A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, ..... rubbed it - and out popped a genie. The genie said, "Listen.... four people have released me from the lamp this month ..... and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes, so you can forget about three. You only get one wish."
The man thought about it for a while and said, "I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I am afraid to fly .... and I get very sea sick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to vacation?"
The genie laughed and said,....."That’s impossible. Think of the logistics of that feat! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific ocean? You need to think of another wish."
The man thought about it and said, "I’ve been dating for years and the women I date always say that I don’t care and that I am insensitive.
So, I wish that I could fully understand women .. to know exactly how they feel and know exactly what they are thinking."
The genie paused then said, "You want that bridge with 2 lanes or 4 lanes?
Happy Mother’s Day! To all you mother’s, grandmother’s and future Mothers out there – my wife and I would like to wish you happy Mother’s Day! Natalie and I are celebrating her 15th Mother’s Day together…and the 37th Mother’s Day for my own Mother. I love my wife and I love my mom!? My wife is the best – and my mom is the best. I am blessed and lucked out with 2 amazing women of God! Thank God for 2 special ladies in my life!
This morning, in light of Mother’s Day, I have a message for you titled: Yo Wife is Not Yo Mama. I think one of the major flaws by husbands is that we grow up, most of us, with our mamas…and then when we are married, we have this default button that we push that makes us treat, act and react to our wives as if they’re our mamas. They are not. I want every dude in the building to say this with me right now… “My wife is not my mama”… (My wife is not my mama). When I grew up, my mama tried to give me a special life. Life was about me, not her. She selflessly served me, fed me, did my laundry, cleaned my house, provided for me. She took care of me. Now, I’m married…and it’s not Natalie’s job to be my mama…she’s my wife.
This message today…it’s not just for the dudes tho…If you have a mama…a grandmamma…or a special lady in your life; this message is for YOU too!
Genesis 2:18, "The Lord God said, `It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife.'"
See, you leave your mama…and cleave to your wife. But your wife is not yo mama.
When God made Adam, He put him in a perfect environment. Adam had this perfect environment. No problems. No stress. No difficulties. So God made him this wife. And God said, "It's not good for man to be alone." So he made him a helper, a lover, a wife.
I don't care if you're married or not, the Bible says it's not good for you to be alone. You were made for relationships. Human beings were made for relationships. Whether you're married or not, you need companionship. You need friendships. You need people to relate to. That's why the worst kind of punishment is called solitary confinement.
You don’t have to be married to have companionship and friendship. In fact, sadly, some people are married and the loneliest people on earth.
Bu the first thing I wanna establish today for us guy is what the Bible says about us men and finding wife. It says this in Proverbs 18:22:
“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22 (NLT)
Men, I want to you say that out loud!!!! “MY WIFE IS A TREASURE!” C'mon say it like you mean it!: My wife is a treasure. Men, remember that for the rest of your lives.
I have 6 ways to love your woman.
6 WAYS TO LOVE YOUR WOMAN:
1. LOVE HER BY LOVING GOD.
It almost goes without saying…when you love God – everything else in life lines up. When you love God – you see everything through the eyes and convictions of God. I call it the Matthew 6:33 perspective. Seek first the kingdom of God and HIS righteousness – and all these things will be added to you. Love God – and you’ll love your wife like Christ loves you. Remember: Loving God is the greatest of ALL THE commandments. Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was…HIS repsonse is found in MT 22:37:
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment.” Matthew 22:37 (NIV)
Listen, if you’re here today and you don’t have a love for God…a relationship with God – that’s what’s missing in your life. I’m telling you…committing your life to God changes the way you live life. It changes your marriage. Look, if you’re trying to be a great husband or a great wife…if you’re trying to be married without Christ as the centerpiece of your life...they ain’t NO WAY. The Bible says in 1 John 4:8 that “God is Love”. How can you expect to be married and stay married without LOVE!? It’s Jesus who teaches you how to love…to live…to honor and respect…to forgive…to hold your tongue…to surrender…
The best way you can love your wife, is to fall in love with Jesus!
2. LOVE HER BY SERVING HER.
The second way to love your woman is to serve her. I almost made this point say: Point Number 2: Pick up your socks! Cook dinner. Clean kitchen! Do the laundry. But I decided that “serve her” covers it all.
I LOVE serving my wife. Serving her. One of my life goals is to “outserve” her. She’s a servant too. Sometimes we get in arguments over who’s gonna clean the kitchen…or who gets to serve who!
“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.”
1 Peter 4:10
3. LOVE HER BY TELLING HER.
I’m sure you’ve heard it before…but the Bible tells us that our “words” have the power of life and the power of death. You can kill your relationship by the words you speak , or you can speak life into it. Words had Jesus crucify. The Written Word had Jesus resurrected.
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Proverbs 18:21 (ESV)
Words. What you say MATTERS. It has meaning. It has life. Tell your wife you love her. Write her a note. Send her text messages. Give her a card! HUSBANDS: Let me ask you a question: when’s the last time you wrote your wife a card or sent or a nice letter??? There is LIFE in what you say!
