We are in week two of our series No Wake Zone. We just really believe that in this culture and world that we’re in, we get beaten around so much in our life that we need some healthy places in our life, a no wake zone, if you will. Having a no wake zone, a place of rest and refreshment, whether that’s in your marriage, with your children, co workers, extended family, that just doesn’t happen overnight. We have to really happen to that. That’s what this series is about, taking a look at some Biblical principles that could really help us with that.
Let’s just recap where we were last week, in week one, in case you weren’t here, or, in case you were here and you weren’t listening. We’re going to give you this again. The greatest feedback we got from last week’s message was the questions that we asked to help us assess our weight, because that’s all that last week was about, assessing our wake. We said that a wake is really the result that our life leaves behind. We all leave a wake. We said last week that we are one hundred percent responsible for the wake that we leave. Then, last week, we gave you some questions. We put all these questions on your handout again in hopes that maybe you could spend some time wrestling with these questions this week so you can better assess your weight. You’ll never have a no wake zone relationship until you really own your own personal wake.
Here are some of those questions. Are people better off when I move through their life? That’s a question to assess your wake. If they had the choice, would they do the relationship all over again? Boy, that question prompted several emails and it was a difficult one to wrestle with. The third one, does my wake leave people encouraged or drained? Does my wake encourage growth in others? A wake can be positive or a wake can be negative. Does my wake leave people inspired or insecure? What is their countenance saying about my character? Guys, remember, we said last week that very often you can tell what your wake is like by the countenance of your wife or the countenance of your children. They will be wearing the affects of your wake on their face. Then lastly, does anyone ever come to me with a problem? High wake people don’t have folks that come to them and open up with them because it’s really hard to get to them, and they’re afraid they might get hurt.
Now, why are we spending so much time and effort and energy on this series? Here is the reason. Can I just say to you this morning, there is no pain like family pain. Is that a safe thing to say? People that you let into your life, whether that’s a spouse, whether that’s children, extended family, people that we let you into our lives at that level can really, really hurt us. I spend the bulk of my time, really dealing with folks that are really in the midst of some really serious, serious pain. This series, I believe, can be transformational.
I have to tell you, in the last service I was so worked up. I felt like I’ve already preached three times this morning. Here is the reason. I am so, so passionate about what we’re talking about today. So, we’re going to say a lot of things. I’m just going have to ask you, could you just lock in here for a few minutes, and let’s see what God has to say to us, because I believe he wants to bring some healing in some of these hurting relationships we have.
I meet couples and folks that are hurt in relationship. You know, the number one thing I think folks are looking for? I think folks are looking for hope. I hear people, and even had a conversation this week. Is it ever going to get any better? Am I ever going to get any peace? Is this ever going to change? Really, what we’re crying out for, is there any hope for these relationships that I have, or this wayward child, for this marriage that’s bad, for a father-in-law who won’t speak to me? Is there any hope for this? The answer to that is yes. When Jesus Christ stepped out of the grave two thousand years ago, the rules changed didn’t they? There is hope no matter what the situation you’re in. Now, here’s the thing, let me just say this. Unless and until you are willing to assess your weight, and unless and until you’re willing to own the sin that is in your life, you are never a candidate for God’s hope and healing in your life. That is really the link between God stepping in and bringing some healing and some hope, and that is when you call your sin what God calls your sin. Unless and until you’re willing to do that, God’s not going to step in and bring healing and bring the hope that he wants to bring into your relationship.
Let me just tell you, our God is a God of the impossible. Do you believe that? Some of you are in impossible relationships. I’ve already been with folks this morning that are in impossible situations, who were up all night weeping and crying about what’s going on in their life, begging for hope. We have a God of the impossible. It is so important. If we’re ever going to bring his power into the situation, we have to be honest about who we are. We’re going to talk about that today.
Let me just share a couple verses on hope that I just love and I think will encourage you today. Psalm 71:5 says this, "For you have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth." Isn’t that great? Let me try to encourage you for a moment today. I believe your best years relationally are still ahead. I believe your best years in your marriage, I believe with your children, I believe with extended family, with co workers, with folks that you have just discounted, I still believe your best years relationally are still ahead. God is able to show up and do something. I think we’re going to show you some principles from God’s word today that’s going to help you with this. Psalms 130:5, "I wait for the Lord. My soul waits. And in his word I put my hope." That is going to be a great, great principle that we’re going to see today. There is hope found in God’s word. But, how do I apply that? We’re going to talk about that all today.
