HoHum:
Aubrey Smith- I hate the Proverbs 31 woman. A Proverbs 31 woman forgoes her career and life’s aspirations for childbearing and child rearing. A Proverbs 31 woman keeps a perfectly pristine house – in high heels and pearls. A Proverbs 31 woman stitches her children’s clothing by hand, hangs the laundry on the line, uses cloth diapers, and bakes phenomenal pies. Her sink? Empty. A Proverbs 31 woman agrees to her husband’s every wish. She is quiet and meek, never opinionated, and yet – a tigress in the bedroom. A Proverbs 31 woman knits, crochets, and cross-stitches. She decorates like Martha Stewart and actually succeeds in her Pinterest crafts. A Proverbs 31 woman weighs 110 pounds and has perfect country-singer hair. (That’s in verse 52.) She is a box I cannot fit into. She is a trophy wife that I cannot be. I can’t imagine how this woman seems to the single woman, the childless woman, the single mother working herself to the bone to make ends meet. If I – happily married, staying home, and shoot, even cloth diapering – feel that I cannot measure up to this woman, how do they feel?
WBTU:
King Lemuel and Proverbs 31
Have many men who come on Sunday night, unlike other churches.
My guess is that, over the centuries, the Proverbs 31 woman has been unfairly used by some men as a framework to criticize their spouses- pointing to their shortcomings rather than encouraging their progress. We are going to go through the Proverbs 31 woman with male glasses. Maybe the reason Aubrey Smith hates the Proverbs 31 woman is that she does not have a Proverbs 31 man (no offense to Aubrey Smith or her husband)?
What on earth would that kind of woman see in a man like me? Why did my Proverbs 31 woman marry me? Obviously, every characteristic that applies to the woman in this passage may not apply to my wife today. Then again, maybe you are blessed with a spouse exactly like her. In any case, we husbands need encourage our wives on their Proverbs 31 journey in the best way possible
Thesis: What are some things we can do as men to encourage our wives to be a Proverbs 31 woman?
For instances:
Value our wife above everything (Proverbs 31:10)
I married my wife because I couldn’t image ever finding her equal. I was in love, but I was also impressed. Her value was so clear that there was no way I was going to let her get away if I could do anything about it. I began with the perspective Adam had toward Eve when he first laid eyes on her: Wo, Man!
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22, NIV. I had no doubt this this young lady was a good thing! Just having her would be favor enough.
Unfortunately, over time we men often fade in our enthusiasm as other things compete for our attention. Our “good thing” becomes part of the everyday scenery. We get distracted rather easily from appreciating our wife’s full potential. It’s like investing in a house, expecting it to appreciate, but never spraying for termites, painting, roofing, and doing other maintenance. Then one day, surprise- we’re the ones bringing down the neighborhood property values. Sort of like the guy in Luke 14 who started a project he couldn’t afford to finish and was ridiculed for poor planning. That scenario is just as possible in our marriages if we stop seeing the value of continuing to invest in our wives.
A husband of the Proverbs 31 variety guards against any loss of esteem for his wife. He finds ways to refresh the perspective he had when he first proposed. Esteem the value. Value by definition is enduring and it can be enhanced. Once we’ve looked at what God values, we will begin to see our choices differently. Sometimes it a tough lesson to discover that “what is highly valued among men is detestable in God’s sight.” Luke 16:15, NIV. This means some of my personal treasures might need to go. The things that God honors need to show up in my choices. If the value Christ placed on the church is any indication of how a husband is to see his wife (Ephesians 5:25), then clearly the things that compete for my wife’s rightful spot should be dealt with.
Interesting to compare her to rubies. Rubies and jewels are the most valuable in their final, polished form. A foolish thing to ignore the value of a jewel, even if it’s in the rough!
Trust our wife and reap the benefits (Proverbs 31:11,12, 16)
Jess MacCallum- On our honeymoon we rented a 2 seater bicycle. My wife, Anne, wanted to steer first, so I took the camera and provided pedal power. It was a little funny trying to get our balance, and I had to get used to a handlebar that didn’t move. But after a mile or so, I was engrossed in picture taking, pedaling without holding on. We were laughing and talking like- well, like newlyweds. When we finally decided to head back, there was a slight problem. We had agreed to switch at this point, and she had a hard time not being in control. After only a few seconds of pedaling from the back and realizing that her handlebars were welded in place, she yelled, “How did you do this?! This is freaking me out!” “It’s a trust thing, isn’t it?” I called back to her as she tugged at the immobile bar- she might as well have been trying to steer a station wagon by the bumper. “Takes a little getting used to, doesn’t it?” I said smugly. “I don’t want to be back here long enough to get used to it!” she yelled. What an illustration! Many times we are asking our wives to sit in the back and do the pedaling. What an exercise in trust! From time to time we need to be in the back and trust her! We have to do this with the Lord. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;” Proverbs 3:5, NIV.
What happens if she fails? Even if we get handed a disappointment now and then, it’s still better to live our lives trusting our mate than to do the alternative. Besides, how many times have I failed her?
