Jackie Robinson was the first African-American to play major league baseball. While breaking baseball’s "color barrier," he faced jeering crowds in every stadium. While playing one day in his home stadium in Brooklyn, he committed an error. His own fans began to ridicule him. He stood at second base, humiliated, while the fans jeered.
Then shortstop "Pee Wee" Reese came over and stood next to him. He put his arm around Jackie Robinson and faced the crowd. The fans grew quiet. Robinson later said that arm around his shoulder saved his career.
Now you may say to yourself, "I wish I had a friend like that", or "I’m glad I have a friend like that." But I want to challenge you today to be able to say, "I want to BE a friend like that!"
How is it done? How do you become a good friend? How do you make and continue good friendships?
The Bible is not silent here. You see the Bible doesn’t just talk about Jesus and heaven. It talks about every kind of practical subject you can imagine. And friendship is very practical. We all need to make and maintain good friendships.
Here’s one passage from the Bible that lights our path.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)
(9) Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: (10) If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! (11) Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? (12) Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken.
Here are several practical principles for being a good friend I see in these verses:
1. HELP YOUR FRIENDS SUCCEED IN LIFE.
Verse 9 - "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work."
When I read these wise words of Solomon I can see right away why we don’t always make and maintain good friendships. Are you sure you’re ready for this?
We’re far too selfish sometimes.
Most of us are absorbed with our own personal success. But in order to be a good friend (and have good friends = same difference) you must be absorbed with the success of others.
Its good to know this is a basic premise of the kingdom of heaven. Jesus was always telling stories (in the Bible they’re called parables) to illustrate this point. He taught us that the kingdom of heaven offers service FOR others as the highest privilege - while earthly kingdoms seek service FROM others as evidence of highest honor. The heavenly kingdom works through the freedom of LOVE - the kingdoms of earth use FORCE to accomplish their goals.
If you’re really interested, here are several things I believe you can do to help your friends succeed.
a. Pray for their success.
We pray for God to bless us. That’s natural. We need to learn to pray for God to bless our friends. Why not try asking God to do for your friends everything you’re asking Him to do for you?
When you ask God to bless your family relationships...ask Him to bless your friend’s family relationships.
When you ask God to help you pay your bills...ask Him to help your friend pay her bills.
You get the picture. Stop and ask yourself how enriched our lives become when our friends are praying for us.
b. Encourage them.
Dr. Larry Crabb recalls an incident in the church he attended as a young man. It was customary in this church that young men were encouraged to participate in the communion services by praying out loud. Feeling the pressure of expectation, the young Crabb (who had a problem with stuttering) stood to pray. In a terribly confused prayer, he recalls "thanking the Father for hanging on the cross and praising Christ for triumphantly bringing the Spirit from the grave."
When he finished, he vowed he would never again speak or pray out loud in front of a group.
At the end of the service, not wanting to meet any of the church elders who might feel constrained to correct his theology, Crabb made for the door. Before he could get out, an older man named Jim Dunbar caught him.
Having prepared himself for the anticipated correction, Crabb instead found himself listening to these words: "Larry, there’s one thing I want you to know. Whatever you do for the Lord, I’m behind you one thousand percent."
Crabb reflects in his book: "Even as I write these words, my eyes fill with tears. I have yet to tell that story to an audience without at least mildly choking. Those words were life words. They had power. They reached deep into my being." (From "Encouragement, The Key to Caring," by Larry Crabb)
Here’s something else you can do to help your friends succeed...
c. Praise them.
Someone once noticed that Andrew Carnegie had a lot of millionaires working for him. When asked why this was he replied, "They weren’t millionaires when they began working for me. When you mine for gold you don’t look for the dirt, you look for the gold."
I relate this story here because quite often we think our friends have to be perfect before we praise them. We could learn from Carnegie that we can always find some "gold" to praise our friends about.
Now here’s a second big principle for BEING A GOOD FRIEND:
2. PICK YOUR FRIENDS UP WHEN THEY FALL.
Verse 10 - "If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!"
Why should you pick up fallen friends?
a. You will eventually fall and need help getting up.
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." (Proverbs 17:17)
Now isn’t that something? We think a friend is for the good times, someone with whom we laugh and have fun. Here the Bible tells us a friend is to help us get over the tough times in life.
Do any of us want friends SOLELY for the purpose of sharing the good times?
If you are naive enough to believe that, then tell me what you think of a so-called friend when they avoid you when you get in a tight spot?
Quite honestly my "best" friends are not the ones who just laughed with me - no, my best friends are the ones who have cried with me!
You should also pick up fallen friends because...
b. YOUR CHILDREN ARE WATCHING YOUR EXAMPLE.
Don’t leave a legacy of desserting your friends for others to see. Kids learn by example. Bless your children with the track record of paying the price of standing by your friends. This will be an invaluable lesson for them when they come to the crossroads of life and have to make important decisions about their relationships.
If they have witnessed your loyalty to your friends they will most likely imitate it. If they saw your relationships were more important to you than your material possessions they will follow. And the life they live will be richer and more rewarding.
And also, you should pick up your fallen friends because...
c. Society succeeds or fails on how we treat the weak.
It is sickening to witness the applause that goes to the rich and famous in our society, when in many cases, their wealth and fame came at the expense of their relationships.