Now, we’re dealing today with one thing. We’re dealing with really the stone, the boulder, if you will, the building block of authenticity. You’re never going to have a no wake relationship without authenticity. I believe our culture today craves authenticity. As I talk with college students today, that’s what I hear resounding from them, that in the religious world they want somebody to be real; they want somebody to shoot straight with them. I think really all across the board, that’s what we want. We want someone to be real, someone to be authentic, someone to be transparent. So, what does it mean to have an authentic relationship? What does it mean to have authenticity? Let’s just define authenticity. There’re tons of definitions for authenticity. Authenticity, for me, is really the courage to be real. That’s what it means to be authentic. It’s the courage to be real. We will begin to see real relationships forged when we have the courage to get real with our family.
Here’s what I know about you and here’s what’s true about me. I believe everyone in this room has hopes. I believe everyone in this room has dreams. I believe everyone in this room has fears. I also believe that everyone in this room has not shared a lot of those things with the people closest to them in their lives. Do you understand today that we have a real enemy as it relates to relationships? God loves relationships most. Satan hates relationships most. So, what is it that you need from your spouse or from your children, or what is keeping all of us from having real relationships and having no wake zones? A lot of it is authenticity. And what is that? It’s the courage just to be real.
If I can just be frank, and I’m going to try to be transparent with you today. It’s something that I’m really passionate about. I don’t ever want to stand up here and try to say to you that I’m something that I’m not. I don’t have it figured out. I have fears. I have things in my life that I’m struggling with. Sometimes with my children, I want to be the hero. I want to answer all the questions. I want to fix every problem. Do you know what I’m coming to realize? My kids don’t need me to be the hero. My kids need me to point them to the hero, and that is Jesus Christ. How do I do that? By saying, "Daddy doesn’t know." That’s authenticity. "Daddy can’t fix that. Daddy had a hard time with that when he was growing up. Daddy made a mistake in that area of my life."
Information breeds compassion, doesn’t it? Have been behind somebody in a car and you’re just blowing the horn because they’re driving so slow, we’ve talked about this before, and you’re so angry and then you get up beside them and it’s your great-grandmother? Not really her but it could be her and you see that she’s barely seeing over the wheel and it takes everything she has to be out driving. You’re thinking, "Oh no, why was I so rude to her, she can’t help it." What happened? Information breeds compassion. We need compassion in our relationships and that comes when we have the courage to be real.
I believe that there are, in marriages today, or in any, really in core relationships, I just bet that the vast majority of you have never shared your greatest fear with your spouse or someone that you’re in a close relationship with. Consequently, you’re just missing each other because what it is that you need from them, they need from you, and authenticity delivers those goods, time and time again. It takes courage and it’s not easy and most of you will walk out of here and do nothing with this, but some of you will. Some of you will begin to build no wake relationships. Some of you will be changed, and some of you will begin to experience the refreshment that God wants us to experience in relationships. Some of you are just sick and tired of the relationships that you have in your life.
Now, here’s the thing about authenticity. Authenticity reflects truth. I had someone who came up after the first service and said, "I disagree with you. You’re wrong about this." I always like that because at least they’re listening. I’ll say it again. I don’t believe that, in and of myself, I have truth. I was born in sin. I don’t believe I am a carrier of truth. I believe truth has been brought into my life as a byproduct of a real relationship with Jesus Christ who is truth. That’s how he defined himself. He said, "I’m truth." I don’t believe that I am ultimate truth or absolute truth. I believe that’s something that God is and he gives to us. I believe authenticity reflects, and I believe truth about me. I understand who I am. I understand what I’m not able to do. Authenticity is really truth about who God is.
Look at this. We’ll never have trust in relationships without truth. You know this to be true. We’re not going to spend a ton of time here. I’m with couples just about every day, or folks that are in difficult relationships just about every day. I have come to realize this. I don’t know if this is one hundred percent accurate, this is my opinion here. I have come to realize that relationships can survive just about everything except dishonesty. I think dishonesty is devastating in relationships. And, boy, I have been working with couples and they have been progressing and progressing and starting to get better and work on their stuff and then all of the sudden it’s found out that she wasn’t honest way back then or he wasn’t honest, and you just see immediately the other person just disconnect. Dishonesty carries a steep, steep wake with it and it is so destructive. You can’t have a relationship with anybody unless there’s trust there. Trust is built on truth.
