Healing For Hurting Relationships
I want you to meet four people today. First let’s meet John. John is a young man who is in high school. John and his sister recently got into a knock down drag out fight over who would have control over the TV. Let’s meet Mary. She is a 40 yr old mother of three who was just recently divorced as her husband left her for another woman. Let me introduce you to Sharon. She is a young lady who grew up in a home where she was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. Lastly let’s meet Mike. He just recently had a falling out with his best friend since childhood. All four of these people have different situations, but each of them has one thing in common. They are all in need of a healing for their hurting relationships. Let’s Pray!
I’d like to ask a question today! How many here have ever been hurt by someone(please raise hand)? How many of us have hurt someone before(That’s a little harder to admit)? Whether were willing to admit it or not, we have all at some point been affected by hurting relationships. Young or old big or small this has touched us all. Your hurt could be the result of some broken relationship that occurred years ago. It could also be one incident that occurred yesterday or this morning(on way to church). Both need healing for a hurting relationship.
When we look at hurting relationships we must look at what causes hurting relationships. What causes hurting relationships? Of course we live in a fallen world, and as a result of sin coming into the world through Adam and Eve disobeying God this has affected us today. Although I will not directly focus on this today we must realize because we live in a world where people choose to disobey God, this is the foundational cause for our hurt and pain today.
There is another thing that causes hurting relationships. It is also a result of the first answer I gave. It is our wrong view of love. Our wrong view of Love. For example, I have known several people who have walked out on long time marriages because they say they are in love with another woman. I ask you today is that really Love! I don’t think so!
Tina Turner highlights my point in her song: What’s Love got to do got to do with it, what’s love but a second hand emotion. What’s love got to do got to do with it, who needs a heart when a heart can be broken. If she was singing about her and Ike, love had nothing to do with all the beatings she took from him. And love isn’t just a second hand emotion! Love is not just an emotion. Love is also an action. Love is more than an emotion it is an action word.
Today were going to look at what true love is all about and this we will see is a key ingredient to healing hurting relationships. Turn with me to the love chapter 1 Corinthians 13 so we can see true love. This particular chapter has been used for weddings more than anything. But this is really written in the context of Spiritual Gifts. It was written because Paul was trying to tell these believers in the Corinthian Church that no matter what your Spiritual Gifts are, Love is the most important. Many were comparing gifts, boasting about having certain gifts, and thinking they were more spiritual because they had a certain gift. Paul was telling them that Love is the key for harmony and healing in the church. For the sake of our learning today we will explore this chapter in the context of relationships in general.
Particularly, we will look at verses 4-8. Let’s start with the first part of verse 4. Love is patient. UH-OH! Patience is the capacity to endure hardship, difficulty or inconvenience without complaint. Patience emphasizes calmness, self control, or the willingness or ability to tolerate delay. You know why patience is in the Bible because God knew some things and some people were going to get on our nerves. Picture one of those days you come home from a long day at work, the kids are all over the place. Then they all try to get your attention all at once. Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! You know what will keep you from blowing your stack-PATIENCE. I’m tempted to lose my patience when helping my son with his homework. What I have learned is that I need to be thinking on verse 4. Love is Patient. What does God say about your patience? Before yelling out you stupid so and so in traffic, be patient and thank God you avoided an accident! Do you truly Love? Love is patient!
Love is Kind! Kindess-implies being of a friendly, generous, or warm hearted nature. Can I ask you a question today? Are you Kind? Do people see you as friendly and warm? Or do people avoid you because they can’t stomach the idea of dealing with your bitter attitude. Someone once said: constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.
We Married Couples, have we tried kindness in the midst of that disagreement or as I like to call it discussion. It works, the times I chose kindness in the midst of our discussion, it has totally changed the direction our discussion was going in. Colossions 4:6 says let your conversion always be seasoned with salt and full of grace so that you may know how to answer everyone.
There was a father who spent an evening out with his two sons. At the end of the night they went to see a movie. During the movie his four year old son fell asleep. At the end of the movie the father carried his four year old son to the car, laid him in the back seat. Since it was cold that evening he took off his coat and gently arranged it around his son. Later that evening when it came time to tuck his other son the six yr old in bed. The father tried to talk to him about the evening to find out what he liked most, but there was little response. Suddenly his six yr old son turned over on his side, facing the wall, and started to cry. What’s wrong son? What is it? Asked dad” The boy turned back, chin quivering, eyes wet. Daddy, He asked, “If I were cold, would you put your coat around me too? Of all the events of that special night out together, the most important was a little act of kindness-a momentary, unconscious showing of love to his little brother. Do you truly Love? Love is Kind!
Love does not envy! Envy is a feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by a desire for possessions or qualities of another. Basically, this is wanting what someone else has or does. Envy has a funny way of creeping it’s little head. You could be just as content with your house, your car, your job, until you see that person you know pull up in a Lexus or Mercedes. Or you walk into your friends new house. Or someone close to you gets a promotion on their job with a nice pay raise. Do you in an instant want what they have, or try to out do them. That’s Envy! Billy Graham said this of Envy: Envy can shrink our circle of friends, ruin our business, and dwarf our souls… I’ve seen hundreds cursed by it.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen in a family where the father or mother died and there is money or an estate left, and those brothers and sisters go to fighting over the money and envy takes down years of fun, joy, and caring to where that family may never speak to one another again. Do you truly Love? Love does not envy!
