Title: Friends
Text: Romans 1:8-13
Truth: You build friendships by meeting the needs of others.
Aim: I’m promoting Dinner for 8 and encouraging them to initiate friendships.
Life ?: To build our friendships, what basic needs are to be met?
INTRODUCTION
Stu Weber, in his book Tender Warrior, includes an article written by a woman. She writes:
One day the doorbell rang and there stood my beloved brother. It was a delightful surprise. His work as an executive of an international petroleum company keeps him out of the country most of the time, so his visits are rare, unexpected and usually really brief.
It seemed as if he’d just arrived when after an hour, he got up to say good-bye. I felt tears sliding down my cheeks. He asked why I was crying. Hesitating, I said, “Because I simply don’t want you to go.” He gave me a surprised look. He went to the phone and left a message for the pilot of his company’s plane.
We had a wonderful forty-eight hours together. But I suffered a nagging feeling that my selfishness had caused him great inconvenience. Because I had told him I needed him.
Some time later my brother received an important award for his contributions to the oil industry. A reporter asked him at the time, “Is this the greatest honor that you’ve received?”
“No,” he said, “my sister gave me my greatest honor the day she cried because she didn’t want me to leave. That’s the only time in my life anyone ever cried because they didn’t want me to leave. It was then that I discovered the most precious gift one human being can ever bestow on another is to let him know he is really needed.”
Many years ago I attended Kiwanis and I heard Brad Miller. Mr. Miller was the Assistant District Attorney for Bob Macy in OKC. He spoke about gangs. He believed the cause for gangs was not an absent father or wanting money in drugs. He believed the cause for gangs was the need for young men to be respected, valued, and important.
God made us needy. You need sleep. You need food. You need a friend. Seventy percent of Americans say they are lonely. Genesis 2 says that is not good.
Today, I want to talk to you about friends. If it is true that 70% of Americans are lonely, then it means that you could find six strong men to carry you to your grave but you might not have one that you could call at 3 a.m. to pour out a broken heart because your kid just got hauled off to jail.
Dinner for 8 might change that for someone, or it might get you started in finding such a friend. I do hope you will find out by signing up to be in one of the Dinner for 8 groups. You need a friend. You build friendships by meeting the needs of others. No disciple of Jesus did that better than the apostle Paul.
Paul had never been to Rome. His long-term goal was to go to Rome and then take the gospel to Spain. Often he had wanted to go to Rome but ministry needs changed his travel plans. The letter of Romans is his introduction of himself to the Christians in Rome. He clearly explains to them the gospel he preaches and he seeks their assistance in taking this gospel to new areas. But Paul wants them to be more than a financial and spiritual base for his mission effort. He wants the Roman Christians to be his friends. He facilitates this by meeting some basic needs of friendship.
To build friendships we need to meet the basic need of appreciation.
I. APPRECIATION (ROMANS 1:8)
In a brief 25 years, without the help of an apostle like Paul or Peter or John, the Christians in Rome had built a vibrant, Christ-honoring church in the ruling city of the Roman Empire. Rome was a horribly wicked and cruel city, but the testimony of the holiness and power of these Christians had spread all the way to Jerusalem in the Middle East, Ephesus in Asia Minor and Corinth in Europe.
You’ve had that experience. You can’t travel anywhere in the U.S. without people talking about pastor Joel Osteen and Lakewood Church. He followed his father as pastor of the church in October 1999 and the church doubled its first year and now has over 40,000 people every Sunday in the renovated Compaq Center, which was the home of the Houston Rockets basketball team. The church at Rome is being talked about in the same way.
Paul expresses genuine appreciation to God for their witness to Jesus Christ. He thanks God because the powerful witness they have for Christ is a sign of the work of God in their life. This was not a matter of human commitment or a brilliant promotional campaign. Paul is appreciative of the work of God in their fellowship.
Paul wrote Romans from Corinth. Corinth was a troubled, divided, and sinful church. The apostle must have been encouraged to hear of a group of Christians that were living devoted lives for Christ despite the wickedness of their city and the persecution they had endured. He expresses his appreciation.
To appreciate means to recognize with gratitude; to communicate with words and feelings personal gratefulness for another person; to praise.