It is imperative that we live in that, and in the little things that we’re honest. Here’s the reason that I think we aren’t honest a lot of times, now think about this, because we’re just afraid. We’re afraid really to share everything or to share why we spent that money this way because you know what, if she finds out it’s going to be on. There’s going to be three days where she doesn’t talk if she finds out why I did this. I’m not talking about just major moral turnovers. I’m just talking about little things that just are irritants, and we’re just afraid to be honest. The Bible says, "Perfect love casts out fear." Isn’t that interesting? When I’m right with Jesus, I’m not paralyzed by fear and I can risk being honest. We want to move on from that just a little bit and drill a little bit deeper. Everybody in here today would say, "I ventured out in the rain so that some bald guy could tell me that I need to tell the truth. Thanks. I’m glad I’m here."
We’re not just going to talk about that. We’re going to talk about what it means to walk in the truth. That’s really, really a big difference, kind of thing. Authenticity, we’re just defining it, is not merely sincerity. Here’s what our culture says, "It doesn’t matter what you believe as long as you’re sincere about it." That’s what the culture says. Have you heard anybody say that? "Hey, it doesn’t matter about what you believe, just be sincere about that." Could you think about that for a second? Is that true? I mean, when 9/11 happened, those hijackers were exceedingly sincere about what they were doing, taking over those planes ad running them into large buildings. They were sincere about that and they believed that the moment that happened they were going to go see the face of Allah and have a harem of women around them. They were sincere about what they believed but, wouldn’t we all agree here, or at least most of us would agree here today that they were sincerely wrong? Right? Can you be sincerely wrong? Sure you can be sincerely wrong.
Let’s just talk about ourselves. Sometimes we’re exceedingly sincere. Probably no one here today would say, "Well, I don’t love my wife. I love my wife. I love my kids. I love these people in my life. I love my family." We’re sincere, but we’re sincerely wrong about how we’re doing life. That’s why we’re making such colossal mistakes. This is why I’m so passionate about this. I just believe this. I believe as followers of Jesus Christ we should have the high ground as it relates to relationships. Do you?
I believe we should have the best relationships in the culture, because God has given us the building blocks, and we’re going to talk about them in the series. Our relationships really aren’t any better than other relationships in the culture. Our divorce rates are just about as high. Our young people are as active sexually as those outside the church. About eighty percent of our high school students, when they head off to college, leave the church, and many of them don’t ever come back. So, that just discourages me.
I have stuff in my own family that I’m discouraged about. I talked with one of my family members last night, an extended family member, and we’ve just been a little sideways. It’s embarrassing for me to say that. I just had to live out this sermon this week and I just had to say to that person, "You know what? I’m sorry and I blew it. I believe the best years of our relationship are still ahead and I’m not going to quit on you and I hope you don’t quit on me." I said, "I think we should reflect who God is and what his grace is and what he can do in a relationship. Are you in?" That’s a hard conversation to have isn’t it? I want healthy relationships in my life. I believe it honors the Lord Jesus, and I know you do as well.
Now, let’s look on today. How is it that we begin to have this kind of change? Where is truth? How do we know what truth is? If authenticity reflects truth, what is truth? Isn’t that what Pilate asked? What is truth? The Bible answers that question in John 17:7. Great passage. John says, "Sanctify." That word sanctify means change. It means transform. Isn’t that, at some level, why you’re here today? We want to be transformed. Isn’t it? I’m asking. A nod is good. Yeah. I want to be changed. Why am I here? Why did I venture out in the rain? Because, at some level, I would like to be different than I am when I came in.
"Sanctify them by the truth. Your word is truth." I love that passage. When you ready the Gospel of John, John says more in fewer words than anybody I’ve ever read. He just answers on of life’s most difficult questions. How do I change? Truth. What is truth? God’s Word is truth. Absolute truth. It’s never changed. Listen to what the Bible says about itself that is so, so powerful. Psalm 119:151, "Yet you are near oh Lord and all your commands are true." Everything God says in his word is true. Luke 21:33, "Heaven and earth will pass away but my words will never pass away." His truth is eternal. That’s a powerful thing. Psalm 119:60, "I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands." When we understand it is truth, we want to throw everything aside and follow God’s ways for our life. Here’s the thing. Truth transforms.
