What if my head is numb?
I Cor 7
We have done a study of the roles of man and woman within marriage and what a woman should do if her husband is lost. In this chapter, Paul will touch on issues that involve single men and women as well as married, divorced, fathers, daughters and even sex. I wish to concentrate on verses 10 to 16 and verses 27,28 to continue within the scope our previous topics, but may scan a few of the others.
In I Peter 3, we saw that a woman living a godly life in submission to her husband would be a catalyst for the husband to either to get saved or fulfill the role God gave him. Paul says the same thing in verse 16 and also shows the same is true of a saved man with an unsaved wife.
In order for some to hear what Paul is saying, I suspect that I must speak to the introductory verses which some use to paint Paul as a sexist, woman-hater that was against marriage. Based upon the requirements of being married for Paul to be a member of the Sanhedrin and the following verse, I believe that Paul was most likely a widower.
1 Cor 9:5 Have we not power to lead about a sister, a wife, as well as other apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord, and Cephas? (KJV)
He had a wife when he was a member of the Sanhedrin, but somewhere he lost his wife and thus is single in I Cor 7, but he states in 9:5 that he still has the right to remarry. I don’t believe he would argue for his right to be married and the right of the others to be married if he were against marriage. Please note that the verse states that Cephas/Peter was married contrary to Catholic doctrine and if Peter was the first Pope it is obvious that he did not believe that priests must be celibate. Paul also condemned any doctrine that would forbid marriage in 1 Tim 4:3. He is not doing any forbidding here.
As you read the life of Paul, you find that he was extremely persecuted and suffered much pain at the hand of the Jews and Gentiles during his ministry. Since we are not told, it would be conjecture, but it is possible that Paul lost his wife to persecution. He was about to teach by inspiration and maybe his own experiences about this present distress and the freedom of service and from sorrow that being single would bring during that distress. The Church was being persecuted as Paul wrote and it would get worse. It is not an easy thing to watch loved ones murdered in front of you or taken away to never be seen again. Read Foxes Book of Martyrs and you will agree with Paul that being single means not seeing these things happen to spouse and children.
Paul praises women far too much and instructs in too many places that women, especially widows, be respected and treated well for him to be sexist and a woman hater. That is just N.O.W. and Liberal theologian propaganda used to justify their disregard and disobedience to the plain Word of God. The Bible and true Christians have done more to liberate women in every culture than any other religion even those who claim to be Bible based. The truth does indeed set free. Peter warning that a man’s prayers are hindered if he does not love his wife (I Peter 3:7) and Paul praising women in various places for their service to God (Rom 16:1,3,6,15) is far better treatment of women than many other religions. Paul saying that there is no longer male nor female when in comes to our standing in Christ (Gal 3:28) is far more liberating than a Mormon doctrine that says no woman can enter into Heaven except there is a man to lift her veil.
If you do not want to be obedient to God, you can find all kinds of things that you can take out of context. You can project all your own bias and hatred about one or more Biblical characters or teachings, but you are standing in quicksand and living in a self created fantasy and not in the truth of the Word.
Having said all that to rebuke those who would ignore the message because of a false concept of the messenger, we can now go on to the message.
Marriage is a complex union. It is not something to enter into on a lark or as cure for some problem. Marriage creates different and unique problems that can only be handled as a one-flesh team. If each person goes in looking for ways to get their way or to find their fulfillment they will be extremely disappointed and frustrated. Many a fairy tale romance has taken a nosedive the week after the honeymoon because it was a fairy tale one or both were expecting and harsh reality has slapped them in the face.
When that happens, we start wondering just what have we gotten ourselves into and look for an escape. She looks at her prince and now sees her head of the house as a numbskull. His babe that always dressed so fine now stands before him in the morning in a frump robe, hair curlers, and leftover blue from the mask she put on last night. He hangs the toilet paper wrong and she doesn’t quite cook like Momma and the list of the little things go on and on until it could be published in a book as large as War and Peace. Fortunately, true love can make those things stay little and tolerable and one spouse may even switch viewpoints and eliminate the clash entirely. In a Christian marriages Jesus and the Holy Spirit can grease the wheels and instead of a grumpy grind they will make a happy hum.
But what if it is absolutely, positively not what you hoped for in a marriage? What if my head is numb? What if she won’t submit? Is there a way out? Is divorce ok? Can I remarry? I will not do a full study of the divorce issue in this lesson. I will only look at what it says in this passage about it.
