Pt. 2 - Steppin' Out
I. Introduction
It's a nice day for a white wedding! He had hand picked her. Unlikely couple to say the least. The preacher and the prostitute. Sounds like a movie title you would be likely to avoid doesn’t it? Directed by God, Hosea selects a prostitute by the name of Gomer or to keep any fraction of a romantic picture in our mind . . . “G”. This unlikely couple begins their life together and things may have seemed to be grand. A preacher finds love. A prostitute finds change and security.
So it begins. . .
The problem is Hosea got Gomer out of the red light district but couldn't get the red light district out of Gomer. How many of us have changed names but haven’t allowed any change in character? Changed geography but unable to let go of the scenery of the previous location.
Hosea 1:2-9 (TLB)
Here is the first message: The Lord said to Hosea, “Go and marry a girl who is a prostitute, so that some of her children will be born to you from other men. This will illustrate the way my people have been untrue to me, committing open adultery against me by worshiping other gods.” So Hosea married Gomer, daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son. And the Lord said, “Name the child Jezreel, for in the valley of Jezreel I am about to punish King Jehu’s dynasty to avenge the murders he committed; in fact, I will put an end to Israel as an independent kingdom, breaking the power of the nation in the valley of Jezreel.”* Soon Gomer had another child—this one a daughter. And God said to Hosea, “Name her Lo-ruhamah (meaning ‘No more mercy’) for I will have no more mercy upon Israel, to forgive her again. But I will have mercy on the tribe of Judah. I will personally free her from her enemies without any help from her armies or her weapons.” After Gomer had weaned Lo-ruhamah, she again conceived and this time gave birth to a son. And God said, “Call him Lo-ammi (meaning ‘Not mine’), for Israel is not mine and I am not her God.
The instructions from the beginning should have prepared him. But I'm not sure it did. Would it have you? She will have children by others. By the time G has the third child a downward spiral is in full bloom. The third child is named “Not Mine” another meaning was “Not My Kin!” Hosea takes this 3rd child, a son, in his arms but when he pears into this little boy’s face he doesn’t see himself. He had probably already had questions but now his suspicions and worst fears are confirmed. He doesn’t look like me. He isn’t mine. He isn’t my kin. Then it goes from bad to worse. Hosea comes home after a hard day of declaring God’s Word. He walks into the house. The kids are there to welcome dad but there is no wife to welcome the husband. Gomer is gone. He walks into the bedroom to find the note. A short “Dear Hosea” letter. He had hoped his love would be enough but she returns to her previous lifestyle. I don’t have time but read Hosea 2 and you can clearly see the pain caused by Gomer’s steppin’ out. Hosea pleaded with her (2:2). He threatened to disinherit her (2:3). But still she ran off with her lovers because they promised to lavish material things on her (2:5). He tried to stop her (2:6), but she continued to seek her companions (2:7). Hosea would even take her back in loving forgiveness and they would try again. But her repentance would be short-lived and soon she would be off again with another new lover. Finally, God tells Hosea in chapter 3 that he will find her in bed with one of her boyfriends.
I wished I didn’t have to report to you today that what Hosea experienced isn’t a new story. I so wished I could declare that his reality was an exception. But did you know that 1/3 of couples interviewed say that both partners have cheated and that once a person cheats they are 350% more likely to cheat again. Did you know that people are most likely to cheat in the first 2 years of marriage? The heartbreaking tale of what Hosea experienced is common! So, my question is a blunt one this morning . . . Are you Hosea or are you Gomer?
Are you steppin out? Are you crossing boundaries? Most of us hope we will be the one to step up but if we are not careful we step out! There are some truths from Hosea and Gomer’s relationship that I want to mention that I believe will help us guard against steppin’ out.
1. Steppin’ out isn't about skin.
Although her steppin' out eventually involved skin I believe it was really based on lifestyle and cycles than people. Remember she went to her lovers because they promised to lavish her with riches!Although her steppin' out eventually involved skin I believe it was really based on lifestyle and cycles than people. Remember she went to her lovers because they promised to lavish her with riches! Many of you in this room are checking out on me because you are convinced you would never step out on your loved one for someone else. However, I want to challenge you today . . . Maybe you already steppin’ out because the truth is steppin’ out isn't about skin. What I mean is you can step out on a loved one and it may never involve another person.
You can step out on them with a hobby, a job, the kids, a car, or media. You can step out by keeping secrets, hiding money, confiding in other confidants and not being honest. There are more types of affairs than just physical affairs. Too many of us are faithful physically but not emotionally, financially, or honestly. We are present but absent. Gomer was gone before she was gone. Steppin' out is about out of control desires. Desire for attention. Desire for excitement. Desire for conquest. This is why so often when people have an affair with an actual person you are often left scratching your head . . . they left this for that? It had nothing to do with skin. It had to do with need for something that wasn't being addressed or filled in other relationship. So you need to find out what you are trying to fill or you will flirt!
2. Steppin' out is a process.
Do you really think that Gomer just woke up one day and decided to go back to prostitution? Do you think she just got up looked at the little house and the little kids and walked out? That isn’t how it works. Affairs are a process. A small slip here. A small glance there. Gomer found out (literally) that small steps lead to baby steps! Ultimately she discovers that baby steps lead to giant leaps.
Attention leads to affection. Affection leads to affair. The more attention you give to something or some one the more your heart will become attached invested. Your want will increase with your watch. Then as you become attached by affection (longing) you will “suddenly” find yourself in an affair.
So, I must ask you what small steps are you taking? Who or what has your mind, your thoughts, your time? What or who are you longing for? What little things are leading to a bigger thing? You are either steppin’ up or steppin’ out. There are is no neutral ground.
3. The cause and cure for steppin' out is the same.
The cause of steppin out is access. The cure for steppin’ out is access. Gomer’s access to the old life pulled her back to it. In fact, Hosea laments in 2:5 that Gomer pursued her lovers.
While Hosea was out preaching she was left alone and isolation breeds indiscretion. David was isolated when he should have been surrounded by his soldiers and instead while he is alone he spots Bathsheba. How many of us are isolated on our phone? Isolated in our dreams? Isolated in our goals? Isolated in our viewing habits. The truth is isolation not only breeds indiscretion but it also diminishes inhibition. You will do things alone that you would never do if you had people around you! You would never send that text if someone else was going to see it! You would never watch that if someone else had access. If you allow access it can lead to an affair. If you allow access it can guard you against an affair. The real issue is who/what access is granted to. Some of us are headed for an affair because we grant access to the wrong things and the wrong people. In order to affair proof your relationship it is absolutely essential that access is granted to the right things and right people. Your relationship is really only as secure as the boundaries you have in place! But boundaries are only as strong as the boundary buddies you have in place to make sure that your boundaries are not crossed.
If you are close to steppin out you had better cut off access. If you have already stepped out you have better grant access.
My challenge to all of us today (those that are married and those that want to be marred) is to take steps now to affair proof your marriage later!
I also have great news from this account. If you have stepped out or been the victim of someone steppin’ out, the relationship can recover. The cure is simply access! If you will give Jesus’ access to your relationship, anger, pain, sin He can resolve it.