How many Hollywood marriages do you know (if they even bother to get married in the first place) that have lasted? In many cases, when the money or the beauty runs thin, the "stars" hit the road.
The current generation of Americans have little value for life because we have trashed life with abortion, mercy killing, and other forms of "political correctness". We place more value on an eagle’s egg than a human in its mother’s womb. (And no, I’m not saying that protecting endangered species is a bad idea.)
And then we begin to question the violence in our schools. We are reaping as a nation what we have sowed! When we do not protect, defend, and guard the rights of the weak and helpless we send a horrible message to future generations.
Likewise, when we ignore our friends when they need our help, we do the same thing. We send a subtle yet powerful message to our kids that the only people worth our concern are the cosmetically perfect. God help us!
Here’s a third big principle for being a good friend...
3. BE WARM TO YOUR FRIENDS IN THE COLD TIMES OF LIFE.
Verse 11 - "Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?"
There are a lot of "cold times" in life when folks need a friend:
a. When they are having relationship problems.
b. When they are having health problems.
c. When they are having financial problems.
Consider these thoughts from Chuck Swindoll:
"An old Marine Corp buddy of mine, to my pleasant surprise, came to know Christ after he was discharged. I say surprise because he cursed loudly, fought hard, chased women, drank heavily, loved war and weapons, and hated chapel services.
A number of months ago, I ran into this fellow, and after we’d talked awhile, he put his hand on my shoulder and said, ’You know, Chuck, the only thing I still miss is that old fellowship I used to have with all the guys down at the tavern. I remember how we used to sit around and let our hair down. I can’t find anything like that for Christians. I no longer have a place to admit my faults and talk about my battles -- where somebody won’t preach at me and frown and quote me a verse.’
It wasn’t one month later that in my reading I came across this profound paragraph: ’The neighborhood bar is possibly the best counterfeit that there is to the fellowship Christ wants to give his church. It’s an imitation, dispensing liquor instead of grace, escape rather than reality -- but it is a permissive, accepting, and inclusive fellowship. It is unshockable. It is democratic. You can tell people secrets, and they usually don’t tell others or even want to. The bar flourishes not because most people are alcoholics, but because God has put into the human heart the desire to know and be known, to love and be loved, and so many seek a counterfeit at the price of a few beers. With all my heart I believe that Christ wants his church to be unshockable, a fellowship where people can come in and say, ’I’m sunk, I’m beat, I’ve had it.’ Alcoholics Anonymous has this quality -- our churches too often miss it.’"
Swindoll continues...
"Now before you take up arms to shoot some wag that would compare your church to the corner bar, stop and ask yourself some tough questions, like I had to do. Make a list of some possible embarassing situations people may not know how to handle.
A woman discovers her husband is a practicing homosexual. Where in the church can she find help where she’s secure with her secret?
Your mate talks about separation or divorce. To whom do you tell it?
Your daughter is pregnant and she’s run away -- for the third time. She’s no longer listening to you. Who do you tell that to?
You lost your job, and it was your fault. You blew it, so there’s shame mixed with unemployment. Who do you tell that to?
Financially, you were unwise, and you’re in deep trouble. Or a man’s wife is an alcoholic. Or something as horrible as getting back the biopsy from the surgeon, and it reveals cancer, and the prognosis isn’t good. Or you had and emotional breakdown. To whom do you tell it?
We’re the only outfit I know that shoots its wounded. We can become the most severe, condemning, judgmental, guilt-giving people on the face of the planet Earth, and we claim it’s in the name of Jesus Christ. And all the while, we don’t even know we’re doing it. That’s the pathetic part of it all." ("Leadership", Vol. 4, no. 1)
Fourthly and finally, here’s a practical biblical principle on being a good friend...
4. STAND UP FOR YOUR FRIENDS.
Verse 12 - "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken."
This is some more nitty-gritty stuff! It just goes to show that real friendship is proven by what we do, not just what we say.
What do you do when your friend is being attacked by an enemy? He needs you to help him defend himself! And three together makes an even stronger defense than two! Here’s one time when "gangs" are good.
But just exactly how do you stand up for a friend?
a. Make a mutual verbal commitment.
David and Jonathan, two best friends in the Old Testament, did this well. Unlike a lot of men today, Jonathan and David spoke to each other about their commitment. "We have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord...", (1 Samuel 20:42) they said.
Let your friends know loud and clear that you are there for them!
b. Be willing to risk what others think.
If you stand up for a friend against his enemies then it naturally follows that they will also become your enemies. That’s what keeps a lot of people from being a good friend. They are afraid of what others think.
I’m not saying defend wrong things your friend has done; I’m saying defend your friend. There is a difference. Don’t betray your friends just because some people haven’t yet grasped this truth.
c. Don’t wait for your friend to ask for your help.
Show some initiative. Make that phone call. Stop and talk with your friend. Press the issue if the situation is serious enough. Do what needs doing for your friend.
Imitate God. He initiated His friendship toward us. He created us in His image. When we sinned and rebelled against Him, He sent His Son Jesus to pay for our sins.
No one has ever been a better friend than Jesus!
No one ever followed all of these principles of Solomon (and more) better than Jesus! If you haven’t met Him yet, I hope you will receive Him as your friend today.
