Healing (and Dealing) With Broken Relationships
(Inspired by chapter eight in David Jeremiah’s “Slaying The Giants in Your Life”)
Modern Family of God Series (February Family Month)
February 22, 2015 CFBC Chester, IL Dr. Mike Fogerson, Speaker
Introduction:
A Years ago, before there was a treatment for rabies, a man was bitten by a rabid dog and he went to the hospital with his injury.
1 The tests were conclusive, he had rabies & there was nothing that could be done.
a The attending physician told the man that nothing could be done & his advice was to put his affairs in order as soon as possible.
aa The man was shocked, taken back, but eventually asked for a pen & paper and begin writing furiously.
bb An hour later, the doctor returned and the man’s pen was still writing: the doctor said, “W ell, it’s good to see you took my advice. . . I take it your writing your will.”
cc “This ain’t no will, Doc. It’s a list of people I plan on bittin’ before I die.”
b It has been observed that some snakes, rattlers in particular, will actually strike at themselves if they become cornered and angry.
aa One devotional writer made this correlation: “That is exactly what all harboring of hates and resentments against others is—a biting of oneself."
bb "We think we are harming others in holding these spites and hates, but the deepest harm is to ourselves; for many times these Resentments are dropped in the unconscious, the lid is shut down on them, and there they work their unconscious havoc. Unconscious Resentments are often just as potent for disruption as conscious ones.”
2 Resentful, hurt people are those who have been bitten and then channel their energy into snapping at others (we’re all guilty and we’re typically most guilty towards family members).
a Resentment makes us permanently angry, it carves deep lines on our faces. . . adds heaviness to our steps . . . takes energy to maintain.
b This is no way for the people of God live.
B The word “resentment” is not found in the Bible, but the idea/meaning of it is in its pages.
1 1 Cor. 13 (classic love chapter used at thousands of weddings every weekend), Paul describes love (agape flavored) like this, “love . . . does not take into account wrong suffered.”
1 Corinthians 13:5 (NASB) 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
a “account” is a book keeping term; means to calculate or reckon.
aa It has the meaning of a bookkeeper writing in permanent ink in her ledger inventory, sales, credits, debits.
bb If you’re an accountant, have your house on a budget . . . good record keeping is a must . . . but there are some records we’d rather not see in the books.
b Romans 4:8 (NASB) 8 "BLESSED IS THE MAN WHOSE SIN THE LORD WILL NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT."
“Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will not take into account” (Emphasis mine).
aa (IL. The school my wife teaches at uses a ‘punch’ system. Bad behavior earns you a punch, X amount of punches gets the student detentions, discipline, punishment.)
bb The idea is that God does have a ledger book He keeps & records sin in . . . and the idea is you’re fortunate/happy if you do not have any entries beside your name.
cc If you’ve committed yourself to Christ, His blood has washed across the line with your name on it anyway . . . and yes, you’re truly fortunate, happy, . . . blessed.
c 2 Corinthians 5:19 (NASB) 19 namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
“. . .that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them. . .”
aa The idea of God having a ledger book that records our sins shakes us to the core of our soul and the all seeing God is keeping track of every time we cross the line, drop the ball, say/think something we shouldn’t is unsettling to say the least.
bb Christian, God doesn’t work this way: He throws out the ledger page that belonged to us the moment we received His gift of salvation through Christ.
cc He has removed our sins from us as far as the east is from the west
Psalm 103:12 (NASB) 12 As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
we deserve to have the book thrown at us, but instead it’s thrown away for us.
2 In our homes/businesses/church it’s important we keep good records (or we get in trouble with IRS.)
a But when it comes to keeping records in our relationships with our family, friends, fellow Christians, we need to throw away the books.
aa Record keeping/accounting is poison when it comes to our husbands, wives, parents, children, friends, neighbors, etc.,
bb Paul tells us in 1 Cor. 13.5 that love doesn’t keep books, doesn’t keep score, doesn’t make a list of people to bite.
1 Corinthians 13:5 (NASB) 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
cc Love remembers to forget.
b Even the best of us are susceptible to resentment: On King David’s deathbed he utters these words to his son Solomon.
1 Kings 2:5-6 (NASB) 5 "Now you also know what Joab the son of Zeruiah did to me, what he did to the two commanders of the armies of Israel, to Abner the son of Ner, and to Amasa the son of Jether, whom he killed; he also shed the blood of war in peace. And he put the blood of war on his belt about his waist, and on his sandals on his feet. 6 "So act according to your wisdom, and do not let his gray hair go down to Sheol in peace.
aa Kill the man who hurt me many years . . . don’t let him die naturally. (It’s an ugly picture of David we’d rather not see, but it’s there.)
bb Resentment makes us ugly, act ugly, it changes us! (Cancerous tumor that sends its diseased tentacles into our lives and into the lives of others)
c Hebrews 12:15 (NASB) 15 See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;
“See to it . . . that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;”
aa This root appears when you refuse to forgive, carry a grudge or a vendetta against someone: it is a bad attitude toward others that poisons life.
bb MacCarther, “refers to a person who is superficially identified with God’s people, and who falls back into paganism. He is defiant concerning the things of God; he thumbs his nose at the Lord.” (IL. If you don’t look closely, a weed can pass for grass, but if you don’t kill/uproot the weed it will eventually kill the grass.)
cc The longer the weed is allowed to grow, the more it begins to show, becomes obvious what it is, and it will try to spread. (When one person gets another person to the side and begins to tell them how mad/offended they are at another person . . . that’s the root of bitterness spreading.)
dd The writer tells us to put this out of ourselves/avoid it in the church. (Ruins the rest of us)
d IL. A farmer told me that it’s getting harder and harder to manage pests/weeds in the soybean fields of Illinois because the weeds are becoming immune to traditional pesticides (ie., Round-Up).
aa I asked him why and he said for years farmers have failed to properly apply or apply enough of the pesticide and when the weed returns . . . it’s just more mad, ticked off & harder to kill.
bb Failure to deal with the root of bitterness properly/throughly is frustrating . . . & expensive.
cc What started in your field comes into the field of others.
