1 Corinthians 6:1-8 Peacemaking, II
5/25/03 D. Marion Clark
Introduction
Last Sunday we observed the failure of the Corinth Church to handle conflict between its members. There were three lessons we noted that we essential to get into the right mindset for making peace. The first was understanding that the gospel applies to every aspect of our lives. Thus, we are always to apply the principles of the gospel to every situation we encounter, including when we come into conflict with others. Two, we need to grasp what it means to belong to a covenant community. Until we see ourselves as belonging to one another in Christ, we will not make the difficult effort to reconcile our differences. Three, we must get a handle on the real priorities of life. We need to put serving God’s kingdom ahead of taking care of our earthly comforts. Once we do, we are in strong position to handle personal offenses received in life.
What are practical steps to take to make peace with others? To discuss these, I am using the outline given by Ken Sande in his book, Peacemakers, as well as many of his ideas. The first step he lists is “Glorify God.”
Glorify God
Because I like doctrine so much, I will rephrase it to be “Get Right Doctrine”! The lessons from the previous message teach the principle that our beliefs guide our behavior. That is why I emphasize doctrine as much as I do. It is essential to have right doctrine, but even more essential to own right doctrine. To put it another way, our hearts must follow our heads, so that we do not merely believe good doctrine, but we embrace it.
Here, for example, is a doctrine that one must embrace to have peace and practice the principles of peacemaking. God is sovereign and will provide for his people. We all believe this basic doctrine. How well do we embrace it? Do we embrace it enough to be cheated and still seek the good of the one who cheated us? Are we able to trust that God is in control and thus have inner peace regardless of whether or not we are vindicated? If so, obtaining peace with the one who has offended us becomes much more possible. Even more important, it turns the circumstance into a wonderful opportunity to glorify God and witness for the gospel. God is sovereign. He is in control of what happens. Can you embrace that doctrine? Can you believe with your heart what Jesus taught in Matthew 10:29-31? Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.
Here is another doctrine: God has made us to glorify him. We exist, and we have been redeemed, that we might glorify God. Again, no one would dispute this doctrine, but does it influence the way we deal with conflict? When someone takes advantage of us – when a friend plays a trick on us, a colleague takes credit for our work, and so – do we think first how we might glorify God in the situation? Do we think that God has allowed the incident to happen so that we might glorify him by our response? What I am saying is just another way of stating the phrase, “What would Jesus do?” His total mindset was how he might glorify his Father. Such an attitude would go a long way to effecting peacemaking, wouldn’t it?
Part of our problem is that we do not explore the implications of our doctrine. What is the gospel? It is that Christ has reconciled us to God through his death on the cross. Simple enough. Consider the implications, though, for peacemaking. If God the Son would sacrifice himself to make peace for us with God, how important should making peace with others be? Do you think that his work at peacemaking is behind his comment, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9)?
Step one, then, is to learn right doctrine, embrace it, and apply it in practical ways to our relations with others. In doing so, we will glorify God. What is the next step?
Get the Log Our of Your Eye
Sande identifies it as “Get the Log Out of Your Eye.” He, of course, gets the idea from Jesus’ words: Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye (Matthew 7:3-5).
The second step is difficult to take because it requires an honest and rigorous examination of oneself. It is hard enough to examine our doctrine; it is all the more so to examine our sins, especially when we become offended. My first reaction when someone offends me is to raise my defense of self-righteousness.
“How could he do something like that? I would never do that.”
“How could she accuse me of offending her?
I see easily how I am the innocent victim, or at least not deserving of the unjust, uncalled for offending remarks or actions. To actually pause and prayerfully consider what in my behavior could be the source of the problem…Well, even if there may be some truth to the accusation, I did not deserve such treatment! Feeling offended is an emotion that burns easily; feeling convicted is one that is easily distinguished. Indeed, personal conviction often becomes the real motivator of my indignation. The more I feel convicted, the stronger my indignation must become to keep from having to admit my fault.