The Sasnetts, the Wilsons, the Vanbebbers, the Spears and the Neal family, are committed to a single goal. These families have a goal to teach my eight grandchildren to be appreciative. When Carol and I give our grandchildren a gift their mother or father often says, “What do you say to grandpa and grandma?” The child says, “Thank you.”
You don’t have to teach people to complain, criticize, or be selfish. We’re naturals at it. But we do have to learn to express appreciation. People need to be appreciated.
A businessman went downtown to his office one morning, a couple of hours earlier than usual. He had some things he wanted to do before the employees came to work. No one was there when he arrived except old Tom, the custodian of the building. Old Tom was a faithful employee of many years service to the company. When the boss walked into his office there was old Tom emptying the ashtrays, dusting the furniture, and tidying up the place.
When the boss noticed him going about his routine, he said, “Tom, you know, as I look around this place, I can’t help thinking what an asset you have been to our organization for all these years. You have kept this place clean and cheerful for our employees and our customers to enjoy.” “Tom,” he said, “You are an important member of this organization and I want you to know that I appreciate you and all you have done.” Old Tom said “Thank you, boss,” and walked out of the room with his dust clothe in his hand.
A few minutes passed and the boss had settled down to work at his desk—and then the door to his office opened and in came Tom. His eyes were moist—there was a tear on his cheek. The boss could not understand. He said, “What is wrong, Tom, did I say something to offend you?” Tom said, “No boss, you didn’t offend me, but I have something I want to tell you.” “Boss,” he said, “You know that I have worked right here in this place for seventeen years—twelve of those years I have worked for you—and this morning is the first time anyone ever told me that they appreciated anything I do.” He said, “Boss, I just wanted you to know that I appreciate what you said to me this morning more than I have ever appreciated my paycheck that you sign for me. I just wanted to tell you.” He then turned and walked out of the room (Mike Rothenberger, Dale Carnegie & Assoc).
Many people grow up in homes and routinely experience the lack of appreciation that Tom experienced at work. They didn’t have a father or mother that expressed appreciation for them. Their emotional cup is empty when it comes to someone expressing simple words of gratitude and praise.
A major national magazine reported on eight key things that parents could do to help their children excel in school. One of the powerful keys to help their child to excel in school was to applaud their effort (Josh McDowell, Crosswalk.org).
Do what Paul did. You build friendships by meeting the needs of others.
To build friendships we need to meet the basic need of appreciation. To build friendships we need to meet the basic need of support.
II. SUPPORT (ROMANS 1:9,10)
To support means to come alongside and gently carry a problem or struggle; to assist; to provide for a person’s need. After the destruction of the hurricane Katrina, Governor Haley Barber of Mississippi said that the electric company had within one week 100% of the electricity restored to every customer who could receive electricity. The reason for such phenomenal success was they had help from electric crews from all over the U.S. and even had a crew from Canada. They assisted. They came alongside in the struggle.
The primary way Paul came alongside and assisted the church at Rome was through his prayers. He said he served God wholeheartedly. The word “serve” is used in the Septuagint, the Greek translation of the Hebrew Old Testament, to describe priestly functions. Like a priest that offers up sacrifices to God on behalf of a worshiper, Paul offered up prayers to God on their behalf. The fervency of his prayers is seen in that he calls for God to be his witness to his constancy in prayer for them. The word “witness” is a very strong expression. It refers to an oath. It’s as if Paul says God takes an oath that Paul prays for the Christians at Rome. He was as wholehearted in his prayers for them as he was in preaching the gospel. Paul must have spent a considerable chunk of time praying for the Christians at Rome.
Paul’s wholehearted service to God on behalf of the Romans stands in stark contrast to the kind of service exemplified by many Christians today. In the typical church one third to one half of the membership is irregular in the easiest form of service—attending worship services. Maybe one reason for the absence of so many is the other half, the faithful half, is not supporting them with deep expressions of love and fervency in prayer. The Rome Christians had a man praying for them who had thrown his heart into the battle of serving God and serving people. I wonder what would happen if you took five absentee church members, and for the rest of this year you specifically and regularly prayed for their attendance. You won’t be able to pray like that for someone without seeking to minister to them, too.
