Clifton Park Baptist Church, Silver Spring, MD, June 18, 2006
When there is a problem to be solved, we will do everything to solve it except the thing that works best. Have you noticed that? When something needs to be fixed, we will try all sorts of complicated approaches. But the simplest and most effective approach – that we don't want to try. And there's a reason.
The reason is we don't like to admit that we don't know how to do it. Usually, the simplest and most effective approach is to call in an expert, who really does know how to do the job. But we hate to look stupid, and so we don't call in the expert. We'd rather tinker with the problem ourselves and hope for the best.
A number of years ago the furnace in our house started doing crazy things. The thermostat would call for the furnace, we would hear the blower blowing and the gas hissing, but there would be no heat. Then maybe two minutes later there would be a terrific bang, and the furnace would start to heat. Well, I looked at it but, hey, it did start, didn't it, so, what's the hurry to do anything about it? The truth is, I didn't know what to do.
After that happened a couple more times, and after my wife complained rather forcefully, I decided that, yes, I would deal with that furnace. So I took it apart, I got the burners out, I gave them a good cleaning, and I put it all back together. I started it up, and, well, it wasn't perfect, but it wasn't as bad as it had been. So I closed it up and hoped for the best. I had hoped to deal with the problem all by myself. And almost got away with it. Almost. When I got home the next afternoon, I was greeted by one very upset wife and one scared little boy, my son, who had been near the furnace when it had decided to start, and who not only lost some hair, but also got scared out of his wits!
Wow! Care to guess what I did next? What is the phone number of the heating man? Who is the expert and how fast can he get here? I no longer cared about looking stupid, because my child's well-being was involved, and nothing takes precedence over that.
Our problem, in so many ways, and family life is no exception, is that when there is a problem to be solved, we will try everything to solve it except the thing that works best. We don't call in the expert, because we don’t want to look foolish. But our children and our families demand better of us that that.
One day there was a father whose child had a medical problem. The child's illness was out of control. He had a brain disorder that caused him to fall on the ground and foam at the mouth; it was terrible. And not only was it a tremendous physical challenge, it was a tough emotional battle, too, because people in that day thought that if you had a diseased child, it was your fault. They thought mom and dad were sinners, so God had cursed your child. So you can imagine how this father felt when he took his boy out in public. What if a seizure comes today? What will they think? Everybody will think it's my fault! This father had a problem. My guess is he’d carried it all by himself for a long time.
But he was about to discover the partnership of parental prayer. The partnership of parental prayer. He was about to see that in partnership, through prayer, with Jesus Christ, his son could be healed; and, more than that, he could be healed himself. In partnership with Christ, not only would the problem be handled by an expert, but the man who owned the problem would find good news for himself as well. The partnership of parental prayer.
I
If in our families there are issues and problems, the first lesson we must learn is that healing starts only when we name our problems openly and honestly. We open up a dynamic partnership with Jesus Christ only when we get real about what the issues are in our families.
One day this father decided that what mattered was his son. This father figured out that everything else was a distraction. He saw that he needed to stay with the main concern, getting his son healed. All around him were people who wanted to divert his attention, but he would learn to set everything aside and keep his eyes on the prize. He would remember that his son was the point of it all.
Mark tells us that when Jesus came on the scene, he saw an argument in full tilt. Loud, harsh words being spoken. Over here were his disciples, and they were saying, "Well, we didn't cure the boy, but we will. We'll get it right. Just give us a little more time and we'll fix it." These bungling disciples.
And over there were the teachers of the Law, the priests and the scribes, the religious elite. They were sniffing and snorting, "We told you so. You can't do this. You are not authorized. You are not credentialed like we are. We told you you would not be able to heal this child."
Over here the disciples; over there the official religious leaders; all around them, the crowd of everyday folks, always eager to watch other people fight. And, way, way over there, out of the corner of his eye, Jesus must have seen one lonely father and one miserable boy, the objects of all of this noise, huddled in a sad heap, all but forgotten. Deeply wounded and profoundly ashamed. Thinking that it was true, if something is wrong with your child, you are to blame. .
But Jesus cut right through the thick of it all. He wasted no time with the frills. "What are you arguing about with them?" And praise God, this father jumped right in and named the problem. This father got up out of his misery and his self-condemnation, and named the truth:
"Teacher, I brought you my son; he has a spirit that makes him unable to speak; and whenever it seizes him, it dashes him down; and he foams and grinds his teeth and becomes rigid ..."
What is this father doing? He is facing the real problem, and not the diversion. He is dealing with what is, and not with the theories about it. Quickly, courageously he presented his problem, just the raw human hurt, no longer caring what others thought. Because, if you are going to enter into partnership with the expert, you have to tell the whole story. You have to be clear what the problem is. Would you go to your doctor and not tell him your symptoms? You must tell the Lord what’s going on in your life. That’s how the partnership of parental prayer begins – with telling the truth to our Christ.
You see, we cut ourselves off from help because we don't want to name our reality. We don't want to confess the depth of the issues in our families. We play word games in order to feel better. We will say, "he has a drinking problem", when we should say, "he is an alcoholic, and I am his enabler." We will say, "she has a problem with authority," when we should confess, "she is in full scale rebellion, and I don't have a clue how to motivate her." We need to learn to name the problem, straight up, and not deny it or look the other way.
The beginning of a partnership that will heal our families is to see the issues for what they are. Raw reality; that is beginning of the partnership of parental prayer.
II
And so notice that when we can finally name the problem for what it really is, Jesus will then say, "bring him to me." "Bring the problem to me."
