Untying the Knot of Lust (Part 1)
Problems: Untying What’s Tying You Up
Chuck Sligh
June 2, 2013
TEXT: 1 John 2:16 – “For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.”
NOTE: A PowerPoint presentation of this sermon is available upon request by emailing me at chucksligh@hotmail.com.
INTRODUCTION
JOKE: A girl talking to her grandma asked, “How old are you?” to which grandma replied, “Dear, you shouldn’t ask that question. Grownups don’t like to tell their age.”
The next day, the girl asked, “Grandma, how much do you weigh?”
“Honey, you shouldn’t ask grownups how much they weigh. It isn’t polite.”
The next day the girl was back with a smile and said, “Grandma, I know how old you are—62, and you weigh 160 pounds.”
Grandma was surprised and said, “My goodness, how did you know?”
The girl said, “You left your driver’s license on the table, and I read it. And I also saw on it that you got an ‘F’ in sex!” (PAUSE FOR POWERPOINT PICTURE.)
Now I should tell you that today’s sermon will be PG-rated, so if you have kids under 12 in the service, you should take them upstairs to K.I.D.S. church, or be ready to answer some questions you might not be prepared to deal with quite yet.
We’re in a series titled “Untying What’s Tying You Up.” Today I want to talk to you about the knot of lust, something that has more people—especially men—tied up in the cords of sin than anything I know of.
Some of you may be a little nervous at this point, but folks, if the CHURCH doesn’t deal with this issue honestly in our oversexed society, where will the Christian teaching on it come from? This issue is an elephant in the room that some in the church would rather ignore, but everybody knows it’s there.
How big an elephant is the lust problem today?
• Today sex in advertising is unquestionably THE most effective means of attracting attention to your product—because lust sells!
• It’s also one of the leading ways to attract a greater TV or movie audience and a female musical artist who doesn’t try to be sexy, and preferably slutty sexy (think Lady GaGa or Britney Spears or Madonna), is almost considered an anachronism—somebody only grandma goes to hear.
• And pornography is now big business, estimated by U.S. News and World Report to have grossed an estimated $10 billion per year. Over 10,000 porn movies are released and over 300 million videos sold yearly.
In fact, there are more porn outlets than McDonald’s.
That’s society; what about the church?
• Covenant Eyes claims that “Fifty percent of Christian men and twenty percent of Christian women report being “addicted” to pornography.” If those statistics were taken from their online visitors, it may not be accurate since those with sex problems are more likely to visit the sight, and also, it probably includes anyone claiming to be a Christian, which mean include some who actually are not truly saved. But regardless of how scientific or accurate their statistic is, one thing I’m sure of from my own counseling experience is that it is a big problem.
• And even if you have not viewed pornography this week, I would venture to guess that a very high percentage of the men in this room today lusted this week—perhaps 100%—and a good percentage of women probably did as well.
So we’re talking about something that’s a HUGE issue that we as God’s people MUST tackle. So let’s tackle it—starting right now:
I. LET’S BEGIN BY CONSIDERING WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT LUST.
First though, let’s define it. There are several Greek words in the New Testament translated “lust” in our Bibles. The main ones are the noun epithumía, which means “a strong desire of any kind” and the verb epithuméo̅ meaning, “to have a strong desire of any kind.”
So it’s not always bad. The verb form is used in a good way as often as in a bad sense, such as in Luke 22:15 when Jesus said he “desired” (epithuméo̅) to eat the Passover with the disciples and He used it in Matthew 13:17 when He said that “…many prophets and righteous men have desired (epithuméo̅) to see those things which ye see….” And sexual desire within the context of marriage, never referred to as lust, is itself not only NOT EVIL, but is commended and even commanded. But when used to refer to sexual desires outside of marriage or between a man and a woman, the various Bible words are ALWAYS bad—no exceptions.
When you look at the Bible as a whole, basically a good working definition for lust is “sexual desire that you voluntarily allow for anyone you are not married to or to a person of the same sex.”
Lust is triggered primarily by the eyes in men and through the emotions in women, though both genders can also be prompted to lust by the either trigger.
When you see or feel that TEMPTATION to lust, that in itself is not a sin. For instance, if you’re in a German grocery store and you accidentally pass the magazine rack and see a bare-chested woman on the cover of one of the magazines like I did on Friday, that, in itself, is not a sin. You can’t be responsible for seeing something you didn’t know was there. But if you CONTINUE to look and/or allow yourself to experience the sexual stimulation that comes with GAZING—THAT’S lust.
How serious is lust?
Men, you may think that certainly one short gaze at a well shaped or scantily-clad woman, or ladies, one brief fantasy about being with that man who makes you feel so feminine and alive cannot be SO bad. Well, listen to what Jesus says in Matthew 5:27-29: “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: 28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”
Whoa!—Looking at a woman with lustful desires is like committing adultery with her in your heart? If that’s the case, we’re in BIG trouble!
