1 Peter 3 is just one of many Scriptures that deal with our human families and the church family in the same context. One reason why the definition of marriage in our modern environment is so important is because God uses the analogy of human marriage to explain His divine relationship with his church family. Any discussion on family should begin with the premise that in the New Testament the relationship between a husband and wife is analogous with the relationship between God and His church. So we need to start there before we begin a discussion on what Peter teaches.
Jesus references the marriage relationship several times. Matthew 9:15, Mark 2:19 and Luke 5:34 are three examples and of course the parable he shared about the ten bridesmaids waiting on the groom to show up and when he does only five are ready to meet him, the others are locked out of the wedding feast, is another example of this metaphor. Paul then adds to the analogy in Ephesians and Colossians by teaching husbands they should love their bride as Christ loves His. And before we begin a talk about 1 Peter 3 we also need to get a better handle on the Biblical meaning of submission. In Ephesians 5:21 Paul says this, “And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Because the word submission and the theology of this word in our churches today tend to be widely misunderstood I want to spend just a couple of moments Biblically defining two words in this verse. The first word is “reverence”, as translated by the NIV and the NLT. The Greek word in this Scripture is phobos. Does that sound familiar? This is the root of the word for phobias, an irrational fear of something. This word is widely used in the Bible and it’s almost always in a negative context. For example, “While Zechariah was in the sanctuary, an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing to the right of the incense altar. Zechariah was shaken and overwhelmed with fear when he saw him.” Luke 1:11-12 It seems that anytime someone sees an angel in the Bible they experience phobos. The folks mentioned in Scripture who see an angel appear out of thin air are terrified of the experience. Almost 30 times in the New Testament God’s people are encouraged to “not be afraid.” And just about every time someone encounters an angel this is the first thing the angel says; easy for him to say.
So this is interesting, isn’t it? Is Paul saying we submit to each other because we should be scared to death of Christ? Not necessarily, although the word phobos does suggest that, but the word does have a slightly different meaning. The word can also mean to run in fear from a situation because you don’t think you have the proper resources to handle it.
I was a little guy when I was a kid. My weight didn’t hit three digits until my first year in college. I still remember the first time I stood on a scale and my weight was 102. I was 19. When I was a freshman in High School, I got bullied quite a bit, so my parents decided to put me in a karate class. The class was held in a storefront of a strip mall and had a big floor to ceiling show window in the room where we practiced our punches and kicks. So there were usually people walking by who would look in the window and watch our class. I really liked karate because for the first time in my life I felt I was being prepared to protect myself. There was one boy in particular that if I saw walking towards me in the hall, I would run in the opposite direction. I knew where every closet, staircase, nook or cranny was in that school building. I ran from this kid because I felt inadequate. I was filled with phobos. Scared.
But I’ll never forget the day my antagonist walked by the window of the karate class. Like a lot of folks he stopped and looked in the window. At the same time, as a class, we were each sparring with a partner, practicing a leg kick to the head. When I saw who was looking in the window, and our eyes met, I received a mighty rush of boldness and instead of restraining my kick against my poor partner I connected full on and knocked him to the ground. And then I started walking towards the window. I had never felt so bold, so full of confidence before this moment. And frankly, I felt further emboldened by the separation of the window. He couldn’t get to me. My nemesis looked at the poor kid I just nailed laying on the floor, looked back at me, then he turned and walked away. He never messed with me at school again. And I never kicked anyone after that either, because the karate teacher banned me from sparring for awhile. I lost interest anyway. My purpose for karate had been fulfilled.
When we are prepared and protected we feel adequate to face our fears. When we’re not prepared and we’re not protected, in other words, we lack the resources to face our struggle then we experience inadequacy. I think most people know what I’m talking about. I’m sure most of us at one time or another felt inadequate, like we weren’t as prepared as we should be or want to be, or we’re not as protected as we want to be.
As a husband and a dad I have felt inadequate many times. And I always feel that way when I fail to trust God. What Paul is teaching us in Ephesians is that Jesus is our ultimate resource. If we are frightened, feel inadequate, not prepared, or feel protected it’s because we are not receiving our resources from heaven. If that’s the case then feeling fear is expected. Listen to what John says, “Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.” 1 John 4:18
What kind of love is that? How do I find the kind of love that doesn’t experience fear? Let’s read this with some context. “All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear” 1 John 4:15-18
So what’s the key to being confident before God? How do we eliminate the feelings of inadequacy, or spiritually feeling unprepared or unprotected? It’s simple to say, not so simple to live. According to 1 John when we live like Jesus in the world, when we genuinely place our faith in Him, then we don’t experience fear of God’s judgement.
