Let’s begin this morning with a little check of your vocabulary. Can someone give me a defining of the word nag? If someone accuses you of nagging them, what are they trying to tell you? Nagging is when you tell someone something that they already know. And you tell them over … and over … and over … and over.
Nagging can really get on your nerves, but sometimes you can learn from it. Back when we lived in the parsonage of our first church, the parsonage landlord (for lack of a better title) taught me many lessons about lawn equip with a little nagging. I knew it was vital to check the oil in the mower, but I was inconsistent in actually doing it. Wayne, the parsonage landlord, reminded me once to check the oil before mowing. I guess I was too sloppy because he eventually nagged me by telling me what I already knew a second time. This time, however, he added a motivating comment: “It’s cheaper to add oil than replace the engine.” He did nag me, but he didn’t do it in an accusing demeaning way. As a result, I listened and never forgot that lesson.
As we turn to Ephesians we find Paul nagging his listeners. He counsels them to do 4 things that I’m positive they already knew. But Paul was an effective nagger. He was an inspired nagger because with the nag he provided motivating comments to get the Ephesians to follow through.
Remember that Paul planted the church at Ephesus because of their potential to influence the Roman world. They were located at the crossroads of the empire. The Ephesians were positioned to share their faith in Jesus Christ with a lot of people. But Paul knew that their verbal witness would only be as strong as the extent to which they lived out their salvation. He wanted the Roman world to not only hear the good news through them, but to see it lived out in the church. The primary place to demonstrate faith was in connection to fellow believers. To accomplish this they needed a deep commitment to one another and to living the holy and righteous life made possible through Christ.
To impact their world, to live out their faith, to grow spiritually, to please the Lord with their lives the Ephesians needed to develop what I call an enduring and maturing community. To reach their redemptive potential in Christ certain transitions needed to happen in individual lives and the church as a whole.
Transitions that Create Enduring and Maturing Community
The application I’m going to share with you is wider than just the church. You can apply these ideas to all of your relationships and you will develop deep, strong friendships or maybe gain more friends if you want more. These ideas will work for small groups, Sunday school classes, and families. I’m certain you could apply them at your job or school and you’d see enduring and maturing community develop among people who are committed to one another.
Paul’s first nag is easy to understand. In fact, you already know it. That’s what makes it nagging.
Replace dishonesty with sincerity
“The Leo Burnett advertising agency did a nationwide telephone survey a few years ago on lying, cataloging when we lie, how we lie, and why we lie. The results were interesting.
“Ninety-one percent of all Americans confessed that they regularly lied. Seventy-nine percent had given out false phone numbers or invented new identities when meeting strangers on airplanes. One out of every five admitted that they couldn’t get through even one day without going along with a previously manufactured lie. Guess what the survey revealed that we lie about the most – our income, our weight, or our age? It’s our weight! Which is kind of funny, as that’s the one truth no lie could ever conceal. In second place was money, and third was our age. There was also a contender that came in fourth: our true hair color.
“Now here’s what I found most intriguing about the study: People no longer seem to care about lying. We accept it. It doesn’t bother us. We don’t get upset anymore when someone exaggerates, falsifies, fabricates, or misrepresents the truth. We live in a day when we’ve been bombarded with erased tapes, tampered evidence, illicit cover-ups, padded resumes, and exaggerated ads – to the point that we’ve pretty much given up on truth being a viable enterprise. The study found that in the past, people thought lying was wrong. Now, almost half of all Americans say it isn’t.”
James Emery White, You Can Experience an Authentic Life (Nashville: Word Publishing), 121-122
According to Paul, falsehood is the death of community. Here’s his take:
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. Ephesians 4:25
The word Paul uses covers all deception, not just an intentional bald-faced lie. This includes the so-called little white lie. It covers the insincere smile or the feelings-saver conflict-avoiding reply, “Nothing’s wrong” when something definitely is. The word falsehood includes embellishments to make us look good and exaggerations to make point or a joke. You’ve no-doubt heard about the preacher who was reprimanded by his deacons for exaggerating during sermons. After being called on the carpet he sadly shook his head and answered, “I know I exaggerate … and I’ve cried a million tears over it.”
We’re to be people of sincerity. Sincerity is a Greek word used in art. A sculpture was designated sincere if no wax had been used to fill in the cracks and flaws of the work. This prevented a buyer from paying for a flawed piece of art patched temporarily with wax. We are to be people of sincerity, not people who pretend and hide. Most falsehood arises from self-protection or self-promotion. We’re shielding ourselves or trying to get something from someone else. Instead, we’re called to speak the truth in love.