After encouraging the singles and widows to stay in the same condition as Paul, he then tells the married the Lord’s commands not suggestions (Verse 10). Paul says that the wife is not to depart from her husband. If she does, then she is to remain unmarried or return to her husband. The husband is also not to put away his wife and conversely he would be expected to remain unmarried or reconciled. (Verse 11)
He was speaking directly to Christian couples in those two verses. It would appear that there is no loophole for believers. Why? Two people who claim to know Christ and have the Holy Spirit within them should not have a cause for divorce. When they have the love of God in them how can they fall out of love with each other unless one or both are out of fellowship with God who is love?
Did we not make a vow unto death do we part? Did we not say it was God’s will for us to marry? Did we not pray about it? Or did we marry in an emotional or hormonal tizzy like any lost person and then regret it when the emotion wore off? Be careful little mouths what you vow.
Ecclesiastes 5:5-6
5 Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.
6 Suffer not thy mouth to cause thy flesh to sin; neither say thou before the angel, that it was an error: wherefore should God be angry at thy voice, and destroy the work of thine hands? (KJV)
Are we not more knowledgeable than a lost person is and do we not all in some way teach His word?
James 3:1 My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation. (KJV)
The word masters can also be translated teacher or instructor. We teach the eternal love of God and that He will never leave us nor forsake us. We teach that He has mercy and pardon for all our sins. Then we, who teach such run out of mercy and pardon and leave and forsake the one we vowed to spend our lives with unto death while clinging to Christ wanting eternally from Him what we are not willing do to for seventy years for our spouses.
We Christians are not like Christ. The children of God are expected by God and the lost to act like children of God. Is it any wonder that the lost condemn us while they continue in their sin and unbelief? Is it any wonder that we lack the blessing and fellowship of God that we had at our conversion?
If Christian means Christlike when are we going to start? When are we going to be the spouse of God and humans that God is to us? He expects more of us and rightfully He should. Therefore our standards are higher. He won’t divorce us and looks for no loopholes to do so even when we do not meet His expectations or flaunt our sin in His face. If God had provided for Himself the many ways to end His marriage to us as we have for each other we would all be steaks sizzling in the flames of Hell’s Barbecue. Praise Him for His mercy!!!
What about unequal yoke marriages? In the Old Testament, God demanded that the Jews put away their pagan wives before there could be any forgiveness and revival. Surely, if one sins and marries an unbeliever and later repents they should have the right and yea, even the duty to put away that unbeliever, right? Wrong! If the unsaved partner is pleased to stay with you then you must stay. If they leave then you are not under bondage and then you may remarry, but you are not to plot how to make them leave.
In the Old Testament, God was building a holy nation that would stand out before the nations of the world. He was also teaching the difference between right and wrong, holy and unholy. He was using the law and at times drastic teaching methods to bring the Jews and us to the Cross. He was keeping up with a bloodline to bring the Saviour into the world. Once we come to the Cross then that lesson is over and we are under even stricter standards in some cases, but we are to be filled with the Spirit and His grace in all cases.
The barriers that the law set up were broken down by Christ’s sacrifice. Now God is building a larger nation, a church made up of redeemed sinners not just Jews. Now the Holy Spirit is in all believers sanctifying them and in a marvelous, miraculous way sanctifying even the children and unbelieving spouse.
In the Old Testament, the lost were a negative influence on the saved and had to be completely separated from the called out ones. Now the called out ones through the power of the indwelling Spirit are to be positive influences on the lost. We are to be in the world, but not of the world. We have all the power of the Godhead within us. The Gates of Hell will not prevail against us. We are to tear down evil strongholds. We have the armor of God.
If we use all we have given to us we can walk among the unholy and yea live with a lost person and those folks will have trouble staying lost. When we do not use the gifts of grace then we are as vulnerable as the priests and nobles who took pagan wives in Ezra and Nehemiah. We are as powerless against the false wisdom of this world as the wisest man that ever lived was against the wiles of the pagan wives he took.
If you married an unsaved person, repent of that sin, but do not leave. If you were both lost and then you were saved, do not leave. Ask for the filling of the Holy Ghost and walk in His power and He will sanctify your family because you may be the one called to bring them to Christ.
The Holy Spirit lives in and walks among a lost and perverse world daily and is unblemished. He remains holy and leads other to Christ and they become holy. He calls and brings them to the place of peace. O Bride of Christ, you are to do the same! (Verses 12-16)
We need to look at verse 17 to better understand verse 27. Paul is speaking to new Christians. New Christians are full of zeal but lack knowledge. In fact, Corinth was full of gifted, but unwise and carnal Christians. Paul had to go into detail on almost everything with them and start from the ground up. Some part of this was due to the fact they were Gentiles and not familiar with the law and maybe saw grace and the gifts as something to be enjoyed liked a party instead of seeing the need for maturity and mission.
