As the ushers are coming forward to collect for our offering, I want to begin by saying, “I am excited by about this series on Song of Solomon.” I truly believe this 3000 year old collection of love songs can speak life into our marriages, our dating lives, and all of our relationships. The message of this book is for young and old alike, because God’s word, all of it, is profitable for each and every one of us!
GARDENS & SPRINGTIME
I want to begin my message this morning by getting our minds off our late winter doldrums. Is anybody ready for spring? Let me ask this, how many gardeners do we have in our congregation this morning? Raise your hand, if you consider yourself of gardener? How many of you have planted a garden full of fruits and vegetable or plan to this spring? What are some of your favorite things to plant?
How many of you hear this morning enjoy landscaping? I know Irene, my secretary does. Has anyone seen her yard? Oh my gosh! …Is Art, her husband, in here this morning? So do you ever see Irene in the spring-time?
How many guys are in this category, like to landscape and plant flower gardens? It’s OK guys. You can raise your hands. I won’t make fun of you! ‘Cause I am the one that usually plans and plants all the flower beds and shrubbery at our home. We can still be manly and like making our yard look good! …At least I hope so!
You see, I love making my grass perfect. No weeds! No Dandelions! No Clover! Just, lush, thick, deep green grass, striped perfectly with the lawn mower! Anyone know what I’m talking about?
So why is your pastor talking about lawns and gardening to open his message on The Art of Connecting form a 3000 year old collection of songs about love and making love? You will find out at the end of my message, so stay with me.
REVIEW
Last week we talked about connecting physically, physical attraction, and sex. We learned there is nothing wrong with physical attraction or beauty. It’s good and desirable, but we shouldn’t by the lie that we have to look like a model. We even said Sex is good, but not god. It’s not dirty or evil …but something special and wonderful that should be celebrated in committed marriages. We ended by saying we must strive to be spiritually attractive, attractive on the inside, attractive at the very core of our being. That is what we are going to talk about this morning: How to connect at a heart level and be attractive on the inside.
THE NEED TO CONNECT
Have you ever been listening to the radio or your I-pod with friends and a song connected with you on the inside, or the song connected with a your friend and they said something like, “Man, that’s Spiritual,” ‘cause it spoke truth to them about their life or the world they see around you?
Or guys, have you ever been out in the woods in your tree stand. You’ve been out there for hours and not seen a dang thing. But it doesn’t matter because you are having this spiritual experience with being outdoors, in nature. Being outside in the physical universe is connecting with you deeply on the inside? Do you know what I’m talking about?
Do you see my point? There is a connection between our insides, our soul, and our physical universe. There is a connection with what we see, and what we hear, and what we taste and what we touch out here, …that connects with us here: in our hearts, in our inner being, doesn’t it? There is this sense that we are disconnected and we long to connect with each other and our world in a physical sense and an inner, emotional, or spiritual sense, but we have to get the order right.
Video Ashley
I am going to show you two very short video clips as a way of illustrating this. The first video is about Ashley. Take a look:
Ashley was not connected with her parents. Her dad was a drunk and she never saw her mom. She desperately wanted to be connected on the inside (or loved) by another person, but her parents didn’t model how to make this connection, so she connected in the only way she knew how, with her body! She got the order wrong and, it left her empty, without the sense of connectedness she longed for.
Video Lonnie
The next video tells Lonnie’s story: Take a Look:
Lonnie readily admits he did not know how to connect in a real way with girls. He didn’t know how to talk to them, interact with them or how to make them feel good. He didn’t know how to connect with someone on the inside, so he used a physical connection as a substitute for the real inner connection he wanted!
Do you know people that are longing to be connected? Maybe your one of these people, you’re using sex as a substitute for inner-closeness in your dating relationships. You ache inside because he or she doesn’t know you! He or she doesn’t know the essence of who you are!
Or maybe you’ve never had a real inner connection between you and your spouse, there was just the physical relationship, and not much of that now, because you’ve learned that there is no deep connection between you and your spouse. You don’t see his inner-beauty and he doesn’t see yours?
Maybe you’ve grown older. You had this connection at one time with your spouse. But after kids, careers, retirement…you don’t know each other on the inside anymore. How do you remedy this situation in your marriage? Song of Solomon has the answers.