God’s intended plan is for a husband and wife to lovingly surrender their bodies to meet their spouse’s needs and bring joy, oneness and pleasure to one other. Whether male or female, when we fan lust by fantasizing lustful thoughts or reading racy romances or viewing pornography, we compound our guilt. When we give in to lust in this way, and fulfill our sexual desires in ways outside of God’s intended plan, the Bible uses a number of negative terms.
I’m going to read from the King James Version, but a lot of the words referring to sinful sexual behavior mean something different today, requiring a lot of explanation, so to save time, I’m just going to put on the screen the modern meaning (in the PowerPoint I researched each term from my Greek sources and gave modern equivalents):
• In Colossians 3:5-7 Paul says, “Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: 6 For which things’ sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience: 7 In which ye also walked some time, when ye lived in them.”
• In 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 Paul says, “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: 4 That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor; 5 Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: 6 That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because…the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified. 7 For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness. 8 He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us his holy Spirit.”
There are many other such Scriptures, but the thing to see is that God expects us as His people to put these evil things out of our lives after we come to faith in Christ; to die to them; to do everything we can do to rid ourselves of these sins.
So that leads to the second of my two points today…
II. HOW TO UNTIE THE KNOT OF LUST
I’ve given a lot of thought to this issue, because what believers are doing isn’t working. I’ve seen how lust is a major stumbling block in many believers’ lives, especially men. And I’ve come to the conclusion that we’ve failed because we’ve forgotten to see that we cannot handle this problem alone. I believe we need to fight the battle against lust on three levels:
1) First, we each have a PERSONAL responsibility to fight the battle against lust.
Let me give you a couple of ways to help you with this:
• Number 1, learn to say “no” to lust triggers.
When I saw the bare-chested woman on that magazine Friday, I’m going to be honest with you, in my flesh, I desired to continue to gaze at it and enjoy it even as in my spirit I wanted to resist. Instantly, I had a CHOICE to continue to gaze and to enjoy the pleasure of sin for a season, or to obey the promptings of the Holy Spirit to turn away, and immediately put what I saw out of my mind.
That’s exactly the battle that James describes in James 1:14-15 – “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. 15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.” Friday I was obedient to the Holy Spirit. Pray that I can turn away from the SCORES of lust triggers I see every day. It’s a hard battle that every man struggles with, and women too.
• Second, when you can, control your exposure level to lust triggers.
Now I can’t control every lust trigger in life, but I can control some of them. For instance…
> When I know where pornography is posted in the grocery store, I can resolve not to go down that aisle, as I resolved to do Friday.
> I can refuse to listen to music and artists spouting sexual themes.
> I can avoid places where people go to hook up for sex.
I know some Christians who argue it’s okay for believers to do the bar scene, but I’ve had too many people come to me after falling into sexual sin to tell me the main purpose of the bar scene is to do two things: get drunk and hook up with someone.
Those were the exact words a wife whose husband was deployed told me who had repented of her involvement in these things. Look, I know that not everyone who goes to a bar does those things, but why put yourself in a place where you’ll be tempted?
Sound advice is found in Proverbs 4:14-19 – “Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men. 15 Avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away. [And then the writer says…]16 For they sleep not, except they have done mischief; and their sleep is taken away, unless they cause some to fall. 17 For they eat the bread of wickedness, and drink the wine of violence. 18 But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day. 19 The way of the wicked is as darkness: they know not at what they stumble.”
Sounds like what goes on at Ed’s every Friday night. I can’t control all lust triggers, but those I can control, I should.
> Another example: When a sex scene is on a movie or TV, I can and I should turn it off.
GOD’S desire for my sanctification is more important than MY desire to know what’s going to happen in the rest of a movie. This is how Satan has fooled believers—telling them that if sexually stimulating images are central to the plot of a good story, it’s okay.
No one could tell you better the danger of continuing to look at a lust trigger than David, who, when he saw Bathsheba bathing, was filled with lust, initiating actions that culminated in adultery with Bathsheba and murder of Bathsheba’s husband. David paid a heavy price for his actions, all which began with a lust trigger he allowed to gratify in his mind Having learned his lesson the hard way, he said many years later in Psalms 101:3 – “I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes…”
Job said this in Job 31:1 – “I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?” (Maybe you should post those two verses on top of your TV!)
Now I know lust triggers in women are often different and maybe not as raw and intense, but ladies, you too should avoid the things that can trigger lustful thoughts in you and tempt you to lust.
Folks, it’s about time we as Christians cleaned up our homes and our entertainment and our iPods and our bookcases and our magazine racks.
You say, “How far should we go with this?” I say as far away from the line of sin as possible.
Illus. – An affluent, aristocratic woman was reviewing resumes from potential chauffeurs to drive her Rolls Royce. She invited only three applicants to her palatial home. She escorted each one individually to her driveway and the brick wall beside it. Then she asked, “If you drove my Rolls, how close do you think you could get to that wall without scratching my car?”
