What Makes a Man a Dad
Maybe you’ve heard the old story about fatherhood that says that when a child is 4 years old he
says proudly, "My dad knows everything about everything." When he is 7 he says, "Dad knows
almost everything about everything."
When he is 12 he says, "Well, it’s only natural that Dad doesn’t know everything." When he is
14 he says, "Dad is old fashioned." When he is 21 he says, "Dad is hopelessly out of step with the
times." When he is 25 he says, "Maybe Dad does know something about a few things." When he
is 35 he says, "Maybe we ought to call Dad & check this out with him." When he is 50 he says, "I
wonder what Dad would have thought of this?" And when he is 65 he says, "I sure wish I could
talk to Dad again."
Fatherhood has changed a lot over the years. I heard a father asked once who was in charge at his
home. He answered, "Well, my wife bosses the children. My children boss the dog & cat, & I
can say anything I want to the geraniums.
I can remember back in the 60’s when Robert Young played "Father Knows Best" on TV. He
was the ideal father. Remember? He always wore a coat & tie, even at home. His wife baked
cakes & cookies, & kept the house spotlessly clean. Whenever the children had problems, she
always told them, "Wait until Dad comes home & he’ll have the solution." And he always did.
He always spoke with great wisdom & knew just what to tell his family to do.
In recent years, the closest thing to a model father we have had was Dr. Huxtable in the Cosby
Show. And in his book about fatherhood, in the chapter titled, "A Baffling Question," Bill Cosby
wrote,
"So you have decided to have children. You have decided to give up quiet evenings at home
when you listened to good music & read good books. You have decided to give up lazy
weekends when you just held each other in your arms & assured each other of your love."
"You have decided to give up candlelight dinners where you could finish complete sentences.
You have decided to change all your couches into trampolines. You have decided to give up your
pursuit of the reproduction of fine art, & start coping with the pursuit of the reproduction of
yourself. Why? That’s the baffling question."
He went on, "Poets tell us that one of the reasons that we want to have children is because we
desire immortality. Yes, I must confess that I asked God for a son to carry on my family name.
And God did exactly what I asked Him to do. But now there are times when I ask my son not to
reveal his identity. I beg him, `Make up a name. Tell them anything, but don’t tell them you
belong to me, whatever you do.’"
"Immortality?" he says. "Now that I am the father of five, my only hope is that I will live long
enough to see all five of them leave home."
On the day that God created fathers an angel of the Lord stood in the background & watched.
"Lord," the angel asked, "are you sure you know what you are doing? If children are so close to
the ground, why are you making fathers so high up? After all, they will have to kneel down if
they ever shoot marbles with their children. They’ll have to lean way over to tuck them into bed
at night, & they’ll have to bend so far down to kiss them."
The Heavenly Father said, "Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. If I didn’t make fathers
so high, what would children have to look up to?"
Then the Lord made the hands of a father. They were big & sinewy & awkward. The angel
asked, "Have you really thought this through? Those fingers are so big & clumsy. How will they
be able to handle the pins of a diaper or unbutton a little button? They will never be able to take
a rubber band off of a ponytail, or remove a splinter from a finger."
God replied, "Relax. They’ll be just fine. They’re big enough to hold all the things that a young
boy takes out of his pocket at the end of the day, & they’re large enough to cup the face of a
child."
God continued on & He made the legs of a father - long & bony & hairy & not very attractive.
And then He made broad shoulders. The angel asked, "Lord, do you realize what you have done?
You have just made a father without a lap. How is he ever going to be able to hold a child close
to him without that child slipping through his legs?"
God answered, "Mothers need laps, fathers need broad shoulders so that they can pull a sled in
the wintertime & balance a bicycle in the summertime, & cradle the sleeping head of a child on
the way home from church."
Then, just as God was in the middle of creating two of the biggest feet that you have ever seen,
the angel said, "It’s not fair. Do you really believe that those two big feet are going to get up in
the middle of the night & respond to a crying child?"
God answered, "They’ll work, you will see. They are big enough to support a father who is
pretending to be a horse while his child is riding to an imaginary castle. They’re big enough to
wear two shoes that will be a challenge for any child to fill."
Then God gave the father a voice, strong & authoritative. He gave him eyes that could see
everything & yet remain calm & in control. Last of all, God gave the father tears. Then He
turned to the angel & asked, "Do you still doubt?" And the angel said no more.
I think the best trait of a father would be the ability to express genuine love. I think that is an
important character trait for fathers because loving & expressing love does not come naturally
for most men. I’m believe that’s the reason the Bible tells husbands to “love” their wives,
because we have to learn how to love.