3 Resentment/bitterness typically start as small grudges, little scraps, small cuts.
a Instead of letting them go, forgetting about them . . . we write them down in the ledgers of our heart.
aa We feed the grudge, pick the scab . . . grows/gets infected.
bb It takes a life of its own, the more it grows the more space it requires . . . receives more & more attention.
b Eventually, it is no longer something that you own; it’s something that owns you . . . your whole life is defined/ordered around the principles of hate/hurt.
c How do we deal with it? What can we do? How can we resist it?
C We know Christians are supposed to forgive people, release offenses/grudges . . . but somehow we think we’re the exception to the rule (We forgive most of the time, but not always.)
1 Many times we feel like we’re entitled to be bitter/resentful/unforgiving; we’ve been hurt. . . we’ve earned the right to be unforgiving.
a Sexual abused, friend has gossiped about us, blasted on FB;
aa Someone’s cheated you out of money, spouse has crushed you by living a secret life, parents have deeply disappointed you, betrayed/crushed by someone close to you.
bb Your bitterness, unforgiveness, hatred feels . . .right, justified, permissible in this case.
b We’ve already read the biblical warning about the dangers of the seemingly natural response of hate/bitterness: “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
Hebrews 12:15 (NASB) 15 See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;
aa The bitter root is another name for a poisonous plant; The OT describes it like this, “ . . .
Deuteronomy 29:18 (TLB) 18 The day that any of you—man or woman, family or tribe of Israel—begins to turn away from the Lord our God and desires to worship these gods of other nations, that day a root will be planted that will grow bitter and poisonous fruit.
bb The root of bitterness takes a special kind of soil to grow in: soil of hurt that has not been dealt with; the root absorbs & stores what is drawn from the soil. (Anger, hurt, revenge)
cc Each time we think of the person that hurt us, crushed us we water the root of bitterness and it grows stronger/goes deeper.
c When something bad happens to the one we hate we reveal when something good happens to the one we hate we can’t stand it.
aa If any of these things ring true, lets open the door . . . deal with the root. . . heart check.
bb The longer we allow the root to grow the harder it is kill, the deeper the root bores into our lives, the poison spreads.
2 How do we kill the root?
a Ephesians 4:31-32 (NASB) 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
aa Forgiving is easier said than done, of course.
bb Only God’s power can bring us to a place to be willing to forgive. (Our will power doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what’s required to pull this root up)
b But, I’m really mad . . . hurt . . .crushed . . . (It’s a tough root.)
aa Luke 6.28, “bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”
bb I’ve gotta pray for those who mistreat me? (Sure, God give her a case of eternal hemorrhoids.)
cc Matt. 5.43-44, “You have heard that it was said,” Love your neighbor and hat your enemy.’ But I tell you; Love your enemies and pray for thos who persecute you.”
c Pray and Love for your enemies. (Really?)
aa Begin to pray for those who have disappointed, disrespected, damaged you . . . “God, I pray you work in his/her life.”
bb Do it . . . do it daily . . .(Your not going to feel like it, but you’ll do it out of obedience.)
3 “What good is that going to do?”
a It may not change the person who hurt you, but I’m convinced our prayers are as much for ourselves as they are for the offender.
aa My prayers would always change others, but they never fail to change me.
bb This is the first step in pulling the root of bitterness.
b Col. 3.13, “ . . . forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
aa How much/freely/completely/without strings attached has God forgiven us?
bb That’s how we’re supposed to forgive others. “Forgive us our sins . . . AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US.”
cc There may be nothing in you to forgive your offender . . . but you have the choice to try. Ask God to help you forgive the person.
c We believe in God but many times we live He doesn’t exist (Christian Atheist).
aa Only God can soften a hard heart to the point of considering forgiveness . . . it’s miraculous.
bb I’m going to live like I believe He’s real, exist, all of His promises are true.
Conclusion:
A We can think of 1,000 reasons/excuses to avoid forgiving.
1 Christians can find in God the strength to give the forgiveness we cannot give on our own.
a He will give us the strength to battle through the feelings of anger, hatred, bitterness & resentment . . . and fight our way back to the cross.
b Why the cross? That’s where Christ forgave us and that’s where, by faith we can find the ability to forgive those who’ve wronged us.
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My name is Mike Fogerson, and I pastor a Southern Baptist Church in Chester, Illinois. I have been a long-time user of Sermon Central and truly appreciate its content and contributors. Some of the best sermons I’ve ever preached have been reworked material from this website. As you use the material from my sermon bank, understand that it is work that has been done from not just myself, but from hundreds of other pastors as well. If you see part of your message, or a bunch of your message with my name on it and this upsets you, please email me and I will quickly respond and cite you as the main source. My intent is not to claim someone’s work as my own. I am disclaiming up front that I use the resources from Sermon Central and appreciate the tool. I simply want all those who use my work to know that some of these messages were inspired by the Holy Spirit working through other pastors. Because I do use the messages of other pastors I waive all claims of originality or origin of creativity for the messages posted under my messages. I pray God blesses your preaching ministry for the glory of His Kingdom.
Respectfully,
Mike Fogerson
