WHEN MOTHERING GETS HARD
Matthew 15:21-28
INTRO
An article in Forbes asks, "Think you can put a price on motherhood?" A yearly survey by Salary.com called the annual Mom Salary Survey attempts to put a salary on the work of American mothers.
First, they broke down motherly duties into the ten categories: Day Care Center Teacher, CEO, Psychologist, Cook, Housekeeper, Laundry Machine Operator, Computer Operator, Facilities Manager, Janitor, and Van Driver. Then they studied how many hours moms work in those categories and what the family would have to pay for outsourcing that duty. According to the 2012 survey, they determined the following:
• The average stay-at-home mom should make an annual salary of $112,962 (based on a 40-hour per week base pay plus 54.7 hours a week of overtime);
• The average working mom should make an annual salary (just for her "mom" role) of $66,969 (based on 40-hours of mothering duties and 17.9 overtime hours per week).
The article concludes, "The breadth of Mom’s responsibilities is beyond what most workers could ever experience day-to-day. Imagine if you had to attract and retain a candidate to fill this role?" {Source: Jenna Goudreau, "Why Stay-At-Home Moms Should Earn a $115,000 Salary," Forbes (5-2-11); Salary.com, "Salary.com’s 12th Annual Mom Salary Survey,"}
Mothering is hard because of what is required. But being a mother really gets hard when things go awry; when things get out of control and out of her hands. That is when we see the stuff that a mother is made of.
“Questions”
An example of the stress that can cause can be seen in the unanswered questions of Martina Phillips, a mother with a wayward son whom she hasn’t seen for four years:
How?
• How does a parent, who has prayed daily, deal with the rebellion of a child?
• How does a loving parent accept the rejection of her child?
• How does a parent keep from giving up hope?
Why?
• Why do children see loving parents as their enemies?
• Why are these children choosing the wrong path first?
Where?
• Where is all of this chaos going?
• Where are the answers?
What?
• What is the parent of a wayward child to do?
• What does a mother do to dispel her fears?
• What is next?
{Edited for brevity. Source: Martina Phillips, Belleville, Ontario, Canada; submitted by Kevin Miller, executive vice president, Christianity Today International}
Martina does not give answers to these questions. But the Bible does. Sometimes the Bible does it with a story – a story from the most unlikely of places.
Matthew 15:21-28
21 Then Jesus went out from there and departed to the region of Tyre and Sidon. 22 And behold, a woman of Canaan came from that region and cried out to Him, saying, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is severely demon-possessed.” But He answered her not a word. And His disciples came and urged Him, saying, “Send her away, for she cries out after us.” 24 But He answered and said, “I was not sent except to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” 25 Then she came and worshiped Him, saying, “Lord, help me!”
26 But He answered and said, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs.” 27 And she said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table.” 28 Then Jesus answered and said to her, “O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.
This little story is confusing in many ways and is therefore not given a lot of attention. But it does give insight into the struggles of a mother. This mom’s daughter was experiencing a hardship that was out of mom’s control and regardless of the issue, this always makes mothering hard. All of us can relate to the tests she went through and her success can give us all encouragement.
• SHE PASSED THE TEST OF PATIENCE DURING DIVINE SILENCE (23)
23 But He answered her not a word.
Has God ever been silent when you pray? If you pray much he has. God’s silence is not neglect. As my first District Superintendent was fond of saying “When nothin’s happenin’; somethin’s happenin’.”
God’s time table is not ours and God’s wisdom exceeds ours. I have a friend named Stan Toler who wrote a book titled “God Has Never Failed Me, But...: He’s Sure Scared Me to Death a Few Times.” We can all relate to that can’t we? God sees a bigger picture and seeks to fashion us into Jesus’ image. He hones our faith, trust, patience, etc. as he accomplishes this task.
• SHE PASSED THE TEST OF DOUBT AND DISCOURAGEMENT (23)
23 And His disciples came and urged Him, saying, “Send her away…”
Hard times always bring ample fodder for worry, doubt and discouragement. Time and again it may look like the worst case scenario is going to materialize. Such may be true if it were not for the grace of God. God gives comfort and assurance that he will walk through the “valley of death” with us.
With God’s help even “worst case scenarios” can be endured and managed. 1 Cor. 10:13 says, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”
• SHE PASSED THE TEST OF REJECTION (24)
24 But He answered and said, “I was not sent except to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.”
Have you ever felt rejection from God? Did you know there are great heroes in the Bible that did too? As strange as it sounds, rejection can actually be a manifestation of God’s love. It was feeling that God had rejected them that catapulted various Bible heroes to spiritual greatness. I think of Bible heroes like, Ruth, Jonah, Jeremiah, King Hezekiah, Amos, and Ezekiel. They all felt God’s rejection. And in each case they sought God and found His favor.
• SHE PASSED THE TEST OF HUMILITY (26)
26 But He answered and said, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs.”
This mother recognized she was at the mercy of God. She had no leverage; no bargaining chips; nothing to “wow” God with or offer in exchange. Such a place makes us feel vulnerable – even out of control (both of which are true) but, when standing before God, it is a safe and rewarded posture.
• The book of Proverbs (3:34) says: “He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble.”
• Jesus himself says (Mt. 23:12) “For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
God honored this woman for seeking Him and trusting in Him. (v. 28) “O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.
