1. As we continue through the Sermon on the Mount, we’re in Matthew 5:31, 32, and Jesus teaches on the topic of divorce. Tough passage, lots of questions. Lots of confusion. And I hope to clear some of that up today, but there’s probably a lot I won’t clear up. B/c here’s the thing – Sin complicates things. Anytime we get off track from God’s design, in any area of life, it gets messy. I wish everybody would just stick to the plan. Life makes a lot more sense when we do it God’s way. Of course, if everybody stuck to the plan, I’d be out of work, so on behalf of my family I’d like personally to thank you all for being dysfunctional.
2. But today everybody’s talking about how bad it is. Life today is so bad. The country is so evil. People are so wicked. We need to get back to the way things were in the Bible. Well, guess what, no thanks. If you really knew what life was like in Jesus’ day, you wouldn’t want to go back there.
3. Jesus came into a world that was bloodthirsty and violent. Filled with death and disease, full of prostitution and sexual sin, paganism. The Roman leaders had orgies and homosexual sex in the palaces. And unlike Bill Clinton, they didn’t even have to deny it. It was the way it was. And in the area of marriage, things couldn’t have been worse. Marriage in Jesus’ day had disintegrated to the point where it was no longer honored, valued, cherished. It wasn’t until death do us part, it was until I (the man) want out.
4. A big part of the problem was that women weren’t valued. They had no rights. They were treated as a piece of property or as slaves. One Rabbi is quoted as saying, “I would rather be a Gentile or a dog than to be a woman.” One of the things that’s so amazing about Jesus’ ministry is how much value he places on women. He has women disciples – didn’t happen. He interacts personally with them – didn’t happen. He stands up for women; didn’t happen. Christianity sometimes gets a bad rap for being chauvinistic, but Jesus and the Gospel have been liberating women for 2,000 years. In the places where the Gospel hasn’t liberated women, especially Islamic countries, women still are treated as property.
5. But b/c of the low view of women, there was a low view of marriage. It stands to reason that if a woman is my property, I should be able to treat her however I want. She’s mine. And if I don’t want her anymore, I can get rid of her. Throw her out. That was actually a common practice – it was known as putting her out / putting away. If a man was no longer interested, for whatever reason, he could just put her out – kick her out. She’d be left defenseless – had no rights, no job, no place to live – often forced to prostitution or into another, possibly illegal relationship. And this caused a lot of problems. Keep this in mind as we read Matthew 5:31, 32.
6. In Jesus’ day people didn’t read the law for themselves. They were largely illiterate and relied on the teachers of the law to interpret the law for them. Two particular Rabbis had a lot of influence in Jesus’ day. Their names were Hillel and Shammai. They were like the original Republican and Democrat. Hillel was a very liberal interpreter of the law and thus, very popular. Shammai was a conservative scholar (Talmud) and particularly in the area of divorce, took a very narrow view of what the law allowed. (Dt 24; displease b/c of some uncleanness) While Hillel argued that divorce was allowable for any and every reason, including burning the bagels, Shammai insisted that adultery, sex outside of marriage, was the only out.
7. (Essentially, Jesus says Shammai is right. God’s law only gives one exception to divorce – adultery. That’s it. Not bad cooking, not bad spending, not a big mouth, not too much ESPN, too many tools, too little attention. The only get out of marriage free card that God accepts is sexual immorality with someone other than your spouse. That act so violates the covenant of marriage and violates the other person so deeply, that in that instance, you are permitted to leave. Even then, God doesn’t say he recommends or endorses it, just that he allows it.)
8. And there are still so many questions that arise out of a passage like this. What if someone leaves you? What if you suspect unfaithfulness but aren’t sure? What if you’re already remarried, are you an adulterer? What if I got divorced before I became a Christian? So many shades of gray and personal questions that really need answered on a personal level. If you’re confused or convicted about something, I would get some solid Christian counseling and advice and pray a lot before you do anything. Apoluo v. Apostasio.
9. While I think God gives us all a lot of grace, I also know the Scriptures really don’t cut us any slack concerning marriage and divorce. Let’s check out Matthew 19:3-9.
10. To answer their questions about divorce, Jesus takes us back to the beginning. God’s design - one woman, one man, one flesh, for life. Divorce was never an option; it wasn’t even in the picture. What God joins together, no condition of man is ever supposed to separate. When God brings two sets of chromosomes together to form one little zygote, you can’t kill it. Whether it’s little or big, that’s a life that God created. You can’t take it. You don’t have that right or that authority. In the same way, when God takes two humans and brings them together to become ONE FLESH, the two become one – Let no one kill that or tear it apart.
11. To understand God’s will on divorce, you have to understand God’s will for marriage; two people submitting to Christ and each other, loving the heck out of each other for the rest of their lives. There’s no divorce in that plan. God’s plan for marriage is a life-long covenant. Not a contract based on performance; if you do this, then I’ll do this. Marriage isn’t a transaction. Lawn service is a transaction; it’s a contract. Committed to my lawn partner as long as he cuts my lawn. Marriage is a covenant. I swear to God to be faithful until death, no matter what you do or what happens to you. Go back and watch your wedding video.
