A Messiah's Look At Divorce
Text: Matthew 19:1-12
Introduction
1. Illustration: "Saying you believe something or merely belonging to a church, unsurprisingly, does little for marriage; but the more you are involved in the actual practice of your faith in real ways -- through submitting yourself to a serious body of believers, learning regularly from Scripture, being in communion with God though prayer individually and with your spouse and children, and having friends and family around us who challenge us to take our marriage's seriously -- the greater difference this makes in strengthening both the quality and longevity of our marriages. Faith does matter, and the leading sociologists of family and religion tell us so" (W. Bradford Wilcox, National Marriage Project, University of Virginia).
2. On of the great things about the Bible is that it deals with life. One of the greatest aspects of life is marriage, but one of the greatest tragedies of life is that some marriages end before God intends them.
3. When it comes to marriage and divorce Jesus tells us...
a. God's Preference
b. God's Concession
c. God's Alternative
4. Read Matt. 19:1-12
Proposition: Jesus can bless marriages and heal divorces.
Transition: First we must understand...
I. God's Preference (1-6).
A. God Made Them Male and Female
1. Matthew begins this chapter with "When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went down to the region of Judea east of the Jordan River. Large crowds followed him there, and he healed their sick."
a. These two verses mark an especially significant transition in Jesus' ministry.
b. For about two years He had been preaching, teaching, and healing in Galilee in northern Palestine.
c. For the last two months He had concentrated almost entirely on private instruction to the Twelve.
d. To mark the end of each of Jesus' major discourses Matthew used a phrase such as when Jesus had finished these words.
e. In the present passage, the phrase these things refers to the Lord's discourse on childlikeness recorded in chapter 18 and given to the disciples just before He left Capernaum.
f. At the end of that discourse, He departed from Galilee. His ministry in that region is recorded in Matthew 19-20, and as always, by demonstrating His power and His compassion, Jesus' healing miracles attested to His divine, messianic credentials (MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Matthew 16-23).
2. As usual, the devil had to try and throw a wrench in every good thing that Jesus did, and as usual his favorite tool in doing this was the Pharisees. Matthew tells us, "Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: 'Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?'”
a. Their purpose in asking this question was plain and simple: they wanted to trap Jesus and get Him to say something they could use against Him.
b. They wanted to discredit Him in the eyes of the people so that He would lose His popularity and be easier for them to destroy.
c. This time their test question was well thought out, carefully calculated to place Him at odds with Moses, the great giver of God's law.
d. For many centuries divorce had been a volatile issue for debate among the Jews.
e. As women came to be treated almost like merchandise to be bought, sold, or traded, divorce inevitably became common.
f. The Pharisees themselves debated the grounds for divorce implied in Deut. 24:1-4: the school of Shammai, predominant in Jesus’ day, argued that the passage allowed divorce only if one’s spouse was unfaithful; the school of Hillel, which eventually won out, said that a man could divorce his wife if she burned the toast (a later rabbi of this school added, “Or if you find someone more attractive”!) (Keener, The IVP Bible Background Commentary – New Testament).
g. This was not a debate over the legitimacy of divorce; it was recognized by everyone. They question was on what grounds for divorce (Horton, 397).
3. Jesus begins His answer by reminding them how ignorant they were when it came to Scripture. He said, “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’"
a. Jesus point here is that if they had a better grasp on what Scripture taught about marriage this wouldn't be such a problem.
b. By quoting from Genesis 1:27 and 2:24, Jesus was saying, "Your argument is not with Me, but with God."
c. His words must have stung the proud, self-righteous Pharisees, who considered themselves to be the supreme authorities on Scripture.
d. In the Hebrew text of Genesis 1:27, both male and female are in the emphatic position, giving the sense of "the one male and the one female."
e. In other words, God did not create a group of males and females who could pick and choose mates as it suited them. There were no spares or options.
f. There was no provision, or even possibility, for multiple or alternate spouses.
g. There were only one man and one woman in the beginning, and for that very obvious reason, divorce and remarriage was not an option (MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Matthew 16-23).