Let me tell you a story:
“Down’s Syndrome”
In 2009, ABC News reported that 92% of women in the U.S. who find out their child will have the chromosomal defect known as “Down Syndrome” decide to abort. One geneticist at Children’s Hospital Boston found that without prenatal testing, the number of Down syndrome births would have increased by 34 percent between 1989 and 2005. Such troubling statistics make the story of Ellen and Al Hsu (pronounced "shee") that much sweeter.
Ellen and Al were thrilled to learn they were expecting their second child—a boy. But their excitement turned to concern when Ellen’s OB/GYN noticed some brain abnormalities during a standard 20-week ultrasound. Terror set in when they heard him say "Something is very wrong with this baby." The doctor told them the problems were generally "incompatible with life." Ellen and Al were told that if their baby was born alive, he would likely die within a day. At best, he might survive for 6 to 12 months.
Ellen writes of their fears in an article posted on Christianity Today’s Her.meneutics blog.
Frightened and uncertain of our baby’s future, we agreed to an amniocentesis. We would not, we thought, consider aborting our child, but we wanted to know what to expect. And this situation wasn’t really covered in “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” Al held my hand while the doctor extracted amniotic fluid from my womb using a long needle. … That’s when Down Syndrome was confirmed.
Later that evening, after we’d both had some time to process the news, Al and I talked. I felt lost. This scenario didn’t fit any of my plans. We talked about funerals, and, if the baby survived, what life would be like for us and for him.
"What should we do?" I asked. "I never thought I would even think this, but do you think it would be more compassionate to terminate the pregnancy?" I felt horrible even thinking about abortion, but given what the doctor told us, I honestly wondered which was the more loving thing to do: save him from the pain he would likely experience if he survived, or allow him to live.
After a moment of silence, Al responded, "I think we should do no harm."
Relieved, I quietly agreed. From that moment on we began to prepare ourselves to welcome our son into this world, no matter what that looked like.
Looking back on this critical moment, Ellen offers this powerful word: "The most important day in my life is the day we decided to let our son live." Soon after their decision to keep the baby, she writes that they began to refer to him as Elijah instead of "the baby." They decided that "even if he didn’t survive the pregnancy, he was alive now and [they] would enjoy him as long as [they] could."
They knew Elijah would have difficulty learning; he would experience developmental delays, such as walking and talking later than typical children. They also knew that he was more likely to have a congenital heart defect and other medical problems.
The doctor asked if we had made a decision regarding termination. Their anser; "Why would we terminate? It’s only Down syndrome!"
Thirty seven weeks into the pregnancy, Ellen gave birth to Elijah Timothy Hsu, and after several difficult weeks, Elijah was released from the hospital. Ellen concludes her article with these words:
Other than having Down syndrome, most of the other "abnormalities" the doctor listed were not present. Today Elijah is a happy and healthy four-year-old. He loves preschool and is learning to read. He communicates using a combination of sign language and spoken words. He enjoys giving hugs, dancing, and babbling in front of a mirror. His smile lights up a room, and his laugh is contagious.
Elijah has developmental delays and sometimes takes longer to learn new skills, but for the most part he’s a normal kid doing normal kid stuff. Elijah’s first year was sometimes difficult and overwhelming, but life with Elijah has settled into its own routine. Taking care of him is not all that different from taking care of our older son, Josiah. And loving Elijah comes just as naturally to me as loving Josiah.
I can’t imagine life without Elijah anymore. He brings us so much joy. I’m so glad he’s alive and that he’s a part of our family. {Source: Ellen Hsu, "The Day We Let Our Son Live," Her.meneutics blog, Christianity Today International (11-2-09)}
WRAP-UP
Like the Canaanite woman, Ellen passed the tests.
• SHE PASSED THE TEST OF PATIENCE DURING DIVINE SILENCE (23)
• SHE PASSED THE TEST OF DOUBT AND DISCOURAGEMENT (23)
• SHE PASSED THE TEST OF REJECTION (24)
• SHE PASSED THE TEST OF HUMILITY (26)
A quick look at our culture shows that idealized images of motherhood are inaccurate, and Scripture reveals the same.
• Ruth was left childless and widowed at a young age.
• Rachel, Hannah, and Sarah were infertile.
• Eve and Mary lost sons under terrible circumstances.
Our churches are full of mother’s with stories like those we find in Scripture; mothers in diverse life circumstances, sometimes thriving, sometimes coping, and sometimes going under.
The fairy tale of marriage and motherhood is just that—a fairy tale. Our culture is one of
• Motherhood deferred due to later childbearing
• Motherhood disrupted by divorce
• Motherhood lost by infant/child death and miscarriage
• Motherhood unachieved due to infertility and undesired singleness
Of course, our culture also includes wonderful families with strong marriages and happy children. The point is that there is not a one-size-fits-all journey of womanhood, and we, Jesus’ church, can be a great source of strength and support as each mother lives out the calling God has placed in front of them.
So let’s be gentle with each other this Mother’s Day; because what is true of mothers is true of us all. We often carry the weight of the world on our shoulders; we are often in the middle of a test of faith – not at its conclusion. Let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt, our promise to pray for each other, and our encouragement to seek God to the end.
Galatians 6:9 reminds us: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
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** Special thanks to Rev. Randy Bataanon for the four point outline.
This sermon is provided by Dr. Kenneth Pell
Potsdam Church of the Nazarene
Potsdam, New York
www.potsdam-naz.org
