lives to help us turn away from sin and seek salvation. We will never regret that kind of sorrow. But sorrow without repentance is the kind that results in death… My purpose was not to write about who did the wrong or who was wronged. I wrote to you so that in the sight of God you could show how much you really do care for us.”
Telling the truth can, and is, costly. However, we cannot afford to not tell the truth in love because such truth-telling allows the Lord to work in us so that we be changed in the way that He desires us to be changed.
(Slide 13) So What?
Our main text speaks of wise minds and wise speech. A wise person, and the Bible, I believe, tells us that wisdom is essential characteristic of a disciple of Jesus Christ.
Now I would remind us that the wisdom that is mentioned in Proverbs has more to do with our character than being a ‘smart’ person who has lots of knowledge. Truth is a part of this kind of character.
Wise people also develop a significant level of trust through their truth telling not just verbally but as they live. They are able to build trust. Truth and trust feed off one another and without trust, our relationships suffer.
Tom Holladay says, ‘truth without love doesn’t work. Love without truth is equally disastrous.’
What is required, Holladay points out, is honesty. Honesty and truth go together. They are like two sides of the same coin.
Honesty makes truth possible because speaking the truth in love is honesty!
This brings me to our assignment for this week. It is a question asked by Tom Holladay.
(Slide 14) Is there someone with whom I need to take the risk of an honest conversation?
Is it a son or a daughter? Is it a spouse or friend? Is it a co-worker? Is it parent? Is it yourself?
Remember the guidelines earlier and prayerfully, prayerfully lay out a course of action. Ask God to prepare you for the conversation. Ask God to prepare the other person(s) for the conversation.
We cannot live without truth. Neither can we live with lies.
Let us determine to tell the truth, in the right way, at the right time, and to the right person… because we do so out of a heart of love and not fear.
And, as a reminder, of truth telling, I finally conclude with this musical reminder of the truth telling mom’s do everyday.
(Slide 15) The Mom Song Video… (can be seen on youtube.com)
AMEN!
(Sources: 1001 More Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking by Michael Hodgin; Ginsburg, Maxell quotes are from ‘Quotationary’ by Leonard Roy Frank. Holladay quote and queston is from his book The Relationship Principles of Jesus.
