Series: The Art of Dating, Love, & Relationships
Message: The Art of Physical Attraction
Topics: Physical, Attraction, Sex, Dating, Relationships, Self-image, Character
Two Main Themes:
Physical Attraction/Sex is Good
How can I be physically attracted to/for my date/mate?
Text: Song of Solomon 1:1-8
Date: February 12, 2012
Pastor: David McBeath
SERIES INTRODUCTION
This is going to be fun! Because, today, we are going to begin a new sermon series on the book of Song of Solomon. Go ahead and turn there in your Bibles. If you don’t’ have a Bible with you, grab one out of the pew or chair in front of you. Song of Solomon is on p. 707 of the Pew Bibles.
Technologically Advanced/But Not Relationally and Sexually Enlightened
I want begin my message this morning by asking you how much technology do you have in your life. (Shout out some of the technology we have today!)
We have high speed internet, whole house DVR, DVD/Blue Ray players, 3D TV, cell phones, blackberries or phones with personal data assistants built right in, Kindles with libraries of books we can have on a little machine and our laptop computers….and the list could go on and on and on….! The rate at which new information is accessible to us doubles in less than two weeks!
We are the most educated, sophisticated, rational society in all of history! And, we have all the wonderful advancements of Western Civilization, literally, at our fingertips and yet we hold in your hands a collection of Poems 3000 years old about a good relationship. …. …..And we can’t wait to know why this relationship is so good.
You see we think we are we are sophisticated, but when it comes to learning how to have good relationships …who isn’t dying to know more! Am I right?
So why is this? Why can’t we wait to see what a 3000 year old document has to say about attraction and marriage?
Here is the reason: The fundamental issues related to human relationships and attraction have not changed in 3000 years. ….We think we are advanced, but are we really? Is there more clarity on relationships and attraction now than then? …. I don’t think so!
This is why I can’t wait to get started! I know the world doesn’t have the answers. Most of us here know something is not right about our “advanced” society’s view of attraction, relationships, marriage, and sex!
Many of us want to hear this message, because deep down we know the world’s way is messed up. We know it’s messed up because we have following its way. Even Christians, studies show that our divorce rate is actually higher than the non-Christians divorce rate.
Sheryl Crow & Kid Rock Song
Let me illustrate all of this with a song Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock sang about ten years ago. It’s a haunting song called “Picture.” It’s not a beautiful song like Song of Solomon, but in a way this song mirrors the structure of Song of Solomon because in both songs we hear a male and female voice singing about their relationship. Kid Rock (The guy) sings:
Livin' my life in a slow hell. Different girl every night at the hotel. I aint seen the sunshine in 3 dang days. Been fuelin' up on whisky and cocaine. Wish I had a good girl to miss me. [Do you hear the longing for something better? NOW HERE IS THE RECOGNITION THE WORLDS WAY IS THE WRONG WAY: LISTEN] Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways. I put your picture away Sat down and cried that day. I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to her.
Now listen to the female voice (Sherly Crow) I called you last night in the hotel. Everyone knows but they won’t tell. But their half-hearted smiles tell me Somethin' just ain't right. I been waitin' on you for a long time. Fuelin' up on heartaches and cheap wine. I ain't heard from you in 3 dang nights. I put your picture away. I wonder where you been. I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him.
It haunting isn’t! Especially, when you hear these lyrics put to music. It’s haunting because some of us have felt this way! We’ve been there! Maybe not to that extreme, but we’ve been there. For others, it’s haunting because we have loved ones, sons, daughters, grandkids that are there. They are in this mess and we wish we could help!
And let’s say you’ve never been in this place, that’s described by this song. I bet you can relate to the guy who slips under the covers secretly wishing his wife would roll over and attack him as if he was the most attractive man on earth. Or the woman who watching the movie on the couch while eating popcorn with her husband that wonders why her husband doesn’t playfully chase her around the bedroom like Jack Campbell played by Nicolas Cage chased his wife in the movie “The Family Man”. Inside she thinks it is because she is not as attractive as the blond in this movie?
This is why we are here! Deep down we know the world’s ideas about attraction, love, and relationships do not work and we are praying that this 3000 year old collection of love songs might help us navigate our own insecurities in this area.
Now, as I have been studying this book I have been really surprised at how good this book is and how it speaks to our culture today! One more thing: I believe the Bible is inspired. Its God breathed, and everything in it is profitable for instruction and correction! Everything in this book!! Even this part—a collection of poems about love and sex! That is why I am excited about this series.
