Our church says: “We define marriage as a life covenant between one man and one woman according to the Scripture.”
1. The basis of our belief about marriage -
Our beliefs must be derived from the truth of Scripture, not the whims of culture. Since God is our creator, He knows how it is best for us to live. By contrast, since man is not the creator, he doesn’t have a clue.
“There is a way that seems right to a man,but in the end it leads to death.” - Proverbs 14:12 (NIV)
“Every word I’ve spoken to you is a Spirit-word, and so it is life-making.” - John 6:63 (The Message)
So, in determining what we believe about marriage, we do not look to changing culture, but to the changeless Word of God. (READ TEXT)
The Pharisees really didn’t want an answer, they just wanted get Him in trouble. Maybe they
thought they could get Him in trouble with Herod, the way John the Baptist did when he denounced Herod for divorcing his wife to marry his brother-in-law’s wife. But notice how Jesus answered them. He appealed to the Scriptures (v. 4).
2. The basics of our belief about marriage -
A. The nature of marriage - vs. 3-6
1) Marriage is God’s idea - v. 4
2) Marriage is to be between a man and a woman - v. 4
3) Marriage is to be monogamous - v. 4
4) Marriage involves commitment - v. 5-6a
In the ancient world families lived with multiple generations in one house. You can only imagine the commitment required for an ancient couple! But notice how this commitment is to one’s spouse over . . .
A) Parents - I believe this goes both ways, too. Not only should married children seek to be on their own, but parents of married children should also let them.
B) Children - Parents are to love their children, but eventually, their children are to leave father and mother to go out on their own, too.
Sadly, when the kids leave, parents find they are married to a stranger, because one or both lived for their children before living for each other.
C) Self - “So they are no longer two, but one.” I no longer have only myself to consider when making decision, but my spouse. When I decide or do affects not just me, but them, as well.
5) Marriage is the only acceptable context for sexual relations - v. 5
“One flesh” refers to the final step in their “becoming one.”
Man is comprised of spirit, soul and body (1 Thessalonians 5:23). The oneness God desires is a oneness in all three areas - spiritual oneness, emotional oneness, and physical oneness. That is also God’s order for things. First comes spiritual oneness - both have a personal relationship with Christ and a common commitment to Him (2 Corinthians 6:14). Second comes the attraction to one another as friends. They like being together - there is emotional oneness. Finally, after deciding by God’s direction to spend the rest of their lives together, they marry and experience physical oneness (Hebrews 13:4). Thus, becoming “one.”
In Greek, there are three words for “love.” “Agape” refers to God’s love for us and the love we believers are to have for each other. “Phileo” refers to a love between people with a connection. It is an “I love you because I like you” kind of love. “Eros” refers to physical attraction and sexuality. God’s desire is for us to know love in all its dimensions through spiritual, emotional, and then, within the context of marriage, physical oneness.
The world’s way is opposite. Couples start with physical attraction, then friendship, and then, usually after kids arrive, or after problems arise, there is concern about spiritual things.
6) Marriage is a covenant, not a contract - v. 6b
A) A covenant entered into with God.
God never intended for marriage to be a convenience-based contract that we could easily get out of but a character-based covenant that we would be committed to for life. A contract is an agreement between two parties, but God intends that three parties be involved in marriage.
Marriage is a covenant between the couple and God. A true covenant marriage is always a threesome: God, husband, and wife.
“A rope made from three strands of cord is hard to break.” - Ecclesiastes 4:12 (CEV)
A rope made of three strands is the strongest because all the strands touch each other. The addition of more strands does not strengthen a rope because the additional strands cannot “touch” each other. In times of stress, when one or two strands begin to fray, the third strand will keep the rope from breaking.
Marriage binds together a man, a woman, and God. As they stay in close contact with each other and God, there is an unbreakable bond.
B) A covenant entered into with God and witnessed to by man.
In the Bible, marriage is a commitment between a couple, who enter into a covenant with God as formally witnessed by men. But the modern focus on the individual has largely eroded this ancient model. Rather than viewing marriage as a public matter, many today see it as the domain of two consenting persons. They say that what is important is the private, inward commitment of a two people. And therefore, the expression of this commitment sexually is entirely appropriate. This understanding of marriage leads inevitably to the question, “What
difference does a piece of paper make? Why worry about a ceremony?”
First, the biblical pattern is for a couple’s commitment to one another and their covenant with God be witnessed by society.
Second, a public ceremony solidifies inward commitment. It is easy to pledge ourselves to each other in private, but voicing that commitment before others makes us publicly accountable for our words and actions.
Third, marriage forms the context for the conception and raising of children, and is the foundational building block of society (Malachi 2:14-15). Society has a vested interest in seeing their marriage succeed.
Fourth, God has chosen marriage as a picture of His union with us. The Old Testament express God’s desire that Israel be like a virgin bride who gives herself willingly and exclusively to her husband (Jeremiah 2:2), so becoming his delight (Isaiah 62:5). The New Testament uses the bond between husband and wife to explain the relationship between Christ and His people (Ephesians 5:21-32). Marriage points to the return of Christ and the glorious fellowship we will one day share in eternity (Revelation 19:7; 21:9-10; 21:2). When a couple express their commitment to one another and enter into a covenant relationship with together with God as witnessed by others, it is a reminder and a picture of the grace of God and the glory of salvation.
Conclusion: Why does our church have a statement on the definition of marriage in our confession of faith? Because we feel it is important in today’s culture to be clear on what the Bible says and to encourage a biblical approach to marriage. The fact is that applying God’s truth to your marriage will contribute greatly to your chance for success.
A common myth going around is that the divorce rate is the same among Christians as it is among non-Christians. But such just isn’t the case, when you take a closer look.
According to the “Americans for Divorce Reform,” the divorce rate among the general population in America for first marriages is 41%; the divorce rate in America for second marriages is 60%; the divorce rate in America for third marriages is 73%.
The National Commission on America’s Urban Families states that, “Research shows that families that maintain an active religious life tend to have lower divorce rates than those who do not participate in religious worship together.”
Bradley Wright, a leading sociologist at the University of Virginia and director of the National Marriage Project, in his book, “Christians Are Hate-Filled Hypocrites … and Other Lies You’ve Been Told,” reports from his research that “active conservative Protestants” who regularly attend church are 35 percent less likely to divorce compared to those who have no affiliation. Nominally attending conservative Protestants are 20 percent more likely to divorce, compared to secular Americans.
“Being a committed, faithful believer makes a measurable difference in marriage. Saying you believe something or merely belonging to a church, unsurprisingly, does little for marriage. But the more you are involved in the actual practice of your faith in real ways - through submitting yourself to a serious body of believers, learning regularly from Scripture, being in communion with God though prayer individually and with your spouse and children, and having friends and family around you who challenge you to take you marriage seriously - the greater difference this makes in strengthening both the quality and longevity of our marriages. Faith does matter and the leading sociologists of family and religion tell us so.”- Glenn Stanton, Director for Family Formation Studies, Focus On The Family
God’s Word works!