I had the privilege this week of doing a funeral for a close friend of mine. Craig was thirty-three years old. He passed away Sunday, right after I got finished preaching in the last service. I got in my car, and I got a call from a great friend who said, "Craig’s home." Let me just tell you his story. I’ve told some of you. He’s been a guy who’s been influential in my life. He came to know the Lord about seven years ago.
Craig and his brother are one of ten people in the United States who have the same rare degenerative disease. It’s a genetic disease. When it happens, it happens among males in a family and they don’t begin to see the consequences of it until they’re about twelve years of age. He was an athlete. Then he began to lose all of his muscle control. Last Sunday he just wasn’t even able to breath any longer.
When I first met Craig, he was deep into pornography. He was a very angry and bitter person because his brother, Chris, who was two years older. They lived in apartments right there, downstairs, they could see each other. Craig was watching his older brother die the same way he would die. Can you imagine? He was seeing his life played out two years in advance. How unbelievable is that?
His brother passed away a couple years ago and Craig followed suit. He knew the end was coming. He was a bitter person. He was a selfish, selfish person. He came to know Jesus and he began to change a little bit. He fell in love, over a period of time, with God’s word. I would go and visit him and his caretaker would wake him up in the morning and he would set God’s word on his chest. They made something for his chest for God’s word to stay right in front his eyes. He would just read the scripture and his caretaker would turn the pages. When it got so bad that he couldn’t even turn the pages, he had the Bible on tape and he would listen to it when he woke up. He would listen to scripture throughout the day.
He was a man who was transformed. The pornography went away. The anger and the resentment went away. He moved from being a selfish person to a selfless person. My last conversation was this. He could barely talk and he said, "You’ve got to preach my funeral." He said, "You’re my favorite preacher." My head started to swell up. He said, "You know why you’re my favorite preacher?" I said, "Why buddy?" He said, "Because you love the big orange." He said, "Listen to me. Listen to me. Most of my family is lost and I have got to see them again in heaven." He said, "Will you promise me, promise me, promise me that you’ll help? That you’ll share Christ with them after I’m gone?"
Wednesday, I went to do his funeral. Wednesday was cold. I hate doing funerals on cold and snowy days. Craig’s from a very affluent family. When Roy Orbison takes you to elementary school, you kind of live in a little bit of a different world. When you grow up three houses down from Johnny Cash, you live in a little bit different world. His family really has everything the world says you need to have. I just began to share the gospel there in that moment. God just fell on that place, and Craig’s father, uncles, and aunts stood and said yes to Jesus Christ and put their faith and trust in him. We had a revival at funeral. It was powerful. It was awesome.
Here’s what his dad said. He didn’t say, "Hey, that was so clear what you shared. That was awesome. You know, you’re great." He didn’t say that. He said, "I’ve had reasons to doubt God all my life." He said, "Watching my son live and die and seeing how he was transformed, there is no doubt that God’s alive and he’s at work. I saw him." See, truth transforms and people see it. If you’re in a relationship right now, listen to me, and you have no hope and you feel like you can’t trust this person, here’s the hope. You can trust what you see God doing in a person’s life. What God does in a person’s life is real. When there is fruit there, God’s there and you can trust, you can re-engage, you can open yourself back up in that moment.
Now, how do I apply this in my life? Let’s move on. I’m quickly running out of time this morning. If I’m going to have authentic relationships, it takes courage to share the truth of who I am and understand who God is. Jesus said this in Matthew 7:24...turn there if you would. Matthew 7:24 and 27. This is such great clarity about how we can have authentic relationships that reflect truth and that are built on truth. Jesus says, "Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock." You can substitute the word truth there for rock. Jesus says, if you want to have healthy relationships, you have to build them on truth.
Now, listen to what he says. This is important. "The rain came down and the streams rose and the winds blew and beat against the house, yet it did not fall because it had its foundation on the rock." What a great promise here. Here’s the promise that God gives us. In life, we are going to go through storms. Do you understand that today? Everybody on your street is going to go through storms. You are going to go through storms. You’re going to go through trials. You’re going to go through difficulties.
One of the things that’s hard about doing what I do is, I look out, as a pastor or a shepherd, and I see people that I love and I know you’ve lived through storms. I know you could get up here and say that better than me. It’s not a matter of if it’s going to happen; it’s just a matter of when it’s going to happen. What the Lord Jesus is saying is, if you build your life on truth you will withstand the storm, your relationships will withstand the storm.
