A couple of months ago (March 16, 2017), a London newspaper, ran an article on Mother’s Day in Great Brittan titled “20 awful Mother's Day cards that you absolutely should not buy.” They included:
Mom, thanks for always checking up on me (with a picture of a cell phone with 24 unanswered calls from “Mom”).
Well I guess this Mother's Day card is late. Looks like someone wasn't raised properly.
I'm awesome. You're welcome. To the luckiest Mom ever.
Mom I love you loads. (A picture of a laundry basket overflowing with clothes.) Speaking of loads… can you do my laundry? (The Telegraph, "20 awful Mother's Day cards that you absolutely should not buy", 3-16-17; www.Preaching Today.com)
We laugh, because some of those hit too close to home. Sad to say, those cards reflect a growing lack of respect in our western society, which has become more coarse and in-your-face than ever.
Just after the turn of the century, Ronald Kernaghan observed: “At the beginning of the 21st century, reasoned discourse [is imperiled]. Reasoned discourse is increasingly giving way to in-your-face sound bites… Hardball is the dominant metaphor for American public life. Our interchanges are confrontational, divisive, and dismissive. Truth is not something we expect to emerge from a conversation. It is something we hope to impose. Balance and fairness are casualties on evening shows as two, three, and sometimes four voices contend simultaneously for dominance. Volume and intransigence are the new civic virtues. (Ronald J. Kernaghan, "Speaking the Truth In Love," Theology, News & Notes, Winter 2003)
He’s absolutely right. Just think about this last presidential race. People don’t seem to know how to have a respectful conversation anymore. Instead, they scream and yell at one another; or worse yet, they riot in the streets, destroying property and killing people.
The question is: How can we restore respect to a society that seems to have lost it? How can we bring back a sense of civility before it destroys our way of life as we know it? Well, the answer is quite simple: Respect begins in the home. If you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to Exodus 20, Exodus 20, where we have God’s prescription for a long-lasting, healthy society.
Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you. (ESV)
This was written to a nation of people that had just come out of slavery. They were getting ready to enter into a new land where they were going to establish a new society under a different set of rules, rules which reflected their new-found freedom from tyranny and control. And God tells them, “If you want your new society to be a long-lasting society in the land to which you are going, then be sure your children learn to honor their parents.”
That’s the basis for a strong nation. That’s the basis for a society which lasts. That’s the basis for a people that thrive even through times of adversity. For if children learn to honor their parents in the home, they become citizens that respect each other in the community. They don’t kill each other. They don’t steal from each other, and they respect the laws of the land.
What then does it mean to honor your parents? Well, 1st of all, if you’re a child, it means simple obedience. If you’re still living at home with your parents, to honor them means…
OBEY THEM.
Do what they say. Submit to their authority, whether you agree with their decisions or not.
This is the specific application of the New Testament on this commandment. Ephesians 6:1-3 says, Children, OBEY your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land” (Ephesians 6:1-3).
For children, honor means obedience. And parents, it’s the most important thing we can teach our children. We must teach children to obey, not because they HAVE to, but because they WANT to out of their love and respect for us.
Some time ago (2005), the New York Times reported on an Associate press-Ipsos poll, which found that 70 percent of Americans felt that “people are ruder than they were 20 or 30 years ago.” Among the worst offenders: children, according to the poll.
Why? Experts say it's because of what parents expect from kids. “The pressure to do well is up. The demand to do good is down, way down…” (Judith Warner, "Kids Gone Wild," The New York Times, 11-27-05)
We certainly want our children to do well in life. But we should me more concerned that they do good. We must teach them to be good, to obey so that they do do well in life.
David Stone talks about a time when his family was in the Dominican Republic on a mission trip. One night, his son Sam was playing a game in his own little world, in which he would zig and zag, back and forth from sidewalk onto the narrow street and back. It wasn't a heavily travelled road; but there was always loud music blaring, and it was pitch dark. Suddenly, from about 10 feet away, Stone shouted, “Samuel, don't move!”
Immediately Samuel froze. About a second later a Moped zipped past him, going 30 mph with no lights on—right where Sam was about to step. Stone’s 6-year-old son didn't ignore him, argue, or blatantly disobey. His dad had said freeze, and he froze. That obedience probably saved his life. (Dave Stone, "Teaching Respect Within the Home," Preaching, July/August 2012; www.PreachingToday.com)
The most important thing we can teach our children and grandchildren is to obey, not on the count of 10 or 3, not the second, third or fourth time we ask, no! We must teach them to obey the first time we ask, because their life may depend on it. Their well-being and our society’s well-being certainly depends on it.