Love does not boast! Boasting is to glorify oneself in speech; and to talk in a self admiring way. It seems as though our young generation is saturated with boasting. For those wondering about young generation, to be safe all those 80 and younger. We are saturated with boasting. Things like this are out there. I used to say some of this stuff: I’m da bomb! I’m all that! I’m Phat! I’m Bout It! I’m The Man! This is a self centered approach to life because your more concerned about building yourself up than lifting others up. The person that is always boasting is selfish because you usually don’t even want to hear what others have to say about anything. This is a strainer on relationships.
I can remember boasting in High School and how it affected my relationships. Less people liked me. I believe that’s why I was runner up homecoming King. Do you truly love? Love does not boast!
Love is not proud! Pride is similar to boasting in that a proud person is someone who is full of themselves. Pride is also used in a positive way. Like I’m proud of my son or daughter. That’s not the kind of pride I am talking about. This Pride is selfish-hard headed-lack of humility-and thinking more of yourself than you ought to think. Someone once said Pride is the only disease known to man that makes everyone sick except the one who has it.
If we are too proud, do you know how hard it is to have a harmonious relationship. Pride won’t let you admit when you are wrong-Pride is only concerned about how I feel-Pride makes you impossible to live with. Proverbs 18:12 says Before a downfall a person’s heart is proud. Listen Listen with me for a second. Pride just tore another family apart. Listen Listen Pride just tore another church apart. Listen Listen Pride just tore another friendship apart. When were holding on to pride, we may be causing pain unimaginable or we may be in the process of destroying a relationship. We may not even know it because our pride won’t let us see it. Do You truly Love? Love is not Proud!
Love is not rude! The rude person is somenon who is ill mannered or discourteous. This person says any and everything that comes to mind without thinking of the consequences. Two married couples were out to dinner at a restaurant. One of the men comments to the other couple in the prescence of his wife. “If only my wife could cook half as good as this restaurant”. That’s Rude! We know what it feels like to have a rude cashier, but are we guilty of being a rude customer? Rudeness is usually always intentional and it causes pain to someone else. Do you truly Love? Love is not Rude!
Love is not self Seeking! What is our tendency in life. To look out for number#1. ME, MYSELF, And I. “What are my needs. What are my wants. What are my desires”. Phillipians 2:4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also the interest of others.
If we are others centered and not just self seeking in relationships this provides a wonderful opportunity for that relationship to grow in ways we couldn’t imagine. Fathers we have a power to heal and influence our children in ways that we couldn’t believe, if only we would not be self seeking and put our children first. Many a hurt of the children in this world are from parents who are self seekers. Many disappointments of parents come from children who are self seekers always wanting more, but not giving in return. Do you truly Love? Love is not self seeking!
Love is not easily angered! The Bible says easily angered because we are going to get angry. It is a natural, normal, God given emotion. The Scripture tells us love is not easily angered because anger is one of those emotions that can get a foothold and destroy relationships. Someone once said of Anger. Anger is only one letter removed from Danger.
Documentary of Women in prison who had killed or assaulted someone all because of anger. One angry outburst can end up taking a life and hurting a whole host of other lives along the way. If we are easily angered or downright explosive, we may be on our way to damaging everything that is dear to us. We need to find out just what it is that is making us so mad. You say my daddy had a temper, his daddy had a temper, so I got a temper. But If you know Jesus Christ today, you have a new daddy who is willing and able to get that temper under control. Do you truly Love? Love is not easily Angered!
Love keeps no record of Wrongs! This may be the toughest one yet. In other words Love forgives. Clara Barton never harbored resentments. One time a friend recalled to her a cruel thing that happened to her some years previously, but Clara seemed not to remember it. “Don’t you remember the wrong that was done to you?” asked the friend. “No, answered Clara, “I distinctly remember forgetting that”. Isn’t that a great response! We all need to distinctly remember forgetting that in which others have wronged us. Because didn’t we all say in the beginning of this message that we had been hurt by others. But we also have hurt others. John, Mary, Sharon, and Mike who we met at the beginning of this message would all benefit from a little forgiveness to start the healing in their torn relationships. Can I get a little personal today? What wrongs have been done to you that you are keeping records of? Some of us could say June 5, 1988 that’s when that no good blankity blank did that… Possbly someone could turn around and do the same to your life. Unforgiveness is a cancer that eats away at relationships. I don’t know what past hurt each of us has been through today-maybe you’ve been abused physically or sexually, maybe you’ve been abandoned by a spouse, maybe someone close to you hurt you in a way you couldn’t believe, Maybe you are still angry over something that occurred in childhood. If your willing to keep no record of the wrong you are on your way to beginning the healing for yourself and that relationship. If my wife and I had a dollar for everytime we have forgiven eachother we’d be millionaires, rather billionires. Forgiveness makes for a happy, healthy relationship. Do you truly love? Love keeps no record of wrongs!
Love is the key to healing hurting relationships. Love is not just an emotion it is an action word.
Story of Professor with large empty jar. Relationships-people are important, we need to heal those relationships and invest in them.
In closing, Know that God is the master at healing relationships. When our relationship with God was broken because of sin. He initiated the healing of that relationship even when we were in the wrong. He loved us so much that He sent His Son Jesus Christ to make it possible for our relationship to be healed with him. God shows us greater than anyone could, what it takes to have a Healing for Hurting Relationships. It is only when we know the love of God and the power of Jesus Christ personally that we can begin to live on this level of love. Jesus said, I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly. Let’s Pray!
( Search our hearts today! What Relationships need a Healing(God, marriage, parent to child, sister to brother). Love is the Key!