Listen to what he says, verse 26, "Everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand." Can you just go to the beach in your mind for a second? Haven’t you all had that experience of sitting beside the seashore and building a sandcastle with your kids, or your grandkids, or with a friend? Is this weird talking about this? I’m being vulnerable to say that I like to build sandcastles. You think less of me as a man? You do, don’t you? I can tell.
Why do we like to do that? Isn’t working in the sand easy? In just a matter of minutes you can do something really cool. You can just manipulate it and it’s just, boom, there it is. There’s always somebody at the beach who always has an engineer in their family and they just go way overboard. You see those people? I just think, "Bro, get a life. Because, guess what? Tomorrow’s coming and it’s gone, it’s over." The waves come in in the night. There’s always a kid who didn’t expect that, like a little grandkid who comes down to see it and it’s gone. Cynically I laugh and I feel bad about myself. I’m transparent. "Your granddad’s foolish." I don’t say that. I mean, I wanted to.
Let’s come back here. Our default position, relationally, is building in the sand. It’s easier. Your natural tendency will always be to build relationships in the sand and not really sacrifice yourself, not really do anything proactive to put a plan in place so that your relationship can grow. Most of us just merge into relationships. In marriage, we fall in love. We found our soul mate and we just think we’re going to live happily ever after. Then, boom, life hits doesn’t it? Then you realize, this is hard. We’re crashing and burning and there was no plan.
I’ve been meeting with couples in marriage. This series is about more than marriage. It’s about all kinds of other relationships. For the last twelve years, I’ve heard any manner of thing that you can imagine, most of it this week. I have just met couple after couple in crisis. I always tell them the same thing. I’m not a counselor. I’m a preacher, big difference. You get what you pay for when you come see me.
Here’s the deal. I’ve never met with someone in crisis who had a systematic plan of studying God’s word on a daily basis. I’ve never met with a couple when I ask them what they were doing, devotionally. "Nothing, busy." They look at me like I’ve got two heads. "Hey, we came for you to help our marriage and you’re talking about Bible study. Hello. I knew I shouldn’t have come and talked to you." I have met countless people in chaos. I’ve never met a person consistently in God’s Word who was building on the rock, who had a plan, who was digging deep and was experiencing chaos in relationship. I’ve never met them. I don’t think they exist. I’ll be bold enough today to say, I don’t think they exist. It’s not easy. We’ll find tons of reasons why we can’t because we would rather build in the sand.
Authentic relationships are forged, looked at your notes, when we are determined to apply God’s truth and not just believe it. Many of us know it but we haven’t applied. We’re going to talk about that today. No matter what you’re going through relationally, no matter what tough spot you’re in, God’s word has truth to fit directly to that. Do you believe that? The rain’s coming down out there. Do you hear it? I know you hear it because you’re whispering, "It’s raining." Let’s get over that and get back to what God’s saying today. I hope you’re building on the rock.
Building relationships on sand is our default position. We’ve talked about, that’s naturally what we’re going to do. We just gravitate toward complacency in our life, especially in relationships. What do storms do? They show us what our relationships are built on. When you’re squeezed, when life happens, and it will. It will reveal what your relationships are truly, truly built on.
Let’s ask this question. What’s keeping me from building my relationship on truth? Last week we had some good questions for you, I think, and part of the reason is because I stole most of them. It’s research when you borrow it from multiple sources. If you just borrow from one source it’s plagiarism. This is research. Isn’t that right Dr. Anshel? Yeah. I didn’t plagiarize. I researched last week. Could have been some of that too. Hey, we’re being transparent here today. These are just my questions. They’re not quite as good. What’s keeping me from building my relationships on truth? I answered that for myself and so I’ll just tell you how I answered. It’s kind of harsh and I’m just being vulnerable and it’s a little risky. Compromise keeps me from building on truth. Competition. Competition for my time. It really takes time to get into God’s word, to dig down deep into the rock. That takes a lot of time. Compromise and competition do that for me.
Let’s finish up today. Authentic relationships require diligence. Let’s talk about what that means today. Let’s look at a passage that is so, so super important. I know I’ve been talking for a while today. I just hope that whatever you have to do, if you have to slap yourself around, slap your neighbor around, something. Slap somebody and let’s listen to see what God has to say this morning because this is important, very important. II Timothy 2:14-15. Paul’s talking to young Timothy, his protégé who he was mentoring in ministry. He’s talking to him about relationships. He says, "Keep reminding them of these things". Relationships are hard, aren’t they? We have to be reminded of relational truths over and over again. He says, "Warn them before God." In other words, he’s saying, "This is so, so serious what I’m about to tell you, that you need to warn them before God because God is serious about relationships." He says, "Warn them before God against quarreling about words. It is of no value."