Vs. 16 talks about trusting her business sense. What if she is better at business and finances that we are? The only real obstacle to being thrilled by our wives’ greater success is, of course, our male egos. The Proverbs 31 husband has a balanced view of his wife. He supports her risk taking and delights in her successes. Anything to help the family, right?
Respect our wife’s household management without meddling (Proverbs 31:21, 22, 27)
This builds on the last but the wife’s domain is household management. Every man’s brain has two hemispheres. One is the “I don’t want to do it myself” side, and the other is the “I would have done it differently if you’d ask me” side.
When it comes to the household, we should not communicate in any way, shape, or form that although she’s responsible for managing the household, we could do better. Forget about it! Wife ever sick and had to eat those words! Proverbs 31 woman does a great job and do not meddle with it. If wife works outside the home, then we can support from sharing the household chores and listening to her at the end of a long day. However, the tinkering a man likes to do should be saved for broken appliances. Do it her way!
On the other hand, some men have no problem with this but they go to other extreme. They remove themselves entirely from the arena. Some men are perfectly happy to let their wives run the whole show. Considering how strong the Proverbs 31 woman is, it might be tempting to melt into her capable hands. Unfortunately, this is not how God made the man and woman. The abandonment of the head of the household because our wife is a force of nature is not a healthy response. Over time the wife will grow to resent the husband and cause problems in the marriage. God designed the wife to be fulfilled as a helper to her husband. Give her someone she’s proud to assist. Even if she herself is a good leader, a woman who is married but not protected by her husband’s leadership is insecure and frustrated in her vulnerability. Step up and lead. Marriage will thank you
Provide for the family with more than money (Proverbs 31:13-15)
Just a few generations ago the man always was the breadwinner. Not so today. In these verses we find the Proverbs 31 taking care of things around the house and even helping with the finances. This woman has got the resources to take care of the entire household, including the servants. She’s a real go getter.
Notice that she did things with eager hands, or as NASB says, “in delight”, also translated as “willingly.” What was the husband in Proverbs 31 providing beyond finances that enabled her in turn to provide like she did “in delight?” Good idea for man to earn living for family, but beyond this husbands are designed to be spiritual and emotional providers. How?
Proverbs 31 husband realizes that his wife needs security, and security starts with his own connection to God. How can wife laugh at the days to come (vs. 25)? Only through a strong connection with Lord. Needs to know that the husband has strong connection with Lord.
Focus on what God finds attractive and praiseworthy (Proverbs 31:30)
When it comes to being distracted by attractive women and charmed by witty feminine conversation, I must confess this is a fault. Science has confirmed what we already knew about the male species- beautiful girls make us stupid. Met wife probably awe struck by beauty. But here is something the Proverbs 31 husband has learned about beauty and charm that hormones, and our culture, argue against. They aren’t to be trusted.
Let’s state the obvious. We are supposed to find our spouses attractive. My wife wants to be attractive to me. She spends time taking care of herself, buys flattering clothes, and bathes at least once a month whether she needs it or not. My wife loves to hear me say she’s beautiful, and she really is. There’s plenty of Scripture to support the idea of finding your wife beautiful. But what the husband in Proverbs 31 has apparently learned is that what the world considers beautiful, doesn’t count for much. What counts is, “Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:4, NIV.
Besides it cuts both ways. Shouldn’t I be relieved that I am not held to the impossible standard of perpetual handsomeness? I certainly can’t guarantee how much longer I’m going to keep my above average good looks. But if both of us grow that inner attractiveness even if the outer is changing its form, then we both have a lifetime of beauty to look forward to.
Be her biggest fan (Proverbs 31:28-29, 31)
We men love to be acknowledged for our accomplishments. To grossly oversimplify, recognition is tied to men’s sense of purpose and to women’s sense of identity. Adam’s role was established as a doer even before Eve came along. But Adam was incomplete (Genesis 2:18) or “not good.” Eve’s role was to complete Adam; it was her identity to make him whole so together they could fulfill God’s purpose for them. “ “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”” Genesis 1:28, NIV.
Any comment we make is amplified in a public setting. A little praise becomes a huge encouragement, and a teasing joke can feel like a stab in the back. “She can’t take a joke.” Tease her about stuff at home, not a big deal; tease her in front of others, and just feel the burning gaze of her heat ray vision!
Switch from making wife the brunt of the joke to putting her on a pedestal in public, and those long, silent rides home will be transformed into romantic journeys! Make a fan club for your wife and you be the president. Consider this: Not only is public recognition great for your wife and great for your marriage, it’s great for you too. The image I project of my wife to others becomes a two sided billboard with a picture of her on the front and me on the back. Even known a guy who finds only his wife’s failings suitable for discussion? While he’s painting a hideous portrait of her, you can’t help but think this guy must be a royal loser!
To paraphrase the old Vidal Sassoon shampoo commercial: If you don’t look good, I don’t look good. The Proverbs 31 husband recognizes his wife’s accomplishments and broadcasts his admiration of her to the world.