But if I do examine myself honestly, and I do deal with my own sin, I more likely will do the right thing when I am offended. If someone offends me with an offhand remark, I will most likely do the right thing if I take time to remember that I have been guilty of doing the same thing. I may choose to overlook the offense, or if I do speak to the offender, I will do so gently even confessing my own aptitude to do the same.
Let’s consider the option of overlooking the offense. Proverbs 19:11 says, Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. Why might it be good to overlook an offense? It might very well prevent further troubles from evolving. Proverbs 17:14 says, The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out. How many times have I wished that I had kept quiet, finding that my effort to correct an offense only made matters worse because I had now offended the other person.
Sometimes we should overlook an offense due to our limitations. This is especially true when it comes to bringing lawsuits or charges against someone. Will the time, the money, and the emotional energy expended be worth the cost of settling the offense? Sometimes “letting go” can be the best thing for our own welfare. But the key is really letting go and not merely avoiding the problem. I’ll explain the difference later on, but let’s consider when we do need to confront an offense.
When is it appropriate to speak to someone? We should when another has expressed being offended by us, or when after examining ourselves, we see that we have contributed to the problem. At such times we need to confess our own sins to be reconciled. Jesus said in Matthew 5:23,24: If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
We need to speak to the offender if he is offending others. He may be dishonoring his Christian witness before unbelievers or causing trouble within the Christian body. The offense may be damaging your relationship with him, or it may be harming his relationship with God. At such times, we should heed Galatians 6:1: if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.
Go and Show Your Brother His Fault
How do you take the step of addressing another person’s fault? The most helpful verse is Ephesians 4:15: Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ. Often I hear that speaking the truth is important. That is true, but also just as true is speaking the truth in love with the intent to build up others in Christ. If we took the time to consider how to encourage our brother or sister, or how to benefit him or her, we would avoid many troubles and turn a negative circumstance into a positive one.
To do this, we have to understand that how we speak is as important as what we say. How we show that we are listening is as important as what we hear. The best counselors and the best encouragers know this. They make the effort to properly communicate with their faces and their bodies because they know such features convey strong impressions. They are excellent in seeking understanding before conveying judgments. They do not say, for example, “I hear that you were rude to ¬¬¬¬________." Nor ask, “Why were you rude to ____?” Instead, they seek first to understand with questions like, “Could you explain what happened?” “Did I understand correctly…?” And then they take time to listen without interrupting.
A peacemaker, furthermore, thinks through carefully what to say. Many of us think through what we want to say to someone who has offended us but still end up making matters worse. Why? The difference between the trouble stirrer and the peacemaker is that the former plans an argument to make to win his case; the peacemaker plans a strategy to win over the offender. The peacemaker wants both to win, and, indeed, desires the good for the other person. Thus, beyond examining his own case, he thinks of ways to put the other at ease so that they might resolve the problem together.
To continue, what if resolving the problem privately does not work? The next step is to involve one or two others. We are following Jesus’ instructions: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses” (Matthew 18:15,16).
What is the role of these “witnesses”? It would seem at first glance that they serve primarily as witnesses for the accuser to prove that the accuser had made his case should the matter need to go to trial. But verse 17 indicates a proactive role for them in being conciliators between the two. It reads: If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. Note the phrase, if he refuses to listen to them. Evidently they are to make the effort to resolve the problem. Depending upon the offense and the circumstance, they may well be helping the accuser present his case. But if they are truly wise, they will strive to be impartial and will help bring about a mutual solution.
We are moving now into territory that most of us do not want to go – getting involved in other people’s conflicts. The Corinthians certainly did not want to go there! I will be truthful; I have dreaded coming to this passage in 1 Corinthians because of Paul’s admonition to turn to the church to settle disputes. I don’t want to become the judge for every argument. I liked Jesus’ comment in Luke 10:13, 14: Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.” 14 But he said to him, “Man, who made me a judge or arbitrator over you?”