4. Again, using Scripture, Jesus continued His argument saying, "‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’"
a. The marriage relationship is a new, intimate relationship, which is to take precedence over all other family ties.
b. This command was written by Moses at a time when it was customary for a man to bring his wife home and have her become the slave of her new mother-in-law (Horton, 399).
c. The Hebrew word (dābaq) behind joined refers to a strong bonding together of objects and often was used to represent gluing or cementing.
d. This meaningful word for marriage beautifully expresses the consecration of husband and wife to each other as well as to God.
e. Marriage as God has always intended it to be involves the total commitment and consecration of husbands and wives to each other and to Him as the divine author of their union and witness to their covenant (MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Matthew 16-23).
5. Jesus conclusion to His argument then is, "Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
a. Marriage is the deepest and most intimate of all friendships; here love should govern all areas of the relationship, both physical and spiritual.
b. God made the marriage relationship and so every marriage is joined together by God.
c. Even when marriages are entered into out of God's will, God does not want that relationship to be broken.
d. He hates divorce.
e. He hates its violence.
f. He hates what it does to the family, especially the children (Horton, 399).
g. From the very first marriage of Adam and Eve, God has joined together every husband and wife.
h. Marriage is first of all God's institution and God's doing, regardless of how men may corrupt it and deny or disregard His part in it.
i. Whether it is entered into wisely or foolishly, sincerely or insincerely, selfishly or unselfishly, with great or little commitment, God's design for every marriage is that it be permanent until the death of one of the spouses.
j. Jesus' point is that marriage is always the work of God, whereas divorce is always the work of man, and that no man—whoever he or she is or wherever he or she is or for whatever reason he or she may have—has the right to separate what God has joined together (MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Matthew 16-23).
B. Designed to Last a Lifetime
1. Illustration: Here is an incredibly profound quote that I discovered recently. It said, "Story writers say that love is concerned only with young people, and the excitement and glamour of romance end at the altar. How blind they are. The best romance is inside marriage; the finest love stories come after the wedding, not before."
2. Jesus' point is clear, God created marriage.
a. Genesis 2:18 (NLT)
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
b. God saw from the beginning of creation that it was not good for us to be alone.
c. He knew that we needed someone to share life with.
d. He knew that we needed someone to share love with.
e. He knew we needed some to share joy with.
f. He knew we needed someone to share our burdens with.
g. He created marriage so that we didn't have to go it alone.
3. Marriage is to a mirror image of the Church.
a. Ephesians 5:31-32 (NLT)
31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.
b. As Christ and His church are one, the husband and wife are one.
c. As Christ loves His church, the husband it to love His wife.
d. As Christ provides for His church, the husband is to provide for the wife.
e. As Christ submits to the Father, husbands and wives are to submit to one another.
f. As Christ laid down His life for the church, so husbands and wives must be willing to lay down their wants, desires, and even their lives for one another.
4. God created marriage to last for a lifetime.
a. Mark 10:9 (NLT)
"let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
b. God intended marriage to last a lifetime.
c. God intended marriage to last "until death do us part."
d. God created marriage, and only God should decide when it will end.
e. Marriage is not a toy that we can toss aside when we are tired of it.
f. Marriage is never easy and requires work, sacrifice, and willingness to compromise.
g. Just as life is not easy, marriage is not easy, but it is worth the effort.
Transition: That is God's preference, but like I said the Bible deals with life, and life does not always go the way we intend. So we have...
II. God's Concession (7-9).
A. Unless
1. The Word of God is both idealistic and realistic.
a. 1 John 2:1 (NLT)
My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous.
b. The idealist says "don't sin"; the realist says, "but if you do."
c. The ideal is that marriage is meant to last a lifetime.
d. However, realistically, people make poor choices outside of God's will, and sometimes the damage is irreparable.
2. Again we must remember that the Pharisees motivation is to trap Jesus. Therefore, they ask Him, “Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?”
a. The Pharisees quoted Deut. 24:1-4 and used it in their argument as if it were a command. However, a closer look at the text shows that it was not a command at all (Horton, 399).
b. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (NLT)
1 “Suppose a man marries a woman but she does not please him. Having discovered something wrong with her, he writes her a letter of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house.