MESSAGE INTRODUCTION
Today we are going to talk about the Art of Attraction. Now let me give you a little background information about how this book is arranged to help you understand this collection of God inspired “love songs”. Let me make some analogies between this 3000 year old document and today.
Background
First, look at verse 1. It says: “Solomon’s Song of Songs.” These songs were written by a king of Israel named Solomon. In fact, Solomon is known to have written 1005 songs. He was an amazing song writer and this book was his Magnum Opus. His best work. It is known as the Song of Songs because it was what we would call his Greatest Hits CD!
The second thing to take note of is this. These songs are not necessarily in chronological order. It’s kinda like hitting shuffle on your I-pod.
Faith Hill and Tim McGraw
Third, it is a collection of songs that a husband and wife sing together. For those of you who like country music, it’s like Faith Hill and Tim McGraw singing to each other on stage, with back up vocalists. If you look at your Bible you will see that there are titles that indicate who is singing when.
The Beloved is the female voice, Solomon’s wife, the equivalent of Faith Hill. Now guys, here is something you need to know—especially if you’re dating or would like to be dating. The woman is never alone! Did you get that? She is never alone. She comes with a whole network of other women—her friends. They have a voice in this song, just like a woman’s friends do in real life.
In the Song of Solomon, the woman’s friends are the back-up singers that occasionally drop a line or two into the song. (…Here is a little advice for you single guys. If you’re going to get the girl, ….you are going to have to get the approval of her friends. You know what talking about! It true isn’t it ladies? It happened in Bible times too!) Finally, there is the Lover. This is the Male Voice. It is Solomon. Today’s equivalent would be Tim McGraw.
In Song of Solomon we have Lover’s singing their poetry to each other. Their poems are about love and sex, but they are not crass. Just like the songs that Tim McGraw and Faith Hill’s sing. Song like: It’s your love, Just to Hear You Say that You Love Me, Let’s Make Love, …you get the picture.
The songs that Solomon and his wife sing for the Jewish people use all kinds of metaphors and images and it’s beautiful. It’s fun! And, it’s free and liberated! (You’ll find out what I mean in just a little bit!) It is amazing because it’s how God intends a relationship to be! The relationship isn’t perfect, but they work hard at doing things God’s way.
Kiss me w/the Kisses
OK. With that background out of the way, let’s get into it! You ready? Look at verse 2. The woman starts by singing: "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine."
Let me comment on the first part of verse 2: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth.” MMM, MMM and we don’t even get the full effect of these words verse in English, because in the Hebrew there is some onomatopoeia going on. In other words this Hebrew phrase sounds like the smacking (make noises) of passionate kisses. WWWOO (shaking shirt!) Is it starting to get hot in here isn’t it?
Let me talk to guys for just a second. Women tune out! Guys, …….wouldn’t it be great if we could get our wives to memorize this verse in about 6 different versions of the Bible! …Kiss me with the smacking passionate kisses of your mouth! That’s what I want to hear!
Your Love is Better than Wine
OK. Now look at the second half of this verse. The woman says: His love is better than fine wine! She is saying that she is attracted to Solomon. She finds Solomon completely intoxicating. To her he is more intoxicating than wine! Now that’s an image some churches don’t like to admit is in the Bible, isn’t it? How does she know how intoxicating wine is?
You’ve all know there are 3 truths in life. Right? Here they are. Truth 1: Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. Truth 2: Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith; and truth 3: a lot of Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.
Dode/Love
Back to the verse: The woman says his love is more intoxicating than wine. The Hebrew word translated love has at its core the act of love. ….SEX! It can also have the sense of expectation of, or longing for, or anticipation of making love!
I believe this part of the Song of Song is about a betrothed couple (engaged couple-in our world) looking forward to their wedding night and being together physically! Her body is crying out for intimacy with her future husband!
Now listen, she is not asking for pre-marital sex. Later we will learn that she instructs her women friends, all virgins, not to awaken love until it so desires! In other words don’t get too close too soon, don’t be intimate and have sex outside of marriage because it is too good to ruin that way. …That is one reason I don’t believe in long engagements! When you get close, you should naturally desire to be together and chances are you will act on that desire if you date or are engaged for too long!
ATTRACTION IS PERMISSABLE AND DESIREABLE
So what do we learn from this verse? Here is the point: Attraction is not only permissible, it is desirable. You should be attracted to the person you are going to marry! You should be attracted to your spouse and be attractive for your spouse. You should want to have sex with them!