Sounds like we’re getting somewhere, doesn’t it? So you’ve told the Lord in prayer about that family issue. You’ve told Him about your spouse, your son, your daughter. You’ve opened your heart in pryaer. Now do you think it’s all taken care of just because you’ve told the Lord the issue? Do you think all you have to do is name and claim it. Look out! The problem is going to deepen. Things are going to get worse before they get better, and you will despair, because you don't see immediate results. Instead you will see things getting out of hand. You begin to think this is beyond repair. You think you've made a mistake in taking your issues to Christ. Your faith gets shaky because for the time being the problem doesn't get better. It gets worse.
Watch. This is fascinating. Jesus said, "bring him to me."
And they brought the boy to him. When the spirit saw him, immediately it convulsed the boy, and he fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth.
Now look at Jesus – calmly, without getting upset, without a word of accusation, Jesus begins to take a case history! "How long has this been happening to him?" Jesus just gathers data and makes a decision about what to do. You see, Jesus is not interested in assigning blame. Jesus is not concerned to make this father feel guilty, Jesus just wants to know what He needs to know in order to solve the problem. When you go to Christ in a partnership of parental prayer, you may not get all you want right away, but one thing you can count on – and that is that the Lord will begin to ease your burden and take away your guilt. He is not interested in making you feel worse about the problem that won’t go away.
But now stay with me. What about the father’s faith? He wavers. He worries. What does he say?
"if ... if ... you are able to do anything, have pity on us and help us."
What is that? If you are able! A shaky faith! And Jesus has to remind him,
'if you are able! -- All things can be done for the one who believes.'
Oh, I so much like the father’s response. It is so on target. Immediately the father of the child cried out, "I believe; help my unbelief."
Now what are we talking about? We are talking about a partnership of parental prayer. We are talking about entering into partnership with Christ about family life. You are afraid that your problem will get out of control, and you are probably right. Things have a way of getting worse before they get better. Addicts have to hit rock bottom before they can start back up. And that fear, plus your own worry that maybe you had something to do with the problem, shakes your faith. You begin to think that nothing is going to happen. “There isn't going to be any change here." And, although you might be too polite to say so, you're not so sure that even the Lord can help. "If you are able. “If” creeps into your mind.
But, I tell you, miracles can be wrought, and families can be healed. All it takes is a mustard seed faith, a commitment to God's possibilities. "Lord, I believe, but help me through that lingering unbelief?"
Two or three years ago I got involved in a heavy-duty marriage counseling situation. A young couple were really at each other's throats. There were all sorts of issues. He wanted to stay out all night and party with friends; she wanted to be at home and just be a couple. She had a job that required secrecy and sometimes suddent overnight travel out of town; he wanted her right there in the kitchen. We worked hard on these issues. We talked, I tried to listen; like Jesus asking about how long things had been going on, I did a case history. I gave counsel, I gave each of them assignments to complete. We literally spent weeks working on their stuff. And we prayed. All of us prayed. I prayed, they prayed. Still one day one of them called me and said, it's all over. I cannot live this way. We are going to divorce.
Well, I was devastated. I felt a real failure. I felt like this father. "If, oh Lord, you are able ... but I guess you are not." I wrote them off. They could not be fixed. But guess what? Months later I ran into this same couple. They were back together, they were doing well, and they were even expecting to be fruitful and multiply before long. What happened? What made success out of apparent failure? I found out: the young man’s father took a little tiny grain of faith, and just kept on laying his son and his wife before the Lord. A father believed, just a little, and asked the Lord to help them in their unbelief. I gave up. But a man in a partnership of parental prayer did not. And through the partnership of prayer an answer came.
Men and women, I beg you this morning never to give up on your families. Your faith may be shaky. All right. So there it is. But don’t flop around in that mud-hole. Believe that the redeeming Christ is going to provide an answer, in God's own way and in God's own time. For, the Lord Jesus says, "all things can be done for the one who believes."
That son who has turned to illegal activity to support his habits: let us believe that God will not throw him away. But help our unbelief, because we are afraid we drove him to it by our legalism. We need the partnership of parental prayer.
That daughter who sells her body like some cheap trash: let us believe that the Christ who lifted up the woman taken in adultery will lift her up too. But help our unbelief, because we wonder if we told her that women get ahead only by pleasing men. We need the partnership of parental prayer.
That father whose best friend is Jack Daniels and whose boon companion is Bud Weiser: let us believe that someday he will be intoxicated with the Spirit of the living God. But help our unbelief, because we suggested too many times that we did not respect him, and he found it better to forget his failures with the bottle. Lord, we believe that our families can be healed, in partnership with you. Now heal our unbelief.
III
So, finally, listen to Jesus' response:
And Jesus rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, "You spirit that keeps this boy from speaking and healing, I command you, come out of him, and never enter him again!"
Isn’t that good news? Never again. When Jesus Christ heals, it’s done. He will heal fully. Jesus Christ will heal families, He will heal relationships, He will heal even my sinful heart. But it has to be done in a partnership. You and I have to partner with Him. We will not resolve family problems all by ourselves. It will done in a partnership of parental prayer.
It is in prayer that fathers give themselves best to their children. It is in prayer that children commit the most to their parents. It is in prayer that we are able to love each other in the most effective way. We think we ought to be able to fix it ourselves. We will try everything but the most direct solution, because we are so proud. We don’t call on the one who indeed can do all things.
You know, when the factory-trained furnace mechanic came, and fixed the problem with my furnace, he didn't ridicule me. He didn’t put me down. He did charge me a hundred dollars – ten dollars, he said, for the parts, and ninety dollars for knowing where to put them. And the thing worked!
It's time to take that family problem to the factory-trained people mechanic, whose name is Jesus. He won't ridicule us, He won’t put us down. He'll only ask us to join him in a partnership of parental prayer. "Can we find a friend so faithful, who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer."