So when we look at Paul’s words in Ephesians 5:21 we read that if we are not in submission to Christ we should be scared to death. But if we are, then we have nothing to fear. Not even death.
Which brings us to the second word in this verse that I want to take a closer look at, the word, “submit”.
Here’s some words that the thesaurus associates with the word submit. Bend, bow, buckle, capitulate, cave, cede, concede, defer, eat crow, fold, give away, give ground, give in, give way, go with the flow, grin and bear it and there are many more. You get the idea though that this is seemingly a negative word. No one wants to be the one to eat crow, or give in, we certainly hate caving on an issue, especially when we’re right. I don’t know who said this, but, it’s certainly true, “you can choose to be right, or you can choose to be happy.” Unfortunately for me, when it comes to my relationship with my wife, I almost always choose to be right rather than happy, but, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one.
The problem we have is that the negative definition of submission influences our Biblical understanding of the word. So, we need to discover the understanding of submission based on how God defines it. The meaning of this word in the context that it’s used mostly in Scripture as it relates to a relationship with God is “under God’s arrangement.” Jesus is the author of my faith. He is the one who arranged the relationship I have with God. Trust, then, is a genuine effort on my part to willingly agree to live in this arrangement. I trust that God’s arrangement for my life is the best thing for me. The way he wants me to conduct my life, my attitude, my relationships, my marriage, my job, everything in my life is lived out under the authority of Jesus Christ.
Kristi has always wanted to take a ride in a hot air balloon so I made arrangements with a hot air balloon outfit on our twentieth wedding anniversary. Now, as I was making arrangements for the ride, the only choice I really had to make was when I wanted to take the ride. I didn’t have any choice on who was going to take us up, or what color the balloon was going to be, or even where the flight was going to take place. All of that was determined by the business I was working with. When I initially made the phone call to inquire about this balloon ride, I was made to understand that the business was in charge of making all the arrangements, I had no control or say in any of it. Even the weather didn’t co-operate. It turns out that when it’s too windy, hot air balloons don’t fly. So I was forced to reschedule. And then I had to reschedule again, and again. Kristi and I actually wondered if we were even going to go up at all. But finally, the day came. The weather was perfect. And all the arrangements had been made for me, even the day we finally went up; I had nothing to do with them. All I did was pay the fee.
When you consider the word submission in the Bible define it like this. Submission is living under God’s arrangement for my life. Kristi and I put our lives in the hands of the hot air balloon pilot and his business. We placed our trust in his expertise, his experience and in his business; we flew up to over a 1000 feet, and we placed our trust in this guy and his crew that we would land safely. Everything about our experience that day was arranged for us. I just paid a fee. I believe that a life in Christ is a lot like this. We trust in the expertise, experience and the business of Jesus to save our soul. We place our lives in his hands. Jesus does the scheduling, he makes all the arrangements, even the time we leave this earth for our final flight is arranged for us; and He paid the fee! All we are called to do is offer our lives for Him. Biblical submission is allowing Jesus to make all the arrangements.
Submission is the genuine process, and it is a daily thing, of placing my trust in Him to arrange my life. This does not mean that I’m going to wait around for God to do stuff, that’s just being lazy. But it does mean that I’m going to allow His Word to enter the deep parts of my heart and mind that I tend to hide from everyone else. The Bible uses words like transform, to become new, to eliminate or get rid of sinful habits, to only think about things that are true, pure and honorable. These are all factors in living a life in submission to God. In this way, I see submission as tunnel vision.
I don’t know much about horses but I know that sometimes they wear those eye patch things. According to www.runhorse.com they’re called blinkers or blinders. Blinders keep race horses from seeing anything behind them or on the side of them, they keep the horse focused on one thing, what’s directly ahead of them. Horses that pull sleds or carriages, especially where there is a lot of activity, cars, pedestrians, or even other horses also wear blinders, for the same reason. Here’s a quote about why it’s a great idea for a racehorse to wear blinders from www.runhorse.com
“It's amazing what something as small as a pair of blinkers can do for a horse. They've done wonders for both Aptitude and Exogenous, new horses each since getting the equipment change. Exogenous was, at best, a mid-level stakes horse before trainer Scotty Schulhofer gave her blinkers. Since then, she's 2-for-2 with wins in a pair of Grade I's, the Beldame and Gazelle. "They've made a big difference, a couple million dollars worth of difference," Exogenous' trainer Scotty Schulhofer said.”
