Introduction:
A. Let me begin with a couple of stories that illustrate a contrast in friendship.
B. The story is told of a man who came home to find two little girls on the steps of his appartment building. Both were crying uncontrollably; shedding big tears.
1. Thinking they might be hurt, the man dropped his briefcase and quickly went over to them. “Are you all right?” he asked.
2. Still sobbing, one little girl held up her doll. “My baby’s arm came off,” she said.
3. The man took the doll and its disjointed arm, and after a little effort and luck, the doll was back together.
4. “Thank you,” came a whisper through the sniffles.
5. The man then turned to the other girl and asked, "And what’s making you cry, young lady?”
6. She wiped her cheeks and said, “I’m okay, I was just helping her cry.”
7. How sweet! And what a good friend!
C. The second story is one of Aesop’s Fables called “The Bear and The Travelers.”
1. One day, two travelers were on the road together, when a bear suddenly appeared on the scene.
2. Before the bear noticed them, one man made for a tree at the side of the road, and climbed up into the branches and hid there.
3. The other was not so nimble as his companion; and, because he could not escape, he threw himself on the ground and pretended to be dead.
4. The bear came up and sniffed all around him, but the man kept perfectly still and held his breath; for they say that a bear will not touch a dead body.
5. The bear took him for a corpse, and went away.
6. When the coast was clear, the traveler in the tree came down, and asked the other what it was the bear had whispered to him when he put his mouth to his ear.
7. The other replied, “He told me never again travel with a friend who deserts you at the first sign of danger.”
8. The moral of the story is - misfortune tests the sincerity of friendship.
D. There are few things more important in life than good friends – we all need them!
1. What does it mean to be a friend? A British publication once offered a prize for the best definition of a friend. Here are some of the definitions they received:
a. A friend is “one who multiplies joys, divides grief…”
b. A friend is “one who understands your silence.”
c. Here’s the winning definition: “A friend is one who comes in when the whole world has gone out.”
2. Oprah Winfrey says, “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who’ll take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
3. Erma Bombeck said, “A friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though you’re a little cracked.”
4. The poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge once described friendship as “a sheltering tree.”
5. What a beautiful description of that special relationship.
6. Can you picture your friends as great leafy trees who spread themselves over you, providing shade from the sun, and whose presence can stand against an awful storm or a blast of winter’s wind?
7. A great sheltering tree; now that’s a good friend.
I. The Story:
A. As we look at the next stage of King David’s life, we find a man who had not only a sheltering tree, but a whole grove of them! And boy if he ever needed some friends the time was now.
1. Let’s review David’s situation.
2. He had committed adultery with Bathsheba, and then killed her husband.
3. On the heels of all that he lived many months as a hypocrite.
4. As a result of all that, he lost his baby and was watching his whole world crumble.
5. Anger, bitterness, incest, rape, murder and rebellion occurred among his now-grown children and eventually culminated in his son Absalom leading a conspiracy against him.
6. So David was certainly suffering in all aspects of life – personally, domestically and politically.
B. So when word came to David that Absalom had declared himself to be the king, the Bible says: Then David said to all his officials who were with him in Jerusalem, “Come! We must flee, or none of us will escape from Absalom. We must leave immediately, or he will move quickly to overtake us and bring ruin upon us and put the city to the sword.” (2 Sam. 15:14)
1. So try to picture the scene – the once-great king David is scrambling around, throwing a few things in a bag, preparing to flee from his own son.
2. After all these years as king, he is once again running for his life – it surely must have brought up bad memories from his years on the run from King Saul.
3. If ever a man needed a sheltering tree, David surely did.
C. The story continues: The king’s officials answered him, “Your servants are ready to do whatever our lord the king chooses.” The king set out, with his entire household following him; but he left ten concubines to take care of the palace. So the king set out, with all the people following him, and they halted at a place some distance away. (2 Sam. 15:15-17)
1. What emotion is woven into these few verses.
2. David was leaving the great city of Zion – the city named after him, the City of David.
3. As he came to the edge of town, he stopped and looked back over the city that he had watched God build around him during the past years.