The first said, “I can drive within a foot of that wall and not damage your Rolls” and the second said, “I can drive within six inches of that wall and not damage your car.”
The third one said without hesitation, “Ma’am, I don’t know how close I could come to the wall without damaging your car, but if I was driving your car, I would stay as far away as possible from the wall so as not to damage your car.”
Guess who got the job?
You see, many people want to know where the line is between a second glance and lust so they can get as close as they can without actually sinning. But when addressing sexual temptation, the point is not how CLOSE you can get to the temptation without getting “scratched” or crossing the line or falling off the ledge, but the issue is staying AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE.
So first we each have a personal responsibility to fight this battle ourselves.
2) Second, HUSBANDS AND WIVES have a responsibility to help their spouses avoid the knot of ungodly lust by meeting one another’s sexual needs.
Let me make a very important statement here: SEX IN ITSELF IS NOT BAD. In fact, sex was GOD’S idea. Just read the Song of Solomon if you think God is a prude.
Listen, God is FOR sex, and lots of it!—but ONLY in the bonds of marriage of one woman to one man. In fact, sexual love is indispensable in marriage and a person is not even married in God’s eyes until they have consecrated it with the act of sex.
I liked what Gary Thomas said in our study Sunday night DVD series titled, Sacred Marriage. – He said God doesn’t blush when a husband and a wife are lovemaking, the very thing HE designed and ordained for procreation and pleasure.
When you look at the scriptures, you see that meeting the sexual needs of your spouse is a responsibility to help him or her withstand the temptation to lust.
Look with me at 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (and again I’ll substitute the modern terms on the screen as I read the KJV) – “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
Paul says that one reason for good sex in marriage is to help one other avoid sexual immorality in verse 2 and lust in verse 5. True, he does imply the sense of an OBLIGATION (“due”), but not one to be done with a sense that your spouse is evil or carnal because he or she desires you sexually, but to do it with “benevolence”—out of love and a caring desire to meet your spouse’s need and fuel the fire of intimacy and oneness and connection.
Many a person has been sorely tempted to lust or do something immoral, but was quick to turn away because his or her needs were met at home.
So to keep from being tied up by the cords of lust, there’s a PERSONAL responsibility to fight the fight ourselves and a MARITAL responsibility to help our spouse win the battle against lust.
CONCLUSION
Next week, in Part 2, I’ll show that there’s a corporate responsibility the CHURCH has to help believers to keep untied from the knot of lust, but for now I want to close with two questions:
1) Have you allowed yourself to become entangled in the knot of lust?
• Men, have you surrendered to continual lustful thoughts?
Some of you started the Christian life fighting the battle against lust, but the battle became so intense that you just gave in and threw in the towel.
I’m not talking about occasionally losing that battle; I’m talking about just leaving the battlefield and letting your mind lust at will; I’m talking about giving up the battle; surrendering to the enemy!
You thought surrender would take you out of the battle, but now you have a whole new set of problems. Surrendering to a lifestyle of lust damages your relationship with God. And those lustful thoughts have a need for fulfillment. It’s like drinking salt water—it temporarily quenches thirst, but shortly thirst returns much more intensely, and ultimately leads to death. When you surrender to lust, it flames your desires…and pornography, adultery or even worse are all too often the eventual results. And then your marriage suffers, and you live under a cloud of guilt and regret and frustration and defeat. So you cannot fully worship God in freedom, and His Word stops speaking to you.
Men, lust is DEADLY!
GET BACK IN THE BATTLE and discipline yourself to say “NO” to lust triggers before they develop into lust.
And let me be clear: whether you are a man or a woman, a teen or an adult, you MUST have a 100% ZERO TOLERANCE to pornography! If you struggle here, getting an accountability partner and being honest with him is essential.
• Women, your struggle with lust is different, but no less real.
Do you fantasize about men who you think would treat you better than your spouse? Do you watch soap operas and TV shows and movies and read books and magazines that tempt you to have lustful thoughts? Maybe you too struggle with pornography on some level or maybe it’s an online “virtual relationship” on a chat line. Many have never committed PHYSICAL adultery, but ladies, honestly, how different is a virtual relationship with a man in a chat room and a man’s relationship with a naked virtual goddess on the computer in the way they steal your heart from single devotion to your spouse?
These things will defile you and damage your relationship with God and with your husband just as surely as they will hurt and defile men. You need to make some decisive decisions to cleanse your life and home of things that prompt you to lust.
2) And then, husbands and wives, you have a duty to lovingly help your spouse fight the battle against lust in this sex-drenched society.
That does not negate his or her personal responsibility to resist the knot of lust. It’s a matter of lovingly helping someone your weaker brother or sister. Sex in marriage is not “dirty”—it’s sacred; it’s godly. You’re not a godly spouse if you’re not lovingly meeting the needs of your spouse.
May God help you to PERSONALLY fight your a spiritual battle against lust, and EACH SPOUSE to lovingly help your spouse to be free from the knot of lust.