The primary goal of Paul’s wholehearted service to God was the promotion of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Paul is convinced the good news of salvation found in Jesus Christ has the power to change the world and rescue sinners from hell. He never loses sight of that. There are many things that could have crowded that priority out of his life, but he never lost sight that the single most important task for a Christian is to find a way to promote the proclamation of the gospel.
Why do Sunday School, Awanas, or Dinner for 8? If we are not careful the primary goal will be personal spiritual growth. It becomes man-centered. Paul never lost sight that the primary goal was to introduce people to Jesus and for people to grow in their relationship with Him. What kept Paul focused? He habitually prayed about this.
What was the reputation of the church in Rome? They were spreading the message of Christ. They were living like Christ. One explanation for their tremendous testimony was there was a committed Christian who supported them in prayer.
Preston Collins, our Director of Missions, told of all the many ministries we participate in through Union Baptist Association. Bill and Jan Simmons have gone through the training and participate in the chainsaw crews. You might want to do something like that or one of the other ministries of our Association or church. On the other hand, maybe you can’t. But what all of us can do is get on our knees, and through prayer we can open God’s treasure chest and watch him move people to pour out a flood of generosity in money or manpower. No matter the distance, whether it is Minot, North Dakota, or Japan, on our knees we can be in close quarters with an exhausted nurse that needs more medical personnel to come help. On our knees we can send guardian angels to protect workers restoring services to a community ripped into by a tornado. The best support we can give others is fervent, Christ-centered praying.
I read that the expression of friendship that unchurched people most appreciate from Christian people is the commitment to pray for their need. They are strangers with God. They don’t have confidence that He’d answer their prayers. But you know God. You live in a way that pleases God. They believe that you have more influence with God, and they really need help beyond human power. Don’t hesitate to offer to pray with people. It’s the single most powerful way to support others.
The reason Galatians 6:2 tells Christians to carry one another’s burdens is because all of us have burdens and we need the support of others. Paul prayed for God’s help but he also surrounded himself with friends to support him.
The Holy Spirit is called Comforter, Counselor, Helper, and the One Called Alongside. He supports us in living out the Christian life. We’re acting like our God when we support others.
A powerful way to build friendships is to find a way to support people. Prayer is one way, a powerful way, to help support people.
To build friendships we need to meet the basic needs of appreciation, support, and encouragement.
III. ENCOURAGEMENT (ROMANS 1:11, 12)
Encouragement is to urge someone forward toward a goal; to inspire courage, spirit and hope; to stimulate to good works.
He wants to be a blessing to them by God using him to meet their needs. In turn, he knows God will use them to strengthen and encourage his faith in Christ. What humility! Paul is the greatest thinker in the Christian church and he says there is much they can do to add to his faith.
The word “make strong” is a construction word. It referred to reinforcing a building. Paul is using that image to convey that this mutual encouragement will make them more convinced and unchanging in their Christian beliefs and behaviors. Encouragement can do that.
Luciano Pavarotti, the famous opera star, almost missed his calling. As a young man, he taught elementary school and sang only occasionally. But several people made the difference for him. One was his grandmother who, when he was a boy, would hold him in her lap and say, “You’re going to be great, you’ll see.” Another was his father, who encouraged him to devote more time to singing. Another was his voice teacher, who helped him to develop his great talent.
Pavarotti says, “If I hadn’t listened to my father and dropped teaching, I would never be here. And yes, my teacher groomed me. But no teacher ever told me I would become famous. Just my grandmother.” (Glenn Plaskin, Turning Point)
Everyday we encounter people harassed by deadlines, bruised by failure or broken and disillusioned by sin or suffering. Many of them are Christians. All of us at some time need someone to breath courage and hope back into our spirit. Isn’t it interesting that the reason Paul wants to get together with these Christians is so that both of them can be encouraged. I wonder what would happen to the attendance at churches if Christians thought of their church as the place to go to be encouraged?
You know what’s neat about encouragement? Anybody can do it. Everybody from a great apostle like Paul to the unknown members of the church at Rome can encourage others. Some of the most encouraging words I receive come from my daughters. They use one of the most powerful tools of encouragement invented by modern times—a postit note. I have carried those notes in my Bible for months and then put them in a file I have for encouraging notes. Sometimes I’ve put them in a drawer in my desk and later when I’m looking for something I will rediscover the note and be encouraged again.
