A FRUIT-FULL MARRIAGE: LOVE *
GALATIANS 5:13-26
Sermon Objective: The Fruit of the Spirit are most fully realized in relationships and no relationship is more basic than the marriage relationship.
GALATIANS 5:22-26
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
INTRO:
When you look closely at the Fruit of the Spirit you notice they are relational in nature. In other words, the evidence of the Spirit’s presence in our lives extends to far more than my own personal relationship with Jesus … it is revealed in my relationships with other people. Sure, we need patience, joy, etc in our individual lives but the test of their mettle is how we treat one another and our enemies. It is there that we show maturity.
That makes complete sense. God is a relational God. This is revealed not only in the doctrine of the Trinity but also in his creation of humanity.
When God is present the relationships we are in are impacted. When we are not walking in the Spirit … well, they are impacted by that too.
In a recent study of 750 couples with marital difficulties, the most commonly reported problem was a partner who was in love with himself or herself. The second most common problem reported by these couples was indifference on the part of one of the partners. Both of these problems, selfishness and indifference, are opposites of that which is Fruit of the Spirit. (Paul Canner)
Nowhere is the fruit of the Spirit more necessary than in a marriage relationship.
• When the stress of bills and kids and illnesses and uncertainties begins to rob you of all your energy, you need love and joy and peace.
• When your husband is about as sharp as a bowling pin when it comes to your sensitivities, you need an extra measure of patience and kindness.
• When your wife’s mood swings have you gasping for air, you need goodness and gentleness.
• When the tiresome familiarity that comes from dealing with the same annoying quirks and character flaws over the years tempts you to seek greener grass, you need faithfulness and self-control.
Which makes marriage a kind of gymnasium for the soul. We exercise godliness in marriage because we’re forced every day to put the fruit of the Spirit into practice. If the fruit of the Spirit work in a marriage – they can work anywhere; a dormitory, a classroom, work, with parents & siblings, etc. Marriage is one of those core relationships where the partners see the best and worst of each other. You can’t hide in a marriage – the authentic you comes out. Hence – if God’s Spirit is present it becomes obvious real fast. When God’s Spirit is present virtue replaces vice; mutual respect and honor replace self-centeredness; and a healthy environment for everyone to grow and be safe is achieved.
Jesus said, "A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. All men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another" [John 13:34-35]. If that is true anywhere friends – it is true in a marriage relationship.
So what are your expectations in marriage? Are you waiting for him to get a clue or for her to see the light? Or do you see your marriage as an extraordinary opportunity to grow up in Christ Jesus?
And here’s a little secret—If your only goal is personal happiness, you won’t grow and you won’t be happy. Change your focus to personal growth and you will not only produce the fruit of the Spirit inwardly, you’ll find marriage to be an exceedingly satisfying relationship that only gets better and better!
It is also interesting to me that Paul speaks of “fruit” of the Spirit. Not “duty” or “expectation.” The word for fruit “karpos” also means “offspring” and that goes well in describing them. The objective of these fruit is not to manufacture or fabricate their existence. It is to allow God’s Spirit to nurture their presence and allow them to grow within us.
SERMON
As we think about the Fruit of the Spirit … the most basic … the driving force for all others is LOVE.
Some understand “Love” in the Fruit of the Spirit to be “THE” fruit of the Spirit. The other characteristics serve to explain, illustrate, or unpack love. I think a case can be made for this from reading Galatians 5:22-23’s “companion passage” in Colossians 3 and, of course, 1 Corinthians 13. Even if you can’t go that far with the understanding of the fruit you know instinctively that there is something significant about love being first in the list.
But how exactly does the Spirit’s presence manifest itself in love? What does “Spiritual love” (God’s love) look like?
• Is it sensual/sexual? No. I think the vices in 5:19-21 bear this out.
• It is mushy emotional love like you hear in pop songs on the radio? No.
• How about indulgence? Is giving someone everything they want a sign of love? No.
• What about tolerance? Is tolerating that which is inappropriate because you don’t want to upset anyone love? No.
