XL Foods has been in the news quite a bit recently. Their beef has been less than X-L-ent thanks to unchecked E. coli contamination at its meat-packing plant in Brooks, AB. It turns out that the plant wasn’t even following its own safety plan for packaging meat. Nothing good happens when you don’t follow “the plan.” That’s true in business; it’s true in sports; and it’s true for the family. Today Paul exhorts us to follow the plan for the family – God’s plan. Let’s find out what that is.
Paul begins by speaking to wives. He said: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-24). “Wives, submit to your husband.” Can you believe Paul would say something like that and that I would repeat it! What we need to remember is that Paul isn’t sharing what he thinks is best for marriage; he is passing along what God says is best. As we heard in the Old Testament lesson today, it is God who came up with the idea for marriage. To ignore what he has to say about it is like ignoring what he has instructed regarding Holy Communion and insisting that it would be OK to use milk and cookies instead of bread and wine in the sacrament! I hope you would howl in protest if I tried something like that. Likewise Christian wives, you should protest when the world suggests that the Bible’s plan for marriage doesn’t apply anymore. It does. And it’s in your best interest to follow the plan – God’s plan.
When Paul urges you to submit it’s not because you are inferior to your husband. It can’t mean that because Jesus submitted to his heavenly Father. He did so, not because he was inferior, but rather to accomplish the mission of securing our salvation. Likewise you submit to your husband to accomplish the mission of maintaining family harmony and happiness. Think of how it’s a blessing that trucks submit to red lights. When they don’t, they wreak havoc! And so it’s for good order that God directs you to submit to your husband.
But how exactly do you do that? You submit by being your husband’s best supporter. When he doesn’t do something quite right, you don’t belittle him for it. Instead you praise him for the things he does well and you thank him for the hours he puts in at work on behalf of the family. Be specific in your encouragement. Don’t just tell your husband that you love him; tell him why you love him. Do this often! There is of course more I could say but we need to move on because God’s plan for the family has four parts.
Paul turns next to husbands and says: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body” (Ephesians 5:25, 28-30).
Paul says that the husband is the head of the wife. Headship, however, is not lordship! Husbands, you are not the boss of your wife. You are her servant-leader and are to love your wife the same way Christ loved the Church of which he is the head. How much did Christ love the Church? He gave up his life for her…even though she didn’t deserve it. We often forget that part, don’t we? We’re willing to love our wife if she first loves us and submits to us. But that’s not what Paul said. We are to love our wife the way Christ loved us. Jesus made no demands of us before he gave up his life to pay for our sins. Neither will we demand a certain attitude or behavior from our wives before we’ll love and serve them. We put them first because Jesus put us first. We’re patient with them because Jesus is patient with us.
If we are hesitant to serve our wife through such sacrifice, then consider this “selfish” reason for doing so. Paul reminds us that in marriage the “two become one.” Therefore the way we treat our wife is really the way we treat ourselves. When we belittle our wife, when we neglect her, when we don’t bother to see what her needs are, we only hurt ourselves. Think of how short-sighted it would be for a new car owner to say, “I’m not going to waste money on changing the oil or getting new tires for the car. That’s money that could be spent on me and meals out on the town!” Well, such an individual better hope that the restaurants he likes to frequent are within walking distance because that’s what he’ll be doing when his car stops running due to his neglect. Likewise guys, we shouldn’t be surprised when the marriage starts to falter because of our lack of attention to our wife’s wants and needs. Treat your wife well; you’re doing yourself a favor.
Children, have you felt so far that this sermon isn’t for you? It is of course because you’ll probably get married someday. Before you do, make sure it’s to someone who knows what God’s plan for marriage is and is willing to put that plan into practice. Until then, listen to what Paul says is your role in the plan for the family. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1-3).
Your role in God’s plan for the family is simple: obey and honor your parents. It’s in your best interest to do this because then you will enjoy long life on the earth. That’s God’s promise. Obeying and honoring your parents is like listening to the tour guide on a safari. When you’re looking at the elephants and the guide tells you to stay in the truck, he no doubt has a good reason for it. He has experience with these large animals and knows that they get nervous when people are on foot. You may really want to get out of the truck to approach one these beasts but you would be foolish to ignore the advice of the experienced guide. Likewise your parents have been down many roads. When they advise you to do this or that it’s not because they like being difficult. Believe me; parents want their children to enjoy life as much as a safari guide wants happy customers! So when your parents lay down rules for you and then enforce those rules, they’re not being mean; they’re keeping you from harm. Trust and obey your parents the way you would a safari guide. This is also how you can show thanks to Jesus for giving you these experienced life-guides!
Paul ends our text with a word of advice for life-guides. He said: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Isn’t it interesting that Paul doesn’t address the mothers? He just speaks to fathers. As the head of the house it is your responsibility to teach your children about Jesus and his Word. So fathers, be the one to lead the family discussion around the supper table about the Sunday sermon. Then pray as a family asking God to give you opportunities and the strength to put into practice the truths you learned. What a privilege this is! Guys, we all want to make our mark on the world. That’s why we take pride in our work and in our careers. But years after we retire how many people back at the office are going to remember us or anything we did? Do you ever think much of those who retired? Want a better way to leave a mark? Train and instruct your children! What you teach them about Jesus, the time you spend being silly with them, going to their games, listening to their concerts will leave an impression on your children. The way that you parent your children is the way that they will parent their children. Now that’s leaving a mark!
God’s plan for the family is not complicated. Wives, submit to your husband. Husbands, love your wife. Children, obey your parents. Fathers, train your children. It’s one thing to know the plan but quite another to put it into practice. Just ask XL Foods. Because of their negligence, tons of meat have been recalled and destroyed but not before several people have become seriously ill.
It makes God sick too when people ignore his wonderful plan for the family. Instead of loving and cherishing the wife, husbands often treat them like an annoying piece of tape they can’t quite flick off their finger. Wives on the other hand often think that marriage has given them some sort of leverage over their husbands, like a chain they can yank whenever they feel their husband is out of line. That’s not submitting. And children, was there even one day this week you honored and obeyed your parents perfectly? Wasn’t it a lot easier to treat them like punching bags – taking out the day’s frustrations on them? God ought to recall and destroy us for these sins! Instead he salvaged us. Paul wrote: “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless (Ephesians 5:25-27). Just as digital imaging software removes blemishes, wrinkles, and even whitens teeth on a portrait, the blood Jesus shed on the cross has removed our sins so that in every way we are beautiful to God. Since that is how God sees each of us, that is how husband will see wife, wife her husband, and children their parents. Bring out this God-given beauty by putting into practice God’s plan for the family, and enjoy the happiness and harmony that will follow. To put it simply: be a family in Christ, not a family in crisis! Amen.