Why? We’re all members of the same body. We’re all attached to the same head, Jesus Christ. We’re to consistently reflect His image by being truth-tellers. The Bible tells us that God is truth:
God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? Numbers 23:19
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6
Truthfulness reflects God and grows community. We all know that, but we need to be nagged a little more to live it. The second nag is not a mystery either.
Replace simmering with peacemaking
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26-27
Anger is destructive. It leads to bitter feelings, harsh words, and sometimes violent actions. Therefore Paul advises that we make peace quickly. I do not take this to be a literal wooden rule. It’s a principle. Resolve conflict as quickly as possible. Here’s the motivation with the nagging: if you don’t you may give the devil a foothold in your life and you’ll fall deeper into sin. Also, the longer you wait the less likely it is that you’ll make peace with the person who made you angry.
Let me give just a little advice in dealing with your anger. First, identify what it was exactly that made you angry. What did the person say or do that set you off? Is there a possibility that you misinterpreted their meaning? If you have a grievance ask to meet the person privately. Avoid public reprimand as much as possible because people get defensive in public. When you’re face to face, tell that brother or sister in the faith how much you value them. Talk about the qualities you see in them that you admire. Let them know that you cherish your relationship with them and that’s why you have to make them aware of something. Then, without accusing, raising your voice or calling names, tell them exactly what they did or said and how it made you feel. Let them respond. You may find that they meant something completely different or they may apologize. They may also reject you, but that is an indicator of the state of their soul.
I remember my first year teaching. It was a Friday afternoon. I was beaten. I was ready to be home, but I had to post grades and assignment on Edline, our schools internet site. As I was sitting there working diligently my phone rang. It was the principal. He wanted to know if I’d contacted speaker for my leadership class. I told him I had a list of people to contact, but hadn’t had the time to get in touch with them yet. He concluded the conversation by adding, “Well, let’s get busy then.” It was nearly 5:00 Pm and I was busy. I was angry, boiling mad. Take fatigue, irritation, and hurt and that was me. I had to let the sun go down on that anger until Monday, but I prayed and I knew I had to confront him about it. I went to his office on and did just what I told you. I affirmed him and our relationship and then I told him exactly what he said and how it made me feel. He was torn up about it. He asked forgiveness and assured me that he never meant to imply that I was lazy or shirking my duty. At the end of our conversation we had a stronger relationship and he thanked me for bringing it to his attention because so many just sit and let it simmer.
Community dies when people simmer. We must be peacemakers for enduring and maturing community. This is especially true of the church whose members are called to reflect God. Thank God, He doesn’t let His anger simmer. God took the initiative to make peace with us when He had every right to blast us into smithereens from righteous anger.
And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation. For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son. So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God. Romans 5:9-11
Think how happy you were when you realized that God made you, His enemy, into His friend through your faith in the sacrifice of his Son. Now imagine how happy your brothers and sisters in the faith will be when you seek reconciliation with them.
The next transition for enduring and maturing community is perhaps the biggest nag of them all. After I read the verse, if you’re hip and trendy you’ll say, “Well, duh!”
Replace taking with giving
He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. Ephesians 4:28
This command would have been quite meaningful to the Ephesian believers. Their society was rife with petty thievery. Public bathhouses were the most common arenas for theft. It makes sense how this could happen. It was like locker room theft. People leave their valuables while bathing and enticing any poor or greedy person to grab and run. Even if someone spotted you they probably wouldn’t chase you into the open while naked.
In the church rich and poor came together into one community. Imagine the temptation of a common laborer or a former slave happening upon the goods of a rich brother or sister. It’d incredibly easy to slip back into the old ways.
The command not to steal is a given in our culture. I don’t think there’s a huge temptation in the church. But I do want you to pay attention to the latter part of the command. Rather than steal he tells them to work hard in order to share with fellow believers in need. Perhaps in our culture we need to concentrate on that portion because our society promotes taking over giving.
Paul says to change your outlook to that of a giver. I know that that is the focus of this church. You gave a huge some of money away last month … no strings attached. It’s in the DNA of this body of believers. Antioch has the highest per capita giving in the association. I witness this all the time. On Tuesday 18 people showed up to give of their time and effort to pick potatoes for needed people. You did exactly what Paul advised here, so I’m not going to belabor the point with you.
