Introduction:
A. Marriage bears the brunt of a lot of humor, and in many respects for good reason.
B. Here’s a few interesting quotes about marriage:
1. Mae West said: “Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.”
2. Rita Rudner said: “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
3. Helen Rowland said; “In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.”
4. Here’s some good advice from Benjamin Franklin: “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.”
C. I like the story of the boss who was complaining in a staff meeting that he wasn't getting any respect.
1. The next day, he brought a small sign that read “I'm the Boss!” and taped it to his office door.
2. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!”
D. I read a story about a preschooler who was sitting with her parents on the couch one evening.
1. The little girl said to her dad: “Daddy, you're the boss of the house, right?”
2. Her father proudly replied, “Yes, honey, I am the boss of the family.”
3. Then the little girl added: “Cause Mommy put you in charge, right Daddy?”
E. I also like the story of the groom who showed up at the wedding carrying his golf clubs.
1. His bride asked, “Why did you bring your golf clubs?”
2. He replied, “This isn’t going to take all day is it?”
F. God created us male and female, and He created us for marriage.
1. When God created us for marriage, He designed us to play certain roles in marriage.
2. Truthfully, we must admit that marriage isn’t easy.
3. Marriage requires a lot of effort and adjustment.
4. Thankfully, God has given us marriage instructions in His Word, the Bible.
5. And in addition to that, God also gives us the ability to put His instructions into action through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.
6. Let’s look at today’s section from 1 Peter and see what instructions God has given us for husbands and wives.
7. No matter what your marital status may be, all of us can learn something from this discussion.
I. God’s Instructions for Wives
A. Peter begins with wives and so we will also.
1. Peter wrote: 1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
2. The phrase “in the same way” refers us back to the overall context of the previous verses.
3. Peter has been addressing the behaviors and attitudes for Christians with regard to submission.
4. Peter dealt with our submission to civil authorities, and to those who have authority over us in the workplace.
5. Then Peter pointed to Jesus who submitted Himself to His Heavenly Father, even though that submission resulted in suffering.
6. Jesus has left us this example to follow.
7. Now Peter seeks to show how the issue of submission is critical in the family, beginning with the submission of a wife to her husband.
B. Twice in this paragraph, Peter reminded Christian wives that they were to be submissive to their husbands (vs. 1 and 5).
1. I mentioned in our previous sermon on titled “The Blessing of Submission” that the word translated “submit” is a compound verb that means “to order under.”
2. It is a military expression literally meaning “to arrange in formation under the commander.”
3. Submission is simply the recognition of God’s authority in our lives and ordering ourselves under God’s will.
4. Submission does not imply any moral, intellectual, or spiritual inferiority in the family, workplace, or society in general.
5. But it is God’s design for roles necessary to humankind’s well-being.
6. Along the same line, a commanding officer is not necessarily superior in character to the troops under him or her, but his or her authority is vital to the proper functioning of the unit.
7. Even Jesus submitted Himself to the Father, but in no way was inferior to the Father.
8. There is nothing degrading about submitting to authority or accepting God’s order.
9. Matter of fact, it is the first step toward real fulfillment.
C. God has ordained that the husband is to be the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church. (Eph. 5:23)
1. Headship is not dictatorship, as we will see in a few minutes when we get to Peter’s instructions for husbands.
2. Headship is the loving exercise of divine authority under the Lordship of Jesus Christ.
D. Peter added an important element to the issue of Christian wives submission to their husbands.
1. Many Christian wives must have been wondering what to do regarding their unbelieving husbands.
2. Should they stay with their non-Christian husbands, should they submit to them or not?
3. Paul answered the question about whether to stay with their unbelieving husbands in 1 Cor. 7 and the answer was “yes.”
4. Peter answered the question by telling them that they can have an evangelistic effect on their unbelieving husbands without a word.