MAKING AN INNER CONNECTION
How do we make these inner connections we long for? There are three ways: 1. We have to have a good name and find someone with a good name if we are dating. 2. We need to learn to be best friends with our spouse or find someone that will be our best friend if we are dating; and 3. We need the help of Christ. Let’s begin with developing a good name and finding someone with a good name.
1. A GOOD NAME/REPUTATION
Look at the last half of Song of Solomon 1:3. Here is what Tirzah, Solomon’s fiancée says: "…your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you!"
Purified Oil/Holy Unto God
Why is Solomon’s bride to be attracted to him and connected to him in a deep personal way? It’s because he has a good name or a good reputation. Let me explain.
“His name is like perfume poured out”. This can also be translated as his name is like purified oil poured out. Purified oil is a reference to his character that is poured out in all he does. It is a reference to the 1st pressing of oil from the olive trees where Solomon lived. And, this extra virgin olive oil was the purest of the pure. It was so pure that …only it… was used in the lampstand that burned day and night in the temple in Jerusalem. It was the first fruits from the olives groves that were designated for God’s use only. Solomon’s fiancée is saying that she and all the young girls connect with him in here, in their hearts because he has dedicated his life to God and has a good name and reputation!
What is your name know for? Do you want a good marriage or a good dating relationship? Do you want your significant other to have a deep inner connection with you? If you do, you need to dedicate your life to God!
Now I am not telling everyone to become a pastor or a missionary. We can dedicate ourselves to God in whatever we do. We just need to trade our “Me, Me, Me” mindset for devotion to God in everyday life. Take a look at this video for ideas about Me for God.
Video “Traders”
A life devoted to God in this way—will give you a good name and reputation. This type of life will cause your spouse, your boyfriend or girlfriend to love you deeply, or connect with you in a deep and profound way. If you are missing this type of connection in your relationships, maybe your name isn’t what it should be? Maybe your life isn’t devoted to God like it should be?
Takes Time to Know Reputation/Name
Let me take a moment to talk to our single folks. If you are looking for a date or a mate, find someone with a good name. And know this: it will take time to determine his or her reputation. Do not jump into a relationship without knowing what his or her name or reputation is really all about, …..or you will rarely be able to connect at a deep, emotional, spiritual level!
2. BE BEST FRIENDS
Now this brings me to my next point. If you are going to really connect on the inside with your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to be best friends! Isn’t it amazing how many people are in marriages where their spouse is not even friend, ….or if they are friends, they are not very good friends?
Ayah
Turn to verse 9. Look at what Solomon calls his wife to be: My darling. He calls her Darling! Do you have a pet name for your significant other, for your spouse? What is it? Shout it out.
…..Sweetie, Honey, My Love, …etc. Remember the old Seinfeld episode where Jerry and his girlfriend called each other schoompy all the time. Paula and I were that annoying couple when we were first engaged. Just ask our friends! Oh Shmoopy, Hey Smoops!...etc.
Solomon calls his fiancée Darling. It is the Hebrew word Ayah and it means my best friend or my companion. If you want to connect in a deep, spiritual way with you with a date or your mate you need to be friends, best friends! There is nothing I love more than to hear Paula tell me, “Your my Best Friend.” It fills me up on the inside, because she is my best friend!
How Do You Become Best Friends
So how do you become best friends with your husband or wife or a member of the opposite sex if you are not married? What does it look like to be best friends? Let’s see what Song of Solomon says:
(Time [Share Life])
Take a look at verse 7. Solomon’s fiancée says:
Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends?
First, this is metaphorical language. Solomon is the King of Israel, not a shepherd. So what is she saying? She is saying I know you are a busy man. You have an important job. You have to take care of and shepherd an entire nation of people. I get that, she says! But I want to spend time with you.
When she asks, “Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends.” She is saying, “Why should I be like a prostitute.” ….You see prostitutes veiled themselves and hung out by shepherd’s flocks to entice the men tending the sheep into their arms.
Married couples, are you married to your job, or are you married to your spouse? If you are married to your job, if your work is your best friend, if you spend the vast majority of your time at work and neglect spending time with your spouse, then your spouse may feel like a mistress or prostitute when you do spend time with them! Let your spouse be your best friend! Spend time with your spouse!