What you did and what you do reflects the character of God. He is a generous giver. How do we know this? He gave us His one and only Son. Look at these old familiar verses that tell us the magnitude of god’s generosity.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
If you are not a giver you’re missing out on joy. It really is more blessed to give than to receive. I’m positive it was painful for the Father to see His Son crucified. No doubt it was a gut wrenching sacrifice for the Lord Himself. But there was joy in it too.
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2
The final nag may be one that we need to pay more attention to. Perhaps not as much with one another as in our homes.
Replace rotten speech with edification
“A man decided to join a monastery and one of the rules of the group was that you were only allowed to speak two words every ten years. At the end of ten years he said, ‘Bad food!’ Ten more years went by and he said, ‘Hard bed!’ Finally, on his 30th anniversary with the brothers, he thundered, ‘I quit!’ And the priest in charge responded, ‘You might as well. All you do is complain anyway.’
David DeWitt at sermoncentral.com
That’s a humorous example of a profound truth. Negative or hurtful speech destroys people and kills community. Paul spells out the transition that must take place:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29
The word unwholesome was typically applied to rotting fish or other kinds of smelly garbage in antiquity. Paul doesn’t exactly say what it is, but in his positive command we see. Rotten speech is what ever tears other people down. They used sing, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” We know that’s not true. Words can kill and destroy.
“Have you ever heard the singer Karen Carpenter? She sang ‘We’ve Only Just Begun.’ When she and her brother first started singing, one of the critics that covered the band referred to her as ‘Richard’s chubby little sister.’ And that comment demoralized her. From that moment on, every time she looked in the mirror, she said to herself, ‘I’m Richard’s chubby little sister.’ And she started taking drugs to lose weight. And she became bulimic. And anorexic. She allowed those critical words to eat her up on the inside. And she died of heart failure at the age of 32. A tragic example of someone who was conquered by the careless words of another person.
Marc Axelrod at sermoncentral.com
“In his book The Youth Builder, Jim Burns talks about the importance of building up young people with affirmation and trust. What he says about criticism applies to every age group: For every critical comment we receive, it takes nine affirming comments to even out the negative effect in our life. Most young people receive more critical comments a day than encouraging ones. You can have a very positive, life transforming effect when you develop a ministry of affirmation.
Ian Biss at sermoncentral.com
Word can build up or tear down. Paul says to use your words to benefit others. Find ways to affirm way more than criticize. Don’t confuse it with flattery. Flattery is when you say something nice to get something from another person. Make it a practice to say positive, uplifting things to build others up. Do it selflessly expecting nothing, not even a kind word in return. You’ll find that the encouraging words usually do come back to you.
Experiment with this. If you’re in a group, especially a group of Christian, if there’s some bad mouthing going on start building up the one whose being bad mouthed. It will change the tone of the conversation. Pretty soon everyone else will start finding positive things to say. They’ll be convicted. No one wants to be the grouch in a group. Move on from there and affirm people individually. Even better, do it publicly. We all need to be built up because the world actively tears us down.
We see once again that encouragement is an attribute of God.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
Paul nags us really well. He concludes his nag by ratcheting up the motivation.
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Ephesians 4:30-31
The way we treat one another emotionally affects the Spirit of God. By the way, grieving doesn’t mean that the Holy Spirit breaks down in tears. Paul is actually referencing Isaiah 63:10. Israel grieved the Holy Spirit when they rebelled in the wilderness after He delivered them from Egypt. Isaiah says that God became their enemy and fought against them. Do you see what this means. The Spirit of God get ticked off when we fail to treat one another properly in our communities. For lack of a better word, He’s crying mad. Ever met anyone who was crying mad? You’d better run if they’re mad at you.
Why does the Holy Spirit get crying mad when we fail to build up community? We’re supposed to be His people, reflecting His love and mercy. We’re His body. We send mixed signals to the world. When we shake a fist at other believers we’re simultaneously shaking a fist in the face of God … and He is grieve … He’s crying mad … and He will not stand for it.
Instead, we’re to remember who God is and what He’s done for us. If you’ve received the grace of God return the favor to everyone else. Paul says it way better than I ever could.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
If you’ve received the grace of God return the favor to everyone else. As Paul counseled last week, take off the old self and put on the new self, the holy and righteous being you really are reflecting the image of Jesus Christ. Replace dishonesty with sincerity. Replace simmering with peacemaking. Replace taking with giving. Replace rotten speech with edification. If you’ve received the grace of God return the favor to everyone else.
