INTRODUCTION
• SLIDE #1
• Over the past two weeks during our mini-series, we have been looking at the fun and uplifting subject of conflict. Well maybe not a fun and uplifting subject.
• In week one we examined some ways in which we could prevent conflict before it gets started. Last week in week two we saw how our words could either pour water on a fire.
• Today we will conclude our series with the issue of healing from the hurt of conflict.
• What do we need to do so that we can heal, what do we need to do so that the pain will not act like a ball and chain for the rest of our lives?
• Something that is important for us to realize is this, restoration or a relationship, healing from the pain starts with you!
• We have a tendency to focus on our hurt, our pain instead of our hearts, our actions, and our attitudes.
• As long as we keep the focus on OUR hurt, OUR pain, the wrong done to us we will have an extremely hard time experiencing the joy of the restoration of a once broken relationship or the joy of full healing from the hurt caused by conflict.
• I see it a lot in people, they cannot let go so they live with destroyed relationships and they let the pain cripple their lives.
• We need to focus on some areas so that we can do our part to rebuild the relationship that is left in tatters from conflict.
• We will not always be able to restore a broken relationship BUT we can all heal from the hurt if we choose to.
• Let us begin our exploration today in Ephesians 4:25!
• SLIDE #2
• Ephesians 4:25 (HCSB) Since you put away lying, Speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, because we are members of one another.
• SLIDE #3
SERMON
I. Focus on speaking the truth.
• We talked about making sure that our words helped people to discern the truth from error.
• Now as we heal from the hurt, we need to make sure that we SPEAK the truth.
• We to make sure our words about the conflict or any other situation are 100% truthful.
• Lying includes more than simply telling direct falsehoods. It also includes exaggeration, adding falsehood to that which begins as true. MacArthur New Testament Commentary, The - MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Ephesians.
• The issue of speaking truth also includes misrepresentation and deceit in what we say.
• If we were in error in our thinking when it came to the conflict, we need to make sure that we do not let subtly imply that the other party was 100% at fault.
• In the direct context of the passage, people were being hurt by others who were following false teaching, and there were those who were covering up their mistake by not being truthful about it.
• The key to the whole message today, the key to being able to being able to heal from the hurt is found in the simple word in verse 25 SINCE! Really?
• Verse 25 says SINCE YOU PUT AWAY LYING, SPEAK THE TRUTH.
• All the steps Paul will list for us is predicated on our ability to set aside the hurt and pain and make sure we act and react like one who has been transformed.
• This is spelled out for us in verses 20-24, but verse 24 hits the point directly.
• SLIDE #4
• Ephesians 4:24 (HCSB) you put on the new self, the one created according to God’s likeness in righteousness and purity of the truth.
• We need to always be mindful of WHO we are in Christ. We need to always remember that we are to conduct ourselves as citizen of Heaven!
• We are a NEW CREATION in Christ; do not let anyone or anything convince you otherwise.
• The pain and hurt can be overcome through Jesus if we let Him do His work in us!
• WE have to realize we cannot bring restoration to a relationship based on falsehoods. A relationship can only be built back on the backbone of truth.
• We will never heal properly if we do not accept and embrace the truth about what disrupted the relationship in the first place.
• Let’s turn to verses 26-27
• SLIDE #5
• Ephesians 4:26–27 (HCSB) 26 Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and don’t give the Devil an opportunity.
• SLIDE #6
II. Focus on not letting your anger control you.
• There is something I like in this verse, anger in itself is not a SIN!
• BUT anger can easily lead one down the path to sin.
• In the story of Cain and Abel, Cain was angry with his brother, and that anger led to Cain killing his brother.
• Look at what God says to Cain in Genesis 4:7.
• In verse 6 God asked Cain why he was angry. Then we have a warning for Cain and all of us in verse 7.
• SLIDE #7
• Genesis 4:7 (HCSB) If you do what is right, won’t you be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”
• Guess what happens later in verse 8, Cain opened the door to sin by his uncontrolled anger and he kills his brother.
• There are times to be angry; Jesus was not a happy camper as He cleansed the temple of the moneychangers.
• We cannot let that anger control you. Have you ever gone to bed angry?
• When you get up the next day are you full of joy?
• When we have love for people we usually will not intentionally do them harm; however, if we are angry with them who knows what will happen!
• When we are angry we will never heal, anger can be hard to get rid of, and anger will destroy the person who allows it to control them.
• I see folks on the football field play angry, but they play under control, I used to play that way.