On April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris killed 12 students and 1 teacher and injured 24 others before taking their own lives. Ten years later (November 2009) Oprah's O magazine featured an article by Dylan's mother, Susan Klebold, where she offered her perspective on the terrible events that happened that day.
She wrote how she was perceived as an accomplice to the killings, simply because she had raised a “monster.” In a newspaper survey taken just after the shootings, 83 percent of respondents believed the killings happened because Dylan and Eric's parents did not teach them proper values. “Dylan was a product of my life's work,” Susan wrote, “but his final actions implied that he had never been taught the fundamentals of right and wrong. There was no way to atone for my son's behavior.” She continued:
“In raising Dylan, I taught him how to protect himself from a host of dangers: lightning, snake bites, head injuries, skin cancer, smoking, drinking, sexually transmitted diseases, drug addiction, reckless driving, even carbon monoxide poisoning. It never occurred to me that the gravest danger—to him, and as it turned out, to many others—might come from within.” (Susan Klebold, “I Will Never Know Why”, O magazine, November 2009; www. PreachingToday.com)
Mom’s and Dad’s, Grandma’s and Grandpa’s, don’t make the same mistake. Teach your children to protect themselves from the danger within. Introduce them to Jesus Christ, so He can save them from their sinful inclinations. Then teach them to obey you, so they can learn to obey Him.
Do it not just for your sake or theirs. Do it for the sake of our country. A strong society depends on children learning to obey their parents when they’re young.
Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
If you’re a child still living at home, that means obey your parents. Now, if you’re an adult child, who has left the home, to honor your father and mother means…
RESPECT THEM.
Treat them as important people. Give considerable weight to their influence in your life.
The word for “honor” literally means to treat someone as heavy or with weighty importance. Grown children are no longer under obligation to obey their parents, but they should weigh their parents’ words very heavily. And they should treat their parents’ like VIP’s, whether they deserve it or not.
Our parents were not perfect. They didn’t always do it right, but they do deserve recognition for their weighty influence in our lives.
That’s what Anna Jarvis wanted to do for her mother a few years after she died. Born in 1864 in Grafton, West Virginia, Anna Jarvis witnessed the aftermath of the Civil War through a child's eyes. Her mother, Anna Maria Reeves-Jarvis, had spent the war organizing women to nurse wounded soldiers from both the North and South, and generally attempting to hold her border-state community together. After the war, Anna Maria started “Mothers' Friendship Days” to reconcile families that had been divided by the conflict.
Anna Maria gave up her dreams of college in order to tend to an older husband and four children. She bore the loss of seven other children with grace. She taught Sunday school in the local Methodist church for 20 years and stayed active in benevolent work.
Anna Maria's death in 1905 devastated her daughter. Two years later, Anna got the idea to found a holiday remembering her mother, and all mothers, whom she felt could never be thanked enough.
Mother's Day was first celebrated in 1908 in Grafton (where Anna grew up) and Philadelphia (where she lived as an adult). Later, in a resolution passed May 8, 1914, the U.S. Congress officially established the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day. (Elesha Coffman, “Mom, We Salute You,” Christian History Newsletter, 5-10-2002; www.PreachingToday.com)
Anna Jarvis honored her mother, and so should you. Now, that doesn’t mean you have to start another national holiday to do so, but you can show her your appreciation. You can give her a call. You can spend some unhurried time with her.
Jim Sheeler, in his book, Final Salute, tells the story of Major Steve Beck, a U.S. Marine whose heart-wrenching task is to inform the nearest of kin when a Marine is killed in Iraq. Beck doesn't just break the sad news and then leave; for several days he may help the family through the process of the funeral. That includes supervising the Marine honor guard that stands near the fallen soldier's body.
The honor guard learns from Beck how to salute their fallen fellow-Marine as they leave or resume guard with a slow salute that isn't taught in basic training. The slow salute requires a three second raising of the hand to the head, a three second hold, and then a three second lowering of the hand—a gesture of respect that takes about nine times longer than normal. Beck explains: “A salute to your fallen comrade should take time.”
Indeed, those who die serving their country are worthy of great honor, worthy of a slow salute, worthy of extra time. To do some things fast, just to get them done so we can move on to the next thing in our lives, sends a subtle message of disrespect.