Submission to God and to each other serves pretty much the same purpose. Submission makes all the difference in the life of someone who trusts in Jesus to arrange their values, priorities and faith. Submission is focus. Submission is the blinkers we put on our faith so that Jesus is all we see. When you submit to God it means that it’s His Son’s love, His Word, His values are the things you see. You seek His desires for your life and not your own. When you take a look at the things Jesus said with this understanding about submission you have a better understanding of what he is teaching.
For example, Jesus said, “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:33 and Luke 9:23 “Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.” And the Hebrew writer seems to channel this race horse blinder analogy, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.” Hebrews 12:1-2 Submission is the blinders we place on our faith so that all we can see is Jesus.
So to sum up Ephesians 5:21 we receive all our resources we need from heaven that create in us a confidence before God as we allow ourselves to be genuinely focused on His Son Jesus, his values and His Word. This is the Biblical understanding of fear and submission. With this view, let’s read 1 Peter 3:1-2, “In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.”
First we need to find out what Peter is talking about when he says, “in the same way”. My first question is, “in what way must wives accept the authority of their husbands?” So I want to identify what that phrase is alluding to. Maybe we should go back to 1 Peter 2:18, “You who are slaves must accept the authority of your masters with all respect. Do what they tell you—not only if they are kind and reasonable, but even if they are cruel.” And in the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Uh…unfortunately, this is exactly how a lot of our wives and moms are treated at home. And there are some in the church who think that women should be slaves to men, because, men are the boss, and this is what this verse clearly teaches. But, maybe there’s something more here.
1 Peter 2:13, “For the Lord’s sake, respect all human authority—whether the king as head of state, or the officials he has appointed.” So, “in the same way” you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Well, there is a saying that a man is the “king of his castle”, but I don’t think this is what Peter is driving at either. Anytime you study Scripture you need to look for the thread that connects the verses together. There are a few books in the Bible where individual verses stand on their own, like in Proverbs for example. But 1 Peter is a letter. And while we may be tempted to take one verse out and just focus on it, that’s not a very responsible way to study. I always try to find the motive behind the Scripture, and then try to discover the thread of that motive through the verses in a particular book. For example, 1 Peter 3:2 provides the motive for why wives must accept the authority of their husbands, “then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words.” Peter is providing the reason for why wives submit to their husbands in a Godly home. Do we see this motive mentioned elsewhere in 1 Peter?
1 Peter 2:12, “Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.” Here’s the thread. In this way wives submit to your husbands. Now, what does Peter say to husbands? “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7
There’s that thread again, “in the same way.” In what way are husbands to give honor to their wives? In the same way that gives God the glory and makes His name more famous in the community. The motive matters. If our homes look like God arranged them, then wives honor and respect their husbands and husbands honor and respect their wives. Peter says to husbands, “she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life” There’s that transformational language we discussed earlier. “new life.” How is that different from the world? Well in the day Peter was writing this letter husbands treating their wives as equals was unheard of. That was not the accepted social construct of their society. Women were treated like property.
Remember the prostitute thrown at Jesus feet because she was caught in bed with a man? Where was the man? He was just as wrong as she, he deserved to be stoned, just like she did, according to the law of Moses. But the man got a pass, because he was a man. That was the culture of that day. So not only is Peter teaching that "new life" is found in Christ, he is teaching that a husband and wife must allow Jesus to arrange their lives in a new way. Jesus is the ultimate authority for all of us.
Those husbands and wives who have placed the spiritual blinders on and only have eyes for each other and for Jesus in their relationship are bold and confident in their Spiritual walk. The opposite is true for those relationships who are not mutually submitted to each other and to Christ.
Peter concludes the third chapter of his letter with this sentence, “Now Christ has gone to heaven. He is seated in the place of honor next to God, and all the angels and authorities and powers accept his authority” 1 Peter 3:22 This is what submission is all about in our homes, and in the church, Jesus reigns as supreme authority.
I hope that you are making the choice to allow Jesus to arrange your life and your marriage and as a result are confident in your prayers and your salvation.
Colossians 2:12 says, “For you were buried with Christ when you were baptized. And with him you were raised to new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, who raised Christ from the dead”
Are you living as a witness of this Great News?