That got me off the hook, as I understood him. But consider the context. A stranger calls out in the crowd for him to settle an issue he knows nothing about. He wanted to use Jesus to justify himself. What he got instead was a lecture about covetousness.
There is a place, as Jesus indicates in the Matthew 18 passage, for Christians to get involved. There is a place for us to help one another. In Philippians 4:2, 3 Paul writes: I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women…
How can others help? One important function is to help facilitate communication. Oftentimes two persons cannot resolve their differences because their emotions impede their ability to communicate. It is easy to become flustered, to let slip a comment that creates more tension, and so on. Conciliators can moderate the discussion and help each person communicate. Another function is to provide a calming influence. Having witnesses present typically helps to defuse emotions. If the conflict is over a specialized matter, bringing in conciliators qualified to understand the issues can be especially helpful. For example, a friend believed that she had been taken advantage of in a car purchase. Soon after buying the car, there was a mechanical problem she believed the dealership should have taken care of for free. They claimed they were not responsible. By turning to someone with knowledge in the car business, she was able to resolve the matter. He was able to explain to her what was standard practice and what the dealership ought to handle, and because he knew the dealership, he was able to facilitate a solution.
The most important qualifications for conciliators are fair-mindedness, a desire to glorify God, true concern for both parties, and commonsense.
It is only after these means of private conversation and involving conciliators, that the matter should be brought before the church court of elders. There is a place for formal church discipline when one or both parties refuse to reconcile. But that should be the last step taken. Too often the offended person wants to rush towards discipline, and often causing the conflict to escalate because the other steps were bypassed.
What have we considered so far? We covered three principles. First, glorify God. We should be motivated in peacemaking to please and honor God, and we should let doctrine that teaches us about God influence our attitudes. Second, get the log out of your eye. To effectively resolve problems with others, we must honestly examine ourselves for our motivations, sins, and contributions to the problems. Third, go and show your brother his fault. We must take as seriously how we approach the offender as we take telling him what we think. It may be necessary to involve others as conciliators, but each step is taken with care to enhance a resolution, not merely win a case.
Again, I am taking the material from Ken Sande’s book The Peacemaker. The most helpful and convicting principle he presents is the last: go and be reconciled. Let me read what he says:
Finally, peacemaking involves a commitment to restoring damaged relationships and developing agreements that are just and satisfactory to everyone involved. Forgiveness and cooperative negotiation clear away the debris left by conflict and make possible reconciliation and genuine peace.
How many people have we forgiven but we want little to do with? How many offenses we have put behind us, but they continually come back to remembrance? As Christians we know that we are suppose to forgive. We know that we are suppose to love our enemies. And so we do, or rather we say that we do. Brothers and sisters, this is where we really need to be honest with ourselves. In truth, we do not want to make peace; we do not want to be reconciled with certain people who have offended us because the hurt is too deep. We may go through the motions for resolving our issues, but the wound never heals. Most of the time we do not even make the effort; we just want the person or persons out of our lives.
Think for a moment. What if God forgave us with the half-hearted forgiveness we extend to others? What if he wanted nothing more to do with us? What if Jesus did say, “I died for you on the cross, and this is how you repay me?” What if I were to fence the Lord’s Table by forbidding anyone from coming who had offended God with his sins since the last communion?
But that is not what I say. I tell you that unless you are willing to confess that you are sinners, you should not partake; for the meal is intended to confirm that you are forgiven. The gospel announces the complete forgiveness of God. If we are so forgiven, ought we not to practice true forgiveness and do what is necessary to bring about real reconciliation?
I am running out of time to give more steps and principles for peacemaking. But the real obstacle to peacemaking is not lack of instruction, but unwillingness to fully forgive. And our hurt is what makes forgiveness so difficult. Give those hurts to God. Let them go that you might experience the freedom, the pleasure of forgiving others.
