INTRODUCTION
• You cannot have happiness in relationships without trust.
• It is the key ingredient for all healthy relationships.
• It is essential for intimacy in marriage.
• Trust creates security and openness in relationships.
• Trust makes relationships safe!
• Trust = faithful, dependable, reliable, have confidence in
• Did you know there are geographical areas of higher trust and geographical areas of lower trust? The deep South and Nevada are very low trust areas.
• Minnesota is a high trust area.
• 2% of Brazilians trust people and 65% of Norwegians do.
• Low trust regions tend to have larger disparity between the rich and poor, worse health and social services available to the poor, lower political participation, lower giving to help others and lower serving.
• Poorer health and higher crime.
• As well as lower achievement on standardized testing of children in schools.
• Trust has huge implications for our lives.
• The most widely desired trait for a future partner is trust!
• Wikipedia says trust measures honesty, goodness and fairness of another party.
• Long-term relationships, business and the people that trust others are all better off because they trust.
• People who don’t trust make poor leaders and dangerous to have around during tense times of conflict or war.
I Corinthians 13:6-7, “Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. 7 Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.”
I. THE BENEFITS OF TRUST
• Trust fosters life in relationships and in people!
• Trust permits action with incomplete information.
• Orthodox Jewish business men who are diamond merchants handle vast sums of money but often make deals on handshakes.
• Their community system makes transactions much less costly and lawyers are never needed.
• People who trust don’t waste their time as private investigators.
• People who don’t trust die young. These are lonely, socially isolated, disconnected people, usually men.
• Immigrant groups consistently show better health signs because they are part of a trusting community and have family ties or they would not immigrate.
• Trusting marriages and good friends repeatedly show enormous health benefits.
• No deep relationships without authenticity, vulnerability, and trust. They are keys to deep relationships.
I Corinthians 4:2, “Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful.”
II. THE COST OF NOT TRUSTING
Proverbs 11:6 (NCV), “Doing right brings freedom to honest people, but those who are not trustworthy will be caught by their own desires.”
• If you don’t have trust in a relationship it’s not going anywhere because relationships are fueled by the power of trust.
• Any relationship in your life, marriage, friendship, at work, with your kids
• The cost of not trusting is huge: health, quality, relationships suffer, you pay
• Those who don’t trust are much more negative and lose discernment on who they should and should not trust.
• They end up lonely and lonely is stressful.
• A study done in 1952-1954 at Harvard University asked about their relationship with their parents: trusting, warm, close or not. 35 years later they were interviewed.
• 91% of those who said they were not close to their mothers had experienced serious health issues in midlife compared to 45% who said they were close.
• For those with father issues it was an astounding 100% had serious health issues in midlife compared to 47% who said they were close.
• 95% of the students who used few positive words to define their parents had experienced serious medical issues in midlife compared to 29% who were positive.
• The level of trust in families has huge and serious consequences for us all.
III. HOW DO YOU BUILD TRUST
• In marriage there is always the big question? Are you there for me?
• Will you chose me over your friends, fishing, the game?
Luke 16:10, “Unless you’re faithful in small matters you won’t be faithful in large ones. If you cheat even a little you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.”
• Will you come home when you say?
• First, trust is built with transparency, keeping promises, doing what you said, truthful .
Ephesians 4:15, “Speaking the truth in love...”
Proverbs 24:26 (NIV), “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” Intimacy and honesty go together.
Matthew 5:37 (NIV), “Simply let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes,’ and your ‘no,’ ‘no’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”
• Second, be thoughtful - are you good, ethical, treat me right? Integrity, kindness, love and goodwill.
o This is it: Where do I fit in my partners motivations.
o How we respond to each other in the day to day moments defines our ability to build trust. You must be responsive.
• Third, when you mess up do you own it? We all have our moments, do you own them?
• Fourth, don’t dismiss other’s emotions.
o All people all over the world display seven basic emotions: anger, sadness, disgust, contempt, fear, interest and happiness.
o How do you handle them with friends, kids, spouse?
o When we dismiss other’s emotions we break trust. When we turn towards other’s emotions, we build it.
Romans 12:15, “Weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.”
• When you attempt to understand the emotion, listen and empathize it builds trust.
In a study done with newlyweds, they found those who were divorced in six years turned towards each other 33% of the time.
Those who were still married turned towards each other 86% of the time.
• When people stop believing you have their best interests at heart they stop trusting you. The more you do it, the worse it gets.
• Negative breeds negative
• Fifth, Respect their needs.
I Peter 2:17, “Show respect for all people.”
• Everyone deserves your respect because everyone is a unique creation of God.
• I’ve noticed that it’s more difficult to show respect after you get up close.
CLOSE
• A strange thing with trust. People will often trust a total stranger before they’ll trust somebody they love.
• You get on a plane and you’re sitting next to a total stranger and you find yourself telling them something you haven’t even told your husband or wife.