That word value there is where we get our word catastrophe in the Greek. It’s where we get our word catastrophic. Paul’s saying, "Warn people not to get involved in wars of words because that has catastrophic consequences on a relationship." We’re going to come back and talk about that. He says this, "It only ruins those who listen. Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed, and one who correctly handles the word of truth."
We’re going to see a couple things in this passage that, if you applied them, they would begin the process of building a no wake zone in your life and in these core relationships in your life. Here’s number one. No wake relationships are diligent to avoid foolish issues. That’s what the Apostle Paul is saying. He says, "Don’t get locked into a war of words." Now, what are foolish issues? My wife is gone this weekend to visit her sister who just had a baby and so I’m in charge of the house. It’s not going well. I’ll be honest with you. I find myself saying, "Pick that up. Have you made your bed up? You haven’t made your bed up. You’re supposed to make your bed up every day. Make your bed up. Don’t jump and touch the wall. Don’t jump and touch the wall, we just had the walls painted." And so, all day long, "Put your cup in the sink. Go put your cup in the sink. This isn’t my job."
Then I sat down, because I’m a pastor, "Let’s have a devotion." I’m not making this up. I wish I was. I’m trying to teach my boys God’s Word and they’re just everywhere, totally not connected to me. Why? Here’s what I believe. This is what the Apostle Paul is saying. This is not funny. This is absolute truth. We can only take in so many words of influence in a day. I know I can. I know they can take in very few. I have usually used up all my words of influence before 9:00 with them. So, when it’s time to talk about what is the real priority and what’s really important, they’re through listening, and it has catastrophic consequences.
That’s what Paul’s saying, "Don’t get locked into a war of words. Don’t be about foolish things." What is a foolish thing? How am I supposed to practically take that and apply that to my marriage or to my children? Here it is. A foolish thing is something you prioritize that God hasn’t prioritized. It is something that is important to you that is really, perhaps, not that important to God. I’m only going to know what God prioritizes when I’m in his Word.
Here’s the other thing. I’m just talking about myself today. I’m not talking about you, because I’m sure you’ve got this figured out. Don’t you? You don’t? Okay. Good. Now I feel better. Hey, we’re being authentic here. That was an authentic chuckle. Most of the time we just talk about fruit issues. We don’t ever get to root issues. We waste all of our words of influence on fruit stuff.
"You need to pick up after yourself." Well, that’s really a fruit issue. What is the root issue? The root issue, God says, "Whatever you do, do it as unto the Lord, to be excellent, to not be lazy." That’s the real issue. God’s Word has a lot more influence than I do. I have, many times, forfeited my right to share influential truth because I’ve been locked in wars of words all day. I picked on guys a little bit last week and so guys, turnabout’s fair play. Sometimes I’ll come in and this guy, he’ll just be deer in the headlights. I say, "What’s going on?" "I don’t know. I have no idea." I say, "Are things going well?" "No. Terrible, that’s why we’re here." I say, "Well, what is it that she wants from you?" "I have no idea. I’ve got no idea. I don’t understand her." She’s sitting over there waiting, waiting, waiting and then, boom, unleash both barrels. I mean, just all over this guy about this and that and his spending and this and that with his time. This guy’s just punch drunk from all that’s said. He just doesn’t know what’s going on. Why is that? They’ve been locked in a war of words and he is...guys, we’re kind of like kids. Ladies, you’ve been saying that for years. We can only receive so many influential words. So, if it’s important, don’t waste it. Don’t waste time that’s not a priority to God, because change comes when you prioritize what’s important to God. We can hear that and we can receive that, and that’s what Paul’s talking about.
Let me ask you a question. Before we do that, we don’t have all our blanks filled in, and we need to do that. Too many foolish words will have catastrophic affects on relationship. I love what Burl Cain, the warden at Angola Prison, said when he was here several years ago talking about parenting. Man, it stuck with me. He said, "Parents, say yes more than you say no." Isn’t that great? He said, "Say yes more than you say no." He reminded us of this great Biblical truth that rules without relationship will always end up in rebellion. Isn’t that right? We get locked in wars of words and then we get rebellion because there isn’t real relationship. That’s true in every sphere of influence.
