Quality Time: Stay a little while
Luke 10:38-42
“Time is the coin of your life. You spend it. Do not allow others to spend it for you.” - Carl Sandburg
Quality time – giving someone your undivided attention.
Quality time involves us:
Being intentional v.39a
Listening intently v.39b
Removing distractions vv.40-41
Choosing Great over good v.42
Am I the only person that is in a hurry? I sit at stop lights, and when it turns green, people don’t move. If they do, they let 2-3-4 car lengths of space happen before they decide to take their slumbering foot off the break and put it on the gas pedal! You know why? More times than not their looking at their phones!
Driving down I-20, cars sitting over in the right hand lane going about 55 mph…I’m thinking, you can drive that fast on the streets! Get off the road and let those of us who have somewhere to go GO! It’s hard to exit I-20 any more because of all these slow pokes in the right lane are creating a blockade—have to force your way through them to get to the exit.
You know what a bunch of them are doing? Looking at their phones! When I see that I just want to RAM right through them!!
Here’s the paradox of our culture right now: we have these devices like smart phones and tablets and computers, but the way we use them, they’re not really saving us time.
Not only are they not necessarily saving us time, they’re also getting in the way of our relationships. That’s another paradox: we have the devices that have apps on them that are to connect us to other people, but we trade real time and real relationships for virtual time and virtual relationships. When we are in the presence of someone, we don’t really give them our attention, right? We think they’re saving us time, we think they’re helping us connect, but truth is for most of us most of the time, they do neither.
When you think about it, time is the basic commodity of life. We exchange our minutes for every other thing, whether it’s valuable or not. We give our minutes to our job to get money. We give our minutes to our hobby to get enjoyment. We give our minutes sleep to get rejuvenated.
“Time is the coin of your life. You spend it. Do not allow others to spend it for you.” - Carl Sandburg
Turn with me to Luke 10:28-42. If you’re just joining us, we are in week #2 in our series, Lost in Translation. We’re talking about love languages. If you’ve ever traveled to Mexico or China or France, you might have a time expressing yourself or understanding what someone is saying to you. They’re speaking a different language. And if you want to communicate to them, you have to figure out some way to communicate in their language.
Here’s the deal: each of us has a certain language or two that we receive and understand love better in; and learning the love languages of our spouse, our children, and our friends can help us show love to them that they can better FEEL loved.
Each of us has a love tank. One of my love languages is words of affirmation that we talked about last week. And if those who care about me don’t give me words of affirmation, I don’t feel very loved; my love tank runs dry. How many of you think you might have this language?
Now this morning we’re going to examine another love language, and that’s quality time. Many of us here this morning hear love and feel love better when those in our relationships give us quality time. How many of you think you might have this love language?
Quality time – giving someone your undivided attention.
Quality time is a powerful communicator of love. So if you give words of affirmation to your loved one or you give them gifts, but they’re primary love language is quality time, you’re going to hear them say something like: “You don’t ever have time for me. We used to do things together. Now you are always too busy or too tired.” They are telling you that their primary love language is quality time.
Being there for this type of person is critical, but I’m talking really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. But if you get Distracted, postponed dates or times with them, or if when they’re talking you’re not paying close attention, all of this can be especially hurtful.
One of the things I know about Pastor Marty is that this is his primary love language. Stephanie his wife can give him gifts, or do some act of service for him, and he’s appreciative, but how he feels most loved by her is quality time with her.
“Quality time does not mean that we have to spend our together moments gazing into each other’s eyes. It means that we are doing something together and that we are giving our full attention to the other person.” - Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages
Turn with me to the book of Luke 10:38-42….let’s read this familiar story together.
Introduction continued: Imagine you had the whole afternoon with Jesus. What would you do? Could we schedule more than an hour to spend time with him? It would take some work. Preparations are needed to spend that kind of quality time. Today we meet two women who had that kind of chance. Jesus was coming to their house. Each chose a different way to spend the time. As you listen to Scripture, consider how you might respond in the presence of Jesus. Let’s dig in. Luke 10:38-42 (on screen)
Context of the text:
What’s going on before it?
Quality time involves us:
Being intentional v.39a “She had a sister named Mary, who also sat at the Lord’s feet”
Where was Mary? At his feet; close to him.
“A central aspect to quality time is togetherness. Togetherness has to do with focused attention.” - Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages
One study found positive associations for teens who spent an average of six hours a week engaged in family time with the parents. Six hours is not a lot of time, but it does reinforce that some quantity is required to get to quality.
“Quality time is a parent’s gift of presence to a child. It conveys this message: “You are important. I like being with you.” - Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages of Children
Listening intently v.39b. “and was listening to what he said.”
One of the most common dialects is that of quality conversation.
By quality conversation, I mean sympathetic dialogue where two people are sharing their experiences, their thoughts, their feelings, and their desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. If your spouse’s primary love languages is quality time, such dialogue is crucial to his or her emotional sense of being loved. Sit down. Ask questions, and listen.
(Stay engaged; Listen intently) “She’s listening…This is done with our eyes, body. “I will listen intently”
Removing distractions vv.40-41 (on screen)
I don’t believe that Martha loved Jesus any less than Mary….however, her actions indicated that in that moment, he was not as important as the chores, cooking, cleaning…etc.
For those things distracted her from doing the most important thing.
I’m not trying to say Jesus had the primary love language of Quality Time…I’m trying to show through is very practical example, how easy it is to allow things (GOOD THINGS) to distract of from the best things.
“Martha was distracted by other things…” Good to great book = Good is the enemy to great. Sometimes good things in life, blind us from the great things in life.
Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television. I mean sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, and giving each other your undivided attention. For some people, quality time is their primary love language, and if you don’t give them quality time, they will not feel loved.
A husband who is watching sports on television while he talks to his wife or kids is not giving them quality time, because they do not have his full attention. A wife who is on the phone constantly scrolling through social media is not giving her spouse or kids quality time, because they don’t have your full attention.
Common distractions: Phones - Work - TV - Hobbies - Friends -
“I will remove any distractions”
Choosing Great over good v.42 (On screen)
Stephen Covey put it this way: “Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important.” - Stephen R. Covey
Both Mary & Martha made decisions on how to relate to this person they loved…Martha to work or what must have seemed “urgent” and Mary to sit and give her undivided attention to Jesus which was “IMPORTANT.” And Jesus uses this story to remind us….“Mary has chosen what is valuable….”
Our every action reveals our perceived value of those around us. Every time I choose the phone, email, computer or tv over Sue: I am telling her that people who are not present are more important to me than the people who are present. Are our actions telling our family or our friends that everyone else is more important than they are?
Great quote: “Don’t give up what is unique to you for something someone else will eventually do.” Andy Stanley. (I will choose what is important)
Practical tips for Quality Time: (Build)
1. Maintain eye contact when talking with a friend or family member.
2. Don’t try to listen and do something else at the same time.
3. Listen for feelings.
Ask yourself, “What emotion are they experiencing?”
4. Refuse to interrupt.
Interruptions indicate, “I don’t care what you are saying; listen to me.”
Such active listening will fill the love tank of the person whose primary love language is quality time.
Closing Illustration