New Christians seem to want to change their whole lives when they get saved because they figure everything they were doing must be wrong. The zeal is a good thing, but the assumption is not always correct. Hearing Paul say that it is easier to serve God single than married may have made some folks rush off to the divorce court. Others who were afraid they might be burning ran off and got married quickly. Slaves sought their freedom and free men heard themselves now called slaves of Christ and were confused. Paul had to set them straight to avoid needless heartbreak and confusion.
As I look back, I often wonder if I made a mistake leaving the Air Force when I did. I wanted to be a preacher and to do that or so I was told you had to go to college. I left with eight years of service. I could have stayed for twenty and preached to a vast mission field of folks from all walks of life and worked on college part-time or by correspondence. I could have gained a lot of experience and spared my family and myself a lot of unnecessary hardship. I would have retired in 90 and depending on how much I accomplished in service graduated college or seminary in 94 and still be here in TX in 98.
I was only three years old in the Lord when I took off for college. I was a novice, but everyone "encouraged" me and there was a desperate need for pastors or so I was told. I wanted to serve God and fill that need. The need as I have found out is not that great and I could have used a few more years to mature. I would have stayed out of a lot of trouble had I took those years to mature and might not had has so much discouragement.
However, even if I erred God used my error to teach me things that I would not have learned on the other path. The main point I am trying to make is to be sure that God wants you to move or change paths before you do it. Just because you have some high ideals and emotions that God will use does not mean He wants you to buy a plane ticket to Zaire today. Paul spent three years in the desert just sitting at the feet of Jesus before he actually started his ministry. It wouldn’t hurt for you to do the same wherever you are and in whatever state you are when he saves or calls you. Let Him buy the ticket. Relax and He will get you where he wants you to be in His time. If you make the decisions you will get there too early like Moses or too late like Esau.
Having said that we can get on to verse 27. Here he speaks of divorce and tells these new Christians not to get divorced. If they are divorced, they are not to seek to get married. They need to grow in the Lord. In verse 28, he states he wants to spare them trouble in the flesh, but if they marry they do not sin. That includes the divorced one as well as the never married.
I do not hold to divorce being an unpardonable sin. Anything done before salvation is forgiven and the person is made new. God will not required a person who was divorced before they were to saved to wear a scarlet D on their robe through eternity like some folks teach.
I once was a pastoral candidate for a church where a couple was limited in their service because she had been divorced before she was saved. Her husband could never be a deacon and she was not allowed to play the piano in the service, but could fill in during practice if the sanctified pianist could not make it. Shades of Legalism and a form of Nicolaitaneism!!!! What a disgrace to the doctrine of the grace and the mercy of God!! That couple would always be second class because of something that happened before salvation. Boy, I wish I could have pastored that church for six months!!! That couple would have known they were set free by the blood and I would have raised a high, holy ruckus about that kind of silliness. Actually, it would have probably been a miracle had I lasted for six months, but it would have been worth it.
Before I close, I best speak to the ones who have already messed up. They are probably depressed. Ok, you both were Christians and you divorced, what now? If you can reconcile, you should seek to do so. If you have already remarried then you need to let God heal you and take you where He needs to take you from there. If you are still single and the other one has remarried then I would suggest that you stay single. Do I mean single for life? It is possible that is your best option. If your ex becomes available again should you remarry the ex? There is an Old Testament teaching against that and you may be making an even greater error to go back. I would not even consider doing so without a lot of biblical counseling first.
You have never been married, should you marry a divorced person? Again, I would say that a lot of counseling is needed first. There is a great chance of trouble in that. You could end up paying for somebody else’s sin. Not only that, but if there are children at home or grown involved they can be the one thing that will destroy your marriage the quickest. In fact, I would suggest that no one marries or divorces before they go through a complete cycle of the Stable and Free Eternally Program. You must be able to hear truth and walk in it before you will be able to make a wise decision in such a strategic issue.
One last issue is danger. God loves His children. He has called us to peace. If a spouse is abusive emotionally or physically then I would say that it is right to leave that person. However, you should still pray for reconciliation. God can work miracles. If a divorce occurs then you should not seek to be married for some time. You will have many issues that God and you need to deal with and a lot of healing to do. To rush into a marriage may just throw you into a worse situation because you missed the signs and picked a spouse as bad or worse as the first one. You may also become the abusive spouse because you did not resolve the issues or get the healing you need and make your new spouse pay for the sins of the first one. If God has called you to a life of singleness and you bow to peer pressure or something else then you will not be happy no matter whom you marry.
The bottom line is when your human head is numb or your spouse uncooperative then you must cooperate with your spiritual Head who will lead you into truth and peace at exactly the right time. Unless your spiritual marriage is happy there can be no lasting happiness in a physical marriage.
