Lessons from Dad
TCF Sermon
June 19, 2011
Father’s Day is not just the masculine counterpart of Mother’s Day.
As one example of this reality, here’s one young boy’s definition of Father’s Day: It’s just like Mother’s Day only you don’t spend so much.
Dads don’t always seem to get the same level of appreciation on Father’s Day as moms do on Mother’s Day. And you know what, that’s OK, isn’t it, guys?
In our elders meeting this week, Bruce asked if we were going to get roses for all the dads here this morning. He wasn’t terribly disappointed when the elders decided not to do that.
The story is told of a father of five children who came home with a toy. He got his kids together and asked which of them should be given the present. "Who is the most obedient one here? Who never talks back to Mom and does everything that Mom says to do?" the dad asked. Thought about this for a moment, and then all of the children said together: "You play with it Daddy!"
Father’s Day sermons feel significantly less risky than the minefield you have to navigate when preaching on Mother’s Day. Yes, there’s still the sensitivity to the fact that not all of us had great fathers, or we may even have painful memories of our dads.
But preachers can take a different approach to Father’s Day from the pulpit than they can with Mother’s Day. One of those approaches I remember vividly was the approach that Brother Bill Sanders used to take when he preached on Father’s Day. It’s appropriate to remember Bill, TCF’s first pastor, on this first Father’s Day after he went to be with the Lord a few months ago, because Bill was the consummate dad.
But first, to really appreciate his father’s day sermons, you have to consider the kind of sermon he typically preached on Mother’s day. On Mother’s Day, Bill would, quite appropriately, talk about honoring moms, honoring women, what wonderful blessings they were, how amazingly they went about their roles as mothers. His mother’s day sermons would just gush about the blessing of the women and mothers in our lives.
On Father’s Day, Bill would have a different approach. He’d use Father’s Day to tell the men "hey guys, get your act together. Serve your wives. Love your children, be a man. Be God’s leader in the home. Man up."
Clearly, honoring your mother is very biblical. But so is honoring your father. In thinking about this message this morning, I thought of my own father.
My dad’s name is also Bill. He’s William C. Sullivan, just like I am, but his middle name is Clyde. I’m told that my parents didn’t want to saddle me with that as a middle name, so even though I’m also William C., my middle name is Craig.
He’s 82 now, born in San Francisco in 1929. He’s lived a remarkable life, and when I think of my father, especially now in the light of the faith I live, I can in retrospect see that my Dad significantly shaped my life in so many positive ways. Not just my dad, of course. My mom did, too. I am without a doubt in many ways a product of my parents - of the way they lived their lives, the choices they made, the values they lived and taught.
Some of what my parents taught me was spoken in words at some point, but I would have to say that much of what I learned from Dad was caught, not necessarily taught verbally. It was reinforced by words at times, but it was mostly the example of what my Dad did, the choices he made, the way he lived his life, that played such a significant role in shaping me.
I learned a lot of lessons from my Dad, but this morning I want to highlight a small sample of those lessons, which I believe are not just life lessons, but spiritual lessons, which means they don’t just apply to the fathers here today, but to all of us. Because ultimately, whether or not we had good fathers to learn from and emulate, we all have a heavenly Father whose life lessons can be clear to us. They were modeled, too, much like many of the things I learned from witnessing my Dad through the years.
Our heavenly Father’s life lessons were modeled in His Son, the Word made flesh, Jesus, who lived among us and showed us what the Father is like. And this record we have, the Word of God, recounts all those life lessons to us.
The first lesson I want to highlight this morning as a lesson from my father is this:
1. My dad taught me the importance of family
That’s ironic if you know my dad’s family history. My dad was an only child, and for most of his life had only a few living relatives. His parents separated when he was younger, and his father, my grandfather, also named William, died when my dad was only 17. He was raised by a single mother when that was significantly less common than it is today. He lived with his mother and other relatives some of his growing up years, but for much of his life, it was just him and his mother.
He left home to pursue a singing career, but was always loyal to his mother. He always did all he could to support her - not just financially, but emotionally, throughout his life, even when his work and his own family meant he lived on the other side of the country.