What kind of words are you talking to your wife with? Life? Death? What kind of words do you use.
By the way…if you have kids…you better make sure you’re using words of life in front of them, too! Tell your wife you love her in front of them. Give your wife a hug or a kiss in front of them. Let them see you treat mama like a princess. Your kids are gonna learn character from YOU…good or bad character…they are gonna learn it by WATCHING you …Maybe you say that old phrase: “Do as I say, not as I do”. Nah…I got new for you…that ain’t gonna happen. They’re gonna DO AS YOU DO.
My kids are going to pick up good character from me or they're going to pick up bad character. I make the difference, the choice. And you do too.
Kids learn our values from us parents. They learn what's really important in life. Growing up in your family for right or wrong, good or bad, you learned about the value of money, sex, relationships, failure, success. You learned either how to tackle problems head on or how to run from them in denial. You learned how to either face life or flee from life. We pick up values from those around us. It's important that we teach the right values. You're teaching values either intentionally or unintentionally in your family.
Isaiah 38 "One generation makes known your faithfulness to the next." Your family is a relay of values from one generation to the next. You are just a link in a long, long chain. You, the person that you are, was influenced by the way your parents were raised, by their parents, by their parents...
It goes the other way too. And that helps me remember that when I'm training my kids, I'm not just raising my own kids, I'm influencing future generations. The way I train my kids is going to influence the way they train their's and that will impact the way they train their's...
Your training in your own family isn't affecting just your own family. It's going to affect generations as you have been affected by generations.
Use your words to speak life!
4. LOVE HER BY GIVING TO HER.
God’s Word says: “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Acts 20:35
Lemme ask you a question for your marriage today? Are you a giver? Or are you a taker? If your wife or your husband could define you as one or the other – what would it be? A giver? Or a taker?
Dudes…answer this question to yourselves: when’s the last time you bought your wife a thoughtful gift!???
One of the greatest things a man can give his wife and give his kids is a legacy. Have you ever thought about that? Giving my wife…giving my kids…give my grandkids and their kids…the gift of legacy.
That’s what I’m trying to do.
I'm not interested so much in the legacy that you've HAD or that I've HAD. But what kind of legacy are you leaving NOW? I feel many people are leaving the legacy of popular culture. That's what they're going to leave as a legacy for their kids. Don’t let culture make your impact. Don’t let tv, movies, what’s hot on the radio leave your families legacy.
Leave a heritage…a legacy RICH with God’s WORD and values. Determine for your life, regardless of your past -- it may be a bad past, a past of alcoholism and divorce and abuse – but now you can say, "I'm going to break the chain! I'm starting a new legacy." Some of you became believers in the last year and you say, "From now on our family is going to be an influence for good and I'm going to leave my kids not with wealth, not with a big bank account but with spiritual riches and a spiritual heritage that they can pull on that when they go through storms they know that other generations before them went through the same storms and they can handle it because God is with them.
You choose your legacy you're going to leave for your kids and their kids and their kids. If you aren't thinking about it you're leaving it up to chance. I have heard many people say this phrase. It always bothers me. "I'm not going to impose my spiritual values on my kids. I'm going to just let them make their own decision." Have you ever heard that line? What they're saying -- the translation is, "I'm abdicating my role as a parent to the television." Because your kids are going to pick up values either good ones from you or bad ones from the world and it's your choice. When a person says "I'm not going to force my kids to come to church," or "I'm not going to impose my spiritual values on my children," what they're basically saying is that God is just an option. And He is not! He's not an option. The Bible gives us COMMANDMENT to instill Christ and His Biblical values into our children.
Deuteronomy 6:5-9 Love GOD, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got!
6-9 Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.
Giving the gift of legacy. Living by the authority and power of the Holy Spirit! Leading by example.
5. LOVE HER BY PROTECTING HER.
Husbands, you need to be a shelter for your wife's storm – not the storm for your wife. We all have tough days. We all get rained on. We all get dumped on. We all go through bad weather. There are days when things don't work out right. And we all need a place of protection, a place of peace, a refuge where we can just let down from the storms of life and find protection. Husbands, you need to be shelter for your wife.
There are many kinds of storms. Emotional, physical, relational, financial. Storms of change…whether good or bad change, it causes stress. Storms of failure. Storms of rejection. Storms of aging. Storms of healthy. Storms! And our job, as men…God has set us up to be protectors.
In fact, our homes…our houses…should be safe houses for our wife and kids. Our homes should be safe, sound, shelters for our families.
I remember when I was a kid and in 4th grade…I was at school and these 8th graders came up to me with a baseball bat. They started threatening me and telling me they were gonna beat me up! I was so scared. But I held it all in. The moment I walked in the door that night, the dam broke. I cried and cried and my mama just held me. Why? Because I was at a safe place. (Boy how I wish I would have known Pastor Andre back then!)
Protectors.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” Ephesians 5:25 (ESV)
In fact, I wanna reed this in context:
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
6. LOVE HER BY PROVIDING FOR HER.
“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8 (NASB)