How many of my difficult relationships are a result of too many foolish words? Can you think about that for just a second? How many of my really, exceedingly difficult relationships, or tough relationships, are really a result of too many wars of words? So, so often. Boy, haven’t you been here. There was a very legitimate problem inside the relationship. So, you began to talk about it but all of the sudden somebody said something that hurt your feelings and you lashed out. Then, pretty soon you’re talking about something that had nothing to do with the presenting problems. Has anybody ever been there? I mean, I haven’t. You have? Good. I’ve been there too. That’s a war of words. We prioritize what God doesn’t prioritize and it creates problems and it creates distance.
Now, here it is. This is the most important part of the deal today. How do I build a no wake relationship? How do I do that? I’ve got to understand that truth is what transforms. I have to understand that my default position is to build in the sand, relationally. "I’m going to do what comes easy or what comes natural." I hear people say that a lot. "I just do what comes natural in relationships." There’s a train wreck that is coming naturally for you in that relationship. I don’t have a lot of time to talk about that. Boy, that’s where the guy in the first service got so mad at me. Isn’t that true? If we’re left up to ourselves, we’ll just destroy ourselves and everybody around us. So, I understand that truth transforms me so I have to dig deep. I have to prioritize that in my life. I can’t get locked up in wars of words.
Now, here it is. Man, this is huge. Verse fifteen, let’s read it. "Do your best," the Apostle Paul says, "to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth." Do you know what it means to correctly handle the word of truth? Do you know how it’s literally said? Cut it straight. That’s what it said. It says that someone you need to be someone who knows how to cut it straight when it comes to the Word of God.
I’ve been one of those guys that just has hoped the computer age would just come and go, like a dinosaur. That we get back to our old filing system. Are you that way? Nobody here is that way. I am. I just learned this past year how to cut and paste. It’s changed...I’m being honest with you. I used to, as I was researching, and looking at stuff online, I’d see something and I’d type it in. Finally, one of my assistants said, "You don’t know how to cut and paste do you?" "No, I don’t." So, they showed me. It’s awesome isn’t it? Isn’t that liberating? Some of you think, "I’m sitting here listening to this bozo who doesn’t even know how to cut and paste. Why are we here?" It has just liberated me. I’m a cut and paste machine now. As I’m studying, boom, boom.
That’s what the Apostle Paul said. He says, "If you want to have great relationships, you’ve got to learn how to cut it straight. You’ve got to learn how to cut and paste. You’ve got to learn to see what does God say about this situation?" Then, I’ve got to apply it. I’ve got to live under that authority in my life. In every single situation you are going through, God has truth to speak directly to that, and it is truth that will transform that situation. Does not that breed hope in your life?
You know how this passage starts? "Do your best to show yourself a workman who does not need to be ashamed." Let me ask you this question. As God views you, is God pleased with how you’re handling his Word? Can you think about that? Is God pleased with your understanding of this timeless truth he’s given? Isn’t that a tough question? God is very concerned about what we do with his Word. We just have to own that this morning. Is God pleased with the time I’ve spent and my knowledge of this truth?
Let’s do something practical today, because you’re drifting. Maybe this will help you just a little bit. Hang here with me for a second. We’ll either let truth build relationships or we’ll let self destroy them. No wake relationships are for those who know how to cut straight the Word of God. No wake relationships understand how to apply Biblical truth to personal relationships. That’s all we’re talking about here. No wake relationships refuse to compromise on what God has commanded.
Think about this this morning. Let me set up a scenario for you. Let’s see if we can cut and paste. Let’s see if we can cut it straight this morning. You’re a dad and you have a teenage daughter. She brings home a guy that you think you saw his picture at the post office. He’s a rough looking cat. You begin to probe her about how he is spiritually and you find out he’s lost as last year’s Easter egg. He could care less about who Jesus is. Your daughter says, "You know what, I like him. He’s really cool." So, what do you do, dad, if you’re going to cut it straight in that situation? II Corinthians 6:14 already answers that question. "Don’t be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
Hey, how many ladies...don’t raise your hand here. How many ladies wish somebody would have cut it straight with you as a sixteen year old girl? He was popular. He was cute. Everybody like him. He was far, far from God and he was way concerned about himself. How different would your life be today if someone would’ve had the courage to cut it straight with you? It’d been way different wouldn’t it? It would have been way, way different. Hey, parents, would you just have the courage to cut it straight? Nobody else in the culture is doing that. Would you do that?