Let’s take a poll this morning. If you received an encouraging note this past week, please raise your hand. If you received an encouraging note this month, please raise your hand. I have one final question to my poll. If you sent an encouraging note to someone please raise your hand. Maybe we’re discovering one reason why 70% of Americans are lonely.
Encouragement is the breath of hope and joy. When you encourage people you are meeting a deep need in their life. It’s a powerful way to make friends. How about setting a goal that you will specifically, deliberately this week do something to encourage another.
Finally, a basic need to meet to build friendship is attention.
IV. ATTENTION (ROMANS 1:13)
The word attention means to take thought of another and convey appropriate care, interest, concern and support; to enter into another person’s world. Paul was interested in these Christians at Rome. He wanted to be a part of their life.
The Bible is full of examples that emphasize the degree of attention God gives to you. It says the number of the hairs on your head are numbered and known by God. It says that if he notices a sparrow that falls from the sky how much more does He notice what is happening in your life. We are told that God listens to our prayers as though we are the only one praying. Over and over the Bible teaches by example and precept that God meets your need. The incarnation and crucifixion are the epitome of God’s interest in you.
People are preoccupied with their own thoughts and interests. When we show interest and concern for another person’s interest or concern, it meets a deep need. People feel cared for and valued.
Wytan Marsalis is a recognized musician. He is invited to teach master classes. He goes from high school bands to the most prestigious music conservatories. The band sets up and he tells them to play something. He doesn’t say anything; he just listens. Typically, they will play a song that is four to five minutes long but everybody solos too long and the song becomes eight to ten minutes. When they are through he asks anybody to tell him what the first or second soloist played. One hundred percent of the time they cannot tell him, not 99.9% of the time but one hundred percent of the time! In 15 years no one has ever been able to tell him what the first or second soloist played.
So he asks them what they were doing? Were they interested in what this person was playing? Were they playing anything related to what this person was playing? Then he drives home the lesson that the choices they make in the band are the same choices they will make in society. You can be the greatest soloist in the world, but if you don’t have anybody to play with, you’re not going to sound good (National Club Luncheon, 11-21-95).
When we pay attention to people we meet a deep need that we all have. It builds friendships.
CONCLUSION
Begin to meet the needs of others and soon you will discover this is God’s plan for meeting your needs for friendship. If you’re not convinced, then the next time you need comfort or encouragement just throw your arms around yourself, gently pat yourself on the back and say, “I’m sorry you had a hard day. Tell me all about it.” Or the next time you need attention, stare at yourself in the mirror and ask, “How are you doing? You’re looking good. Wanna go to lunch?”
I watch from my window day after day,
For someone may come to my door and say,
“I was just passing by on my way to the store,
I really meant to have called before.”
“Oh, do come in and sit awhile!”
“Yes,” she answers with a friendly smile.
“Perhaps a warm drink and a little chat?
Won’t you sit down? I’ll take your hat.”
I set the tray with special care,
Then tidy my apron and smooth my hair.
“What you’ve done to this house is such a delight.
And the flowers in your garden are a lovely sight!”
She sips her drink and smiles at me,
As warm and friendly as she can be.
We talk for awhile, then she has to leave.
I feel the urge to tug at her sleeve.
“Perhaps you could stay a wee bit more?”
But smiling, she makes her way to the door.
“Thank you for coming, now do take care!”
Then I set the tray down by the empty chair.
I watch from my window and hear myself say,
“Perhaps that will really happen today!”
(Signs of the Times)
God created us needy. When we meet the needs of others the miracle of friendship and love takes place.
INVITATION
I’ve noticed; as I’ve gotten older that my reading habits are changing. I read the Obituaries in the newspaper more often. Most obituaries read like a resume. They list the person’s accomplishments. I notice that I read the person’s obituary looking for some sign that this person was a friend of God. If not, then all those accomplishments will one day no longer matter. The only thing that really lasts for eternity is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Are you friends with God? Let me help you with that.