When my grandmother was in failing health, he and my mother took her in for the last three years of her life. This was a huge sacrifice, not because of the financial aspect of it, but because my grandmother was an alcoholic, and sometimes could be very difficult to live with. Family was always incredibly important to my dad, and I think as he got older, he placed an even higher importance on togetherness, as well as care for one another.
This is a very biblical theme. I can’t say I ever remember my dad citing scripture as the reason for his choices, but in valuing family, dad was fulfilling the Word.
Ephesians 6:2-3 (NIV) "Honor your father and mother"--which is the first commandment with a promise-- "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
My dad always honored his mother.
1 Timothy 5:7-8 (NASB95) Prescribe these things as well, so that they may be above reproach. But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
The idea here is that even many unbelievers, even those who claim no allegiance to the things of God, seem to instinctively know that you care for your family.
Psalms 68:6 (NKJV) God sets the solitary in families
Perhaps it’s because my dad was an only child, but my dad understood and taught me the importance of family. The second lesson from Dad I want to mention this morning is:
2. Compassion for the poor and needy
My family was never what you’d call wealthy, but we were always pretty comfortable - I can never remember really lacking anything important. My dad always made a decent living.
But I also realize that, being raised by a single mother, and being a boy in the years of the Great Depression, my dad had to understand something first-hand about being needy.
One of the most vivid lessons I can recall about my dad, and his compassion for the poor and needy, happened when I was maybe 12 years old. My dad played guitar and sang for the Catholic mass, and he played and sang for a Saturday night mass one winter night. A man approached him after the mass and said to him, "I don’t have a place to stay tonight, and I wanted to see if you people really believe what you’re singing."
My dad got this man a hotel room for the night, because he felt the need to put his money where his mouth is. Now, with the experience I’ve had with many needy people, this may or may not have been the best way to really help this man. But that’s not the point in my telling you this story. The point is that dad’s heart was right.
He understood something of God’s care for the poor and needy. He knew that Jesus said in Matthew 6:2 "When you give to the poor" the word "when" implying that this should be a part of the life of His followers. My dad knew that Jesus spoke of the reality that when we feed the hungry and clothe the naked and visit the sick, we’re doing these things for the "least of these" and we’re doing it for Jesus.
Matthew 25:34-40 (NIV) "Then the King will say to those on his right, ’Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ "Then the righteous will answer him, ’Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ "The King will reply, ’I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’
My dad has continued to serve the needy in various ways throughout his life.
The third lesson I want to mention today is:
3. Perseverance
There was definitely a time in my young life when you could have legitimately called me a quitter. When things got too hard, my initial response would be to give up. The best example I can think of where I first began to learn this lesson from dad is when I was in Little League. When I was 11, I played for a team that went 0-12 for the season. We had some close games, but we lost every one that season. I was the catcher, but about every third game I would pitch. I had a pretty strong arm, and was pretty big for my age, so at Little League distance I intimidated many players because I threw so hard.
But I wasn’t always that accurate. The joke became that I would bean my best friends - for the uninitiated, that means I would hit them with my hard-thrown pitches.
Our last game of the season, we were getting hammered. I didn’t start, but came in to pitch when we were already way behind. My control wasn’t the best that day, and I don’t remember if I hit anyone, but I definitely wasn’t throwing a lot of strikes. Near the end of the game, I got so frustrated when I couldn’t get the ball over the plate, and then when it seemed I was throwing strikes, and the umpire, perhaps out of sheer surprise and disbelief, was still calling balls, that I began to get angry.
At one point, near tears - remember I was just 11 - I started to storm off the mound. I was quitting. Now, the game wasn’t over. But I was quitting. I have this very vivid memory of my dad in the stands, screaming at the top of his voice:
"YOU GET BACK OUT THERE!"
I did. And I finished the game. And we still lost, but I didn’t quit.
Romans 5:3-5 (NASB95) And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
1 Timothy 6:11 (NASB95) pursue perseverance
My dad knew that I had to be a finisher and not be a quitter, or I would struggle with a lot of things in life. That leads me to my next lesson from Dad.