Let’s look at another scenario. Our band is coming because they’re ready to play, which means my time is up, but I’m still talking. My son wants to listen to ungodly music. He downloads music and it’s good. He likes it. "I don’t really listen to the words." You ever hear that? This is not one of those sermons where we say go home and burn all your CDs. Have you ever been locked into wars of words over music with a kid? Anybody? I have. How do I cut it straight? Listen to what the Bible says about this. Philippians 4:8, "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable. If anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things."
I used to get into huge wars of words with my older son about music. That changed when I just really began to learn the principle of what it means to cut it straight. Now we just go back to this verse. "Hey, that that you’re listening to, is it noble? Is it excellent? Is it praiseworthy?" That ends the conversation, sort of drifts off. That’s what it means to cut it straight. It means to apply God’s truth to every situation.
Hey, this is huge. This is so important then I’m going to be done. I believe maybe there’s some men and women here today who have said, "You know what? My relationship, my marriage right now seems more work than wow. I thought it was going to be wow and now it’s work and I’m struggling, and I’m just ready to throw in the towel because wouldn’t God want me to be happy? I think I just need to quit on this." They just say, "I just need to find somebody that’s going to make me happy." You’re making decisions based on that. Here’s what it means to be a person who cuts it straight. Listen to what God’s word says. Matthew 19:6, talking about couples, "They’re not longer two but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate." I don’t have the right to do that. I’m cutting it straight. I’m going to live under what God says for my life. That’s how I can have truth that transforms and that’s how I can begin to build no wake relationships in my life.
Would you bow your head with me this morning? How are you doing with this concept of cutting it straight? Maybe you would say, "Pretty good in most areas." It only takes one little boat to come full speed into a marina, throwing off a wake, to rock every boat there, and that’s compromise. One area of relational compromise can start a flood of relational chaos. Listen to me with your heads bowed this morning. You’re not standing for truth unless you’re doing so at a specific point of compromise. What is that point of compromise right now? Where is the battle raging in the relationship? Cut it straight. Apply God’s transforming truth, because here it is. Please here this. The rain’s coming down and the music’s playing, and your mind is all over the place.
When you begin to cut it straight and stand for God, stand on his truth, God chooses to stand with us. That’s the power that you need to offer hope and transformation for the relationship that you’re in. No matter how difficult it is. How many of you here today, as parents of teenagers saying, "It’s so hard to cut it straight. It’s so hard when everybody else is letting their kids do all these other things." Can I just speak some words of encouragement to parents of teens today? It may be years before they come back and say, "Mom, dad, thanks for giving it to me straight. I didn’t like it then but you saved me so much pain. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."
Hey, are you willing to live through the turbulent years of cutting it straight? How many of you here are parents of little ones, of preschoolers, of young children and you’re just exhausted because you’re correcting over and over again and you’re just worn out? Can I say this, don’t give up in doing good. Don’t quit on that because it is going to bring a harvest in the end. You keep cutting it straight.
I’m done here today. Some of you, as you look back over the legacy that that are relationships in your past, there’s not too many relationship there. There’re difficult relationships in your past and you’re sideways with so many people that you’ve just quit on and you’ve just discounted and you’re just done. Can I just tell you, maybe, just maybe it’s pointing you to an eternal truth that you will never have an authentic relationship with anybody until you have an authentic relationship with the living God, and you have never, ever been real about who you are. You’ve tried to do this on your own all your life and not only have you hurt yourself, you’ve wounded a lot of people in your wake. Maybe today it’s time for you to get real about who you are. You are without hope, in need of a divine deliverer and in walks Jesus to meet you right where you are. What’s keeping you from him today? Authenticity, real relationships, they wait on the other side of a real relationship with Jesus. Would you say yes to him today?
Father, we love you. Thank you for this moment in time. Thank you for a chance to look at what your word says about relationships. We are struggling, but we’re hungry to hear from you. Grant us the power to walk in truth. Grant us the power to cut it straight. Lord, right now, I pray that there would be people that would flood this alter to pray for their family, to pray for the courage to cut it straight, to pray about areas of compromise. Lord, that they thought letting their guard down in one area wouldn’t have such catastrophic consequences but it does. Some of them have been waged in wars of words. God, there’s some couples here today, there’s some folks here today who have no hope because they’ve never been honest about their own personal sin, and they’re forfeiting your grace. Lord, I pray that your people would respond to you. In Jesus name, Amen.