I am going to say something that might be a little shocking to hear in church: SEX IS GOOD! Let me say that again. SEX IS GOOD. We can say this in church. God made SEX! And everything he made, he said was what? Good! You say it with me: Sex is good!
Why is it hard for us to say this as Christians? Why do we have a hard time saying this in church?
SEX AS GOD so CHURCH says SEX IS BAD
Well, here is the reason: The World views sex as God! In their mind sex and attraction have become synonymous. They want to be attractive so they can have sex, and they give their live to this pursuit. This happened in biblical times too! In biblical times people worshiped the gods or idols of the universe by going to temple shrines built for these gods and engaging in all kinds of sex acts. They did this so they would have money, be successful, and popular! Sex was worship!
Now fast forward to our day. Are we any different? Are we more enlightened and more advanced in our culture?
Not at all! We still worship the gods of this world, gods like, popularity, relationships, success, and so on. And we worship these gods and earn their favor by trying to be attractive and having sex!
Preparing for this message I did a Google search for February’s magazine covers. All you have to do is look at these covers to see how we worship attraction and sex today! Listen to what these covers say are in their magazines: Too Naughty to Say Here, Sexier by Tonight, 10 Shortcuts to Hot, Look Pretty Now, New Rules for Figure Flattery, Easy Body Confidence…and on and on! It sure looks like SEX and attraction have become synonymous and that the world continues to worship Sex in our society too!
Attraction and Sex Are Not God! And if you worship attraction and sex, if you give your life to them, if they are all you can think. If they are number 1 in your life, you will be disappointed. They will never fulfill you. Only God can! The only fulfilling relationships are the ones based on God’s standards not those based solely on physical attraction.
Now the church has been trying to teach the world that Sex and attraction are not God since it got started. But many churches have taken the wrong approach to trying to convince people of this. Their approach has been to talk about how bad sex is before and outside of marriage. They did this in the early church. In fact, an early church theologian Origin castrated himself, because in his mind physical attraction and sex were bad. Another Early Church Father said he would prefer the human race go extinct than to even have sex in marriage. Not good! Unbiblical! The Bible doesn’t say that sex and attraction are bad. It says sex and attraction are good!
Today we see this same type of thinking in the typical fundamentalist youth group or church ideology: They preach against attraction and sex so much, that in the minds of the students and congregation members, sex becomes synonymous with being dirty, nasty, vile, evil and wrong……. Then they say: So save it for the one you love! ….Really? NO! NO! If it’s that bad then why would we, why would they ever want to save if for the one they love? If it’s bad why respect it?
No! We need to teach that attraction and sex are good! So good you don’t want to mess your future sex-life up by not understanding God’s plan! Parents, your kids need to know that you are attracted to each other and that that is a good thing! They need to see what good healthy biblical attraction is! So they will respect sex! So they will want to have the best sex possible—which is only available to them in a committed relationship. SEX is a gift from God. Like all gifts, from God it should be treasured, enjoyed, celebrated and cultivated in committed marriage.
You know there are Christian couples out there that have grown up hearing sex is bad so much, that they feel bad about being attracted to each other and guilty about enjoying each other in an intimate way in their marriage. They do it quick to get it over with. They only do it with the lights out ‘cause they’ve been taught that it is bad. They know they should think differently about it but it takes years for them to overcome the negatives that have been pounded in their head. We need to teach people sex is so good, so spiritual, you don’t want to mess it up, so you will be attracted to your spouse in the best way possible when you get married!
Be Physically Attracted/Attractive to Your Spouse…
If attraction is permissible and desirable then by all means be attracted to and attractive for your spouse or fiancé(e). Look at verse 3. The woman says: “Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes.” Let me stop there. She is saying that her fiancé smells good, that he takes the time to be attractive for her!
Men, if you want to be attractive to your wives, if you want her to say let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, if you want her to think your lovemaking is intoxicating Brush your teeth and put on some deodorant! Wear some cologne too! Let your wife pick it out for you! It doesn’t matter what you think you smell like! It matters what she thinks! Right? Guys don’t were the old comfortable jeans with the holes in them or the sweats you love every day when you get home. Make effort. Look nice. You tried, key word tried, to look good when you were dating. Why not try to look good every once and a while now. You all know I hate to wear a tie, but from time to time I will put one on to please my wife!