At first blush, this may not seem like a spiritual lesson, but stick with me. My dad instilled in me:
4. Love of sports (passion for life)
I really believe that a lot of life lessons can be learned through sports. One of those we just mentioned - perseverance. But as I was thinking about this, I thought, why is the love of sports an important lesson, a legacy, from my dad?
One thing is that the love of sports can be an illustration of a passion for life in general. In the scheme of things, sports can be for health and physical fitness. It can be simply a diversion, entertainment. But my dad’s passion for sports in many ways represents his passion for life. When we enjoyed sports together, either playing or watching, there was a knitting together that didn’t seem possible in other ways.
On the one hand, I might tend to think it’s a guy thing. Guys often bond over sports. But my sister shares my dad’s love of sports, and passion for life, too, so it can’t be just for guys.
I don’t want to make more of this than is appropriate, because for me, sports today is mostly just fun, and an entertaining diversion from the stresses of life. But I think that’s OK.
And I also remember how many times the apostle Paul used athletic imagery to make an important spiritual point.
1 Corinthians 9:24-25 (NASB95) Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.
So, if we look for it, we can learn spiritual lessons from sports.
5. Work ethic
Another lesson from my dad was his work ethic. Now, my dad was and is a devout Catholic, but he illustrates what used to be called the Protestant work ethic as well as any died-in-the-wool Calvinist you could find.
My dad always worked hard. I think if he ever hears this sermon, he’ll laugh when I say that I learned this from him, because I was a lazy kid. He had a hard time getting me to do chores around the house, and it was like pulling teeth to get me to mow the lawn.
But my dad did model the value of hard work to me, and even though it took me probably 30 years to really get it, I think anyone would be hard-pressed to look at my life and call me a slacker today. A good work ethic is undoubtedly biblical:
2 Thessalonians 3:9-13 (NIV) We did this, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to make ourselves a model for you to follow. For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat." We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies. Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and earn the bread they eat. And as for you, brothers, never tire of doing what is right.
Colossians 3:22-25 (NIV) Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Proverbs 14:23 (NIV) All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.
Another lesson I learned from my dad was:
6. Racial equality
I was raised a northerner, a Yankee, with all of my growing up years spent in the northeast. Some people may think that racism is only an issue in the south, but let me tell you, that’s not true. The first person I ever heard use the "N" word was my grandfather, who lived his whole life in Cincinnati, Ohio.
As long as I can remember, racism was absolutely inexcusable in our home. My parents told me a story about how they at one time had a strained relationship with my mom’s sister’s husband, my Uncle Don. This was because he made derogatory racial remarks about Roberto Clemente, who was a favorite in our house because he was a star baseball player for the Pittsburgh Pirates. I was born in Pittsburgh and we lived there for my first 7 years.
Clemente was a black Puerto Rican player, and my uncle made his race an issue, and my parents took a very strong exception to his remarks, not because we were Pirate fans, but because of the racial component to his attitude.
This was the atmosphere which shaped my view of race growing up, and before I ever had a Biblical basis for this in my thinking, I absolutely deplored racism.
Acts 17:26 (NLT) From one man he created all the nations throughout the whole earth.
One man refers to Adam, in whom all people find their ancestral unity, an idea that would appeal to the Stoics’ strong sense of human brotherhood. Paul thus affirms the historicity of Adam and the descent of the entire human race from him. This also rules out any kind of racism, since the various ethnic groups come from one man. ESV Study Bible
When I committed my life to Christ, I was appalled to find that there were Christians who harbored racist attitudes, because I’d learned this value from my parents, and confirmed it in scripture.
Another lesson from my father:
7. Be a gentleman
I’m the oldest of three children, and have a younger brother and a younger sister. From my earliest memories, I recall examples of how men are to treat women. I was taught to open or hold the door. I was taught to defer whenever appropriate. I was taught to treat women with respect and deference.
In our house, a cardinal rule was, "never hit your sister." Boys just don’t hit girls, just like men just don’t hit women. But my little sister, about 2½ years younger than me, knew how to push my buttons.
One time, and I say this with no hint of blame or excuse, my sister made me so mad I wanted to hit her. I don’t even remember what it was about, but I was probably about 13 or 14 years old. So, because I couldn’t hit her, I pounded my fist on the dashboard of our car, so hard that I left a big crack in it.
