Family Feuds
Pt. 3 - Duck Dynasty
I. Introduction
Family Feuds equal good TV. Family Feuds equal terrible life. When Family Feuds slip over into real life they are very seldom laughing matters. Family Feuds create life long limps and open wounds. Wrong words, looks, actions from family have life altering impact. Unfortunately, these feuds are common and no family is immune to them.
Today I want to look at a family feud in Scripture that I am not really sure I have ever really heard anyone talk about. I have heard others and I myself have talked about all the other drama surrounding this feud but never focused in on this part of the story. I believe this oft unexamined portion of the story may contain some of the most important family lessons.
Text: 1 Samuel 20:24-34 (Living Bible)
So David hid himself in the field. When the new moon celebration began, the king sat down to eat at his usual place against the wall. Jonathan sat opposite him and Abner was sitting beside Saul, but David’s place was empty. Saul didn’t say anything about it that day, for he supposed that something had happened so that David was ceremonially impure. Yes, surely that must be it! But when his place was still empty the next day, Saul asked Jonathan, “Why hasn’t David been here for dinner either yesterday or today?” “He asked me if he could go to Bethlehem to take part in a family celebration,” Jonathan replied. “His brother demanded that he be there, so I told him to go ahead.” Saul boiled with rage. “You fool!” he yelled at him. “Do you think I don’t know that you want this son of a nobody to be king in your place, shaming yourself and your mother? As long as that fellow is alive, you’ll never be king. Now go and get him so I can kill him!” “But what has he done?” Jonathan demanded. “Why should he be put to death?” Then Saul hurled his spear at Jonathan, intending to kill him; so at last Jonathan realized that his father really meant it when he said David must die. Jonathan left the table in fierce anger and refused to eat all that day, for he was crushed by his father’s shameful behavior toward David.
Most of us are very familiar with the tension between Saul and David. Saul fears David and the favor and preference the people have for him. However, there is a family feud that develops because of Saul’s anger toward David. Stop a second and think about the backdrop of this feud. Saul is a farmer when Israel demands a king and this unlikely farmer is chosen to be the nation’s first leader. In that moment not only is Saul’s life and station changed but his son is equally impacted. Jonathan goes from a farmer’s kid to a prince and simultaneously heir to the throne. Next in line. On deck. He is rightfully positioned to follow his father as king. However, Jonathan had something his father did not have. His father had discernment because, as jealous and angry as he was, he knew David was chosen by God to follow him. However, Jonathan differ d from his father in that he had a willingness to cooperate with God’s plan. Saul fought to the death trying to keep God from doing what He wanted to do. Jonathan could have hated David as much as Saul or maybe even more because he knew David would interrupt and deny him access to the throne. However, Jonathan believed it was a God thing and embraced it. This caused a family feud that very few talk about. You see the first real and public manifestation of it in the account we read. Jonathan protects and shields David and then when his father’s real intentions are revealed he goes one step further and publicly confronts his own dad. Saul’s response to this confrontation was his all too normal one. He throws a spear in an attempt to kill his own son. How many of you would agree you are in the midst of a family feud when a father tries to kill a son? Some of you know what that feels like. You have had family members hurl words that if they had been accurate would have killed you. Some of you have had loved ones try to murder you when you spoke up or offered an opposing view. Jonathan ducks and teaches us some powerful lessons.
1. A dissenting voice isn’t necessarily a destructive voice.
This feud is simply a result of Saul being unwilling to listen to, consider and accepting any dissenting view. We know, because of hindsight, that Jonathan was right. David was chosen but had done nothing to warrant Saul’s anger, fear or reaction. The problem was Saul wouldn’t even consider that as a possibility.
I think the lesson we see here is one of the most powerful and difficult to learn. Saul’s position and perspective was that his way, his thoughts, his opinion was correct and no one else could possibly be right. I believe that a lot of times we end up in feuds because people won’t tell us what we want to hear and instead they tell us what we need to hear. Our commitment to our own opinion, insight, and conclusions causes us to refuse to examine or embrace any dissenting view. Therefore, we see their perspective as an attack. Stop a second and think about how different Saul and Jonathan’s story and end would have been if Saul would have listened and accepted Jonathan’s view as an assist instead of an attack. Too often we force people to agree or we cut them off. Listen, if you only have peace when everyone agrees with your view, then not only are you destined for a feud you are also destined for destruction. If there is only peace when your spouse agrees with your purchase, your friends approve of your date, your family says OK to everything you dream up then you will end up throwing spears at those who are internally God sent to help you see correctly! Every dissenting voice isn’t necessarily a destructive voice. Some dissenting voices are divinely disconcerting and actually appointed to help you avoid disaster! Sometimes God sends a human voice to dissent because we aren’t tuned in enough to His voice to hear Him say, “No!”