• On the field when you let anger control you, you end up breaking to rules. Saw a guy in the pre-season just last week rip a helmet off another player then swing that helmet toward the head of the player he ripped it off of.
• He will be fined and suspended for that one.
• When the passage says do not let the sun go down on your anger, it is telling us to resolve it quickly!
• If you let your anger control you, you will never heal or restore relationships.
• Let’s turn to verse 28.
• SLIDE #8
• Ephesians 4:28 (HCSB) The thief must no longer steal. Instead, he must do honest work with his own hands, so that he has something to share with anyone in need.
• SLIDE #9
III. Focus on the needs of others.
• I was trying to look at this verse in the context of the passage and in the context in which we are going today.
• When you think of it, stealing is one of the ultimate acts of selfishness.
• It says I want something and I am going to take it from you so then you will not have it either.
• Of course in the direct context, a person who is a new creation in Christ ought not to be stealing regardless because being a thief is not an accurate reflection of the God we serve and worship.
• A person who steals only thinks of themselves, no one else. I do not want to work for what I want, I would rather take it.
• In the passage Paul says of you are stealing stop it, get an honest job, work with your hands.
• Then he reveals something that we need to see, when you work part of the reason for doing so is to help others.
• Paul wants the folks to quit just thinking about themselves and to consider others.
• When we are angry and hurt it is far too easy to focus on self. Then we go deeper and deeper into pain and anger.
• People who suffer depression can go into the vicious circle of focusing on self and the woes they are facing that just drops them deeper into the well of depression.
• We can help ourselves heal by putting a focus on the needs of others.
• Do not steal your potential joy be focusing on the hurt, let’s move to healing!
• Let’s flip to verse 29-30
• SLIDE #10
• Ephesians 4:29–30 (HCSB) 29 No foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear. 30 And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit. You were sealed by Him for the day of redemption.
• SLIDE #11
IV. Focus on speaking words that will build people up.
• As we looked at last week, what we say has an impact on others, our words have a ripple effect.
• We have to watch what we say.
• The word translated FOUL or in some translations UNWHOLESOME was used of rotten fruit or vegetables and other spoiled food.
• Nothing rotten should come out of our mouth.
• Guess what happens when we are hurt and focusing on the pain another may have inflicted upon us, we start to speak foul things.
• This is not just referring to the four letter words that folk’s use, but anything that will cause something to spoil.
• Would you drop some spoiled peaches in with your freshly picked ones? I think not!
• We can forgive those whom we are seeking to edify and build up.
• WE should always be seeking ways to build up people, not make them rotten.
• When you put the spoiled peaches in with the good ones who would want to eat the good ones?
• A person who is transformed will seek to edify others!
• SLIDE #12
• James 3:10–11 (HCSB) Praising and cursing come out of the same mouth. My brothers, these things should not be this way. Does a spring pour out sweet and bitter water from the same opening?
• When we spout off curses as well as blessing, it grieves the Holy Spirit within us.
• Our words and thoughts should be consistent with our calling!
• Let’s conclude with verses 31-32
• SLIDE #13
• Ephesians 4:31–32 (HCSB) 31 All bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. 32 And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.
• SLIDE #14
V. Focus on a new way of dealing with others.
• As new creations in Christ we must learn to deal with people in a new way.
• When we are hurt, when we are in pain, we tend to follow the things in verse 31.
• In order to heal we have to let go of the anger that drives us.
• We have to get past the point of wanting revenge; this verse uses some strong language.
• Malice is the desire to injure. Verse 31 is the way we act before Jesus.
• Instead of following the path to further pain in verse 31, look at the more positive way of dealing with people in verse 32.
• SLIDE #15
• 32 And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.
• This is the way to reflect Jesus in the way we deal with others.
• Paul reminds us that Jesus forgave us.
• TO forgive, we have to show kindness and compassion toward others.
• The word forgiveness used here is not just releasing from guilt, but it also implies being gracious toward them.
• God showed me a lot of grace.
• The bottom line in this point is this, as long as we act like the world does toward folks, we will never be able to heal from the hurt.
• When you are able to be compassionate and forgiving, your life will be so much better!
CONCLUSION
• WE have a choice to make. Stay in pain or heal.
• The path to healing is found in Jesus.
• The path to healing is found in following Jesus and His example.
• When I am tempted to NOT forgive someone, I have to understand as long as I refuse, I am not going to heal from the hurt.
• Holding on to resentment will keep us hurting.
• Through Jesus you can heal!