Let me say this: Pastors are notorious for not spending enough time with their spouse and family. You, this congregation, need to help me keep this from happening. You should make sure I take time to spend with my family, because my job is to shepherd them before shepherding you!
Do you want to know why so many pastors fall into adultery? It is because they spend the vast majority of their time shepherding their flock, their congregation, and don’t spend enough time with their spouse and family! I have to model what I expect of you!
If you are single, stay away from dating the person that places their highest priority on their career. And back to my other point about finding a mate or date with a good name, it is likely that they haven’t traded “Me, Me, Me” for God if they can’t find time to spend with “You, You, You,” in public places
Now look at how Solomon responds to his fiancée in verse 8: If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds.
I know the NIV says this is the girl’s friends, but I think it is Solomon because he addresses her as the loveliest one. I’d don’t think her girlfriends would do this. He saying, “Yes, I’m busy, but I still have time for you. Come on up and see me.” Hang out with me in public while I’m doing my job. You are my companion!
How do we apply this today? If you have a late evening appointment, don’t go into the office ‘till mid-morning. Busy all day, have your spouse meet you for lunch. Make time to spend together, like Solomon did, …if you want to be best friends and connect deeply in your heart with your date or mate. I know you think you’re important. I know you think your job is important, but it’s not as important as your spouse and you’re not as important as a king!
(Pay Attention, Find the Best, & Complement Each Other)
What else do best friends do? They pay attention to each other. They find the best in each other, and complement each other. In verse 8 Solomon calls his bride to be the most beautiful of women. Women, when was the last time your husband or your boyfriend complemented you? Guys you might want to give this complement thing a try from time to time. Do it right now! Turn to your spouse and say: “Honey, you are the most beautiful of women?” That wasn’t so hard was it?
OK, let’s change gears. Ladies, if your boyfriend or husband is sitting with you this morning I want you to do something. Slug him in the shoulder! Go ahead do it. I’ll tell you why in a minute.
Look what Solomon says in verse 9: "I liken you, my darling, to a mare harnessed to one of the chariots of Pharaoh." Guys, don’t call your wife a horse! She’ll slug you just like she did a second ago. It’s not a complement in our culture.
Now let’s consider the context to know why this is a compliment to Solomon’s fiancée. You see in the ANE horses were not beasts of burden, they were the companion of kings. Solomon loved horses, particularly Egyptians horses. 1 Kings 10:26 tells us he had 14 hundred chariots and 12 thousand horsemen. Solomon’s horse, his mare, must have been the most outstanding horse in the whole kingdom. He is telling her that she is one in a million. Now ladies, who wants there husband to say this to them from time to time?
Now, look at verses 10 and 11. Solomon takes the time to recognize the jewelry his bride to be is wearing and compliment her. When was the last time you complimented your date or mate on how they looked and what they were wearing?
Now, look his fiancée’s response to his attentiveness. Verses 12 and 13: "While the king was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance. My lover is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts." There are two ways to take this. Both are right, because there is a double meaning. First, she is looking forward to getting married, let’s leave it at that.
Here is the other meaning. In the ANE a woman would wear a small sack of myrrh, or other perfume, around her neck at night, causing a beautiful scent to linger there the next day. She is likening her fiancé to this sack of myrrh.
She is saying that he brings out the best in her. He brings out her beauty! Look at chapter 2 verse 1. Because Solomon has brought out the best in her, she can say: I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valley. Do you bring out the best in your mate or in your date?
Men and women you need to pay attention to your mate or your date! Complement their strengths. Never ever underestimate the power of a complements to bring out the best in your loved one. You need bring out the best in them and they need to do the same for you! If you’re dating and they don’t bring out the best in you, …or you don’t bring out the best in them, you should probably find someone else!
(Do Not Awaken [AHAVAH])
If you want to connect deeply and spiritually with a spouse or a member of the opposite sex, you have to 1. Have good name or reputation, trading a selfish mindset for a life devoted to God; and 2. You need to be best friends who share time together, pay attention to each other, in order to complement and bring out the best in each other. Now if you’re dating, you also have to care about each other enough not to get too close too soon. Friends protect each other!