2 When she leaves his house, she is free to marry another man.
3 But if the second husband also turns against her and divorces her, or if he dies,
4 the first husband may not marry her again, for she has been defiled. That would be detestable to the LORD. You must not bring guilt upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as a special possession.
c. This passage clearly does not command divorce, as the Pharisees claimed.
d. And all the other Pentateuch passages that mention divorce simply acknowledge its existence.
e. A careful reading of the Deuteronomy 24 text shows that, far from commanding divorce, the passage does not teach about divorce at all.
f. The only command in the passage relates to the issue of remarriage, not divorce.
g. The command is simply that, if a divorced woman remarries and that husband divorces her or dies, her first "former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled" (v. 4).
h. It is to that commandment regarding remarriage, not a commandment to divorce, as some have supposed, that Jesus refers here and in Mark 10:5 (MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Matthew 16-23).
3. So Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended."
a. Jewish teachers of the law recognized a legal category called “concession”: something that was permitted only because it was better to regulate sin than to relinquish control over it altogether.
b. Given God’s purpose in creation, divorce naturally fell into such a category (Keener, The IVP Bible Background Commentary – New Testament).
c. Jesus responds that it wasn't a command at all but the settling of a hopeless situation.
d. Moses did not command divorce, but he allowed it in order to salvage some good out of a bad situation that was incapable of being restored.
e. This was a concession because the idea - no divorce- had been abandoned.
f. If there was no divorce law, a wife could be mistreated or killed just so the husband could get rid of her.
g. In saying, "not what God originally intended," Jesus was indicating that He still does not intend it. God's plan for marriage has not changed (Horton, 401).
4. However, Jesus goes on to say, "And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.”
a. The only grounds that Jesus would accept for divorce was adultery.
b. Whoever divorces his wife for any other reason commits adultery.
c. The word "unfaithful" is usually translated "fornication," and is a term that includes habitual adultery and all habitual sexual immorality after marriage, including intercourse with a prostitute, homosexuality, and any other sexual practices outside of a normal, Biblical relationship (Horton, 401).
d. When this happens it destroys the trust that must exist between a man and a woman that makes a successful marriage.
e. When that trust is broken, sometimes through hard work, counseling, and true Biblical forgiveness, the trust can be restored.
f. On the other hand, sometimes, even when a serious effort is made to restore that trust, irreparable damage has taken place.
g. On these grounds, and these grounds only, God gives us a concession because of the hardness of our hearts.
h. It is not what God wants or prefers, but sometimes he allows it.
B. When Trust Is Broken
1. Illustration: More than 8 in 10 Americans believe adultery is a sin, according to a recent study. And 9 in 10 say faithfulness is the key to a successful marriage (The Foster Letter 4/25/08).
2. Adultery hurts God.
a. Exodus 20:14 (NLT)
“You must not commit adultery.
b. Adultery goes against the most fundamental of God's laws: the Ten Commandments.
c. It is a sin against God.
d. It is a sin that will separate you from God.
e. It is a sin that must be repented of and forgiven.
3. Adultery hurts the trust of a marriage.
a. Proverbs 2:16-17 (NLT)
16 Wisdom will save you from the immoral woman, from the seductive words of the promiscuous woman.
17 She has abandoned her husband and ignores the covenant she made before God.
b. Marriage is a covenant before God between a man and a woman.
c. One of the stipulations of that covenant is that they both remain faithful to one another.
d. To be unfaithful violates that covenant and destroys trust.
4. Adultery can be forgiven.
a. 1 John 1:9 (NLT)
But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
b. The good news for those who have fallen into this sin is that there is forgiveness in Jesus Christ!
c. The good news is that God can heal broken marriages.
d. The good news is that God can heal broken trust.
e. The good news is that God can do what man cannot do.
f. With God all things are possible!
Transition: But God also has an alternative...
III. God's Alternative (10-12).
A. Not Everyone
1. Marriage is a wonderful thing, but it is not easy.
a. It takes commitment and a willingness to make it work.
b. It takes being able to love someone in spite of their imperfections.
c. It means being willing to make concessions and work together.
d. But it is very hard work!