God’s love shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5) is not superficial; it has depth and substance to it. I think Galatians 5 answers our question about what God’s love looks like.
Let’s back up a bit and begin reading in verses 13-26. As we do, think about these verses through the prism of a marriage relationship … or another relationship you are involved in.
GALATIANS 5:13-26
13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
What does God’s love look like? – For years I have been told that if you want to know the definition of a word – ask a child.
• When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth. – Billy, age 4
• Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way.
• Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired. – Terri, age 4
• Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss. – Emily, age 8
• If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you don’t like to play with. – Nikka, age 6
• Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day. – Noelle, age 7
• I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones. – Lauren, age 4
• When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you. – Karen, age 7
• You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. – Jessica, age 8
----- [Courtesy of Kids (adapted): http://romancestuck.com/quotes/kids-quotes.htm - 10/11/2003 (adapted)] and [http://www.xenomed.com/forums/general-talks/745-definition-love-children.html (adapted), downloaded 05/17/08] -----
How can we explain God’s love?
How does God’s love translate itself through us into a marriage relationship?
1. GOD’S LOVE IS A LIBERATING LOVE (V. 13)
• 13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.
• Another quip from the children helps explain liberating love.
• “Love is like an old woman and an old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” – Tommy, age 6
• Loving with God’s love frees us from being overly concerned about ourselves.
• When our spouse sees God’s love dwelling within us they do not feel the need to perform to get approval. They know they are valued and accepted. They feel safe with who they are in your presence.
WHAT DOES GOD’S LOVE LOOK LIKE? IT IS:
1. GOD’S LOVE IS A LIBERATING LOVE (V. 13)
2. GOD’S LOVE IS A SERVING LOVE (V. 13-14)
• 13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
• Another quip from the children helps explain serving love.
• Love is when mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. – Danny, age 7
• Do you know why I help do the dishes at my house? Not because Vickie will nag me if I don’t. Not because I get treated better if I do. But because I love her! They are my dishes as well as hers and they are as much my responsibility as they are hers. I respect her and value her. I want her to have time to do others things just like I want to have time to do other things.
• Loving with God’s love means we gladly serve.
WHAT DOES GOD’S LOVE LOOK LIKE? IT IS:
1. GOD’S LOVE IS A LIBERATING LOVE (V. 13)
2. GOD’S LOVE IS A SERVING LOVE (V. 13-14)
3. GOD’S LOVE IS AN ENRICHING LOVE (V. 26).
• 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
• How about another quip from the children to help explain enriching love?
• Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken. – Elaine, age 5
•Loving with God’s love brings out the best in the other person while not using them to get the best from them for selfish reasons.
• Loving with God’s love recognizes it is not a zero-sum game. Complimenting, applauding, and serving the other person do not mean I am the loser. It simply means they are worth it!
WHAT DOES GOD’S LOVE LOOK LIKE? IT IS:
1. GOD’S LOVE IS A LIBERATING LOVE (V. 13)
2. GOD’S LOVE IS A SERVING LOVE (V. 13-14)
3. GOD’S LOVE IS AN ENRICHING LOVE (V. 26).
4. GOD’S LOVE IS A FORGIVING LOVE (V. 14-15).
• 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
• Mary Ann, age 4 says, “Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”
• Loving others with God’s love does not hold grudges. It recognizes that people can change and grow and encourages them to do so.
WHAT DOES GOD’S LOVE LOOK LIKE? IT IS:
1. GOD’S LOVE IS A LIBERATING LOVE (V. 13)
2. GOD’S LOVE IS A SERVING LOVE (V. 13-14)
3. GOD’S LOVE IS AN ENRICHING LOVE (V. 26).
4. GOD’S LOVE IS A FORGIVING LOVE (V. 14-15).
5. GOD’S LOVE IS AN EVER-PRESENT LOVE (V. 13)
Chris, age 7, describes love like this: “Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt”
Listen friends. I know this makes some of you uncomfortable but you need to hear me good on this. God’s love is safe and secure and ever-present.