So, a great lesson we can learn is that just because we are family doesn’t mean we have to all have the same view or perspective! Our ability to see things differently is a gift not a curse!
2. Supporting family doesn’t mean you have to support foolishness!
Jonathan provides us an incredible example of how you can live right in the middle of a family feud and support family while not supporting stupid. Just because they share your last name doesn’t mean you have to support stupid. Scripture is clear Jonathan perceived that David was chosen. It is also clear that Jonathan didn’t approve of Saul’s treatment of David. However, Scripture is equally clear that Jonathan loved his father through and in spite of his foolishness. In fact, David, when he gets word of the death of Saul and Jonathan in battle, makes this statement, in 2 Samuel 1:23, about this father/son relationship . . . Saul and Jonathan—beloved, beautiful! Together in life, together in death. Swifter than plummeting eagles, stronger than proud lions.
They were together. That wasn’t just a statement about geography. It was a statement about unity! Even though Jonathan didn’t like how his family acted they were together.
Too many of us allow the foolishness/stupidity/actions/attitudes of family to drive a wedge between us. (Now please keep in mind my message last week - there are times when you have to do more than just moderate or insulate . . . You may have to eliminate.) But we need to consider Jonathan’s example and understand that although loyalty has limits . . . love doesn’t. You can draw a line where you can no longer support their behavior or lifestyle and refuse to be approve of their apathy, like their loopiness, applaud their actions, clap for their craziness or sign off on their sin but you can love them even when they are wrong. You can love them and let them be stupid while at the same time not buying into or participating in their stupidity.
3. Grace can be extended even when grace hasn’t been received.
Jonathan teaches us that feud doesn’t have to equate to fight. I went back and looked after seeing his dad act like an idiot, seeing his dad’s direct disobedience to God, and dodging dad thrown spears there is absolutely no record that Jonathan ever once tried to take his dad’s throne. There was no attempted coup. There was no rally to relieve him of command. No attempt to respond in like manner. In fact, one of the more revealing themes throughout 1 & 2 Samuel is Jonathan’s graciousness and connection to Saul. 23 different times Jonathan is described as the “son of Saul”. It isn’t like we have forgotten who he is. We don’t need to be constantly reminded of who Jonathan is. His lineage is already firmly established in our mind. However, the writer tells us over and over again this son is connected to his dad. I think that is important. In other words, Jonathan has extended grace previously and we see him extend it again.
Jonathan ducks the spear. So, we know:
a. There is an available spear at hand. By the way Saul had a spear throwing record. So this behavior
wasn’t new. He throws it and says “oops I did it again!” How many of us watch family do things
over and over and act surprised every time?
b. Jonathan was an accomplished warrior who could handle a spear. So ability to strike back isn’t
permission to strike back.
c. Jonathan not only knew David was supposed to be king, according to Saul, Jonathan desired for
David to be king.
With those 3 facts in mind, it would seem acceptable and probable that Jonathan should pick up the spear, return to sender and in that moment fix everything that seemed to be wrong. Attack the attacker. Fight the fighter. Yell at the yeller. Hit the hitter. Slander the slanderer. Yet, he doesn’t do it. In the middle of family feud you can extend grace even when grace hasn’t been received! Jonathan deserved some grace. Saul was given grace but would give none back. Jonathan gave grace anyway because they were connected.
We feud because we forget we are connected and that connection should cause us to offer grace even when we haven’t received grace! You are right you deserve grace because you have given grace but Jonathan models for us that we can give grace even when we don't receive the grace we deserve! Jonathan teaches us to weather family feuds we must start a duck dynasty. Sometimes you just have to duck and offer grace.
Are you offering grace when you aren’t receiving it? Or do you reserve grace for only those who give it to you? No one denies that they shouldn’t have said what they said, treated you like they did, react like they reacted but none of that means you can’t extend grace!
