“Boundaries for our Kids”
Ephesians 6:1-4
For me when I was growing up there was not a better show on television than the Andy Griffith show. And one of my favorite characters was Ron Howard, AKA Opie. I never missed an episode of that show. Just a couple of years ago Ross was working at the Intercontinental hotel in Tampa. They have a lot of special guests there. One was Vince Gill. Ross spent time with him and drove him to a basketball game in St Pete. Then one day Ron Howard came through the door. Ross said he was definitely a different kind of celebrity.
First of all he parked his own car. 2nd he carried his own luggage into the hotel. He was a quiet, reserved person. The management at the hotel had a rule that you did not disturb these celebrities when they came in. Don’t ask for autographs and so forth. Ross went out on a limb, called Ron Howard’s room and says Opie, Mr. Taylor, I am really sorry to bother you but I wanted to know if you would have time to meet my Dad. He is your biggest fan. Would it be possible for you to meet him while you are here?
He was very gracious and said yes. I’m eating breakfast at 9:00 in the morning. Ask him to meet me in the lobby and I can meet him and then I‘ll have my breakfast. So I drove over that Saturday morning and stood in the lobby waiting and sure enough at 9:00 he enters the lobby. We were able to talk about 10 minutes. I told him how much I had enjoyed the show through the years. He thanked me and I asked him what it was like being on that show as a child. He said well the funny thing was that when they aired the first episodes they came on at night and he said he was too young and his parents wouldn’t let him stay up to watch them. But he said that Andy Griffith became like a father to him and he said he taught me values, morals and things about honesty and life that I carry with me to this day. It was like family. We talked a few minutes I had my picture taken and he left for the ballpark.
Let me ask you a question. What training did you have for raising your children and where did you get it? And the training that you had was it enough? I think that’s actually three questions.
Where is it that we get our training to be parents? Parenting is without a doubt one of the most difficult jobs we ever undertake. There is probably no job that is more critically important in our world than parenting yet most of us go into it without any knowledge of what to do or how to do it.
(1) One of the sources we go to is our own parents. We learn by experience so we watched as our parents raised us. You may not have thought about it as a child but you were learning about parenting. And perhaps your parents did a great job, maybe an average job or maybe it was not so good but all of that time you were learning. In my college major I had numerous courses that focused on families, child abuse and how children are affected in these families and then discovering ways to help them. One statistic I learned still disturbs me today. 90% of all adults who abuse their children were abused when they were children. It’s a cycle that must be broken. These children grow up and abuse their children because their bad experience is the only resource they have.
(2) Another source we go to is other significant adults. These may be parents of our friends or we have met them at church when we were children and we respected them or perhaps we worked for them as teenagers but there was something about them that you admired that caused you to think I would like to be like that person so you began to evaluate their behavior and without realizing it now, it has made you a better parent.
(3) Another source is the scripture. If you were raised in a strong Christian home you learned that the reason your parents did what they did was because they knew the scripture.
Psalm 127:1-5
Proverbs 22:6
Proverbs 23:13, 14
Ephesians 6:1-4
(4) Christian books on raising children. I have books listed in your outline this morning that are very helpful. Now not all of the advice we need can be found in these books and some of these things work for certain children and may not for others. As you know children are very different. Look at your kids this morning and tell them, you’re different.
(5) I know of no other way to put this than this—many of us fly by the seat of our pants. Let’s admit it. We don’t have all of the answers and we just take it a little at a time. Some of what we do works and some don’t.
This is something that I want all of us to realize this morning and it is very important.
(1) When God created Adam and Eve He brought them together as husband and wife and told them to multiply and create a family.
(2) When God gave the Ten Commandments He instructed children to honor their parents.
(3) When God chose from all the names and relationships in our vocabulary to describe Himself, he chose the name Father.
Billy Graham said this “children will invariably talk, eat, think, respond and act like their parents. So give them a good goal to work toward. Give them something that silver and gold cannot buy.