So it is with our worship of God. God deserves a slow salute. The Savior who gave his life for us is worthy of our time. (Jim Sheeler, Final Salute, Penguin, 2008)
And so are our parents. They gave a large part of their lives for us. The least we can do is give them a little time, unhurried time in their presence. If your parents are still alive, think about it: When was the last time you gave them the respect of your unhurried time? When was the last time you sat down to have a good long talk without having to rush on to something else? Some of us may need to make that phone call this afternoon.
Leviticus 19 says, “Each of you must respect his mother and father… Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD” (Leviticus 19:3,32).
Somehow, our respect for God is directly tied to our respect for the elderly. That is to say, when we respect our elders, when we respect our parents, we also show respect to God Himself who gave them to us. So if you cannot “honor” your parents out of respect for them personally, then “honor” them out of respect for the LORD. They may not deserve it, in your mind, but the Lord does. So do it for Him, if you cannot do it for them. It’s what makes us a good, strong society.
Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
If you’re a child still living at home, that means obey your parents. If you’re an adult child, who has left the home, that means respect them. And if you’re an adult child, whose parents can no longer care for themselves, that means…
CARE FOR THEM.
Provide for their needs financially. Support them in whatever ways we can.
In Matthew 15, when the Pharisees asked Jesus, “Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders?” He answered them, “And why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? For God commanded, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ But you say, ‘If anyone tells his father or his mother, “What you would have gained from me is given to God,” he need not honor his father.’ So for the sake of your tradition you have made void the word of God (Matthew 15:1-6).
In other words, the Pharisees created a loophole in the law. By designating certain items as “given to God,” they could not be used for any other purpose. So if your parents were needy, you could say to them, “I’m sorry, but the money I could have used to help you has been “given to God.” Then after your parents died, you could un-designate that money, and give it back to yourself. It was a clever way the Pharisees had of keeping all their money to themselves. It all looked very spiritual, but it was only a mask for greed!
Jesus rightly said of them, “You hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy of you, when he said: ‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men’” (Matthew 15:7-9).
Jesus understood what the law meant for elderly parents who are unable to care for themselves. To honor them means to financially support them. To honor them means to use your resources of time and money to care for them when they cannot care for themselves.
Even from the cross, Jesus made sure his mother was cared for. He asked his closest friend and disciple, John, to be like a son to her in His absence. To honor your parents means to care for them.
Now, different families will apply this principle differently. Some may choose to keep their elderly parents with them in their own home. Others may choose to provide for a nursing facility or assisted living. But none of us have the option of neglecting our parents when they have a need and we are able to supply that need. To do so would be to show the utmost disrespect and dishonor.
Many in our society are fighting for “the right to die.” They say that the elderly and the infirmed should have access to physician assisted suicide so they can end their lives “with dignity” whenever and wherever they want to. The problem with this is that the elderly and the infirmed begin to feel their “right to die” is an “obligation to die,” so they are not a “burden” to their families. This is not dying “with dignity,” my friends. This is dying with the utmost disrespect.
As Christian people in a so-called “Christian nation,” we have an obligation to care for the elderly and the infirmed, not to hasten their death through physician assisted suicide. If this ever catches on in our society, then we cannot survive very long as a nation. Such a disrespect for life will literally kill us in the end. In fact, we as a nation have already lost too much respect for those in need.
The last thing LaShanda Calloway saw before she died was people literally stepping over her to continue shopping as if nothing had happened. Calloway had stopped to shop in a convenience store in Wichita, Kansas, when she was stabbed in an altercation. As she lay dying, a surveillance camera recorded no less than five people stepping over her to continue down the store's aisles. Only one stopped briefly—to take a picture of Calloway with a cell phone camera.
“It was tragic to watch,” police spokesman Gordon Bassham said. “The fact that people were more interested in taking a picture with a cell phone and shopping for snacks than helping this innocent young woman is, frankly, revolting.”
Wichita police chief, Norman Williams, had even stronger words: “That's crazy! What happened to our respect for life?” (Associated Press, “Police: Shoppers stepped over victim,” Houston Chronicle, 7-4-07; www.PreachingToday.com)
I would ask the same question: What happened to our respect for life?
To honor the elderly and the infirmed means to care for them as best we can, not to hope they die so we can get what’s left of their estate. My friends, without such respect, we are doomed as a nation.
The 5th commandment is very clear: Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
If you’re a child still living at home, that means obey your parents. If you’re an adult child, who has left the home, that means respect them. And if you’re an adult child, whose parents can no longer care for themselves, that means care for them.
Remember, your parents brought you up. You dare not let them down.