Loving with God’s love:
• Is unconditional love.
• Is unearned love.
• Means the love cannot be lost.
• Never withholds love to punish or manipulate until someone gets their way
• NEVER says “If you don't do “x” I won't love you anymore.” NEVER!
• NEVER says “If you do “x” I will love you more.” NEVER!
That’s what God’s love shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit looks like.
I found this poem that might help illustrate it what it means to love with God’s love.
It is silence – when your words would hurt.
It is patience – when your neighbor’s curt.
It is deafness – when a scandal flows.
It is thoughtfulness – for other’s woes.
It is promptness – when stern duty calls.
It is courage – when misfortune falls.
It is trust – when not knowing the why or how.
It is acceptance – in whatever God will allow. [Source Unknown]
WRAP-UP
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
WHAT DOES GOD’S LOVE LOOK LIKE? IT IS:
1. GOD’S LOVE IS A LIBERATING LOVE (V. 13)
2. GOD’S LOVE IS A SERVING LOVE (V. 13-14)
3. GOD’S LOVE IS AN ENRICHING LOVE (V. 26).
4. GOD’S LOVE IS A FORGIVING LOVE (V. 14-15).
5. GOD’S LOVE IS AN EVER-PRESENT (V. 13)
There is a reason why love is mentioned first in the list of virtues that reveal the presence of God’s Spirit. Love is the very essence of God!
I want to challenge you to an exercise. Take 1 Corinthians 13 and every time you find the word “love” replace it with “God’ or, more specifically, with “Jesus.” You will notice it does not do any injustice to either the passage or to Jesus. Why? Because “God is love” (1 John 4:8 & 16).
Let’s just try it with 1 Cor. 13:4-7 as an illustration.
• Jesus is patient and kind.
• Jesus is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.
• Jesus does not demand his own way.
• Jesus is not irritable, and he keeps no record of when he has been wronged.
• Jesus is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
• Jesus never gives up, never loses faith, he is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
(Special thanks to Rev. Denn Guptill of Cornerstone Wesleyan Church in Hammonds Plains, N.S. for the idea of replacing Love with Jesus in 1 Cor. 13.)
I think you can do the same exercise and replace “love” with “when I love with God’s love” as well.
Can you say that the Spirit’s fruit of love resides in your marriage?
If you do not have love, then you do not and cannot have the rest of the Holy Spirit’s fruit. Love is the foundation of all the rest. – “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35)
INVITATION
For a marriage to show the earmarks of God’s love the partners in the marriage must be Christians and surrendered to the Holy Spirit.
As a Christian marriage partner you are:
• To be sealed with the Holy Spirit (Eph. 4:30)
• To walk in the Spirit (Gal. 5:16 & 25)
• To be filled with the Spirit (Eph. 5:18)
• To yield ourselves to the Spirit’s leadership (Rom. 8:14),
The benefit of the Spirit’s presence is enormous! Not only for those in a marriage relationship but for all people in every relationship.
So maybe today you’d like to enter into a relationship with Him through Jesus Christ? Maybe this could be the start of a wonderful friendship between you and Jesus. I’d be honored to talk with you about it more but you don’t need me to get things going. Isaiah 55:6 says, “Seek the Lord while He may be found, call upon the name of the Lord while He is near.”
I urge you to call on Him now.
If you want to love with God’s love you will need God’s love shed abroad in your heart and that cannot happen until you come to Christ for restoration and enter into a relationship with him. If you tell God you want to know him more fully and more intimately I assure you he will not turn a deaf ear … he will not withhold His love!
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** I am grateful and indebted to those who have shared their applications from the fruit of the spirit for marriage. I found the following authors particularly helpful: Rev. David Maxson of Embry Hills Church of Christ, Mr. Stephen Gola of Divorce Hope, and Paul Canner.
This sermon is provided by Dr. Kenneth Pell
Potsdam Church of the Nazarene
Potsdam, New York
www.potsdam-naz.org