5. That expression “without a word” doesn’t refer to The Word of God, but to the wife’s spoken words.
E. J. Vernon McGee, the radio preacher of old, told the story of a woman who brought her unbelieving husband to church every Sunday hoping he would give his life to Christ.
1. When the husband did not respond on a Sunday, she would sit at the breakfast table on Monday morning weeping and telling him how she wished he would become a Christian.
2. Every evening when he would return from work, she would tearfully preach to him some more.
3. McGee thought to himself, “How would you like to have dinner every evening and breakfast every morning with a weeping and preaching wife?
4. McGee suggested that the woman take a one year moratorium from weeping and preaching to the husband about the Lord.
5. The woman was really surprised and asked, “You don’t want me to witness to my husband?”
6. McGee said, “Oh, yes, I want you to witness, but I want you to start preaching a wordless sermon.”
7. We’ve all heard the phrase “Actions speak louder than words” and they really do.
8. The woman agreed to give his method a try, and McGee and the wife were both surprised that within 6 months the man became a Christian.
9. Although it doesn’t always work out so nicely and quickly, I can guarantee you that rarely will a husband be won to Christ by a wife who regularly pushes, preaches and nags.
10. A lovely, gracious, and submissive attitude is the most effective evangelistic tool believing wives have.
F. Peter continued his instruction to wives: 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
1. In these verses we see Peter encouraging Christian wives not to major in external decoration, but to focus on internal character.
2. Sadly, we live in a world obsessed with looks.
3. Tragically, we Christians often allow the world to press us into its own mold.
4. We men (husbands, fathers and boyfriends) don’t communicate the right kinds of things to the women in our lives.
5. We don’t communicate strongly and clearly enough that we value the real beauty of a person’s heart and soul and character.
G. We must learn to recognize and value the truth.
1. Glamour is artificial and external; true beauty is real and internal.
2. Glamour is something a person can put on and take off, but true beauty is always present.
3. Glamour is corruptible; it decays and fades.
4. True beauty from the heart grows more wonderful as the years pass.
5. How wise is this statement from Proverbs? “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” (Pr. 31:30)
H. So is Peter saying that Christian women should never dress up, wear make-up, or jewelry?
1. Some Christian type groups have held to that kind of approach – they teach that Christian women should wear ugly, plain clothing.
2. I don’t think that’s what Peter was trying to say.
3. Peter does not mean that a Christian women should neglect herself and never try to look her best.
4. Peter is trying to communicate that outward adornment and physical things should not be what is most important – especially not for the Christian wives who are trying to convert their husbands.
5. It is very easy for all of us to allow outer beauty to become our primary focus.
6. Christians should avoid excesses in this area.
7. Did you notice what God considers the best dressed woman to look like?
8. Peter wrote: Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. (vs. 4)
9. Oh that all of us men and women, boys and girls would learn this lesson so that we might value ourselves and each other in the right way and that we might be sure to be working on the right kinds of things.
I. Peter closed this section by pointing to Sarah as an example of a godly, submissive wife.
1. Christian wives today would probably embarrass their husbands if they called them “lord,” and Christian husbands shouldn’t be looking to be called “lord.”
2. But the attitude of love and respect behind the words of Sarah should certainly be present.
3. The believing wife who submits to Christ and to her husband, and who cultivates a gentle and quiet spirit will never have to be afraid for she will be living inside God’s will and will receive God’s blessing.
II. God’s Instructions for Husbands
A. It’s time to turn our attention away from the women and toward what God has to say to us men.
1. You ladies may be thinking, “It’s about time!”
2. It’s interesting, isn’t it that Peter spends 6 verses on the wives and only 1 on the husbands.
3. Is that because the wives have more to correct, or that husbands need it to be kept simple?
4. Paul’s parallel passage from Ephesians 5 is very helpful and interesting to study along side this passage.
5. Interestingly enough, in Ephesians 5, Paul spent 3 verses on wives, and 8 verses on husbands – does that make you ladies feel better?