That illustrates my issues with my Irish temper as much as this life lesson, but I hit the dashboard instead of my sister because I was raised to be a gentleman.
1 Peter 3:7 (NIV) Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Peter is probably thinking of the general truth that men are physically stronger than women and may be tempted to threaten their wives through physical or verbal abuse. Women and men share an equal destiny as heirs... of the grace of life. Peter does not think women are inferior to men, for both are equally made in God’s image (cf. Gal. 3:28). ESV Study Bible
Another thing I learned from my dad is the importance of a:
8. Sense of humor
There really was a lot of laughter around our house. We even named a family dog after a joke my dad told us - a longer story I won’t go into. And yes, I believe that having a sense of humor is a truly Biblical thing.
Proverbs 17:22 (NASB95) A joyful heart is good medicine, But a broken spirit dries up the bones.
Humor can be an antidote for pride. It allows us to look at ourselves and laugh at ourselves and our foolish behavior. Reinhold Neibuhr wrote:
"The sense of humor is thus a by-product of self-transcendence". This means that the ability to laugh at oneself is the prelude to the sense of contrition."
Humor helps us cope with the difficulties of life. It helps us keep things in perspective. More than that, we’re created in the image of God, and humor is a unique aspect of our human nature, that I believe helps us more completely understand God.
Look at some of the animals God has created and tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor. Think of this. In all of God’s creation, what other creatures exhibit a sense of humor, except us, God’s unique creation of humans.
Psalms 126:2-3 (NIV) Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them." The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.
And this brings me to my final lesson from my father. This last lesson really is the foundation for every other lesson I’ve shared this morning. My dad taught me
9. Importance of the things of God
Most of you know I was raised Catholic. I went to Catholic church and Catholic schools until I was 17. I was an altar boy. For a while, I had serious aspirations of being a priest. Our home was permeated with religion, in the very best and biblical sense of that word.
We seldom missed church - that’s a really important lesson from my dad. Being in church was a very high priority in our lives. And we weren’t just there - we were involved. My dad served the church with his singing gifts for many years. Even today, he serves as a reader in the Catholic parish they attend in Arizona. My dad reads his Bible every day. He prays every day.
These are the things I grew up with. I witnessed my dad doing these things. It was a valuable example to me. It was the foundation for the faith and Kingdom service I have today.
Proverbs 4:3-4 (NIV) When I was a boy in my father’s house, still tender, and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, "Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live.
Here, we see Solomon writing of his father David. When he was a boy, his father taught him. His father taught him the importance of the things of God. When he said - lay hold of my words, he was pointing Solomon to the wisdom of God. We won’t take the time to read on in this Proverb, but the idea is this:
In this appeal the father cites the appeal that his own father made to him. The effect is threefold. First, the father shows he can identify with his sons. He, too, was once young and under the tutelage of a father. Second, the father implies that wisdom did not begin with him but goes back through many generations. It is not a novelty, but is enduring. Third, he suggests that godliness and prudence are part of their family heritage, and he wants his sons to maintain the legacy.
ESV Study Bible
One of the greatest responsibilities of a parent is to encourage their children to become wise, and to point them to the source of all wisdom. And no, the source of all wisdom is not the internet. That may be the source of a lot of information. But knowledge and wisdom are not the same thing.
True wisdom is found in the things of God. In the Word of God. In verse 7, Solomon tells us that his father said this:
Proverbs 4:7 (NIV) Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.
This is the greatest legacy of my earthly father - to point me ultimately to my heavenly Father as my source of wisdom. Not just knowledge, but wisdom.
...the real essence of wisdom is spiritual, for life is more than just living by a set of rules and being rewarded in some physical manner. Undoubtedly, in this sense wisdom comes from God (Prov. 2:6). Thus, though it will involve observation and instruction, it really begins with God and one’s faith in Him as Lord and Savior (Prov. 1:7; Job 28:28). Holman Bible Dictionary.
On this Father’s Day, regardless of whether you can remember your own father’s lessons in this way, let’s remember the ultimate source of these lessons - our heavenly Father, the source of wisdom - the lessons of life - that we all have access to.
Pray