4. His heart must have been broken as he stood there looking back, his mind flooded with memories.
5. Who would have thought that things would end like this?
6. What an awfully low point he was at – Oh, how he needed some friends to stand by him now!
7. Wonderfully and amazingly, David’s sheltering trees began to show up and lend their support.
D. The first friend to show himself is Ittai the Gittite.
1. It is interesting that this is the first time he’s mentioned in the story of David.
2. He’s a friend of the king, but he didn’t step into the limelight until the chips are down in David’s life.
3. Suddenly, he appears from nowhere and says, “David, you can count on me. I’m with you all the way.”
4. It is also interesting to me that he is a Gittite, meaning he is a man from Gath.
a. You remember who was the other guy we know from Gath? Goliath!
b. Somewhere along the way Ittai and all these 600 other guys from Gath had thrown their allegiance behind David.
c. So when David’s back is against the wall, Ittai follows along and says, “I’m going to stand with you.”
d. That’s a true friend – a tree with a solid trunk, thick branches, and lots of leaves!
5. The Bible says: The king said to Ittai the Gittite, “Why should you come along with us? Go back and stay with King Absalom. You are a foreigner, an exile from your homeland. You came only yesterday. And today shall I make you wander about with us, when I do not know where I am going? Go back, and take your countrymen. May kindness and faithfulness be with you.” (2 Sam. 15:19, 20)
a. Here David is being a gracious friend, “Thanks Ittai, I’d love to have you along, but you shouldn’t have to do this. It’s going to be a hard road where I’m going. This is your chance to run, go back to Absalom, he will give you a job.”
6. The Bible says: But Ittai replied to the king, “As surely as the LORD lives, and as my lord the king lives, wherever my lord the king may be, whether it means life or death, there will your servant be.” (2 Sam. 15:21)
a. What great commitment!
b. Reminds me of the statement that Ruth made to Naomi, “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.” (Ruth 1:16,17)
7. When David could see that Ittai was not going to change his mind nor his course, the Bible says: David said to Ittai, “Go ahead, march on.” So Ittai the Gittite marched on with all his men and the families that were with him. The whole countryside wept aloud as all the people passed by. The king also crossed the Kidron Valley, and all the people moved on toward the desert. (2 Sam. 15:22,23)
1. And so the emotional parade moved forward with the king – on the way to no man’s land – with all kinds of uncertainly and without any promises.
E. The next couple of friends who step forward are Zadok and Abiathar.
1. The Bible says: Zadok was there, too, and all the Levites who were with him were carrying the ark of the covenant of God. They set down the ark of God, and Abiathar offered sacrifices until all the people had finished leaving the city. (2 Sam. 15:24)
2. These two men are Levites, and they came along carrying the ark of the covenant.
3. They represent both God’s presence with the ark, and God’s blessings with the sacrifices.
4. The Bible says: Then the king said to Zadok, “Take the ark of God back into the city. If I find favor in the LORD’s eyes, he will bring me back and let me see it and his dwelling place again. But if he says, ‘I am not pleased with you,’ then I am ready; let him do to me whatever seems good to him.” (2 Sam. 15:25-26)
5. David has such a humble spirit – and that is certainly the best spirit to have when we find ourselves riding out a storm.
6. David knows that the ark does not belong to him and that it should not be used for selfish purposes.
7. So out of respect for the Lord, he tells them to take the ark back where it belongs, and he states that if God wants to bring David back and restore him, then that’s God’s business.