Look at chapter 2, verse 7 and hear what Solomon’s fiancée Tirzah tells her women friends in Jerusalem. “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you….Do not awaken love until it so desires.”
In other words, do not get too close to soon! Here the word love means soul mate. Tirzah is instructing her friends not to become too emotionally connected …too soon. She is saying do not give your heart away until you have found the one, because if you do, you will have given that person a piece of your heart,… that you will never be able to give to your true soul mate. She is saying don’t ruin love this way! Now,that is hard advice isn’t it! Especially for women!
3. CHRIST’S HELP
And that bring me to my final point. If we if we long to connect deeply and intimately with members of the opposite sex, we need to: 1. Have a good name. 2. Learn to be best friends and not give our heats away too soon; so 3. We need Christ’s help to make this all happen. Let me explain by going back to the garden I was talking about in the beginning of my message.
Back to the Garden
How does the Bible start? Yes in a Garden! And when I read these first two chapters of Genesis I get the sense that it spring, everything is alive, flowering and producing fruit.
Now, do you remember what happened in the Garden? Who does God make on the 6th day? …Go ahead and shout out our answer.
Yes, God makes a man. Then God says it is not good for this man to be alone. In other words, God is saying that humans need to be connected to someone else. So what does God do? Anyone?...Before that?
Yes, God got the animals together 2 by 2 and tells Adam to do what? …NAME THEM! Yes!
After a day of naming animals, what does Adam realize? …There is no one for him. He is not connected. God wants him to realize his need for connection!
So God puts Adam to sleep and makes a woman out of his side. Adam wakes up, and he is surprised by how much he likes what he sees and says: Woe! Man! That is how woman got her name! Adam was so excited. He finally had someone to be connected to.
Then Adam sings this wonderful poem about the woman. He sings, “She is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man.”
Here is the point: Adam and Eve were deeply connected from the inside out! Do you see that? They were connected physically from the inside first and then outside. God took a rib from Adam’s inside to teach us that it is what is on the inside that connects us physically on the outside. Isn’t that beautiful? So don’t get the cart before the horse. Don’t be mess love up like Ashley and Lonnie in the videos we watched earlier by putting physical attraction before, inner attraction and beauty!
Now, notice how this section of Genesis ends. It ends with Moses the narrator’s comment …that Adam and Eve were both naked and felt no shame! Why didn’t they feel shame? Why weren’t they embarrassed? Because they were connected in here, in the inner most part of who they are, and the out here physically.
Now, what happened after the fall? All of a sudden humanity recognized their nakedness and became ashamed. It’s one of the reasons we don’t like to talk about sex in church today. We are ashamed!
Now fast forward to the Song of Solomon. What images are found in these songs? Well, we hear cooing birds, gentle bleating sheep and goats. Our noses are alive with perfumes and spices made from the aromas that come from trees and flowers. Our mouths are filled with the wonderful tastes of raisins, grapes, figs, pomegranates and our hands fondle exquisite jewels.
Where were all of these images found?
Yes! In the first garden, the Garden of Eden!! In the original Garden the man and the woman were naked and felt no shame. And here, many times, in Song of Solomon the man and woman are naked and feel no shame! The Garden of Eden has been restored. The Garden of Eden has been restored in the Song of Solomon!
Now get this. The relationship between Song of Solomon and his bride is a picture of the relationship between Jesus Christ and his bride the church. The wedding of Solomon and Tirzah in this book, …looks forward to the marriage supper of the lamb in the book of Revelation, where we, the church, will become the bride of Christ!
And here’s the point: Jesus the Christ came to restore the Garden, to restore relationships between husbands and wives, men and women. He came so we can connect deeply with our spouse on the inside, so we can be completely transparent with each other, so we can be naked and feel no shame once again.
If you want to connect deeply, in your soul, with a member of the opposite sex, you are going to need Christ’s help. He is the only one that can reverse the curse caused by the fall of humanity in the Garden of Eden. He is the one who can help you develop a good name and reputation. He is the one that can enable you to become best friends with your mate or date. He is the answer for all of our relationships. Will you turn to him this morning? Let’s pray!