2. Jesus disciples were a little perplexed, and maybe a little discouraged, so they said to Him, “If this is the case, it is better not to marry!”
a. Because they had grown up in a culture where divorce was rampant, largely due to that rabbinical teaching which not only permitted but even required divorce for virtually any reason, the Twelve were more than a little perplexed by what Jesus taught.
b. The difference between what the disciples had been taught all their lives and what Jesus was teaching was so radical that they were completely confused.
c. It is probable that they had looked on marriage like most of their Jewish male counterparts—and like many people today—believing that if things did not work out, there was always divorce as an out.
d. But if adultery is the only justification for divorce, they concluded, it is better not to marry.
e. They had difficulty accepting the idea of lifelong marital commitment because of the existing shallow and unbiblical view of marriage.
f. Had they paid more attention to God's Word than to the traditions of the rabbinical elders, they would have realized that God instituted marriage as the epitome of pleasant, joyful, and fulfilling human relationships (MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Matthew 16-23).
3. Jesus response to their statement is, “Not everyone can accept this statement...Only those whom God helps."
a. The word "accept" literally means "make room for," and means more than an intellectual decision but also a moral act of the will (Horton, 403).
b. Metaphorically it means to completely embrace an idea or principle with the heart and mind so that it becomes part of one's very nature.
c. Singleness cannot be wholeheartedly accepted simply by human willpower or sincerity. Nor can it be successfully lived out simply by applying the right biblical principles.
d. Celibate singleness is a kind of spiritual gift (1 Cor. 7:7), and only those to whom it has been given can hope to spiritually survive in it, much less find happiness and be effective in the Lord's service (MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Matthew 16-23).
4. Jesus then illustrates this by saying, "Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.”
a. First, we must ask the question "what is a eunuch?"
b. Eunuch: a castrated male person (Louw and Nidda, Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament: Based on Symantic Domains).
c. Jesus here says there are three kinds of eunuchs in the world.
d. There are those who were born without the capability of sexual activity because of a birth defect.
e. The second group are those who are eunuchs because of human intervention usually by castration.
f. The third group, however, are eunuchs in the spiritual sense.
g. They have a special gift from the Lord to be able to put their spiritual life ahead of their sexual desires, and they deny themselves marriage so they can devote themselves to the Lord.
h. You either have this gift or you don't. As a wise Christian man once told me, "if you have the itch, you don't have the gift."
i. It is a gift that can only come from God.
B. The Gift of Singleness
1. Illustration: Single through no fault or choice of my own, I am unable to express my sexuality in the beauty and intimacy of Christian marriage, as God intended...To seek to do this outside of marriage is, by the clear teaching of Scripture, to sin against God and my own nature. I have no alternative but to live a life of voluntary celibacy...chaste not only in body, but in mind and spirit...I want to go on record as having proved that for those who are committed to do God's will, His commands are His enabling’s (Margaret Clarkson, Homemade, December 1989).
2. Before you can love anyone else you must love God.
a. Deuteronomy 6:5 (NLT)
And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.
b. Unless we embrace the love of God we don't know how to love.
c. Unless we love God we are incapable of loving others.
d. Unless we love God loving someone else is an impossibility.
3. Before you can love anyone else you have to love yourself.
a. Genesis 1:27 (NLT)
So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
b. You must realize that you are created in the image of God.
c. You must realize that God loves you.
d. You must realize that you are not a mistake.
e. You must realize that you have great value.
f. You must realize that you are the apple of God's eye.
g. Therefore, you are worthy to be loved by others.
4. For some God gives the gift of singleness.
a. 1 Corinthians 7:7 (NLT)
But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. But God gives to some the gift of marriage, and to others the gift of singleness.
b. To a select few, God gives the ability to love Him and serve Him and be satisfied.
c. To a select few, God gives the ability to desire only Him.
d. To a select few, God gives us the power to put all other desires aside.
e. To the rest of us, we got to get married.
Transition: To most God gives the gift of marriage, to some He gives the gift of singleness.
Conclusion
1. When it comes to marriage and divorce Jesus tells us...
a. God's Preference
b. God's Concession
c. God's Alternative
2. If you are married be committed to a life lived together with Jesus as the center of your marriage.
3. If you are or have been divorced know that God loves you, and He wants to and can heal your wounds.
4. If you are single know that God has a plan for your life.
