Ephesians 5:1-33
1 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 3
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery-- but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
“I Do Part 5 - Going the Distance”
The screenwriter Ben Hecht once wrote, "There's nothing so nice as a new marriage.” I’m sure there’s more than a few people here today who would beg to differ. I would like to start out today with a little audience participation. I would like to get a snapshot of how long couples in our church have committed to one another.
So to start out, if you and your spouse have been married, or were married for at least one year, please stand.
If you have been married or were married for five years remain standing.
If you have been married or were married for ten years remain standing.
If you have been married or were married for twenty years remain standing.
If you have been married or were married for thirty years remain standing.
If you have been married or were married for forty years remain standing.
If you have been married or were married for fifty years remain standing.
If you have been married or were married for sixty years remain standing.
Let’s give all of our couples a round of applause for encouragement.
Happy Valentines day. You know, one of the benefits of having a sermon series about love and marriage around valentines day is that the newspapers and internet were filled with great stories to use as illustrations. For instance, MSN had a front-page story about couples who have made it past the 50 year mark and they asked them what it took to make it that long. Betty and Louis Chernoff, for instance, have been married over 60 years and they shared some of their most unforgettable moments and secrets of staying (happily) together with MSN.
In 1941, an 11-year-old Louis walked into a junior-high-school dance and asked a friend to point out the prettiest girl in the room. "He pointed to one girl and I said, 'She isn't pretty enough.' But the girl behind her was." Louis tapped Betty's dance partner on the shoulder and announced that he was cutting in, and he and Betty danced together the rest of the afternoon. They kept in touch over the years but didn't date seriously until college. "Then we did everything together," says Louis. At age 20, they married. For a wedding gift, Louis bought Betty a torpedo-back Buick Riviera. But the next morning, as they prepared to drive away for their honeymoon, the car broke down in front of her parents' house. Her father said, “My goodness, is the marriage over already?" Betty recalls with a laugh. It definitely wasn’t over already.
So what do they say has been the key to staying together for so long? Well, they still dance together every day. At 6:30 every single morning they have a standing date where they turn the radio on… and dance. "We enjoy disco dancing and jitterbugging," says Betty. "We keep going until a song comes on the radio that we don't like."
Five other couples gave MSN their story, and while each one is different… there are a few things in common: love, respect, and a sense of “we’re in this together.”
This idea of “we’re in this together” also showed up in a Pantagraph story this past week. There was a study done recently at the University of California, Berkeley. The study suggests that “we” language used between spouses in times of conflict goes along with less negative behavior and fewer signs of stress in lengthy marriages. Other studies have also indicated that use of inclusive pronouns that include “we,” “our” and “us” – versus “I,” “me” and “you” – are evidence of marital satisfaction.
It makes a huge difference for couples who have been together a long time. For those couples who use inclusive pronouns, they are more relaxed, have slower heart rates and lower blood pressure during times of great stress.
“We found more ‘we’ language in older couples and in happier couples,” said Robert Levenson, the study’s senior researcher.
Levenson said “we” words over “I” words are “part of this invisible language that can tell scientists what’s going on inside a marriage.”
The couples who used the “me” pronouns had a significantly higher rate of negative facial expressions, tones of voice, body posture and gestures. It doesn’t go into detail as to what kind of gestures were being given.
Simply stated, if you are thinking more of the other person… if you are thinking more about the couple relationship… you will find yourself content and happy in your relationship. The more you think of yourself and your needs… the less happy you will find yourself. Granted… you can remain married for a very long time being very self focused… but I think this truly goes to show the difference it makes… what we are comparing are the average marriages… with the marriages that are REALLY great! Marriages that will be able to truly go the distance.
Even though we have these studies now to show us verifiable data… this idea “being in it together” making a huge difference… is nowhere near being a “new” concept. Paul addresses this exact same issue in his letter to the Ephesians.
Now, there is one thing you need to know about Ephesus before we dig in too deep. Unlike many of the other churches that Paul wrote to… Ephesus wasn’t having a huge conflict. They weren’t fighting. They weren’t falling apart. They weren’t the modern day equivalent of Vegas! They were… your average church. Not having to spend his time dealing with conflict… Paul is able to write about something really important. Paul has an extremely rare opportunity to encourage Ephesus… to encourage every church to go beyond just being average… and challenge them to become truly GREAT. His advice… you want to be great as a church? Be in it together. To help push his idea forward, Paul takes his idea into the realm of marriage to prove his point, “Just look at what it takes to have a GREAT marriage. If you want to be great as a couple… be in it together!” That’s where we come in with today’s text at chapter 5.
In verse 21 he writes, 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives… respect your husbands. Husbands… give up your very lives for your wives. Put your spouse before yourself. Submit to one another… out of reverence for Christ. Be in it together.
You’ve heard the term happy wife… happy life right? That’s right where Paul’s at. I’ve also heard it put a different way… there are only three little words you need to know to have the perfect marriage… “Yes Dear!” [hold up one finger, hold up two.. nod] Hey… I didn’t say you had to be good at math. Paul tells us… its pretty simple to have the perfect marriage… be in it together because you are in it together. Paul pushes it SO far that he says you should think of your spouse as an extension of your own body… because they are. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." And you would never mistreat your own body, so you should never mistreat your spouse.
Then Paul drops the hammer down, and says the church is like this. The church is like a marriage… where we are all a part of the same body, (that is the body of Christ.) Christ is the head of this body and he shows that he is in it together with us. So much that he GAVE his very life for this relationship.
We are in this together. When we think more about the other person in this church more than we think of our own needs… we will get closer and closer to being a GREAT church. When our language begins to change more and more into “we” language, “our” language, and “us” language… the better off we will be… the happier we will be. When we focus on the “I” language… and the “you” language… well, that’s when the significantly higher rate of negative facial expressions, negative tones of voice, negative body posture and gestures come out.
Today, as we celebrate Valentines Day… as we have our annual congregational meeting… let us remember this idea that Paul is pushing forward in our text today. If we want to be happy, if we want to be truly successful… (in our personal relationships and as a church) we need to be in this together… and treat one another with love, with patience, with respect… and maybe even disco at 6 am if that’s what it takes.
In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