The Bible doesn’t tell wives to “love” their husbands because that usually comes naturally for
them. Instead, wives are told to “respect” their husbands, because sometimes that is hard to do.
Most of us men have to learn how to love. That is true about the father & child relationship, too.
It doesn’t usually come easy for us. Do you remember when you brought your first child home?
Your wife seemed to know what to do. She knew the head was heavy & that the muscles hadn’t
developed in the neck to support it. So she supported it. She also knew that the soft spot on top
of the head was vulnerable & you had to be really careful with it.
She knew when the baby was hungry, & when it’s diaper needed to be changed. And she
changed it with skill. She knew when it was bath time & play time & sleep time. She knew all
those things. But we men had a lot to learn. When we first held the baby, at least for many of us,
it was an awkward experience. I didn’t know when Cody was hungry or when his diaper needed
to be changed. And when he cried, Wendy knew what the cry meant. Me, I had no clue.
But soon we get to the place where even if we’re not so good at those things, we kind of enjoy
them. We enjoy holding our children & expressing love. We enjoy playing with them, watching
them laugh, & then comforting them when they are in distress.
Then what happens? They grow up, & just about the time you get good at it, it all changes.
The key is that we learn to show love. Dr. Gary Rossberg at a Promisekeepers conference a few
years back said the best thing you can do for your children is to love their mother. Your kids are
watching you, learning from you how to treat others, how to express love. If you love your
children’s mother, then they will never question that, and they will never question that you love
and value them.
We teach high value in a number of ways. A lot of times when a child comes, we’re so busy. We
have one eye on the TV & one eye on them, & we don’t concentrate on what they’re saying. I’ve
been guilty of that, we all have.
So when a child comes to talk to you, turn off the TV, put down the newspaper, & look them in
the eye. A little girl came to her dad while he was watching the news on TV. She told him that
Mrs. O’Leary’s cat got stuck in the tree. Dad goes, “Uh, huh.”, without taking his eyes from the
set. She continues, “The Browns are putting up a pool.” “Uh, huh.” She continues, “And Billy
Johnson got braces.” “Uh, huh.” She gets frustrated and dad says, “I’m trying to watch the
news.” She says, “Daddy, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” So look at them, & listen to
what they have to say!
That communicates value. "You’re worth something. You’re more important to me than the
ballgame or newspaper. What you have to say is important to me. And whenever you have
something you need to talk about, I’m here to listen to you." What that will do for a child’s sense
of self-worth is truly amazing. A child given that kind of nurturing will grow up to be a confident
well-adjusted adult.
Recently a survey was conducted in an OK high school. Ten of the most rebellious kids, the ones
who failed in the classroom, the ones who would not submit to authority, were asked a series of
questions.
One question was, "When was the last time your Mom & Dad said, `I love you?’" All ten said
they couldn’t remember, or if they could, it was two or three years ago, but not recently.
Ten top students were also brought in, the ten who made the best grades, who seemed to relate
best to their peers & their teachers & people in positions of authority. They were asked the same
question, "When was the last time your Mom & Dad told you that they loved you?" And
everyone could say without exception, "Today, yesterday, this week at the latest."
The Barcelona Olympics of 1992 provided one of track & field’s most incredible moments.
Britain’s Derek Redmond had dreamed all his life of winning a gold medal in the 400-meter
race, & the dream was within sight as the gun sounded in the semifinals at Barcelona.
He was running the race of his life & could see the finish line as he rounded the turn into the
backstretch. Suddenly he felt a sharp pain go up the back of his leg. He fell face first onto the
track with a torn right hamstring.
As the medical attendants were approaching, Redmond fought to his feet. "It was animal
instinct," he would say later. He set out hopping on one leg in a crazed attempt just to finish the
race.
When he reached the stretch, a large man in a T-shirt came out of the stands, pushed aside a
security guard & ran to Redmond, embracing him. It was Redmond’s father. "You don’t have to
do this," he told his son. "Yes I do, " said Derek. "Well then, we will do it together," said the
father. And they did. They finally made it across the finish line.
Derek didn’t walk away with the gold medal, but he did walk away with an incredible memory
of a father who, when he saw his son in pain, left his seat in the stands to help him finish the
race.
That’s what God does for us. When we’re struggling to finish the race, to be the kind of father
(or parent) we need to be, we can be confident that we have a loving father who won’t let us do
it all alone. He left His place in heaven to come alongside us in the person of His Son, Jesus
Christ. Jesus said, "I am with you always, to the very end of the age".