B. So what instructions did Peter give to husbands?
1. Peter wrote: 7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
2. Notice that same phrase “In the same way.”
3. Our role as husbands is to be carried out in submission to God, just like wives, slaves and citizens are to be in submission to God and to those in authority over them.
C. The one word that summarizes what Peter has to say to husbands about their relationship with their wife is consideration.
1. Other versions translate the word consideration as “live with your wives in an understanding way.”
2. Because we are to be the head of our wives and to love them as Christ loves the church (as Paul says), then we must be sensitive and consider our wives deepest physical and emotional needs.
3. A Christian husband must know and understand his wife’s moods and feelings, needs and fears, hopes and dreams.
4. We need to learn to listen with our ears and our hearts.
D. Peter said that this consideration includes a respect for our wives that recognizes two things.
1. First, we must recognize that they are the weaker partner.
a. That doesn’t mean that they are weaker morally, spiritually, or intellectually.
b. This weakness has to do with both her physical strength and her emotional makeup.
c. This weakness is like the fragile nature of fine china.
d. We should handle our wives like an expensive, beautiful, fragile vase.
e. Many men never come to understand how their harshness and inconsideration destroys their wives and their marriage.
f. I wish that women came stamped with the reminder: “Fragile! Handle with Care!”
2. Second, we must recognize that they are co-heirs with us of salvation.
a. Our wives are our spiritual partners and equals.
b. God’s rewards and blessings eternally will be shared alike.
c. In spite of the fact that husbands may be called on to be the heads of their wives and leaders in their homes, we are in no way superior to our wives in this world or in the next.
d. Our wives must never be treated as inferior, but should be treated with consideration and respect and honor.
E. There are many very important reasons for husbands to obey the Lord and treat their wives appropriately, but Peter only mentions one – so that nothing will hinder our prayers.
1. How a man treats his wife is a spiritual matter between the man and God.
2. When a husband mistreats his wife, his fellowship with the Lord is broken and his prayers are powerless.
3. Can you think of many more serious divine threats that can be given, then the interruption of the promise of prayers being heard and answered?
4. The threat by God to shut off his divine blessings shows just how critical it is for a Christian husband to be lovingly considerate and respectful of his wife.
Conclusion:
A. The story is told of a preacher who visited a fourth-grade Sunday School class to teach about marriage.
1. He asked the class, “What does God say about marriage?”
2. Immediately one boy replied, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
3. No there are many other important things that God has said about marriage.
4. God said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife and become one flesh.” (Gen. 2:24)
5. God said, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mt. 19:6)
6. And we have learned today that God instructs husbands to love their wives with consideration and respect, and for wives to submit to their husbands.
B. If husbands and wives will trust and obey the Lord’s instructions then they will have an enriching experience in marriage.
1. If not, then they will miss God’s best and rob each other of many blessings.
C. The good news is that we just started a new year, and today is a new day.
1. Not only can there be a new you, there can be a new us.
2. No matter how bad a marriage has been, it can get better. How can I say that emphatically enough?
3. God created marriage and God wants to bless us through marriage.
4. It all begins with one person deciding to honor and obey God.
5. We don’t have to wait for both of us to be on the same page.
6. We don’t have to wait for both of us to decide to change.
7. Change begins to take place when one of the members of the couple begins to change with God’s help.
8. My job it not to change you, but to change me.
9. When I allow God to change me, then I allow God to begin to change our marriage.
D. Husbands, will you trust and obey God’s instructions for you?
1. Wives, will you trust and obey God’s instructions for you?
2. God can do amazingly, wonderful things when we submit ourselves to Him, and trust and obey.
Resources:
The MacArthur New Testament Commentary, 1 Peter, by John MacArthur, Moody Publishing, 2004
The Bible Exposition Commentary, 1 Peter, by Warren Wiersbe, Victor Books, 1989
The Expositor’s Bible Commentary, 1 Peter, by Edwin A. Blum, Zondervan, 1981