8. David is ready to receive whatever the Lord has in store for him, whether good or bad.
9. Out of respect for David, Zadok and Abiathar did exactly what David told them to do.
10. They put up no argument nor resistance.
11. They were there to help David, whatever that entailed – if that meant going back, then so be it!
12. A good friend is considerate of the needs and desires of their friend.
F. The story continues: But David continued up the Mount of Olives, weeping as he went; his head was covered and he was barefoot. All the people with him covered their heads too and were weeping as they went up. (2 Sam. 15:30)
1. What a heartbreaking picture – the mighty king of Israel, barefooted, head covered, and weeping aloud as he ascends the Mount of Olives.
2. And all the people with him covered their heads and wept right along with him – good friends join you in your suffering and mourning – like the little girl in the opening story – “they help you cry.”
G. The third friend who shelters David is Hushai, the Arkite.
1. The Bible says: When David arrived at the summit, where people used to worship God, Hushai the Arkite was there to meet him, his robe torn and dust on his head. (2 Sam. 15:32)
2. Verse 37 calls Hushai “David’s friend.”
3. In those days, when people wanted to make it known that they were in mourning, they tore their robe and covered themselves with ashes.
4. So Hushai showed up bearing the marks of his compassion, and David spotted it immediately.
5. Knowing what a good friend Hushai was, David asked him to do him a favor.
6. The Bible says: David said to him, “If you go with me, you will be a burden to me. But if you return to the city and say to Absalom, ‘I will be your servant, O king; I was your father’s servant in the past, but now I will be your servant,’ then you can help me by frustrating Ahithophel’s advice. Won’t the priests Zadok and Abiathar be there with you? Tell them anything you hear in the king’s palace. Their two sons, Ahimaaz son of Zadok and Jonathan son of Abiathar, are there with them. Send them to me with anything you hear.” So David’s friend Hushai arrived at Jerusalem as Absalom was entering the city. (2 Sam. 15:33-37)
7. Being the good friend that he was, Hushai did what David asked, and an important line of communication was set up that would eventually lead to the overthrow of Absalom.
H. The fourth group of friends who sheltered David are Shobi, Machir, and Barzillai.
1. The Bible says: When David came to Mahanaim, Shobi son of Nahash from Rabbah of the Ammonites, and Makir son of Ammiel from Lo Debar, and Barzillai the Gileadite from Rogelim brought bedding and bowls and articles of pottery. They also brought wheat and barley, flour and roasted grain, beans and lentils, honey and curds, sheep, and cheese from cows’ milk for David and his people to eat. For they said, “The people have become hungry and tired and thirsty in the desert.” (2 Sam. 17:27-29)
2. What better way is there for a friend to give a helping hand than to bring some food in a time of need.
3. But not only food, they also brought some much needed bedding, bowls and other needed items.
4. See taking care of people’s physical needs in the most practical of ways, is a great way to show we love them.
5. That’s faith and love in action!
6. Can you imagine the wonderful lift this must have given to David and those who were with him?
I. The last friend we want to mention is Joab, David’s army commander.
1. Sometime later, after David had fled from Absalom, David received word that Absalom was dead – the coup had come to an end.
2. Absalom’s death hit him hard. David wished that he could have died rather than Absalom.
3. David couldn’t get past his grief. He was caught in an emotional vortex that was paralyzing him – sometimes grief does that to you!
4. That’s when David needed a good friend to help him find his way out of the fog.
5. Enter Joab. The Bible says: Joab was told, “The king is weeping and mourning for Absalom.” And for the whole army the victory that day was turned into mourning, because on that day the troops heard it said, “The king is grieving for his son.” The men stole into the city that day as men steal in who are ashamed when they flee from battle. The king covered his face and cried aloud, “O my son Absalom! O Absalom, my son, my son!” Then Joab went into the house to the king and said, “Today you have humiliated all your men, who have just saved your life and the lives of your sons and daughters and the lives of your wives and concubines. You love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that the commanders and their men mean nothing to you. I see that you would be pleased if Absalom were alive today and all of us were dead. Now go out and encourage your men. I swear by the LORD that if you don’t go out, not a man will be left with you by nightfall. This will be worse for you than all the calamities that have come upon you from your youth till now.” So the king got up and took his seat in the gateway. When the men were told, “The king is sitting in the gateway,” they all came before him. (2 Sam. 19:1-7)
6. Joab was being a good friend – he came and spoke the truth in love.
7. Sometimes we need our good friends to come and give us a little kick in the behind to get us going.
8. So he said to David, “Your heart may be broken, but you are still the king of Israel and there’s a job to be done.
9. David took his friend’s advice, and even though gripped by grief, he was able to do what needed to be done, with the help of his friend.
