A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are very tired and fall asleep quickly – he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. However, at 2.00 a.m. he leans over and gently wakes the woman, saying, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”
“I have a better idea,” she replies. “Just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.”
“Wow! That’s a great idea!” he exclaims.
“Great,” she replies. “Get your own blanket.”
How many marriages does that describe? Is there more to marriage than cynical humour? Can we know God’s plan for marriage? Well, in the words of ‘Bob’ who built his house on the rock, “Yes we can!”
St. Paul quoting from Genesis 2:24 writes this: “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (5:31).
So who watched the royal wedding on Friday? I did, and I loved it! My only regret is that I wasn’t invited to the reception, because I would’ve loved to have heard Prince Harry’s best man speech – telling all those little stories about William when he was younger, and all those mother-in-law jokes! But seriously, I loved it because in our Bible reading today we’ve been reminded that the love Jesus has for his Church is the model for the love a Christian husband is to have for his wife. ‘Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her’ (5:25).
Jesus loves the church like a groom loves his bride!
Today’s Bible reading from Ephesians – today’s section of St. Paul’s letter to Christian believers living at Ephesus in modern day Turkey – can be boiled down to three short statements.
1. Jesus, out of his sacrificial love, gave himself up totally for his body, for his church, for us!
2. Christian husbands, our love for our wives is to reflect and imitate the love of Jesus for his Church.
3. Christian wives - respect and submit to your husbands with the respect and submission you have for Jesus.
I could end there, but I do want to expand on those statements because I believe passionately in Christian marriage. When St. Paul wrote this letter many women in the Jewish, Greek and Roman worlds were being treated very badly. Some Bible commentators such as William Barclay believe that in the time of Jesus the institution of marriage was under threat amongst Jews. Young Jewish girls were refusing to marry because their position as wife was so uncertain. Men could divorce their wives far too easily. In the Greek world prostitution was rife. Wives ran the home but husbands went elsewhere for sex.
In Rome it was worse – and what we find is that marriage relationships between men and women were very often temporary at best. So Paul is writing to believing Christians to call them to a godly respect, love and purity in their marriages.
1. Jesus, out of his sacrificial love, gave himself up totally for his body, for his church, for us!
The love of Jesus for his Church is used to illustrate the ideal love of a Christian husband for his wife. ‘Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her’ (5:25) and elsewhere Paul writes that Christ ‘made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant’ (Philippians 2:7). The beloved disciple John wrote ‘this is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us’ (1 John 3:16). He also wrote, ‘Greater love has no-one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends’ (John 15:13); and from the cross Jesus even prayed for those who crucified him!
Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34); extending compassion and forgiveness to those who were crucifying him, even though he’d done nothing wrong.
Jesus gave himself up for the church, and every time the Bible says church it means the worldwide body of believers – never a building. Not even once. The church is always people and Jesus gave himself up for us; ultimately on the cross of Good Friday – where the perfect, sinless Jesus chose to take upon his shoulders our sin so that we can be washed clean. Literally, our filth was transferred to Jesus upon the cross, so that we can be presented ‘as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless’ (5:27).
Sometimes the Bible calls us the body of Christ (5:30). Other times we are called the Bride of Christ (Revelation 19:7). St. Paul is using both images.
But how can we – the church – be both the body of Christ and the bride of Christ? We are both because just as husband and wife become one flesh (5:31) so Jesus and his church, his bride, become one – united with him, filled by him, joined permanently with him. In that respect we are one with Christ as William is one with Catherine.
And yet we mean more to Jesus than Catherine means to Prince William. Jesus goes so much further for us. Jesus, out of his sacrificial love, gave himself up totally for his bride, his body, his church. He gave up his rights, he gave up his position, he gave up his reputation, he gave up his privacy, he gave up his time and energy, he gave up his very life for us – and St. Paul asks all believers to ‘submit to one another out of reverence for Christ’ (5:21).
2. Christian husbands, our love for our wives is to reflect and imitate the love of Jesus for his Church. His life of sacrifice, service, self-giving, forgiveness and unconditional love is to be ours for our wives!
I happen to believe that after Friday’s fantastic occasion there will be a surge in people wanting to get married and that’s good. God invented marriage!
My concern is that more weddings will not automatically lead to more successful marriages; and let’s face it there is lots of evidence already that many marriages aren’t working.
Five-year-old Suzie told her mother the story of Snow White which she had heard in school. Prince Charming had kissed Snow White back to life. Suzie concluded her story with a question: "And do you know what happened then?"
"Yes," said her mother, "they lived happily ever after!"
"No," replied Suzie, with a frown, "...they got married."
Guys, what happens to our chivalry, our passion, our dragon-slaying, our patience, our love, our self-giving and self-sacrifice for our wives after we get married?
Christian husbands are exhorted to love our wives in a way that reflects the love of Jesus for his Church. Now, of course, no earthly husband will ever be able to match that perfect love of Christ, but don’t let that stop us from aiming high! St. Paul says ‘husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies’ (5:28) just as Jesus loves his body – the church.
He also says that ‘the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of his church, his body’ (5:23); but too often this either gets ignored as sexist in the 21st century, or it gets used to suggest that the Christian husband is in charge. I believe we ignore God’s word at our peril, because in marriage one man and one woman become one flesh. Yes, I know we still have two people and two personalities but God’s plan for marriage is that they become one, just as Christ is bound with his church. That means that each should see the other as an extension of themselves – one flesh, with the man leading this new family unit.
That’s why St. Paul says to the men ‘each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself’ (5:33). You’re no longer two. You are one. So let’s stop behaving in marriage as if we’re still two single individuals!
Christ gave himself up for his church. Men – we’re to give ourselves up for our wives. That might hurt. It hurt Jesus to live a life of sacrificial love. It can mean changing priorities. It could mean switching of the TV more often to listen. It means making family time a priority and putting our wives needs before our own. It means total, unconditional love and forgiveness, even if that love and forgiveness is not returned.
3. Christian wives - respect and submit to your husbands with the respect and submission you have for Jesus. The Bible says, ‘Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord’ (5:21-22); and later ‘the wife must respect her husband’ (5:33).
We should bear in mind that a wife submitting to her husband was the expected social norm in Jesus’ day; but as always we need to remember that this was written to believers. Paul doesn’t ask wives to submit to and respect their husbands once they’ve earned respect. Such a concept would be alien to him and I realise that this command leads to issues that must be confronted, especially if the husband is unloving or abusive – but neither does Paul command husbands to love their wives only when they have earned it. No, husbands are to lead by loving their wives sacrificially even if their love and forgiveness is unrequited.
Christian wives are to submit to and respect their husbands, not because their husbands have earned it, but ‘out of reverence for Christ’ (5:21) and in the same way that ‘the church submits to Christ’ (5:24).
I’ve not answered every question this Bible reading throws up.
So let’s pray for God to continue to speak.
Amen.