12. (John and Lucille Womack – 63 years. Dimentia for about 5 yrs. Alz for over 2. John’s not in the marriage for what he can get out of it – there’s very little he gets at this point. He’s in a covenant with God. It’s an Ephesians 5 picture of Christ’s love for His bride, the church. That’s God’s plan for marriage. It’s not a contract, it’s a covenant. And when we see it done right, it’s a beautiful thing.)
13. Jesus says the only reason we’re even talking about divorce, the only reason we have divorce is b/c of your hard heart. You know I’ve never counseled a troubled marriage where there wasn’t a hard heart. It’s always b/c of someone’s stubbornness, hard-heartedness, someone is unwilling to repent and obey God that relationships don’t work. Humility will hold a house together, but pride will tear it apart. If you’re married, I just want to challenge you right now – is there any area of your marriage where your heart is hard towards your spouse? If you don’t forgive that, work through that and allow God to heal that, you’ve already given Satan a foothold. All he needs a little room to work, a little wedge, and he’ll drive you mil..apart.
14. Most reasons for divorce are so small. Feels big, seems big, but it’s usually starts small. Div. is like hacking off a limb over a splinter. Elijah ill. He likes to over-dramatize his illnesses. So I usually over-dramatize the remedy. He says his toe hurts, I go and get the hedge clippers and a hack saw and lay him up on the kitchen island and ask him to show me where it hurts. He flips out and everybody laughs. And nobody calls DCF…right? Divorce is like amputating your leg b/c you have a splinter. Get some tweezers! Fix the problem, don’t create bigger problems.
15. Divorce doesn’t solve problems, it creates new ones. If you’ve ever gotten a divorce or walked with someone through a divorce, then you know there’s nothing easy about it. It’s messy, it’s hard. People get hurt. The couple, the kids, the extended family, the friends – everybody’s affected. Financially it’s devastating. Most divorced people experience some form of depression, loneliness, anxiety.
16. That’s why in Malachi 2:16, God says I hate divorce. God hates divorce for a lot of the same reasons we do. He hates the things that cause divorce. He hates the effect of divorce. While God hates divorce, He doesn’t hate the divorced. For some of you, God hates what you’re going through, what you’ve been through, but God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. Trust Him. He wants to bring you through this. You may need to repent of your part of the divorce, ask God’s forgiveness for things you’ve done. You may need to forgive someone else - bring your hurt to God and let him heal you. DIVORCECARE>Matt and Cathy are two beautiful people w/ a beautiful marriage, both been hurt by divorce, but healed by God.
17. Some of you are struggling in a bad marriage- fight, fight…for your marriage. To keep your vows. To keep your covenant w/ God. It’s not about happiness, it’s about holiness. Hang in there and do it for God. Before you even mention the word divorce, get tons of counseling, tons of help, read the Bible 20 times, do 5000 push-ups, climb MT. Everest.
18. Never make a decision w/ a broken decision maker. Most people make the biggest decisions of their life when they’re hurt, depressed, anxious, in sin…they make major decisions with majorly broken decision makers. Fix the problems – the hurt, the unforgiveness, the insecurity, the anxiety. Get help for that stuff, and then evaluate the relationship. Fix you and then work on the marriage.
19. Personal story; Robin and I. Year 7, the distance between us. I thought it was all her. That was, until I talked to her. Found out it was a lot me. Stress, selfishness, stubbornness. The need to be right. But you know what saved our marriage? We got on our knees and each asked God to forgive us and help us. Didn’t want to...wanted to hold onto the hurt, the anger, the resentment. The only thing we had going for us was Jesus and turns out He was enough. 4 ½ years later, our marriage couldn’t be better.
20. Honestly, I think the challenge today is less for those who are divorced and more for those who are still married. Are you doing everything you can to make your marriage awesome? You get out what you put in. Are you giving everything you’ve got to the one you’ve given your life to? Under extreme conditions you may need to separate for a while; you may even need to get divorced. But are you doing everything you can to avoid it?
21. The position Jesus takes on divorce is extreme. It’s radical. It’s totally counter-culture. To a world like his and ours that says, if your spouse doesn’t make you happy, why are you still there, Jesus’ teaching sounds like some form of medieval torture. How could anybody want me to be unhappy? How could God want me to stay in a situation that makes me unhappy? B/c God’s more concerned about your holiness than your happiness. And He knows better than anybody that the only way to be truly happy is to be holy. He’s got an eternity of happiness lined up for anybody who’s willing to pay the price and pursue holiness.
22. And really that’s the challenge for all of us. Single, married, divorced, divorcing, happily married, unhappily married – are we going to do life God’s way or our way? Are we going to follow Jesus or follow our feelings?
23. As we prepare to take communion, let’s thank God that Jesus didn’t follow His feelings – He fulfilled his commitment. Even though it cost Him his life, He went willingly to the cross to pay for our sins. As He breaks the bread and pours the wine – he says this is the new covenant in my blood. Jesus offered himself to all of us in a life-long covenant.
24. For those of us who accept His body and His blood as the sacrifice for our sins, we’re in a marriage covenant with Jesus – we’re the Bride, He’s the Groom. And He’s promised to be faithful to us. Never will He leave us, never will He forsake us. And He’s asked us to remember Him (and examine ourselves) each time we come together. To remember his sacrifice, his love, his faithfulness to us. And to check ourselves to make sure we’re being faithful to Him.