II. Application – The Truth about True Friends
A. As I said at the beginning of the lesson – we all need friends.
1. As we have seen, friendship is indeed a sheltering tree.
2. It is through our friends that God is able to provide the supporting, and encouraging, and the confronting that we all need at times.
3. It may surprise you to know that the words friend, friendly, and friendship appear over 100 times in the Bible.
4. Take another glance at the two verses from Proverbs that we read for the Scripture reading.
a. Proverbs 17:17: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
b. Proverbs 18:24: “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
5. Both verses emphasize the importance of friends, and that the best of friends will be there for us at the worst of times.
6. Let’s conclude with three things to keep in mind about friendship:
B. First, we need to understand that friends are not optional; they’re essential.
1. No man is an island – we need each other!
2. Look at Jesus, even the Son of God surrounded himself with many friends – not just the 12 apostles, but countless other friends, like Mary, Martha and Lazarus, just to name a few.
3. How foolish it would be to try to walk through life without any friends.
C. Second, we need to understand that friendships come in various degrees.
1. The range of friendship goes from the acquaintance level, to the casual friendship, to the close friendship, and finally to the intimate friendship.
2. It would be wise for us to seek to have many acquaintances, some casual friends, several close friends, and a few intimate friends.
3. All of these levels of friendship are important and each meets a different kind of need, but the most important and most influential of all is the last category.
4. Our closest and most intimate friends are the ones who know us best and can be there for the hardest of the friendship tasks – like giving advice, and making necessary correction.
D. Third, we need to understand that friendship is not automatic it must be cultivated.
1. The best way to have a friend is to be one.
2. It begins with us reaching out to someone and cultivating a relationship.
3. It can begin with a simple invitation to have coffee, or to come over to have dinner or watch a movie.
4. But obviously, it has to start somewhere, with someone taking the initiative.
5. Once a relationship has been started, then it must be continued. It will require ongoing attention – communication, thoughtfulness, and the investment of your heart and your life.
6. So just like trees need cultivation, so does friendship.
E. Thankfully, David had a grove of friendship trees that enabled him to make it through the toughest of days and the loneliest hours of his life.
1. Let’s be sure we continue to do the work of cultivating our grove of friends, so that they will be there when we need them the most.
2. I can’t thank God enough for all the friends He has blessed me with – I don’t have a grove of friends – I have a forest.
F. The most important friendship that all of us should be cultivating is one with Jesus Christ.
1. There’s not a friend like the lowly Jesus!
2. The Bible says that “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (Jn. 15:13), and that’s exactly what Jesus has done for me and for you.
3. Are you presently in a relationship with Jesus? If not then you are missing out on the greatest friendship a person can have.
4. If you are in a relationship with Jesus, are you putting forth the effort to keep that relationship alive and growing? If not, then we better get busy.
5. A relationship with Jesus is not one that should be distant or just an acquaintance.
6. How can a person develop an intimate relationship with Jesus? Just like we have an intimate relationship with anyone – we make a commitment of our time, we open up our heart, we get to know them, and we do all we can to please them.
G. May God bless all of our friendships – especially the one we have with Him.
1. May we be the sheltering trees our friends need in troubled times, and may they be there for us when we need them most!
Resources:
David – A Man of Passion and Destiny, by Charles R. Swindoll, Word Publishing, 1997.
Sermon: “The Friendship Factor” by Daniel Harman, from SermonCentral.com.