Women, same goes for you! Don’t quit trying just because you’ve got him. Don’t take him for granted by not caring how you look. If you needed makeup when you were dating, then use some makeup today. If you have an outfit he likes wear it every once and a while. You may not like it but he does. Show your husband you care by looking good for him every once and a while like you did when you were dating!
Be Physically Attractive but Don’t Buy the Lie
Since we are talking about being physically attractive for our spouse or our fiancé(e) or boyfriend/ girlfriend, let me skip over to verses 5 and 6. Listen to what the woman says:
"Dark am I, yet lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon. Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun. My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I have neglected."
Notice what she says, Dark am I yet Lovely. Now, this girl has some self-esteem! Man, you don’t’ see that real often. She does not have a self-image problem. That is unusual.
These verses say that Solomon’s wife to be does not measure up to her society’s standard of beauty, but she knows that she is lovely just the way she is! In her world pretty was pale! Yes, pale! Tan wasn’t in like it is today! The rich girls in Jerusalem didn’t have to work. They never had to go outside and their skin never got dark. She is telling the “models” in Jerusalem not to look down on her because she has a tan. She is saying I am beautiful even though you don’t think I am. She didn’t buy the lie the world was telling her!
Women, here is a rhetorical question. Don’t raise your hands. How many of you battle with body-image and self-esteem issues?
Listen to Linda, she said: My mom, who is a petite size-six defined my image of beauty. Consequently, I’ve been dieting since I was 12. When my daughter was a little, she looked at me one day and said, “I don’t want to grow up to be a mommy because that means I’ll always have to be on a diet.” The lie I’ve battled all my life is that beauty is defined by a dress size.
From what I understand there are not many women that do not battle with lies about their body image. Don’t we hear it all the time guys: I have too much cellulite and I look hideous. I’d be prettier if my but wasn’t so big. I found my first gray hair, I’m ancient. Hey, Stop It! God has made each of you different! You don’t have to buy the lie that you have to look like the girl on the magazine to be attractive to your husband.
Here is something else to think about. By focusing on what you think is wrong with your appearance you’re a teaching your husband to focus on the thing or things you don’t’ like …and not the things he likes about you, or your telling him the things he likes about you aren’t good. You are teaching him to buy the lie the world is selling about beauty.
Solomon’s fiancé didn’t buy the lie that she had to have fair skin like the rich women in Jerusalem in order to be lovely! And you know what? Solomon didn’t buy the lie that she needed to look his society’s definition of beauty!
Men, don’t buy this lie either. Your girlfriend or your wife doesn’t need to look like the woman on the Magazine. Are you looking at Porn? If you are, it is feeding you a lie about what is beautiful! Don’t get sucked into the lie.
Men, you know what, you don’t have to be a GQ model either. You don’t have to be buff and rock solid to be attractive to your wife or girlfriend. From what I can see of you guys from up here on the platform: that good news for most of you! I know it’s a relief for me, ‘cause I’m definitely not the hunk on the magazine.
Be Spiritually Attractive to/for Your Spouse
OK, now let look at verse 3 again. The woman sings: “Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes.” Or you smell good and I am physically attracted to you. Now look at the second half of this verse. The woman continues: “Your name is like perfume poured out. Now wonder the maidens love you!”
Not only is this woman physically attracted to Solomon. She is attracted to his Character, his Spirituality, and his Reputation as well. I am out of time. So I can’t get into the details this morning, but let me close by asking this question. How many times have you or someone you know said so and so is a real hunk? The question that begs to be asked is, A Hunk of What?
There is nothing wrong with being handsome, beautiful, or good looking. But beauty is skin deep and real beauty comes from what’s inside. And you need Christ inside your life to truly make your character and spirituality attractive. Next week we will talk about inner-beauty, character, and spirituality. We will learn what you need to be on the inside to be as attractive, as sexy as you can possibly be for your spouse or your fiancé.
You don’t want to miss this conversation next Sunday, because it is this inner-beauty that makes the woman sing, “Take me away with you—let’s hurry, let the king take me to his bed chambers!”
I want to encourage you—if you don’t have a relationship with Jesus, if he is not a part of who you are on the inside, you will be at a disadvantage to becoming all you can be on the inside. Only a real relationship with Christ can help you truly change your insides, your spirituality, the essence of who you are. Get a head start for next week, come forward, see me and ask how you can have this kind of a relationship with God. Let’s pray.