Do you know what this is? It’s a guardrail and it is used to insure the safety of our children. We use them in our preschool area, our homes, daycares use them and they are there to keep children in the right place.
(1) You see children must learn the importance of obedience and parents must learn the importance of consistent discipline. All of us are called upon every day for the rest of our lives to practice obedience – to our parents, at work, obedience to the law. It’s very important. I believe parents should practice “first time” obedience. Teach your children to obey right away. Don’t count to three. I hear more families in Wal-Mart who are counting 1, 2, 2, 2 ½, 2 ¾, or they are saying if you don’t come with me I am going to leave you here. That just teaches them that you may in fact leave them at some point. One of the things that you will never have to teach your child is how to disobey. They figure that out. They are bent in that direction. All of us are. It reminds me of one Mom who was preparing pancakes for her two young sons, Kevin and Ryan. Since the boys started to argue over who would get the first pancake, the mother saw an opportunity for a “teachable moment.” She said boys if Jesus were here He would say let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait. Kevin turned to his little brother and said Ryan, you be Jesus.
Children have to understand that you are the parent and they are the child. They need authority in their lives. They actually want it. So how does that happen?
(2) Children must learn to honor their parents and parents must learn to give them a reason to do so. This is important. It is more about an attitude of the heart than an act of obedience. One little boy was standing on the kitchen table, jumping up and down. Dad told him to get down but he kept jumping. The dad raised his voice and told him to get off the table and sit in his chair. Finally the little boy stopped, climbed off the table and sat on the chair, crossed his arms and boldly declared, “I may be sitting down on the outside but I’m standing up o the inside.” It’s called rebellion and it begins often at a young age. We cannot always judge the hearts of our children but we can usually tell when they have an attitude problem.
(3) Learn to profit from the promise. The 5th commandment. It tells us what to do and then gives us a promise if we do it. It is actually the only commandment of the ten that spells out the benefits of keeping it. It does this in 2 areas. It promises (1) quality of life…”that it may go well with you” and (2) quantity of life…”that we may enjoy long life.” Now what is this saying? This. When children obey their parents in the Lord they will escape a great deal of danger and often will avoid things that could threaten or shorten their lives.
(4) Never, ever provoke your children. It’s interesting to me that Paul has been addressing both parents but he gives this advice specifically to fathers. Do not exasperate/provoke your children. It is when you intentionally say something to them to set them off. I would say you should not only NOT provoke your children, you should NOT provoke anyone. There are in fact many ways that you can provoke your children.
But let me give you 4.
(1) When we over protect or under protect our kids. When we do too much we smother them and they never grow up-never gain independence. When we don’t do enough they will not learn where the boundaries are and when we do too much they feel smothered.
(2) When we expect too little from them and when we expect too much. Kids need to know you believe in them and that you believe in their dreams. Encourage them. Don’t shoot them down. At the same time do not expect more than they are capable of. This tells them no matter what they do they will never measure up.
(3) When we over discipline and when we under discipline. The key in all 3 of these areas is balance. I’ve seen parents who disciplined their children by forcing them to go to church and I have seen those who punished them by making them stay home from church. Don’t use church as the scapegoat for your discipline. It confuses children.
(4) Never use the Bible to browbeat your kids. If you do they may grow up to hate the church and hate the scripture.
A kindergarten in one town sat right on a corner by a busy highway. Although the school had a nice yard in which the children could play, a recess they would huddle right up against the building. The cars that sped by every day frightened them. One day workmen erected a steel fence around the school yard. From that point on, the children used the entire playground. You see the fence didn’t limit their freedom, it actually expanded it. Children need fences, they need boundaries, they need guardrails. Because it gives them security.
This is the sad confession of one father….”I took my children to school but never to church. I enrolled them in Little League but I never enrolled them in Sunday school. I taught them how to drink but I never taught them how to find living water. I made the Lord’s Day a holiday but never made it a holy day. I gave them an x box but never gave them a Bible. I handed them the keys to the car but never gave them the keys to the kingdom. I taught them how to make a living but never introduced those to the one who co
